Responsible Family Planning or Greed?

[demolitionman65]

We have seven kids, one teacher’s income. . .and we do not live near in poverty, though there are some who think we are (no retirement [yet], old but serviceable cars, fine, moderate home, no TV [by choice-we loathe television]). If you had told us on the altar we would have had 7 by now, we would have fled screaming. But God had other plans for us, and we would not trade them for anything.

Don’t wait.

 

[Catholic2003]

Humanae Vitae says:

With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.

Would you be willing to start a family now even if it meant that you would not be able to be a stay-at-home mother? If so, then you might want to suggest that to your husband. If not, then perhaps the strength of your desire to be a stay-at-home mom might give you a greater appreciation of your husband’s desire to provide financially for his family.

God be with you whatever your future may bring.

 

[MooCowSteph]

gardenswithkids:

I think the idea of a single family income can frighten many people and expecially the one who would have the burden of being the sole provider. Almost everyone around us says how they both “need” to work, and your husband may lack the confidence that he can provide for his family. This may not be greed; it may be a lack of trust in God. God is ultimately the One Who Provides. Your husband’s job, his health, his investment security–everything rides on God.

This is SO true, and I think it’s really the primary issue with many, if not most, couples today. It was certainly true for us. It took us a long time to overcome that fear, and it isn’t completely gone. What is amazing, is that when we finally out all our trust in the Lord, He truely came though for us! My husband was out of work fer several months, and then for the last 5 months had been working from home trying to start a new career. He’s brought in very little money, yet we never pay our bills late and we never want for anything. Before we were practicing, praying, church-going Catholics, when we trusted in no one but ourselves (I’m not implying that that’s what you do, YoungCatholic), we were always hurting for money. It’s truely amazing…when we turned our lives over to the Lord and His will, things just work!

When I’m getting nervous or discouraged about our finances, I like to read Matthew 6:24

24: "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.
25: "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26: Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
27: And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?
28: And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin;
29: yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30: But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?
31: Therefore do not be anxious, saying, What shall we eat?' or What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’
32: For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
34: "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.

God will take care of our today and our tomorrow. All we need to do is trust.

 

[Youngcatholic]

Humanae Vitae says:

Would you be willing to start a family now even if it meant that you would not be able to be a stay-at-home mother? If so, then you might want to suggest that to your husband. If not, then perhaps the strength of your desire to be a stay-at-home mom might give you a greater appreciation of your husband’s desire to provide financially for his family.

God be with you whatever your future may bring.

No, I would rather be in a position to stay home, or only base a work schedule on my family life and whatever work I do will come second, if it is to be done at all. I think it would be a poor choice to have a child then stick them in daycare or dump the child on the inlaws on a daily basis.

I think I need to speak with a priest. My husband truly wants to wait. He feels we will better provide for the family when our finances are more secure and he is not trying to change jobs or attain specific career goals.

I don’t know if I should honor his wishes or continue to advocate for starting a family. My husband does have a valid point that is any substantial career goals are to be achieved, they best be done before children arrive. I still have a hard time discerning if attaining money is reasonable given that it is for the purpose of family. NFP does mention that economic factors do play into responsible parenthood. Is this up to couple to decide? Like we have discussed on this thread, some people say that you can get buy on less money, but what if you have the skills to make more money so you DON’T have to just “get buy” and if that means postponing your family to have money in place, is that morally permissable? I am getting confused about the moral requirements of NFP, to tell you the truth.

 

[Youngcatholic]

I hate to to be sounding like I am justifying my lifestyle, but it did dawn on me that perhaps I wasn’t being fair to my husband who truly wants the best for us in terms of family. His desire to make more money and support my stance on stay-at-home motherhood is probably not always supported in other families.

I guess the other point I had was this-- he is a talented, motivated, and intelligent individual. Yes, we could get by on less money, but I know his smarts will probably bring us even more financial success. He has his degree, ran his own business at age 16, etc. If we were “poor” because I chose to stay at home, thus putting a stymie on what he could with his job and career, I think he would be miserable with having children (not miserable, but feeling inadequate as a provider…??)

Does this make sense.

 

[MooCowSteph]

Youngcatholic:

No, I would rather be in a position to stay home, or only base a work schedule on my family life and whatever work I do will come second, if it is to be done at all. I think it would be a poor choice to have a child then stick them in daycare or dump the child on the inlaws on a daily basis.

I think I need to speak with a priest. My husband truly wants to wait. He feels we will better provide for the family when our finances are more secure and he is not trying to change jobs or attain specific career goals.

I don’t know if I should honor his wishes or continue to advocate for starting a family. My husband does have a valid point that is any substantial career goals are to be achieved, they best be done before children arrive. I still have a hard time discerning if attaining money is reasonable given that it is for the purpose of family. NFP does mention that economic factors do play into responsible parenthood. Is this up to couple to decide? Like we have discussed on this thread, some people say that you can get buy on less money, but what if you have the skills to make more money so you DON’T have to just “get buy” and if that means postponing your family to have money in place, is that morally permissable? I am getting confused about the moral requirements of NFP, to tell you the truth.

I think you make a lot of great points. I totally understand your desires to have a comfortable like and not just “get by”. I think very few people want that.

Without really harping on it, I want to stress again that you need to trust God to provide. You have to trust that God will not force you into poverty if you do his will.

Take a fresh look at your budget…are there ways you can cut back? How much are you actually bringing in to the house after commuting costs, cloths, lunches, etc.? Your extra income probably forces you into a higher tax bracket as well. Kids are not overly expensive in the first years. It’s once you get into school cloths, music lessons, braces, sports equipment and such that it seems they get really expensive. And by that time, those investments of your husbands will probably be showing some rewards! The health care costs are what will kill you.

So, I don’t think God expects us to have a family if it means poverty. I don’t think there is anything wrong with postponing children in order to get your finances in order. But I would be concerned that the time may never seem right- that there will never be “enough” money.

And, Dr. MooCowSteph has to wonder if maybe hubby is maybe a little afraid of becoming a daddy? There isn’t anything wrong with that…I’m terrified of becoming a mom, but really excited at the same time.

I hope I’ve helped at least a little. We were in exactly the same situation several months ago. My husband felt it was irresponsible to start a family without a bunch of savings and investments. After a lot of praying and talking, we both came to the conclusion that we needed to trust God. It took him a little loner than we, but he came around.

Steph

 

[Catholic2003]

Here is an article from EWTN about how to tell if your motives for using NFP are acceptable.

I hope you and your husband can come to a consensus on this very important issue. Talking to a priest about it is a very good idea.