Return back stuff

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withwind

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Hi,

My former g/f and I had a good relationship but I have recently started to discern my vocation for religious life; therefore, my former g/f agreed with me that we needed to end the relationship. She is a sweet and very gentle young lady and I don’t want to hurt her feeling more than what she has been going through ever since we ended our relationship.

She is asking about returning her pictures and other memorial things such as promise ring, etc … back to her because she didn’t want to think that all her stuffs would be lost someday if I will ever have a true call to religious life.

I don’t have much experiences about dealing with breakup and I know that I cannot keep all these with me - My question is — is it better for her to get back those gifts? I am afraid that if she keeps all those gifts that were given to me, it will only hurt her even more because it will remind her of our relationship.

Thanks for your advices.
 
Just ask her what she wants you to do, and if you have a conflict over an item, I’d err to her side and give it to her.

You say y’all had a good relationship, don’t taint it with needless squabbling over pictures and stuff. Just go along.

You could hold out on her, but what would be the point?

I’d say it was incorrect to ask for stuff back she gave as a gift, but sometimes you do things you’d rather not. I’d honor her request not as a individual, but out of respect for the relationship and what y’all had. It deserves to treated decently.
 
If it was a consumable item, she isn’t going to want it back. This includes gift certificates.

If it was a cherished memory, or something that marked a personal occasion, then yes, give it back. Jewelry is esp. a give-back.

Photos go without saying, BACK (and no sneaking any).
*Now if you happen upon the Kodak printer in Walgreen’s, and make just one to remember her by, nobody will accuse you of stalking her or holding on to her memory too strongly.:whistle: *
 
Thanks for your advices. All the things that I mentioned are basically: pictures, one ring (with my name and hers on it). I have no conflict on any items and have no problem giving them back to her. I just don’t want her to get hurt in the long run.

The reason I am asking this because I have another friend who is an older lady. She’s been hanging on to her old memories with such items: pictures, clothes, etc …that she has currently still had a hard time moving on with her life.

Anyhow, I will ask her what she wants me to do, but I think she has said to my mother whom she respects that she wanted the items back. I will them back to her - it is going to her hurt - that is what I am afraid of … but I don’t think I have a choice here.
 
But honey, that’s not up to you, if she hangs onto all that stuff. You can’t control her actions.

Give her the stuff back.
 
withwind said:
Hi,

My former g/f and I had a good relationship but I have recently started to discern my vocation for religious life; therefore, my former g/f agreed with me that we needed to end the relationship. She is a sweet and very gentle young lady and I don’t want to hurt her feeling more than what she has been going through ever since we ended our relationship.

She is asking about returning her pictures and other memorial things such as promise ring, etc … back to her because she didn’t want to think that all her stuffs would be lost someday if I will ever have a true call to religious life.

I don’t have much experiences about dealing with breakup and I know that I cannot keep all these with me - My question is — is it better for her to get back those gifts? I am afraid that if she keeps all those gifts that were given to me, it will only hurt her even more because it will remind her of our relationship.

Thanks for your advices.
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Good sir,

My heart is always glad to read about those preparing to commit their life to Jesus. Your question made me think about the Gospel of Matthew chapter 21:

"The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to (the) poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. "

With technology today you have a solution to the photos. If you cannot part with a photo then scan the photo onto a disc and return the actual photo to the young lady. In the end though the photo is only am image. If this young lady has been important to your life then she will remain in your memory and heart.

The concern you express for the young lady’s feeling is admirable. I am not sure exactly how to address this one. Except to write that when I go away on my long bicycle tours I never miss my stuff back home. So, I would say giver her back the stuff unless in your judgment she might be more upset that you did not want to keep anything which she had given to you.

God bless
 
Just to let you know that I’ll pray for you to discern what your true vocation is. It is just unfortunate that it has been so hard for her to understand what you are also going through as well in making such an honourable and difficult decision. Hopefully she will learn to deal with this in time and you will have all the necessary support in carrying on what God has called you to do.

God Bless you and I hope that all will turn out for both of you.

Pax tecum, JDI
 
JDI said:
Just to let you know that I’ll pray for you to discern what your true vocation is. It is just unfortunate that it has been so hard for her to understand what you are also going through as well in making such an honourable and difficult decision. Hopefully she will learn to deal with this in time and you will have all the necessary support in carrying on what God has called you to do.

God Bless you and I hope that all will turn out for both of you.

Pax tecum, JDI
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Thanks JDI for your prayer. As part of this advent season, I need to reflect on how much I need to trust in God on how He takes care of her. It’s been getting a lot better. She is very prayerful and supportive.
 
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