Returning to Catholicism after "changing sexes?"

[mgreen77]

I was born and raised in a Catholic environment, having made all the usual rituals from baptism through confirmation.

Since those childhood days, I kinda lost my way and wandered through almost every religion imaginable. I learned a lot from it, though I’ll admit I became kinda nasty and mocking about “traditional” faiths like my old Catholicism.

Ironically, now that I’m older, I find myself feeling pulled “home” to my spiritual roots and family. I sorta feel like a rebellious teenager who had to experiment with the world first before realizing everything I needed was already with me.

The catch is, a few years ago I went through the process of “changing sexes,” including the surgery. Now I’ve read through various threads here and I understand and respect the various points everyone has made, including the points that “nothing really changed” and so on.

But what’s done is done. I accept full responsibility for my choice, both here in this life and for when I stand before God. I don’t excuse my choice by claiming “birth defect” or biological causes as some do. No, I chose to do it of my own free will, and I’ll answer for it someday, whether that be a good thing or bad.

But my question is… what now? May I now return to Catholicism? Would it be “immoral” of me to join, since it seems some of you consider my new existence to be an ongoing lie?

 

[karbear]

Hi, welcome to the church. It is full of sinners. I would suppose that you would need to be in a state of grace before recieving communion. The rest I don’t know. This is an important question. You should call Catholic Answers and ask an apologist to get the best answer instead of posting this. Maybe talk to a priest too!

 

[sweetashoney]

I think this is a queston for a spiritual advisor and even a canon lawyer since this is not a typical situation that many priests will have confronted before. They may advise you to “undo” you change or to simply repent and confess and move on with your life in the Church.

It’s easy to get lost in this culture we currently find ourselves in. Many of us have wandered away and been tossed by the stormy seas of the world. The important thing is that you are back inside the shelter of the Church. I hope you are able to find peace in whichever solution you are directed to.

Just remember that Christ can forgive any sin as long as we are repentant, so don’t let yourself get caught in the trap of feeling unforgiveable. Pray to God for the correct solution so that you will recognize it when it presents itself to you.

 

[turtle18]

You should definitely consult with a spiritual advisor as the previous poster stated. But I’ll tell you my opinion. You need to go to Confession and confess your sin. There really isn’t anything you can’t be forgiven for if you are truly sorry which it sounds like you are (except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.)

Now a lot of people confess to sterilization and they are not required to undergo a sterlization reversal in order to be forgiven. Likewise, a lot of people confess to gluttony and they aren’t forced to lose weight before they are forgiven. God will forgive you, you just have to go to Confession. Really, what you have done is a body mutilation involving your sexual organs. But I don’t know–if you continue to present yourself as the opposite sex you were born–that might be considered deceitful. Now we all have to live with the consequences and effects of our sins and sometimes there is no way to reverse the outcome of our sins–all we can do is seek forgiveness.

 

[utah_rose]

You should definitely consult with a spiritual advisor as the previous poster stated. But I’ll tell you my opinion. You need to go to Confession and confess your sin. There really isn’t anything you can’t be forgiven for if you are truly sorry which it sounds like you are (except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.)

Now a lot of people confess to sterilization and they are not required to undergo a sterlization reversal in order to be forgiven. Likewise, a lot of people confess to gluttony and they aren’t forced to lose weight before they are forgiven. God will forgive you, you just have to go to Confession. Really, what you have done is a body mutilation involving your sexual organs. But I don’t know–if you continue to present yourself as the opposite sex you were born–that might be considered deceitful. Now we all have to live with the consequences and effects of our sins and sometimes there is no way to reverse the outcome of our sins–all we can do is seek forgiveness.

I would start with Confession too. After all, some people get sterilized as the post says and we can’t reverse that. I think that if you have remorse for this action, it will be forgiven. If the priest can’t give you absolution but asks that you speak to a higher authority, do it. Otherwise, welcome home. We are a church of sinners, and we all have regrets for some of the things we have done, and would have loved to change it.

 

[Catholic1954]

Welcome (back) Home! You are already Catholic, now you just need to call the parish office and make an appointment with a priest to discuss your issues and hear your confession. He will be in the best position to instruct and guide your return.

 

[mgreen77]

After all, some people get sterilized as the post says and we can’t reverse that.

Thank you all for your thoughtful and kind replies.

The thing with sterilization is that the sin I assume was the event, the choice, and not the state of being infertile. As with gays, I’m assuming the sin isn’t in having those thoughts, the sin is the event of acting upon them.

So while I understand some feel my choice was a sin, it’s also been said that “posing as a woman” is a sin as well. And so my existence seems to be considered an ongoing sin, an ongoing lie I tell just by living in and interacting with the world every day. I could repent today, and it’s all nullified the moment I step outside

I just don’t know of any way to reconcile that. And maybe there really is no realistic way now. But as suggested, I also posed the question in the other section and plan to ask an advisor at some point as well. I was just hoping to “test the waters” a little here first, as you can imagine I’m rather afraid of the reactions or reception I’ll receive.

And… I owe you all an apology. I truly feared being labeled an “adomination” and threats of hell. I apologize for thinking so meanly of you and your forum, you’ve all been very kind

 

[karbear]

Exactly. You seem kind. The Gospels are full of warnings about the dangers of thinking of oneself as “holier than thou”…but those types exist too. Most of us are actually guilty of it at some point. But I think that the opinions expressed here are most typical. I hope your first contact priest or advisor is wise and good.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

This is a very delicate subject and it takes a great amount of courage to bring this up in the manner you have done even here at an anonymous internet forum.

I would suggest that you find a priest you feel comfortable with and bring up the subject with him. If you do not have such a priest that you can do this with then I would suggest that you contact the diocesen office.

I am unsure how this would be handled. As you have recognized some would say that a “sex change” procedure really changes nothing so there is the issue of SSA. I am unsure how the Church would deal with this. In some cases, as you have stated, if a man has a vasectomy, he has to have it reversed in some cases.

I do not think you can get much by the way of help in your return to the Catholic Church here but you can get a lot of support and prayers.

I will remember you in my prayers as you go through this journey.

 

[vera_dicere]

I do not pretend I’m an expert on the matter, but frankly, I don’t think you’re any kind of an abomination and I think you should be able to continue living as whatever gender your body was reassigned too.

Transgenderism or whatever the term is, I don’t think is a sin, even going so far as to have reassignment surgery I don’t think is a sin. Sterilisation can occur, but the intention of the operation isn’t to sterilise. I’ve met a few people who were transgendered and were suicidal and nothing but reassignment pulled them out of that rut. I think people who get on their high horse and essentially spit down on the “sinners” have no friggin’ idea what’s going on in the minds of transgendered people. None what so ever, and I find it so arrogant that they could dare call such a person an abomination. No one would call a woman with a high risk of breast cancer having her breasts removed as a precaution an abomination or a “sinner”. The surgery is done to save the person’s life.

The only problem/sin I could see popping up would be if you decided to get married. Some places recognise the reassigned gender of the person and so marriage can be legal, but whether it can be recognised in the Church I don’t know - the whole consumation of the marriage, open to life business.

Chances are you are called to the single life. And I think there’s really nothing wrong with you living in your reassigned gender, in fact, I’d saying going back would cause some real problems. I mean, society is cruel enough as it is without you looking like one gender outwardly dressing and acting as another - in fact, that could probably cause people at your church to wonder about you, and spread a bit of gossip.

My vote is live the gender you are, that you worked so hard to become physically. But with respect to chastidity and the single vocation.

Welcome home!

 

[Elijah_Baley]

But my question is… what now?

Welcome back.

May I now return to Catholicism?

Always.

Would it be “immoral” of me to join, since it seems some of you consider my new existence to be an ongoing lie?

Jesus loves you, you know. If anything we know about him is true, He’s glad you’re back, and that you turn towards Him again. Surely, the Holy Spirit must be in you, acting through you, if you feel pulled back towards the faith.

Talk to a priest. He should be able to help you from here.

 

[Frankr409]

I was born and raised in a Catholic environment, having made all the usual rituals from baptism through confirmation.

Since those childhood days, I kinda lost my way and wandered through almost every religion imaginable. I learned a lot from it, though I’ll admit I became kinda nasty and mocking about “traditional” faiths like my old Catholicism.

Ironically, now that I’m older, I find myself feeling pulled “home” to my spiritual roots and family. I sorta feel like a rebellious teenager who had to experiment with the world first before realizing everything I needed was already with me.

The catch is, a few years ago I went through the process of “changing sexes,” including the surgery. Now I’ve read through various threads here and I understand and respect the various points everyone has made, including the points that “nothing really changed” and so on.

But what’s done is done. I accept full responsibility for my choice, both here in this life and for when I stand before God. I don’t excuse my choice by claiming “birth defect” or biological causes as some do. No, I chose to do it of my own free will, and I’ll answer for it someday, whether that be a good thing or bad.

But my question is… what now? May I now return to Catholicism? Would it be “immoral” of me to join, since it seems some of you consider my new existence to be an ongoing lie?

Welcome back to the faith. God loves you. Setup an appointment to make a good confession so that you can have plenty of time to reflect with the priest just like others who have been away from the faith for a while.

You are in my prayers.

 

[Cherry5]

I do not pretend I’m an expert on the matter, but frankly, I don’t think you’re any kind of an abomination and I think you should be able to continue living as whatever gender your body was reassigned too.

Transgenderism or whatever the term is, I don’t think is a sin, even going so far as to have reassignment surgery I don’t think is a sin. Sterilisation can occur, but the intention of the operation isn’t to sterilise. I’ve met a few people who were transgendered and were suicidal and nothing but reassignment pulled them out of that rut. I think people who get on their high horse and essentially spit down on the “sinners” have no friggin’ idea what’s going on in the minds of transgendered people. None what so ever, and I find it so arrogant that they could dare call such a person an abomination. No one would call a woman with a high risk of breast cancer having her breasts removed as a precaution an abomination or a “sinner”. The surgery is done to save the person’s life.

The only problem/sin I could see popping up would be if you decided to get married. Some places recognise the reassigned gender of the person and so marriage can be legal, but whether it can be recognised in the Church I don’t know - the whole consumation of the marriage, open to life business.

Chances are you are called to the single life. And I think there’s really nothing wrong with you living in your reassigned gender, in fact, I’d saying going back would cause some real problems. I mean, society is cruel enough as it is without you looking like one gender outwardly dressing and acting as another - in fact, that could probably cause people at your church to wonder about you, and spread a bit of gossip.

My vote is live the gender you are, that you worked so hard to become physically. But with respect to chastidity and the single vocation.

Welcome home!

Well said, Welcome back, we love you.

God Bless.

 

[Newbie2]

Welcome back.

Always.

Jesus loves you, you know. If anything we know about him is true, He’s glad you’re back, and that you turn towards Him again. Surely, the Holy Spirit must be in you, acting through you, if you feel pulled back towards the faith.

Talk to a priest. He should be able to help you from here.

I agree.

There’s no question as to whether you can or should return to Catholocism. Methinks the matter in question is something like “Under which gender appearance do you continue to live your life?”

Tough question, perhaps even for a priest, but he would be the one to council you on this.

 

[mgreen77]

Methinks the matter in question is something like “Under which gender appearance do you continue to live your life?”
:

That’s why I really worry about what they’ll say, because it’s not like I can just choose to be one or the other… any more than a biological female could.

 

[Listener]

I’m always glad when someone is returning to the Church! Welcome back! Like some others have mentioned, you may only have a problem if you decide that you want to get married. Confession is probably all that is necessary. I also think it is a good idea to get some counseling from a priest.

This may be subject for another thread, but I’m curious why you did this in the first place. Was it a psychological rather than a physical thing?

There are probably many people who would never think of doing such a thing, but we are curious why other people would want to do it.

 

[mgreen77]

I’m curious why you did this in the first place…

Well, for me, it’s not because of what you hear on Oprah lol. It wasn’t because I’m a “woman on the inside” or “have a female brain” or whatever some people claim. I don’t even know what that means? I’m just me inside.

It’s just that I’ve always, since I was born, thought I “should” have been born female instead. Not necessarily “wanted” or “wished” I was, but assumed I “should” have been. Why? I have no idea. I’ve tried to figure it out for decades, and never could. It just IS and always was for me. I’ve never known anything else. It didn’t “happen” to me one day, I never “realized” it, it was just always there from as long back as I can remember, nagging at me 24/7.

And throughout my life, people sorta treated me “as if” I was a girl. Hard to explain, but I confused people and made them uncomfortable, even though I’m not effeminate, never considered myself gay. It got to a point where ironically, I felt like people saw me as a woman trying to pose as a man, and getting mad at me for it. Not literally, I mean I was obviously a male, but life FELT like that for me. Like everyone “knew” my big, dark secret, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

Eventually it wore me down. I felt guilty, like I was confusing and hurting people by giving straight guys “gay thoughts,” and confusing girls who couldn’t grasp that I wanted their friendship, not attraction.

So I gave up and did it. And honestly, it was no big deal. It’s not like what you see on TV or the internet. I did it quietly, adjusted my timing to consider the feelings of my friends and famly and coworkers, and everything went fine. No one really even cared, it was more of a sigh of relief from everyone.

And I’m OK with it, life makes sense for me and everyone now, EXCEPT for these nagging spiriitual questions I have. It seems everyone else is happy with me, but I just can’t figure out what God thinks now. It’s not like it’s something I can repent exactly, because every day I exist would seem to be a sin now.

I guess I just want forgiveness. For Him to realize I was in a tight spot, and kinda picked the lesser of evils, not for self-pleasure, but to stop feeling so incredibly guilty for the mess I seemed to be making of the lives around me.

 

[Deefraz]

Well, for me, it’s not because of what you hear on Oprah lol. It wasn’t because I’m a “woman on the inside” or “have a female brain” or whatever some people claim. I don’t even know what that means? I’m just me inside.

It’s just that I’ve always, since I was born, thought I “should” have been born female instead. Not necessarily “wanted” or “wished” I was, but assumed I “should” have been. Why? I have no idea. I’ve tried to figure it out for decades, and never could. It just IS and always was for me. I’ve never known anything else. It didn’t “happen” to me one day, I never “realized” it, it was just always there from as long back as I can remember, nagging at me 24/7.

And throughout my life, people sorta treated me “as if” I was a girl. Hard to explain, but I confused people and made them uncomfortable, even though I’m not effeminate, never considered myself gay. It got to a point where ironically, I felt like people saw me as a woman trying to pose as a man, and getting mad at me for it. Not literally, I mean I was obviously a male, but life FELT like that for me. Like everyone “knew” my big, dark secret, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

Eventually it wore me down. I felt guilty, like I was confusing and hurting people by giving straight guys “gay thoughts,” and confusing girls who couldn’t grasp that I wanted their friendship, not attraction.

So I gave up and did it. And honestly, it was no big deal. It’s not like what you see on TV or the internet. I did it quietly, adjusted my timing to consider the feelings of my friends and famly and coworkers, and everything went fine. No one really even cared, it was more of a sigh of relief from everyone.

And I’m OK with it, life makes sense for me and everyone now, EXCEPT for these nagging spiriitual questions I have. It seems everyone else is happy with me, but I just can’t figure out what God thinks now. It’s not like it’s something I can repent exactly, because every day I exist would seem to be a sin now.

I guess I just want forgiveness. For Him to realize I was in a tight spot, and kinda picked the lesser of evils, not for self-pleasure, but to stop feeling so incredibly guilty for the mess I seemed to be making of the lives around me.

Ironically I had a thought about this earlier today and then I read your post this evening. A lot of times when I pray for particular people I enclose them in the heart of our Lord. This morning while praying I enclosed all people who’ve undergone gender changes and asked our Lord to bring them back to the church. Know that someone was praying for you to our Lord and his communion of saints today! God loves you infinitely and wants you to be safe forever with him. Listen to your heart and our Lord speaking to it. He won’t let you fail. I would think a priest would be the best person to talk with, he will be able to guide you forward in making the most spiritual progress with your soul. Welcome back to the one holy, Catholic and apostolic church! Peace,

 

[mgreen77]

This morning while praying I enclosed all people who’ve undergone gender changes and asked our Lord to bring them back to the church.

Thank you for that. Really… THANK you.

I would think a priest would be the best person to talk with, he will be able to guide you forward in making the most spiritual progress with your soul.)

I finally found the courage to write my local Church today and explain things, and asked for guidance and advice on what to do

 

[Deefraz]

Thank you for that. Really… THANK you.

I finally found the courage to write my local Church today and explain things, and asked for guidance and advice on what to do

That is a brave step in the right direction, don’t lose hope… I will continue to pray…