Returning to Christ After 4 Months

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scrupulousrvrt

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I’m returning to Christ and going to Confession tomorrow after a 4 month abscence (guess why) because I’m going insane from sinning and scrupling and obessessing and compulsing. I just a teensy weensy problem. Almost like clockwork, 20 seconds after i leave the penitent’s compartment, I’m assaulted by my OCD (or maybe it’s just me) and begin wondering if my sins were truly forgiven, or if i was really contrite or if i’m sinning and i’m fooling myself, etc.etc.
Near Occassions are everywhere and in everything just as sin is everywhere and in everything. I’m just one step from despair and two steps from hell and I can’t live (or love) with moral OCD. I try not to think about things that will turn into an either/or situation such as “throw out your computer or despair and be damned” or “don’t think about idolatry, because if you do, then you are one!”.
These kind of issues drive me up a wall and i’m stuck between Despair and “just not caring”, which is also, basically, a form of despair. I’m desperate and thought about either getting a lobotomy, put into a medically induced coma, or locked up in a psych ward. That’s how desperate I am.

p.s. I can’t really get a SD because I fear the one i had is “liberal” (i have no idea, but he allowed yoga)
 
We’re praying for you. I don’t know the details of your situation, so I can’t offer any advice regarding that, but I can say that prayer is one thing that will always be of help to you.

Ask God to give you the grace to be holy, in spite of temptations.
Ask for deliverance from these tribulations.
Ask for God to fill your heart with sentiments of love towards Him, so that He may be your only motivation for living and acting.
Express your sorrow and contrition for your sins, saying to God that alone, you are too weak to conquer them, and you can only conquer your sin by resting on Christ, and relying on His grace.
Thank God for the graces He has already given you; contemplate the blessings in your life and recognize the great good that they are.

Do this every day, multiple times a day if you can. God Bless you.
 
I feels exactly the same way after confessing, wondering if I should have included this and that. So you are not alone. OCD is a pain.
 
Welcome back. :hug1: I’ve been there too. For the first few months after I converted. Not sure whether it was OCD but I would obsess pre and post confession. Thanks to guidance from my Priest and prayers, I am better.
 
Please talk to your doctor. There are medications to help with OCD.

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scrupulousrvrt said:
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I would encourage you to simply pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

‘Jesus, I trust in you’

"…when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls." (Diary, 1603).

I notice what He say’s there, that souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust, if their trust is great, there is no limit to His generosity.

And another one that may help -

Once the Lord said to me, Act like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too, should not back away and say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you one more thing — take these graces not only for yourself, but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete confidence in Me — I will do everything for them. (Diary, 294)

I hope this has helped.

God Bless You

Josh
 
I am so sorry you’re going through this. Frankly, I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for you. Be assured you are in my prayers. :signofcross:
scrupulousrvrt said:
p.s. I can’t really get a SD because I fear the one i had is “liberal” (i have no idea, but he allowed yoga)
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I cannot speak to the suitability of your former SD to guide you, but please do not let this experience stop you from finding another SD. Yes, you can really get an SD. We don’t always find the right SD easily. I have had bad experiences in spiritual direction, but what that told me was the person guiding me wasn’t a good fit. Perhaps the guidance you seek and need will be found in your next SD. God bless.
 
Update: the Confession on Saturday didn’t happen because i overslept and didn’t go today because we’ve got another snowstorm after last Friday’s 12-18 inches.
Also, my mom was harping on me about the weather and getting exasperated about my bullheadedness about going to mass during a snowstorm. I’ve been kicking myself for not scheduling an appointment today and it’s too late to attend Mass as by the time the taxi pulls up to the Church, mass will be halfway over.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
Update: the Confession on Saturday didn’t happen because i overslept and didn’t go today because we’ve got another snowstorm after last Friday’s 12-18 inches.
Also, my mom was harping on me about the weather and getting exasperated about my bullheadedness about going to mass during a snowstorm. I’ve been kicking myself for not scheduling an appointment today and it’s too late to attend Mass as by the time the taxi pulls up to the Church, mass will be halfway over.
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That’s alright, id just recommend praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and remembering ‘Jesus I trust in you’.

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
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