Returning to the Church out of fear?

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littlered123

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I left the Church some time ago because I had reasons to believe it was a man made religion and there was no way to know for sure if any religion was from God or if God even existed. While I still feel and know there is no way to truly know, I keep feeling tempted to go back out of fear and a longing for something. With everything going on, its not difficult for death to enter my mind, and it terrifies me. What terrifies me more is that I don’t know what comes after, and what if I go to hell? I don’t know what, if any religion is true, but maybe God would be a more merciful judge if I just followed a religion as best I could, regardless of which one, since its not that obvious if one is more true. Since I have been Catholic for most of my life, Catholicism seems like the easier and most obvious choice of religion. It is also more concrete and easy to follow(the rules you have to follow are set in stone). There are also times I long for more (usually when I listen to music or something). Catholicism made me feel like I was loved and special and that it was okay if life didn’t work out. I also think it sometimes has good music and cool traditions(experiencing something beautiful is touching and uplifting).

I am kind of thinking of going to confession just to feel a bit less afraid of death and the possibility of hell. The problem is that I don’t really believe fully and can’t make myself believe something I don’t have stronger evidence to believe is true. I am also in a great relationship with an amazing man, and I am not sure if converting would make him very happy, as he does not have the most positive view of the Church, and how he would feel about things like no contraception, raising kids Catholic and so on. I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship to follow something that might not even be true.
 
littlered123 said:
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Fear of damnation is good reason to change.
Faith is a gift of the Holy Spirit.
Assent is the mental acceptance of a particular judgment as true.
The assent of the mind to what God has revealed is faith.

Catechism of the Catholic Church
150 Faith is first of all a personal adherence of man to God. At the same time, and inseparably, it is a free assent to the whole truth that God has revealed. As personal adherence to God and assent to his truth, Christian faith differs from our faith in any human person. It is right and just to entrust oneself wholly to God and to believe absolutely what he says. It would be futile and false to place such faith in a creature.
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Your relationship with God is a lot like a human relationship, and you should use the lessons you’ve learned from human relationships in order to understand it.
littlered123 said:
The problem is that I don’t really believe fully and can’t make myself believe something I don’t have stronger evidence to believe is true.
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That is absolutely understandable. If you’ve been away from someone (in this case, God) for a long time, it’s difficult to get back to a place of mutual understanding and trust. It takes patience and effort. God reaches for us proportionally to the energy we apply as we reach for Him. (Though God always gives more.) Contemplate the image of The Creation of Adam from the Sistine Chapel:

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God is putting way more energy into reaching Adam than Adam is putting into reaching God. But to make the connection, Adam still has to reach, just as you would in any relationship. And if you want that connection, if you want it to be real for you, you have to reach too.

So if God seems like something distant and imaginary right now, that makes perfect sense. It may be some time before you build your relationship up to the degree where you can feel it in your heart, rather than just believe (or not) in your head. But just as with any relationship, approach it with patience and love.

Secondly, just as you know from your human relationships, don’t be fantasizing too much. Currently, you’re projecting about all the different changes that will come to your life as a result of this new relationship that you want to foster with God. Kind of like someone with a crush, who before they have even been on their first date, is already thinking about what they will name their kids. 🙂

So don’t project or fantasize. You don’t need to dive in all at once. It’s okay to take it slow. Do what you feel safe doing, and work from there.

Finally, just like in a human relationship, listen to your heart. Watch to see where it is guiding you. Love can be scary. It requires risk and sacrifice. It doesn’t always make sense. It resists any attempt to analyze it. But your heart can navigate those waters. Trust in your heart to help you navigate the waters of your relationship with God. And see where your journey leads you.
 
‘He who loves God with all his heart does not fear death or punishment or judgment or hell,
because perfect love assures access to God. It is no wonder that he who still delights in sin fears death and judgment. It is good, however, that even if love does not as yet restrain you from evil, at least the fear of hell does. The man who casts aside the fear of God cannot continue long in goodness but will
quickly fall into the snares of the devil.’ - The Imitation of Christ
 
One thing that stood out to me in your post was, “What comes after [death]…?”

You should explore that further: what do you want life after your death to be like?
 
If he truly loves you, then he will understand, accept your conversion, and continue to love you.

The Church represents, contains, and offers us the three transcendentals: Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Clearly you have dipped into this treasury of riches and brought out some things you can already appreciate. They are linked, and they are the elements that draw the world into faith and a relationship with the living God.

I was once homeless, jobless, and alone. I had been raised Catholic, but I was angry with God. I left the Church for eleven years. I returned because I realized I had nowhere else to turn. (John 6:68). I still had doubts in my mind about whether it’s all true. I still dissented from teachings on sexual morality. I hated and mocked my new priests for the way they did liturgy. But deep in my heart, I knew I needed God. And eventually, I found my place, and my faith grew, and I now know that I would never leave again.

I hope there are Confessions being offered in your area. The ones near me are in the courtyard due to the pandemic. Confession is a time of healing and grace and joy. I will be forever grateful to the priest who heard my confession when I returned. We had a unique encounter in my journey of faith. And since then, dozens of priests have heard my tales of woe and darkest secrets. And with a flourish, they caused grace to be showered down upon me. It’s a beautiful thing. I hope you can do it soon. Try masstimes.org for schedules near you.
 
I would be happy to dialogue with you if you choose.

My question is, how do you know you are not adopted?
 
jochoa said:
One thing that stood out to me in your post was, “What comes after [death]…?”

You should explore that further: what do you want life after your death to be like?
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Even before your question about life after death, an equally valid question is: “What do you want your life to be now—while you are still taking your breaths in the midst of God’s beautiful creation?”
 
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Rebornone said:
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Vico:
Fear of damnation is good reason to change.
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Really? is that what a Perfect and Good God wants for mankind? You are supporting the Mafia Boss atheist theory. Very Sad.
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Catechism of the Catholic Church
1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance. 52

52 Cf. Council of Trent (1551): DS 1678; 1705.
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Council of Trent:
Can. 5. If anyone says that this contrition, which is evoked by examination, recollection, and hatred of sins “whereby one recalls his years in the bitterness of his soul” [ Isa. 38:15], by pondering on the gravity of one’s sins, the multitude, the baseness, the loss of eternal happiness, and the incurring of eternal damnation, together with the purpose of a better life, is not a true and a beneficial sorrow, and does not prepare for grace, but makes a man a hypocrite, and a greater sinner; finally that this sorrow is forced and not free and voluntary: let him be anathema.
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I mean I think he’d still accept me, but we both have deal breakers we have talked about and at least one of his is connected to morality ie he is against solely relying on nfp for contraception
 
I don’t know what comes after. I don’t mind if nothing comes after and we cease existing. I don’t want eternal suffering to come after though that’s for sure
 
The truth his that you’re simply not sure. I was raised Catholic and left the Church at an early age-I honestly didn’t know if the church had answers. But in my case I came to a place where I needed and desired to know the truth, living in a world which so often embraces and lives by falsehood instead and in any case doesn’t seem to have a clue as to its ultimate purpose and proper direction and values. So I sought. And that’s my recommendation to you. Fear is not a terrible motivation but fear can turn into wisdom and understanding as we pursue the truth rather than simply remain in our fear. It takes a sort of radical and aggressive approach-some amount of zeal, driven by hunger. And God will answer and begin to reveal and confirm the truth to you.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Heb 11:6

All seeking of truth is a seeking for God. Challenge and exercise whatever degree of faith you have-and it will grow. That’s how it worked for me anyway.
 
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I am not sure. And it seems there is no way to truly know. It takes faith to believe- ie accepting and believing something that doesn’t really make sense or that there is no way to prove. I don’t think there is anything wrong with learning from religion and taking lessons or values and applying them to your life if they help you improve as a person. I don’t know however if I can be the judge of which is more true or if I could ever fully accept all that a religion teaches.Agnosticism makes much more sense
 
I don’t know if God has really been trying to reach me. I also don’t know if some of the moral teachings of the Church are reasonable in the times we live in now, especially those on sexual morality and contraception. From a more secular and rational perspective, even a more conservative approach, recognizes how waiting until marriage doesn’t make much sense today and people back then had their own reasons to wait that we don’t have today. I honestly think there is something out dated about some of the Church’s teachings on these matters or it just expects people to act against reason.

I may go to confession but I’m not sure if it will help. Won’t it be invalid if I don’t believe?
 
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Look at a crucifix and you will know how much the Lord loves you!
 
In my mind I don’t see love. If Jesus truly was God than it seems stupid that he chose to die on the cross. If he is not God then he was a bit crazy
 
I’m only saying that the more we put into it the more we’ll receive-and we can’t know that until and unless we try. We all begin with a certain level of faith IMO, however small-it’s just what we do with it from there. So give God a chance to prove Himself-that’s what the cross was all about, incidentally, properly understood. That’s what He wants to do. Jesus reveals God-His nature and will. This is knowledge that man desperately needs, whether he cares or not. This is knowledge that heals the world. And He’ll give it. We can know-that’s what grace is all about, not only the knowledge given, but also the insight and power to believe it.
 
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I’d guess @otjm is using an analogy – how can we be sure that our parents are indeed our parents, as a metaphor for how can we be sure there is a loving God who desired our existence ?
 
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