Revert needing encouragement again

[AnneTeresa]

I posted a while ago when I first came to these boards and received much encouragement from people so I am asking again. I don’t know what else to do. I am very discouraged and wondering if I should just give up the catholic church and go back to an evangelical one. It is just too hard, there are too many roadblocks due to my being in an invalid marriage, the emphasis on rules and sin makes me extremely anxious. I have started biting my fingernails! anxiety is eating me up!

I am hungry for fellowship in person with catholic people who have a deep faith but haven’t found them. I can never be good enough, I get so confused when different people and priests tell me different things. In the protestant church the emphasis was on forgiveness. I don’t find that in the catholic church–at least not for someone in my marital situation. I’d stay for the sacraments but I’m not supposed to be taking the sacraments, so why stay? Everyone was accepted in the evangelical church no matter what mistakes they had made int he past. There were some things missing granted, but at least I didn’t feel constantly whipped around because I couldn’t meet all the rules and regulations. If anyone has any encouragement, I I could sure use it. I do love Jesus and want to learn to love him more.

 

[Trishie]

AnneTeresa, I can’t say that is my emphasis. I don’t focus on sin and rules…the rules are there…but I guess once you know the ropes…unless like some people you fear sin around every corner, which I don’t, as for me and many other Catholics, the emphasis is in fact on helping and caring about people.

Have you made any progress with your annulment proceedings. It is natural to be anxious while you are preparing and waiting for the process. It takes time, but once you’re through it, its easier sailing! By all the rules and regulations you can’t meet, this is actually the one, the wait for annulment?

Of course you’re good enough!. It’s just that, to be in full Communion with the Church, you need to get past that. It was Jesus who made the rule about marriage and divorce and re-marriage, not the Catholic Church. I can give you the scripture, but you probably remember it.
** In Luke 16:18, Jesus says, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.’
So it doesn’t count which Church you belong to Jesus words still stand as true.**

But I hope and pray your annulment will come through, and quickly.

I hope you can stick things out, and find the faith companionship you need.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so much internal pressure from these considerations, and hope peace and joy return to you soon.

Warm thoughts and prayers,

Trishie

 

[Danuska]

Have you thought of joining any prayer groups in your parish or town? There are some that are very much into studying the Scriptures and fellowship, like Neochatechumenal Way or Charismatic Renewal and a few others.

 

[AnneTeresa]

AnneTeresa, It was Jesus who made the rule about marriage and divorce and re-marriage, not the Catholic Church. I can give you the scripture, but you probably remember it.
** In Luke 16:18, Jesus says, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.’
So it doesn’t count which Church you belong to Jesus words still stand as true.**

Trishie

Yes, this is one of the main problems I have. I know what Jesus said that about divorce and remarriage. But many other churches forgive and welcome you back without having to jump through hoops after you’ve sinned. So what you said is not true in other churches.

I’m not making any excuses, I know what is wrong and I am sorry for it. Every other sin the catholic church is forgiven without going through a long process, even if it’s mass murder. I’m also not the one divorced. My husband was. I’m just fed up with all the legalism.

Thanks anyway, I know you meant well. I just can’t accept this as being right or helpful any longer.

I’m sure people here will now slam me with verses but don’t bother, I know them already.

 

[Bookcat]

I posted a while ago when I first came to these boards and received much encouragement from people so I am asking again. I don’t know what else to do. I am very discouraged and wondering if I should just give up the catholic church and go back to an evangelical one. It is just too hard, there are too many roadblocks due to my being in an invalid marriage, the emphasis on rules and sin makes me extremely anxious. I have started biting my fingernails! anxiety is eating me up!

I am hungry for fellowship in person with catholic people who have a deep faith but haven’t found them. I can never be good enough, I get so confused when different people and priests tell me different things. In the protestant church the emphasis was on forgiveness. I don’t find that in the catholic church–at least not for someone in my marital situation. I’d stay for the sacraments but I’m not supposed to be taking the sacraments, so why stay? Everyone was accepted in the evangelical church no matter what mistakes they had made int he past. There were some things missing granted, but at least I didn’t feel constantly whipped around because I couldn’t meet all the rules and regulations. If anyone has any encouragement, I I could sure use it. I do love Jesus and want to learn to love him more.

Need to rectify the Marriage…so it can be a Marriage

If one is not married…one can not live like one is married.

It is not about “rules” per se…but about “truth”. Following Jesus…Our great YES to him and his Church involve certain “no’s” …but it is the great YES to him…whom we have encountered …who is true life…that makes us ready to get the rest of our life in order…

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2006/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20060108_battesimo_en.html

Going back to a Protestant community…is not the answer…for you have found that the Catholic Church is the Church he founded…Jesus and the Church “go together”…

Work with your Priest…with your Diocese…get things worked out…so you can return to the Sacraments etc…it is well worth it

Keep seeking to put things right …come follow him who had many “hard sayings” but is the Way the Truth and True Life

Take courage of heart!

 

[AnneTeresa]

Have you thought of joining any prayer groups in your parish or town? There are some that are very much into studying the Scriptures and fellowship, like Neochatechumenal Way or Charismatic Renewal and a few others.

Thanks, Ii was involved in the charismatic renewal in the past. It’s pretty much died out where we live now though. I am also in a fantastic bible study through another catholic parish. It is probably the most encouraging part of my walk right now–I have learned so much. People there are great too. I don’t know what the Neochatechumenal Way is–I’ll have to look that up.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Need to rectify the Marriage…so it can be a Marriage If one is not married…one can not live like one is married.

Whatever… read my post above.

It is not about “rules” per se…but about “truth”. Following Jesus…Our great YES to him and his Church involve certain “no’s” …but it is the great YES to him…whom we have encountered …who is true life…that makes us ready to get the rest of our life in order…

This I agree with. That’s the problem. I can’t participate fully in the catholic church because I’ve done the one “no” they won’t forgive. I still intend to follow Jesus as best as I am able with his grace.

[Work with your Priest…with your Diocese…get things worked out…it is well worth it

My priest has given me advice that directly contradicts what other priests have said and what people at CAF tell me. I tried to talk to him last week again but he didn’t have time. My diocese is in bad shape and I would not go to them because they are one of the primary proponents of rules, rules, rules.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this is my honest feeling.
[/quote]

 

[3DOCTORS]

I posted a while ago when I first came to these boards and received much encouragement from people so I am asking again. I don’t know what else to do. I am very discouraged and wondering if I should just give up the catholic church and go back to an evangelical one. It is just too hard, there are too many roadblocks due to my being in an invalid marriage, the emphasis on rules and sin makes me extremely anxious. I have started biting my fingernails! anxiety is eating me up!

I am hungry for fellowship in person with catholic people who have a deep faith but haven’t found them. I can never be good enough, I get so confused when different people and priests tell me different things. In the protestant church the emphasis was on forgiveness. I don’t find that in the catholic church–at least not for someone in my marital situation. I’d stay for the sacraments but I’m not supposed to be taking the sacraments, so why stay? Everyone was accepted in the evangelical church no matter what mistakes they had made int he past. There were some things missing granted, but at least I didn’t feel constantly whipped around because I couldn’t meet all the rules and regulations. If anyone has any encouragement, I I could sure use it. I do love Jesus and want to learn to love him more.

First of all, pray (and I will unite my prayers with yours) directly to God asking Him to remove the bondage of anxiety, which will help you to feel calmer and may relieve some of the angry feelings you are also experiencing. And don’t misunderstand me, the anger and frustration aren’t abnormal or bad, but you want to get in a calm state so that they don’t overtake your better judgment.

The Church itself isn’t being “unforgiving” per se, it’s just that it has to be consistent in upholding the sanctity of marriage, and I know you’ve probably already heard this so I don’t mean to be rubbing salt in a wound or anything. I merely say it so that maybe you can start to recast your mental image of the Church into a friend who is guiding you even if it’s tough right now, instead of an adversary just out to make you feel bad.

My Mom was Protestant, considered becoming Catholic before she married my Dad, but didn’t like “rules and regulations.” In my own faith journey I had to come to terms with some of them. We all go through it and it can be discouraging at times.

I don’t know if what I’ve said helps any, but just try to take a deep breath, so to speak, relax as best you can, pray, lay it at the foot of the Cross, and surrender. Miracles can happen when we truly surrender, and at least you won’t feel tensed up all the time. :hug3:

 

[jimcav]

Yes, the Catholic Church sets the bar high, but only because Jesus Christ Himself set the bar high.

Many Catholics fail to make it to the top of the bar, but as long as you are trying to reach for it, the Lord, and our Church, will forgive you for your shortcomings. Trust that Jesus will not abandon you are on your journey of faith. He wants you to reach for the bar, to be as perfected on this earth as you can be, and He will help you get there. But you must trust in His Divine will and abandon yourself in His love for you. You must ask Him to make this right for you, to support you and to bring you to the perfection He seeks for all of us.

The Catholic life, when well led, is the most beautiful life one can lead on this earth. Please don’t give up! You are on a faith journey that can take a lifetime to perfect. Please read the stoies of our saints to see how terrible the trials they survivied for Him really were. Your story, even with it’s problems, as well as mine, will pale in comparison. They did not take the easy way out, and neither should you.

From St. Paul of the Cross -

“Beginners in the service of God sometimes lose confidence when they fall into any fault. When you feel so unworthy a sentiment rising within you, you must lift your heart to God and
consider that all your faults, compared with divine goodness, are less than a bit of tattered thread thrown into a sea of fire.
Suppose that the whole horizon, as far as you can see from this mountain, were a sea of fire; if we cast into it a bit of tattered thread, it will disappear in an instant. So, when you have committed
a fault, humble yourself before God, and cast your fault into the infinite ocean of, charity, and at once it will be effaced from your soul; at the same time all distrust will disappear.”

 

[Bookcat]

Whatever… read my post above.

???

This I agree with. That’s the problem. I can’t participate fully in the catholic church because I’ve done the one “no” they won’t forgive. I still intend to follow Jesus as best as I am able with his grace.

My priest has given me advice that directly contradicts what other priests have said and what people at CAF tell me. I tried to talk to him last week again but he didn’t have time. My diocese is in bad shape and I would not go to them because they are one of the primary proponents of rules, rules, rules.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this is my honest feeling.

It is not about “rules rules rules” here…it is about truth truth truth…adultery is adultery. Jesus is very serious about this… as has been the Church since the very beginning…just “being honest.” …and blunt… (one need to work with ones diocese to get things right…)

Forgiveness is very much at the heart of the Church…but Jesus says one must “repent” …then one can be forgiven …which includes making changes…rectifying things…

Look I do no know the history of your situation. But CA is certainly a good source…so give them a call on the apologist line…they can help with the details…

Keep seeking to rectify things…

 

[PattiDay]

Yes, this is one of the main problems I have. I know what Jesus said that about divorce and remarriage. But many other churches forgive and welcome you back without having to jump through hoops after you’ve sinned. So what you said is not true in other churches.

No church may change the word of the Lord to fit the situation. Their forgiveness may seem charitable, but it is of no value.

I’m not making any excuses, I know what is wrong and I am sorry for it. Every other sin the catholic church is forgiven without going through a long process, even if it’s mass murder. I’m also not the one divorced. My husband was. I’m just fed up with all the legalism.

I waited years for an annulment, and I jumped through the hoops, got all the paperwork together, had interviews, family, friends, and others I barely knew gave testimony and/or wrote letters. It was an achingly slow process. Over time I allowed my frustration to become anger and let my anger keep me away from the Catholic church. Protestant churches were willing to overlook an invalid marriage, but their personal man-made forgiveness was of no comfort. The most important thing that was denied to me without an annulment was the Holy Eucharist, and the cubes of bread and little cups of juice offered at the Protestant churches could not feed my soul.

Thanks anyway, I know you meant well. I just can’t accept this as being right or helpful any longer.

What is to be gained by going to another church where you will never have the benefit of the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist?

I’m sure people here will now slam me with verses but don’t bother, I know them already.

Your subject line says you are looking for encouragement. I encourage you to continue the work toward an annulment, remain faithful, and pray to Our Blessed Mother to intercede with Our Lord Jesus Christ on your behalf that you might be granted full communion with the church through the annulment process.

 

[fhansen]

I posted a while ago when I first came to these boards and received much encouragement from people so I am asking again. I don’t know what else to do. I am very discouraged and wondering if I should just give up the catholic church and go back to an evangelical one. It is just too hard, there are too many roadblocks due to my being in an invalid marriage, the emphasis on rules and sin makes me extremely anxious. I have started biting my fingernails! anxiety is eating me up!

I am hungry for fellowship in person with catholic people who have a deep faith but haven’t found them. I can never be good enough, I get so confused when different people and priests tell me different things. In the protestant church the emphasis was on forgiveness. I don’t find that in the catholic church–at least not for someone in my marital situation. I’d stay for the sacraments but I’m not supposed to be taking the sacraments, so why stay? Everyone was accepted in the evangelical church no matter what mistakes they had made int he past. There were some things missing granted, but at least I didn’t feel constantly whipped around because I couldn’t meet all the rules and regulations. If anyone has any encouragement, I I could sure use it. I do love Jesus and want to learn to love him more.

Those churches don’t have rules and regulations? They don’t care whether or not one follows the ten commandments? Are there no expectations, no standards, nothing a member need feel obliged to do?

 

[AnneTeresa]

It is not about “rules rules rules” here…it is about truth truth truth…adultery is adultery. Jesus is very serious about this… as has been the Church since the very beginning…just “being honest.” …and blunt… (one need to work with ones diocese to get things right…)

Forgiveness is very much at the heart of the Church…but Jesus says one must “repent” …then one can be forgiven …which includes making changes…rectifying things…

Look I do no know the history of your situation. But CA is certainly a good source…so give them a call on the apologist line…they can help with the details…

Keep seeking to rectify things…

Did you really read my post? I think I addressed every one of these points you make and how I see them. Guess this is what it is like being honest on a public forum.

 

[AnneTeresa]

First of all, pray (and I will unite my prayers with yours) directly to God asking Him to remove the bondage of anxiety, which will help you to feel calmer and may relieve some of the angry feelings you are also experiencing. And don’t misunderstand me, the anger and frustration aren’t abnormal or bad, but you want to get in a calm state so that they don’t overtake your better judgment.

The Church itself isn’t being “unforgiving” per se, it’s just that it has to be consistent in upholding the sanctity of marriage, and I know you’ve probably already heard this so I don’t mean to be rubbing salt in a wound or anything. I merely say it so that maybe you can start to recast your mental image of the Church into a friend who is guiding you even if it’s tough right now, instead of an adversary just out to make you feel bad.

My Mom was Protestant, considered becoming Catholic before she married my Dad, but didn’t like “rules and regulations.” In my own faith journey I had to come to terms with some of them. We all go through it and it can be discouraging at times.

I don’t know if what I’ve said helps any, but just try to take a deep breath, so to speak, relax as best you can, pray, lay it at the foot of the Cross, and surrender. Miracles can happen when we truly surrender, and at least you won’t feel tensed up all the time. :hug3:

Thank you so much. This post and the suggestions helped me a lot.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Those churches don’t have rules and regulations? They don’t care whether or not one follows the ten commandments? Are there no expectations, no standards, nothing a member need feel obliged to do?

That’s not what I said. Thanks for twisting my words. I was specifically talking about divorce and remarriage.

 

[fhansen]

That’s not what I said. Thanks for twisting my words. I was specifically talking about divorce and remarriage.

Sorry-it was the part about rules and regulations that I focused on. But that was my point. I mean, following Christ means certain moral obligations no matter how you cut it and, if you believe the CC teaches the truth regarding His gospel, then obedience on some of these other matters can and should seem less burdensome.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Trust that Jesus will not abandon you are on your journey of faith. He wants you to reach for the bar, to be as perfected on this earth as you can be, and He will help you get there. But you must trust in His Divine will and abandon yourself in His love for you. You must ask Him to make this right for you, to support you and to bring you to the perfection He seeks for all of us.​

Thank you. I am trying.

 

[pablope]

I posted a while ago when I first came to these boards and received much encouragement from people so I am asking again. I don’t know what else to do. I am very discouraged and wondering if I should just give up the catholic church and go back to an evangelical one. It is just too hard, there are too many roadblocks due to my being in an invalid marriage, the emphasis on rules and sin makes me extremely anxious. I have started biting my fingernails! anxiety is eating me up!

I am hungry for fellowship in person with catholic people who have a deep faith but haven’t found them. I can never be good enough, I get so confused when different people and priests tell me different things. In the protestant church the emphasis was on forgiveness. I don’t find that in the catholic church–at least not for someone in my marital situation. I’d stay for the sacraments but I’m not supposed to be taking the sacraments, so why stay? Everyone was accepted in the evangelical church no matter what mistakes they had made int he past. There were some things missing granted, but at least I didn’t feel constantly whipped around because I couldn’t meet all the rules and regulations. If anyone has any encouragement, I I could sure use it. I do love Jesus and want to learn to love him more.

Anne,

You are forgetting the Blesses Virgin Mary…ask for her help…and pray the Rosary. She will envelop you with love, just ask for it…Blessings…

 

[AnneTeresa]

Sorry-it was the part about rules and regulations that I focused on. But that was my point. I mean, following Christ means certain moral obligations no matter how you cut it and, if you believe the CC teaches the truth regarding His gospel, then obedience on some of these other matters can and should seem less burdensome.

Ok, apology accepted. I KNOW it means certain moral obligations and I willingly will follow what I am able to with God’s race. But do you not hear me when I say that there is NO WAY I can follow the divorce/remarriage rules they way they set it up?! Are you being held responsible every single day and condemned for a decision you made 25 years ago, unknowingly, believing you were following God at the time, and for which you’ve since repented? I know I sound angry and I am.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Anne,

You are forgetting the Blesses Virgin Mary…ask for her help…and pray the Rosary. She will envelop you with love, just ask for it…Blessings…

Thank you. I will. I am on the verge of tears now and need to take a break.