Revisiting baby showers, with a twist

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valient_Lucy

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A while back, there was a thread about whether or not a Catholic should attend the baby shower of an unwed mother. Many people said they would go, but a few said they would not, for fear of causing scandal, since the child was conceived in an act of sin.

Here’s the twist. Supposing you get an invitation to a baby shower. The couple is married, BUT the child was conceived using in vitro fertilization.
Should a Catholic attend or not?
 
As I recall, when Louise Brown of the U.K., the world’s first “test tube baby,” came into the world, Pope John Paul I sent greetings and good wishes to her parents, and possibly a blessing for the baby. I don’t think that’s a bad model to follow.
 
but the pope made a very poignant statement. He said, while we welcome Louise Brown into the world, we have to express grave concerns about the way she came into the world.

Source

In any case, it woul probably be bad form to inquire how many frozen siblings she has.
 
Catholic couple or not, in vitro fertilization or not, this is about a baby. I think we are going a bit to far sometimes. If we keep this up, pretty soon no one will be getting out of bed for fear of doing something “wrong”.
Kathy
 
Babies should always be welcomed, and I don’t have any problem with giving a baby shower for an IVF baby.

Still, we ought to keep in mind that when using IVF, there are almost always more embryos created than are used. These new humans are frozen or destroyed. Often, more than one embryo is implanted, and the couple elects to selectively reduce the pregnancy to one–i.e. kill off the excess embryos.

So, while welcoming a new IVF baby into the world, one can’t help but feel some sadness for the fate of its brothers and sisters.
 
Why punish a baby for the acts of the parents?

Babies born out of wedlock are usually in the greatest need of love & support and is a gift from God. A baby born through other means is also a gift from God.

Baby showers are a celebration of a new life coming into the world. How the new life began is of no importance to anyone.

What about baby showers for adopted babies? Often they are the product of out of wedlock sex, should these children be stigmatized too?

Whatever happened to Christian forgiveness and charity? Whatever happened to tolerance? Why do we need to judge? How many people in the pew with you at church are the products of out-of-wedlock unions or technology? Do you know? Should you care???

God loves all His children regardless of which side of the blanket they were born. Don’t forget, “He who without sin cast the first stone.”
 
valient_Lucy said:
A Here’s the twist. Supposing you get an invitation to a baby shower. The couple is married, BUT the child was conceived using in vitro fertilization.
Should a Catholic attend or not?
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both in traditional etiquette and in Christian charity, we know absolutely nothing about the manner in which the child was conceived, nor do we comment, speculate or gossip about that factor, so we attend the shower and give a gift to the baby, who mercifully is not responsible for any action of her parents and so should not be so judged. the pope quoted was speaking to Catholics and giving his moral teaching on IVF, he was not responding to an invitation to Louise’s baby shower.
 
I would not attend the shower but would send a gift after the child was born. Sorry, showers are for the mother .
Personally I think IVF is a worse situation than the unwed mother. At least the unwed Mother can be applauded and supported because she chose life. What do you think half the conversation is going to be about at the shower with the IVF procedure? It’s going be pretty difficult not to just say what we should say about IVF in order to be in the party etiquette mode.
 
I’ve been to a baby shower where the baby was conceived through IVF(my mom is the godmother), and there was no talk of the procedure. It was mentioned how happy everyone was because the parents had been waiting so long, but nothing about IVF itself.
 
Go and have a good time. Celebrate the happiness of the new parents.
 
Katie1723 said:
Catholic couple or not, in vitro fertilization or not, this is about a baby. I think we are going a bit to far sometimes. If we keep this up, pretty soon no one will be getting out of bed for fear of doing something “wrong”.
Kathy
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Kathy, stick to those guns! Good advice! 🙂 🙂
 
KCT said:
How is not going to a shower punishing a baby?
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Baby showers are supposed to be to give things to the parent to help her/him gather the items that a person will need to start the child’s life off properly. (Please let’s not diverge onto the silver frames & such.)
 
I’d go to the child’s baptism, which the Church would not deny her.
Of course I’d go to a shower for her!!

If anyone asks if you think what the couple did was OK, you answer with regards to the morality of the method rumored to have been used (presumably you weren’t there), and then say, “But as to the culpablity of anyone in particular, I’m not in that pay bracket!”
 
Easter Joy,

Thanks for your reply. I agree completely with you.😉

Personally, I would ignore any discussion about “How she got pregnant” during a baby shower. It is not the time nor place for that type of discussion.

Babies, however they started, are gifts from God, and only He knows why that baby was created. Alot of good and special people have been born on the wrong side of the blanket or by unusual means. Maybe they are here to remind us that they and their parents need love and kindness and help…just like the sinners with which Jesus dined.
 
boudica1 said:
Easter Joy,

Thanks for your reply. I agree completely with you.😉

Personally, I would ignore any discussion about “How she got pregnant” during a baby shower. It is not the time nor place for that type of discussion.

Babies, however they started, are gifts from God, and only He knows why that baby was created. Alot of good and special people have been born on the wrong side of the blanket or by unusual means. Maybe they are here to remind us that they and their parents need love and kindness and help…just like the sinners with which Jesus dined.
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The truth is, don’t you suppose that the rumors were flying as to “which side of the blanket” Our Lord was conceived on?

Mary was not married when she took off to help Elizabeth. We can picture what she looked like six months later. Thanks be to God for St. Joseph, that upright man!
 
A baby shower is for he baby and not the mother. I have a daughter who is 21 and went to an orthodox catholic university and made the unfortunate mistake of dating a college man (not a boy) who was fallen away from the faith and sinned with him resulting in the creation of my soon to be born grandchild. My wife and I have been approached by many people who want to have a shower for the baby, an innocent party in this whole mess. Many people are very happy as well as my wife and I that she chose life and did not succumb to the pressure of society and get rid of the problem and to face it head on and make good come out of bad. Babies are never bad only good. Babies are a gift from God. Those holier than thou catholics that turn their nose up at situations like this and the people involved have alot of learning to do. We are all sinners. My wife and I hate the sin but love the sinner and love that soon to be born baby. No we are not happy but we must live with it, we have no choice. We have to bear the Cross that we are given. It will end up strengthening us, our marriage and our family. We must handle situations like this with grace and dignity. We did not run around telling people, we are mortified. We even thought about going to another parish to avoid the stares and whispers, but then we thought this is our home parish and we must stay and bear it, it will make us stronger catholics when we have to rely on God for the grace we need to get through this and support our daugher and grandchild.
So go the BABY shower and celebrate a new life, that is what we are going to do. Thanks for listening/reading and God Bless.
 
My question is how do you know the child was conceived by IVF? I guess nothing is sacred anymore… but I certainly don’t discuss my sex life… and even if you knew they were going in for IVF… there is always the possibility that they did conceive naturally unless it is one of those cases where the IVF is done months after the father dies.

It doesn’t really matter anyway does it? A baby shower is generally a party to give gifts to the family that they will need or want for their baby… if you feel that strongly about it stay home but it isn’t about how the child was conceived… it is welcoming the baby into the world with gifts that will make the families life easier.

As for the poster that is waiting on his grand baby to be born… same thing… it is about the baby not the marital status of the baby’s mom.

Now that being said… I have refused wedding invitations for a couple (her Protestant, him Catholic) that was on the beach… but as much as that is a valid reason not to attend, it wasn’t my only reason… he was widowed and not over his first wife’s death and I thought it totally a mockery to get married with these issues. I may never meet my sil… I have nothing against her… but I do have a problem with my brother not following the proper forum to get married and also not being emotionally ready to marry again… actually I pray for his new wife, I really feel sorry for her!
 
boudica1 said:
Why punish a baby for the acts of the parents?

Babies born out of wedlock are usually in the greatest need of love & support and is a gift from God. A baby born through other means is also a gift from God.

Baby showers are a celebration of a new life coming into the world. How the new life began is of no importance to anyone.

What about baby showers for adopted babies? Often they are the product of out of wedlock sex, should these children be stigmatized too?

Whatever happened to Christian forgiveness and charity? Whatever happened to tolerance? Why do we need to judge? How many people in the pew with you at church are the products of out-of-wedlock unions or technology? Do you know? Should you care???

God loves all His children regardless of which side of the blanket they were born. Don’t forget, “He who without sin cast the first stone.”
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👍
Seatuck said:
I would not attend the shower but would send a gift after the child was born. Sorry, showers are for the mother .
Personally I think IVF is a worse situation than the unwed mother. At least the unwed Mother can be applauded and supported because she chose life. What do you think half the conversation is going to be about at the shower with the IVF procedure? It’s going be pretty difficult not to just say what we should say about IVF in order to be in the party etiquette mode.
Click to expand...
Also 👍 , but I’m not sure that “showers are for the mother” applies in every case.
 
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