Ride to Mass

[Athanasius]

I have a question.

First, some background info…

The nearest Catholic church to where I live is about ten miles away (and does not offer a Saturday evening Mass). As a result, since I live with my parents, my father (non-Catholic) gives me a ride to the second Mass on Sunday mornings. I do not have a drivers license (since driving makes me nervous, so I would rather wait on trying to get one if I do get one at all). I could ask people from my church to give me a ride to either Mass, but I do not like to do this, because every once in a while the person supposed to pick me up does not do so. (I guess I could ask someone to give me a ride to the early Mass, and if for some reason they don’t, then I could call the church and arrange a ride for the latter Mass, so that wouldn’t be a problem, but I would rather not do that…)

Anyway, in short, that’s why I rely on my father for a ride to Mass. But while I’m at Mass, my father goes out shopping (on Sunday), something he would not do if he wasn’t waiting for me while I’m at Mass. That being the case, is it all right for me to continue relying on my father for a ride to Mass (and as a result, him shopping on Sunday while I’m at Mass), or must I instead rely on people from my church for rides and/or try to get my drivers license, so my father would not be shopping at that time?

From questions I’ve asked before, I think it would be all right for me to continue relying on my father for a ride to Mass, but I just wish to make sure…

 

[Fergal]

The Lord is at work in your situation and He has his sights on your Dad!!!

If you Dad has no issues about bringing you then let him keep bringing you.

Perhaps you could compliment him for taking the time on bring you to Holy Mass and how you appreciate being able to attend Holy Mass which is such a wonderful experience and such an important part of your life.

Maybe its time for you to try to arouse a little curiosity on your Dad’s behalf about exactly what it is that makes you wanna keep going back to Mass week after week.

 

[Lorrie]

Is shopping on Sunday prohibited? Sometimes that’s the only chance I get to go buy groceries, etc.

To answer your question, if I was you I would get my drivers license. I don’t mean to sound morbid, but your dad won’t always be here. Driving, I’m sure, makes a lot of people nervous, but God will give you a peace about it if you ask Him.

P.S. - Just remember to go the speed limit, I got my first speeding ticket yesterday (at 30 years old that’s not bad, it still sucks though).

 

[Athanasius]

Thanks for the answers!

Maybe its time for you to try to arouse a little curiosity on your Dad’s behalf about exactly what it is that makes you wanna keep going back to Mass week after week.

Well, I can try…(though I don’t think it will be that successful at this point. I will certainly keep praying, though!)

To answer your question, if I was you I would get my
drivers license. I don’t mean to sound morbid, but your dad won’t always be here

Perhaps I will try to get my drivers license at some point (even if it might not be for a few years ). However, at this point, I am wishing to wait.

(I had at one time tried to get my license before, and even took the test a couple of times after having my permit for nearly a year, but failed almost immediately both times I took the test because I was nervous)

 

[Athanasius]

This reminds me of another (somewhat related) question I have…

My father works Monday through Friday (and sometimes on Saturday mornings as well). On the weekend, he quite often spends a lot of time working on different projects around the house, including on Sundays. Sometimes it’s basically all weekend. It’s not like he enjoys doing these things, but he does them anyway because he wants them done.

Now, sometimes I am wishing him to work on certain things for me (because he knows how to do them and I don’t). But if he does, quite often he will do these things for me on Sundays. I wish he wouldn’t do it, because he really doesn’t get the rest he needs. But that is when he does it anyway. Is it all right for me to let him work on these things for me on Sunday anyway?

(I do wish to encourage him to take a rest, but if Sunday is the only time he will do these things for me, and I don’t know how to do them myself, nor do I know how to do the other things he works on to help him out there, I don’t know what else to do…)

So is that all right?

Thanks.

 

[mercygate]

Since you don’t state your age or the part of the country you live in, we cannot understand how serious an issue it is that you choose not to drive at this time.

Since you have taken the driving test several times, that would indicate that you are possibly at least 19 or 20. Without more knowledge, it would seem that your own “issues” should take precedence over your father’s keeping the Sabbath.

If you are above high school age and live in a part of the country where driving is essential (and it sounds like you do, since about the only place in the US where you can really get away without ever driving is New York City), then dealing with your “nerves” would be the first order of business.

 

[Athanasius]

I am 24, and I live in a rural area. A couple of years ago, I got a drivers permit, and I practiced for about a year, during which period twice I took the test and failed both times. Like I said, driving makes me nervous, and since otherwise there is no pressing need to get my license at this time, I would rather wait before dealing with it again, if at all.

This is because I am wishing to deal with another problem I have (my scrupulosity) before I even consider adding another burden to start worrying about all the time.

That said, it would still be all right for me to rely on my father giving me a ride to Mass under the circumstances described in the first post, right? And would the things I described in my third post be all right as well?

Thanks.

 

[the_phoenix]

Dear Athanasius,

I was so nervous about driving that I put off getting my license until two things forced me into it: 1) I became a graduate student and had to take a course that was offered only at night, after the buses had stopped running. 2) My little brother had just gotten old enough to get his learner’s permit, and there was NO WAY I would let him tease me for the entire rest of my life about how he learned to drive before I did.

Knowing how nervous I am about cars, my guardian angel takes really good care of me when it comes to things like my car breaking down and being stranded on the side of the road but having good samaritans appear very quickly, my car breaking down in the parking lot instead of on the highway, avoiding accidents by having a feeling all of a sudden to slow down, and being calmly guided to buying a new car when my old one starts falling apart. Yes car stuff sounds scary, but if I can overcome my strong aversion to driving, you can too.

As for your father, good for him for driving you to Mass! It sounds like a step in the right direction.

~~ the phoenix

 

[the_phoenix]

Oh, one more thing …

learning to drive.

I was so nervous that my poor, patient father finally gave up and signed me up for private lessons from a professional driving school.

The funniest time was when dad took me down a dark country road and told me to put on the brights. I panicked, couldn’t find the brights, but started the windshield wipers going full speed, which caused me to panic even more!

You’re not alone, Athanasius!

~~ the phoenix

 

[Athanasius]

Thanks for the encouragement! I would also appreciate it if you could pray for me. Thanks!

However, I do wish to make sure that what I described in my first post, as well as my third post (concerning my father working on things for me), are both all right. Thanks.

 

[mercygate]

Athanasius:

I am 24, and I live in a rural area. A couple of years ago, I got a drivers permit, and I practiced for about a year, during which period twice I took the test and failed both times. Like I said, driving makes me nervous, and since otherwise there is no pressing need to get my license at this time, I would rather wait before dealing with it again, if at all.

This is because I am wishing to deal with another problem I have (my scrupulosity) before I even consider adding another burden to start worrying about all the time.

That said, it would still be all right for me to rely on my father giving me a ride to Mass under the circumstances described in the first post, right? And would the things I described in my third post be all right as well?

Thanks.

Yep. Deal with the scrupulosity. But if you can get some decent professional counseling, my guess is that you would be able to address that and the fear of driving all at one time, since they are very likely linked.

May God comfort your soul and prosper your efforts.

 

[Athanasius]

Well, I wouldn’t call it fear of driving, just nervousness. (Especially when taking the test, of course).

That said, thank-you for your advice. I don’t think professional counseling itself would help for my scrupulosity, but if I were able to find a good spiritual director…

May God comfort your soul and prosper your efforts

Thank-you!

Anyway, would it be all right for me allow my father take me to Mass, under the circumstances I described in my first post?

Also, if someone could answer this question I asked earlier, it would be very helpful:

This reminds me of another (somewhat related) question I have…

My father works Monday through Friday (and sometimes on Saturday mornings as well). On the weekend, he quite often spends a lot of time working on different projects around the house, including on Sundays. Sometimes it’s basically all weekend. It’s not like he enjoys doing these things, but he does them anyway because he wants them done.

Now, sometimes I am wishing him to work on certain things for me (because he knows how to do them and I don’t). But if he does, quite often he will do these things for me on Sundays. I wish he wouldn’t do it, because he really doesn’t get the rest he needs. But that is when he does it anyway. Is it all right for me to let him work on these things for me on Sunday anyway?

(I do wish to encourage him to take a rest, but if Sunday is the only time he will do these things for me, and I don’t know how to do them myself, nor do I know how to do the other things he works on to help him out there, I don’t know what else to do…)

So is that all right?

Thanks!

 

[Athanasius]

Again, I would greatly appreciate any answers. Thanks!

 

[puzzleannie]

the issue is not whether or not OP should try to get his driver’s license it is whether he bears any moral responsibility if the person who kindly drives him to Mass chooses to shop during the that time. The answer is no, they are both adults, both responsible for their own actions. If the driver is not Catholic and not bound by Church laws on observance of Sunday, he may do whatever he wishes on Sunday. OP should be properly appreciative of the driver’s kindness, and refrain from an criticism of what he does with his free time. Certainly an invitation to dad to attend Mass with you would be great, especially on Christmas.

 

[Athanasius]

Thanks for the answer! I greatly appreciate it.

If the driver is not Catholic and not bound by Church laws on observance of Sunday, he may do whatever he wishes on Sunday

I should clarify that the only reason I asked about that was because by shopping, other people are forced to work on Sundays, whether they believe in working on Sundays or not. That is what I was concerned about.

Like I said, I could find another way to get to church instead of my father, but it is easier this way, so…I was wishing to make sure it was all right to, even if he does end up shopping.

OP should be properly appreciative of the driver’s kindness, and refrain from an criticism of what he does with his free time.

I am certainly appreciative of my father’s kindness. I wasn’t meaning to criticize what my father does with his free time; I was simply concerned for the reason I explained above.

Certainly an invitation to dad to attend Mass with you would be great, especially on Christmas.

Well, my father is not exactly that…open…to Catholicism, I guess you could say, and I highy doubt he would ever attend Mass. However, I will ask him nonetheless. Will you please pray for this intention? Thanks!