Right or Wrong Intentions/Reasons to go to Confession more often?

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christianguy

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Hello to all my brethren in Christ. I hope to get an answer very soon to my questions which I consider very important. I am going to see a spiritual director perhaps next month but for now I need some advice here until I find one. So here it goes.

I struggle with going to confession (I still go nevertheless mostly once a week or a once a fortnight in hope that my mortal sins may eventually come to an end) however my priest has asked me to teach Catechesis to teens who are planning on doing their Confirmation. This has led me to consider going to confession even more often so that I may set an example to them by being able to receive Communion weekly or even daily if it’s God’s will (instead of receiving Communion one week yes and another week no).

I worry that going to Confession mostly for the reason of setting a good example might not be the right reason or even a perfect or imperfect contrition. I must clarify nevertheless that every time I go to confession I am truly sorry for my sins and I have a sincere intention or desire to not sin again and I definitely don’t want to lead a life of contradiction telling people to follow what the Church teaches while I do the opposite.Is there anything I would be doing wrong? and if there is please tell me what I should do

Which also leads me to wonder if I would set a good example to these teens (I’m 19 I don’t even know why I don’t include myself haha) because another priest who is from a different parish hears my confession because frankly I’m too embarrassed to get confessed by my own parish priest. Should I consider going to my own parish priest or is what I’m doing in this area fine?

Thanks in advance for your replies
Pax vobiscum
 
I think you do not need to set an example for frequent confession just because you won’t stop your mortal sinning.
Inform these teens of the option. It brings much grace.
The bigger problem is the guilt you must feel potentially leading our Lord’s sheep astray being a hypocrite.
It don’t matter what priest you go to, just make a real honest confession and resolve to forever stop the mortal sins.
Don’t expect help from God unless you obey Him.
Ya got it? Ya get it? Good!
 
I have to disagree with Googler.

Christianguy, you are not being a hypocrite. You said yourself that you are repentant with resolution to sin no more when you confess. You took your time to make the process of repentance. It would be wrong if it were that you confess without being repentant just to give these kids an example. Maybe this could be God’s plan to keep you on track. Maybe He is using the kids as instruments to help you to be holy just like parents sanctify themselves raising their children. Keep the good habit of taking the Eucharist every Sunday. Someday, if you happen to miss the Eucharist in Sunday Mass because of your mortal state, it will hurt so bad deep in your heart that you will see the need to not miss a Sunday without taking the Body of Christ ever again.

Another note: Bad habits are vices. Good habits are virtues. Remember that. Start making good habits.
 
I think you are going to get better advice from the spiritual director you meet with next month than you are likely to get from any of us. Your post comes across as a bit scrupulous. Hopefully all such things will surface during spiritual direction.

That you want to set a good example is a good thing. Don’t ever think otherwise. Sure, we all want to get to the point where we do all that we do solely out of love for God, but most of us don’t get there this side of Purgatory. You should want to set a good example for the young confirmandi.

If you were just going through the motions with nothing interior going on, that would be a problem. But that doesn’t seem to be what you are doing. It may get you through the Confessional door more often, but it doesn’t seem that when you are there your only thought is of “looking good” in front of others. There is a difference between praying on street corners to be noticed and applauded (which Jesus discourages) and lighting your lamp and putting it on a lampstand for all to see (which Jesus encourages). Your post doesn’t strike me as being from someone seeking applause. You seem rather concerned with shining the light of Christ before others. There’s nothing wrong with that. Again, that is a good thing.

As for confessing to another priest vs. your parish priest, I wouldn’t be overly concerned with that. I’ve only once been to Confession at my own parish for much the same reason. :o If it is leading you to put off Confession for long period of times, that would be cause for concern.

Of course, I think that going to Confession once a week or once every other week is pretty frequent. It doesn’t seem strictly necessary that the teens see you going even more often. But if you struggle with mortal sin, then you do want to go as often as necessary.
 
Seriously, I can’t figure out how anybody can come across like you, and actually have mortal sins to confess that frequently.

I’m sure it happens, but do you realize that for a sin to be mortal, it not only has to involve grave matter, but to be done with full knowledge and consent?

I mean, you make it sound like mortal sins “just happen” like “oops I did it again.” I’m not saying they don’t, but I’m saying that it would seem very unusual to me. It seems to me they have to be premeditated or they aren’t mortal – if they are sins at all.

I’m not asking for your inventory. Just wondering whether the example you are setting is to make sure you confess mortal sins, or whether there is a certain frequency that should be made up. If I were truly defying God on a weekly basis in such an intentional way as required for a mortal sin, I think I need more help than just going to confession.

MS
 
It could be an addiction. Seek help for addiction in whatever it is.
For you to realise it’s a mortal sin means you’re in there somewhere, fighting back
But maybe not strong willed enough against yourself.
 
Thank you all for the replies. I might be scrupulous and sometimes this leads me to commit mortal sins. I am going to seek help from a spiritual director because I feel like this is a complex issue. Nevertheless I am also going to try to keep on trusting in God’s grace through the sacraments of confession and communion.

Pax vobiscum
 
E_7 said:
I have to disagree with Googler.

Christianguy, you are not being a hypocrite. You said yourself that you are repentant with resolution to sin no more when you confess. You took your time to make the process of repentance. It would be wrong if it were that you confess without being repentant just to give these kids an example. Maybe this could be God’s plan to keep you on track. Maybe He is using the kids as instruments to help you to be holy just like parents sanctify themselves raising their children. Keep the good habit of taking the Eucharist every Sunday. Someday, if you happen to miss the Eucharist in Sunday Mass because of your mortal state, it will hurt so bad deep in your heart that you will see the need to not miss a Sunday without taking the Body of Christ ever again.

Another note: Bad habits are vices. Good habits are virtues. Remember that. Start making good habits.
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I totally agree with E_7. If you need to go to confession more, then go. Set and live a good example and your rewards will be great.
 
Perhaps I misunderstood your dilemma entirely. I’m sorry if I came off insensitive. May the Lord have mercy on us.
My take was that your idea was to go to confession more often in order to go to communion more often solely for the purpose of setting an example.
Yet knowing all the while you would keep sinning.
Sincere contrition involves the firm purpose of amendment, without which true contrition is impossible and forgiveness before God not to be expected.

I firmly resolve,
with the help of Thy grace,
to confess my sins,
to do penance,
and to amend my life.

To me, we say this because we mean it.
On the other hand if you lead by example and are truly repentant, of course, this would be the moral thing to do in order to please God.
Merciful Savior, give us the light we need to recognize our need of your sacrament of reconciliation to draw closer to the throne of grace and grow in that divine life which You came into the world to give us. Lord Jesus, grant me the grace to so trust in Your mercy that I may never again worry about my past sins, but commend them through Your Mother to Your Sacred Heart. Grant me the strength to avoid offending You again. Let me die rather than ever lose Your friendship. And above all, like Magdalene, grant me the gift of loving You with all my heart because I have sinned so much. My Jesus, mercy! Amen.
 
I want to receive Communion properly but I also want to give an example. When I go to confession I have a true desire to not sin again at least to not MORTALLY sin again. But at the same time out of experience I know I’m likely to fall again. However, I won’t deny the power of confession which has helped me progress for good and not to fall as much as I used to. And all of this is thanks to God who has conferred me with his grace many times through this sacrament. I still have a bit of a way to go but I don’t believe it will be that long (at least I hope not) although maybe a few more years.

God transforms the sinner but he does it slowly. When I started going to confession more often the priest himself told me that God wouldn’t change me all of a sudden and that even though we may wish God could give us a magic wand, God is not like that because he works with our free will. But I shall keep on trusting Jesus so that these mortal sins may come to an end soon and begin the new combat of struggling against venial sins.

Please remember me in your prayers.
Pax vobiscum
 
sorry, can’t provide a reference/quote, but I recall reading some spiritual reading one time where it was revealed to a saint that one place Satan could not touch a person is in the confessional. Makes me want to go in and hunker down for the long haul, but the Priest has a line to process.

Regarding confessing to the parish priest - I had a similar issue one time so I took the direct approach. I was always a behind the screen person. I went into the confessional and sat down in front of the priest and confessed away. It was actually beneficial and I established a rapport with him.
 
christianguy said:
When I go to confession I have a true desire to not sin again at least to not MORTALLY sin again. But at the same time out of experience I know I’m likely to fall again.
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Clearly you will fall again, but mortally? Any time soon? You know that for a sin to be mortal, it has to be your free will choice to do it with full knowledge and intent, right?

To me that implies it pretty much has to be intentional and premeditated, and I’d even assert that outside influencing forces can have the effect of negating either full knowledge and/or full free-will consent.

Not everyone seems to agree grave matter is required, or at least St. Thomas doesn’t seem to think so. I found this quote by him: “Venial sin becomes mortal sin because of one’s contempt, as I have said before.” If you do not have “contempt” for God, then at least this may not apply.

Likewise, St. Teresa of Jesus wasn’t too impressed with the mortal/venial thing, but she was very clear on the premeditation and hostility toward God necessary for this:

From any sin, however small, committed with full knowledge, may God deliver us, especially since we are sinning against so great a Sovereign and realize that He is watching us. That seems to me to be a sin of malice aforethought; it is as though one were to say: “Lord, although this displeases Thee, I shall do it. I know that Thou seest it and I know that Thou wouldst not have me do it; but although I understand this, I would rather follow my own whim and desire than Thy will.” If we commit a sin in this way, however slight, it seems to me that our offense is not small but very, very great.

So I guess what I’m suggesting, and I think I’m agreeing with these saints, that your intent and personal disposition toward God are more important than what the sin actually involved.

My concern is that from my view, it appears you fear that God is angry at you. I’d think this fear, in and of itself, can keep you at a distance from Him – just as when Adam hid. And it sounds like confession isn’t helping. Have you ever had a time where you felt your “slate was clean” as it were? Even for a few minutes after confession? Or do you feel like there is something there that somehow the confession didn’t “get to” so it really didn’t work? How about after you do your penance? What I’m getting at, is somewhere in this process, is there a time period of any length at all, where you feel “clean” and “right” with God?

MS
 
Mystical_Seeker said:
My concern is that from my view, it appears you fear that God is angry at you. I’d think this fear, in and of itself, can keep you at a distance from Him – just as when Adam hid. And it sounds like confession isn’t helping. Have you ever had a time where you felt your “slate was clean” as it were? Even for a few minutes after confession? Or do you feel like there is something there that somehow the confession didn’t “get to” so it really didn’t work? How about after you do your penance? What I’m getting at, is somewhere in this process, is there a time period of any length at all, where you feel “clean” and “right” with God?
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I wouldn’t say confession isn’t helping. Perhaps the blame is on me for whatever might have caused this “fear of God” that I have created. I do most of the times feel like I’m clean after I receive absolution. But the thing I feel like I fall out of grace after maybe a few days. Maybe 2 or 3 days after. My main issue is impure thoughts. I don’t know when I have been tempted or when I have fallen into mortal sin in this area.

I fail to distinguish this sometimes. I mean I know by letter what constitutes a mortal sin. But then I sometimes find it difficult to apply those 3 conditions into this situation meaning I sometimes don’t know if a certain thing was a grave matter or if it wasn’t or if I deliberately consented to it or not. (I’ve recently realised that a careless consent is not the same as a deliberate consent).

I’m still making progress nevertheless and as I said before I am going to get a spiritual director to help me out but I do appreciate whatever advice you may have for me.

Pax Vobiscum
 
christianguy said:
I wouldn’t say confession isn’t helping. Perhaps the blame is on me for whatever might have caused this “fear of God” that I have created. I do most of the times feel like I’m clean after I receive absolution. But the thing I feel like I fall out of grace after maybe a few days. Maybe 2 or 3 days after. My main issue is impure thoughts. I don’t know when I have been tempted or when I have fallen into mortal sin in this area.

I fail to distinguish this sometimes. I mean I know by letter what constitutes a mortal sin. But then I sometimes find it difficult to apply those 3 conditions into this situation meaning I sometimes don’t know if a certain thing was a grave matter or if it wasn’t or if I deliberately consented to it or not. (I’ve recently realised that a careless consent is not the same as a deliberate consent).

I’m still making progress nevertheless and as I said before I am going to get a spiritual director to help me out but I do appreciate whatever advice you may have for me.

Pax Vobiscum
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I understand how it can be complicated. But may I suggest a different way to frame the “blame” part?

Instead of thinking of it like “gee I’m responsible for fearing God,” maybe another version like, “fearing God is working against me” and seeking to understand how that fear works its way into your life?

It may seem impossible at this time, but if you can set aside the idea of “did I do this to myself” and just look at dealing with the “symptoms” of this problem as they express today, it may help you make progress. Because if the focus is on “how did I get that way” the real answer probably is that a combination of many things, including some things you may have had control over and some you didn’t, combined to establish this negative focus in your mind.

I don’t know if this is helpful for you at this point, but maybe the idea will grow in time. I’m really glad you’re able to talk about this in a realistic way and that in and of itself is well ahead of where I’m afraid a lot of people get stuck.

MS
 
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