Role of a Catholic Wife

[dconklin]

Be careful holding the ladies at church up as role models. The only perfect wife/mother in the church was the Virgin Mother. After her, we are all sinners and want-to-bes. Do your best to love your husband and children. God sends us all the spouse (even if it is the Church) that is perfect for us. It is up to each of us to live up to our responsibilities - to bring ourselves and other closer to God…

BTW - Where are all these Catholic women that can quote scripture? We need them here at our bible studies. Are you watching all of this on closed-circuit TV? What you see at church or hear about (darn gossips) is not what is actually going on behind the scenes

 

[dianaballein]

Well put.

And if spouses did that then their children would not have to hear one of their parents put the other down and experience the anxiety this can lead to, especially if the parent demands that they agree with them.

Oh yes, I see this too. Parent infighting, not agreeing, not showing a unified front. Also parents that refuse to talk with their children and not constantly at them.

 

[dianaballein]

Be careful holding the ladies at church up as role models. The only perfect wife/mother in the church was the Virgin Mother. After her, we are all sinners and want-to-bes. Do your best to love your husband and children. God sends us all the spouse (even if it is the Church) that is perfect for us. It is up to each of us to live up to our responsibilities - to bring ourselves and other closer to God…

BTW - Where are all these Catholic women that can quote scripture? We need them here at our bible studies. Are you watching all of this on closed-circuit TV? What you see at church or hear about (darn gossips) is not what is actually going on behind the scenes

No Dave, I actually know a woman who can quote scripture and who insists that everyone in her life live exactly by the Bible with no exceptions. Exceptions are failures…and she condescends and belittles if she views her spouse as having a weakness in any area. She never apologizes or admits wrong doing. Makes me scratch my head and it caused me to post this question to the forum because my idea of a good wife was so vastly different from her. It’s one thing to talk the talk, but also important to be humble and walk the walk.

 

[griffibo]

This won’t be popular…but I think it is a little bit harsh hearted of you to look at a woman at Church who is obviously not behaving in a way which you respect, and then to ask how would God look at it.

Perhaps it’s a little dishonest too. Because the fact is, you know this woman is not behaving in an ideal fashion. You know that this is not the ideal that God asks of us.

However, you are not called to judge her or to raise yourself up as a more appropriate model. Perhaps you are being called to correct her…but definitely you are called to love her.

You asked what God would think of her behaviour, or the behaviour of other women like her…well the answer to your question is that you will not know until you meet God what He thinks of her or anyone. Unlike God, none of us know her heart, or perhaps her brokenness, her anxiety and her fears of intimacy, her instability around perfection and control.

Pray for her. Talk to her in honesty and love. Love your husband and give thanks that God has given you the grace to see clearly in the area of service in marriage. God’s grace is not given in the same way to everyone. Give God thanks for your clarity, and give God thanks for the love he has for your friend.

I’m sorry if this seems harsh. Perhaps I misinterpreted your intentions in posting.

God Bless
xxx

 

[dianaballein]

You did misinterpret my intentions, but that’s ok. That can happen when you are reading a typewritten word and not hearing the tone of a persons voice or seeing the expressions with which they speak.

I am not judging her. I was asking for guidance. I am in the process of becoming Catholic and what I was witnessing was confusing me because she was held up to me as the example. It’s not up to me to judge anyone. I’m sorry if that’s how you read what I posted.

 

[griffibo]

No I’m sorry - I was regretting my post a while after I sent it, thinking - I’m judging you about whether your not you’re judging her!!! Pot calling the kettle black!

Turns out though that you can’t delete a post after 20 minutes so I couldn’t get rid of it.

From the previous posts it sounds like you’ve got it all worked out now in terms of what the role of a wife can be with God’s grace, a good husband and a modern dishwasher

God bless,
xxx

 

[dianaballein]

God Bless You Too!

 

[kmleo]

and a modern dishwasher

Or well-trained children…

 

[griffibo]

LOL

 

[Alphonsus_John]

I don’t know if this answers your questions, but I think part of the fault lies with (feminist) secular society’s characterization of men as either animals who think with the lower half of their bodies or as idiotic buffoons who couldn’t walk through an open door without assistance.

It doesn’t help that men are told by secular society that women are objects of sexual gratification and “getting some” should be the goal of every man.

I think while the latter is obviously against the Christian world-view, the former is somewhat more insidious and women can be induced to thinking their husbands are idiots without a strong hand to guide them.

I dunno. Just my $0.02

 

[John_AH]

Just something I’ve observed as toward the root of the problem.

Men and women all have their natural abilities. Yes both sexes can make decisions on their own in marriage according to their natural abilities. Big decisions are better made as husband and wife. These abilities when properly formed are complimentary thus helping the couple to make better decisions.

I think Point of view (POV) is what causes allot of misunderstandings in both sexes. We don’t understand how the other sees it. Personally, I’ve tried to look at it from a woman’s POV and it is just not possible for me. We make it worse by not accepting the others (name removed by moderator)ut. We have to understand we think in different ways for a reason. Basically God gave it so together we can make better decisions. “It is not good for man to be alone”.

Humility states we are basically children and we need help. “I will make a suitable helper for him”.

Like one of the posters said our best role model for a wife is Mary “woman”. Obedient, serving, loving, humble and yet even she tells her son Jesus to do something at Cana.

In my point of view big decisions made without the other half is probably going to be skewed or unbalanced. I’m very afraid of making decisions on my own. Luckily for all of us we have the church to guide us.

I forget where I heard it from but it is said “the man is the head of the family and the woman is the heart”. Reminds me of who I need to be and why I need to find her.

Sorry for the scrambled message.

God Bless,
John Anthony

We are here to serve not be served.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I have been faced with many questions as I travel this new path leading to me to becoming an official Catholic. One of the things that has puzzled me is a conflict between what I feel in my heart should be the role of a good Catholic wife, and what the actions I see from “supposed” good Catholic wives at Church.

Although I do embrace many things that the woman of today is able to do (such as vote), I find I am cut from the cloth of a more traditional view of wife, and woman. I believe that a wife should be there to support her husband, emotionally and spiritually. She should never tear him down, belittle him, or make him feel as if he is anything less than the head of the household and the father of her children. As such, she should show him respect (and he as well to her), and love him deeply. I believe it should be my job to “lift up” my husband. There is no greater satisfaction in my mind than knowing my husband wakes up every morning, smiling and happy that he is married to me. What greater gift can a woman give?

I see women who project themselves as the perfect Catholic wife. They can quote scripture at the drop of a hat. They are friendly with all of the Priests, and have them over for dinner and even as overnight guests. They attend Mass like clockwork.

This aside, I see them criticizing their husbands, talking down to them, making them feel as if they are not good men. These women get to stay home all day with their children…a great luxury in this day and age. Their husbands work all day and when they come home, they are not greeted with a home cooked meal and a hug. They are handed the baby and expected to take over…and many times dinner is not even made for them. After a long hard day providing for their families, they receive no nurturing.

These are people I know personally…so I can say with some authority that these men are good people…and do not disrespect their wives or mistreat them.

How is this viewed in the eyes of God? I believe that as wives, we are held to a standard…or we should be. We take an oath to be a partner to our husbands…and vice versa. Maybe I am old fashioned, but the idea of the female walking all over the male and not allowing him to be the man he should be…respecting him as her choice in a life partner, and as the Father of her children…it really gets to me.

I, too, REALLY dislike male-bashing, and to do it in public is just poor taste from any angle.

 

[MomblessedX3]

I posted on this thread early on and something happened to me today that make me think about this in a whole new way.

My DH and I are really good friends with this other couple. We often go to dinner or camping and such with this family. The wife in the other couple has often talked with my DH to invite us out to dinner. He always accepts when she asks. When I suggest to my DH that we get together he usually shuts me down.

So enough of the background…I ran into the other couple tonight when they came into the place where I was working. I suggested to the wife to suggest to my DH that we should go out to dinner tomorrow night. She is going to call him. After I got off work I kinda felt weird so I told my DH about the conversation with them. He was slightly offended/irritated that I told them that when I suggest it he always says no. He felt like that was trash talking or bad mouthing him.

I didn’t intend it that way but I wasn’t witnessing and being a good role model of what a wife should be. And I really should have been…not just because they are a younger and fairly newly married couple. It also hurt my hubbys feeling that I would say something negative about him.

I never thought about how it could come across or be interpreted.

I wasn’t deliberatedly demeaning my hubby, but I learned that I need to really think about what I am saying when talking with others.

While I don’t know what the OP witnessed from this other woman when she was talking about her husband but maybe the woman doesn’t know how she sounds to others or how her hubby would feel.

 

[rinnie]

To be a good Catholic wife is probally the same as being a good Catholic. Follow the ten commandments. Love one another as God has loved You. Respect for eachother, Love for one another, and give to each other. What i have learned the more you give the more you get in return, Thats a true Catholic Marriage. When you give to him, and he cant give back enough. Thats when you know its really working. And God has blessed you with his grace. When you really love one another, and dont care who knows it, You Love eachother through thick and thin. Now thats Gods Grace of Marriage in Action.

 

[dianaballein]

I posted on this thread early on and something happened to me today that make me think about this in a whole new way.

My DH and I are really good friends with this other couple. We often go to dinner or camping and such with this family. The wife in the other couple has often talked with my DH to invite us out to dinner. He always accepts when she asks. When I suggest to my DH that we get together he usually shuts me down.

So enough of the background…I ran into the other couple tonight when they came into the place where I was working. I suggested to the wife to suggest to my DH that we should go out to dinner tomorrow night. She is going to call him. After I got off work I kinda felt weird so I told my DH about the conversation with them. He was slightly offended/irritated that I told them that when I suggest it he always says no. He felt like that was trash talking or bad mouthing him.

I didn’t intend it that way but I wasn’t witnessing and being a good role model of what a wife should be. And I really should have been…not just because they are a younger and fairly newly married couple. It also hurt my hubbys feeling that I would say something negative about him.

I never thought about how it could come across or be interpreted.

I wasn’t deliberatedly demeaning my hubby, but I learned that I need to really think about what I am saying when talking with others.

While I don’t know what the OP witnessed from this other woman when she was talking about her husband but maybe the woman doesn’t know how she sounds to others or how her hubby would feel.

Ahhh yes. As the OP, what I witness is the woman badmouthing her husband to their neighbors and friends, with him standing right there and she badmouths him to her parents so they view him in a negative way.

I don’t think I quite see what you did as similar, because to tell you the truth it might hurt my feelings if I asked my husband to do something and he would deny me, but if a stranger’s wife asked him to do it he would not deny her. Did I get the scenario right?

 

[dianaballein]

To be a good Catholic wife is probally the same as being a good Catholic. Follow the ten commandments. Love one another as God has loved You. Respect for eachother, Love for one another, and give to each other. What i have learned the more you give the more you get in return, Thats a true Catholic Marriage. When you give to him, and he cant give back enough. Thats when you know its really working. And God has blessed you with his grace. When you really love one another, and dont care who knows it, You Love eachother through thick and thin. Now thats Gods Grace of Marriage in Action.

Oh Rinnie, I LOVE THIS!! and I love you for sharing this.

 

[MomblessedX3]

Ahhh yes. As the OP, what I witness is the woman badmouthing her husband to their neighbors and friends, with him standing right there and she badmouths him to her parents so they view him in a negative way.

I don’t think I quite see what you did as ser to similar, because to tell you the truth it might hurt my feelings if I asked my husband to do something and he would deny me, but if a stranger’s wife asked him to do it he would not deny her. Did I get the scenario right?

Not a strangers wife…they are close friends of the family. It doesn’t hurt my feelings. I know that he is tired when he gets home and prefers to stay at home. It is easier to say no to me. He doesn"t have to induldge me because I love him no matter what.
But sometimes it is diasappointing.

 

[dianaballein]

Oh I see, MomBlessed…that’s different. You caught it, and humbled yourself with your husband. What a beautiful way to show your love and respect to him that to admit to making an error in judgment, perhaps…but because you do have that sort of relationship, I’m sure he forgave you because he would know where your heart was. At least I will pray that is what happened.

Got a phone call this afternoon that a friend of ours is dying. We drove down to the hospital, to the intensive care ward…and as I stood there witnessing his wife rubbing lotion on his feet and putting clean socks on feet that aren’t walking…and then watching her as she held his hand, and even though he is on oxygen and can no longer speak, their eyes met, and 35 years of partnering, loving and knowing were evident to me. I felt like an intruder on a very private moment…and excused myself to go out into the hallway to regain my composure. He is going home to God, and he knows it…and she knows it…but even with her inevitable loss, she smiled at her husband and their eyes spoke to one another. God is great.

 

[MomblessedX3]

I will be praying for your friend. It must be comforting to him knowing that his wife is with him and loving him do deeply.

 

[whatevergirl]

I posted on this thread early on and something happened to me today that make me think about this in a whole new way.

My DH and I are really good friends with this other couple. We often go to dinner or camping and such with this family. The wife in the other couple has often talked with my DH to invite us out to dinner. He always accepts when she asks. When I suggest to my DH that we get together he usually shuts me down.

So enough of the background…I ran into the other couple tonight when they came into the place where I was working. I suggested to the wife to suggest to my DH that we should go out to dinner tomorrow night. She is going to call him. After I got off work I kinda felt weird so I told my DH about the conversation with them. He was slightly offended/irritated that I told them that when I suggest it he always says no. He felt like that was trash talking or bad mouthing him.

I didn’t intend it that way but I wasn’t witnessing and being a good role model of what a wife should be. And I really should have been…not just because they are a younger and fairly newly married couple. It also hurt my hubbys feeling that I would say something negative about him.

I never thought about how it could come across or be interpreted.

I wasn’t deliberatedly demeaning my hubby, but I learned that I need to really think about what I am saying when talking with others.

While I don’t know what the OP witnessed from this other woman when she was talking about her husband but maybe the woman doesn’t know how she sounds to others or how her hubby would feel.

I can see your point, but why does it take this other woman to ask your hubby out for dinner with all of you–and then he says yes? I agree, that going and telling the other woman this was not the best judgemental call, but at the same time…he should show respect for you as well, and say yes once in a while, when you suggest dinner out. Just my two cents.