Role of stay at home mom when kids are grown?

[BLB_Oregon]

Here’s why I ask.

We have some elderly family members that need care.

Two of those in the circle of family caregivers fall under the two above examples.

They’re both of the attitude that they are in charge and get things done, and the time that they give is the most valuable and comes at the greatest sacrafice even if the hours of care are the same.

Let me just say that it is very annoying and I was just looking for validation to tell them to jump in a lake.

The funny thing is that that relatives 1&2 roll their eyes when the elderly woman (a#1) wails on about how she never got her retirement.

To each according to their need and from each according to their ability. Generally speaking, everybody in the family contributes as equally as possible when someone else in the family needs help. Ideally, everybody is willing enough to go the extra mile when needed and looks out for others enough that there aren’t quarrels over who does the most. (We all remember the gospel from two weeks back where the disciples had that attractive argument over who was the most important.)

You don’t need an excuse not to get sucked into anyone’s self-pity party, whether you feel sorry for them or not. Pity-parties are just bad. Ask God to keep you in the big picture. If these people need your help and support and can only think of complaining as a way to get it, try to give them what they need (as opposed to what they want from you), even if they act in a way that makes you richly desire to withhold it. If you can’t, you can’t. Don’t beat yourself up for that.

There is also the parable of the servant who was forgiven a great debt by his master, and who promptly went out and throttled another servant that owed the forgiven servant a fraction of that amount. Whenever you find yourself resenting what is put upon you, it is ok to gently tell the person that you do. If that isn’t an option, it never hurts to go to God thank Him for forgiving you a debt that would make what you’re going through seem paltry.

It helps to see yourself as a child of God in a silly quarrel with another child of God…the very thing that drives parents to distraction. When you do that and can forgive, it is an opportunity to show you are thankful for what you are forgiven. It helps to put things into perspective. If you want to forgive and can’t…well, God can handle hearing about that, too.

As for the role of a woman…that is between a woman and her husband, and a matter for on-going discernment. One would hope that retirement is what we do when we have to scale back from service for reasons of diminishing ability. Otherwise, we serve God and others in the best way we can whenever we can, at every age we go through…something from which vacations, while necessary, should be occasional. As for any particular person, though, that is, like all aspects of the moral life, something for them to discern for themselves.

 

[aurora77]

My mom went back to work when my youngest brother graduated high school. She was a SAHM for almost 26 years and now works part time, so she still has time for housework. She thought it was hilarious that she was getting stuff from AARP at the same time she was going back to work. Anyway, that may or may not work for everyone, but it’s worked out well for my parents.

 

[QueenMary]

I am a wife, no children (yet). Sometimes I work for myself sporadically; other times, I work temp jobs or am at home full-time. The quality of our family life is better since I stopped working full-time. My husband works long hours and having me home to do chores, run errands, etc., takes a lot of stress off of both of us. Also, I have time to work on household projects and help friends and family with their needs (giving them rides, visiting when they’re sick, etc.). I have become more loving because I can focus on people and not get so fixated on the next thing on my to-do list. I also have more time for prayer, penance and volunteer work.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

I am a wife, no children (yet). Sometimes I work for myself sporadically; other times, I work temp jobs or am at home full-time. The quality of our family life is better since I stopped working full-time. My husband works long hours and having me home to do chores, run errands, etc., takes a lot of stress off of both of us. Also, I have time to work on household projects and help friends and family with their needs (giving them rides, visiting when they’re sick, etc.). I have become more loving because I can focus on people and not get so fixated on the next thing on my to-do list. I also have more time for prayer, penance and volunteer work.

I have read a book by a sociologist that points out that paid work since the start of the Industrial Age presumes that there is someone at home keeping the domestic balls in the air. She called it “the second shift.” Our volunteer organizations also run on the presumption that there are able-bodied people out there who are not occupied for 40-50 hours a week by paid employment. That is where we “stay at homes” come in.

Without us, this country would go into the tubes, but fast.