Roman Catholic marrying a Non-Catholic

[JRRTFAN]

Dear Friend’s in Christ,

I have been faced with a situation that is growing heavy on my heart. I am looking for updated information/advice on a Roman Catholic marrying a Christian.

I have been dating my girlfriend (Mary) for little over two years now and we have greatly fallen in love with eachother. We have recently been trying to grow our relationship stronger by putting Christ first in everything we do in our relationship. One major issue though we still come back to is I am a practicing Roman Catholic and she is a non-denominational Christian. I have spoken to Mary many times about my church and what it means to me and she respects everything I do and stand for in my Catholic faith. She has no interest at this time in converting but wants to find a non-denominational church we can both attend on Sundays. I told her that I would be open to the idea of finding a church with her to go to on Sundays together but I would still up hold my obligation to the Catholic church and attend my own church too on Sundays. I have been a Catholic all my life and went to Catholic school and high school. I am twenty-six now and currently looking to propose to my girlfriend very soon.

So my question(s) is, what type of procedures with the Catholic church do I have to go through to make sure my marriage if official with the Roman Catholic church? Also, I have read other places that I must promise to raise my children in the Catholic church. Is this true? My girlfriend has no intentions of raising our children in the Catholic church but still wants them to grow in Christian values.

I know of many marriages that have worked with one being a Catholic and one a non-Catholic but it is not easy. I feel that God is calling me to marry my girlfriend and I pray maybe one day she will open her eyes to the true church but I will not try and pressure her into converting.

Any advice or teachings would be greatly appreciated.

God bless!

-Patrick

Patrick, sorry I did not see this sooner! My wife converted to Catholicism from essentially nothingism before we got married (long before you were born). About 18 or so years ago she started attending a non-denominational (that’s French for fundamentalist) bible study, called Bible Study Fellowship. It didn’t take long for the nice ladies at BSF to convince her to “come out” of the Catholic Church. She did, joining a non-denominational communion. The kids followed her shortly (our parish catechesis was horrid and we didn’t have rock bands or lazer light shows to compete).

First, a “jointly agreed” non-denmoinational community is not the answer. Those folks are wonderful but they are Protestant to the core, there is a subtle undercurrent of anti-catholicism in every one I have been to, and I have been to literally hundreds on non-denom services over the years.

I now restrict my attendance at the evangelical communion to Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day and birthdays (after first attending mass myself). I got used to attending mass without the family, which is kind of edgy on Easter and Christmas.

Your situation is canonically called a “difference in cult” you would need a dispensation from your Bishop to marry.

You have no idea of the difficulty this causes. These folks are entirely sincere and they sincerely want you to be saved and that is extremely difficult as long as you remain a Catholic, just ask her pastor. If she’s in any kind of mega church they will have a website with an “Ask a Pastor” tab.

Send in a simple question: “Are Catholics Christian and can they be saved?” You may get a shock but the answer will probably be “Anybody can be saved if they confess Christ and ask him into their heart as their personal savior. It would be better if they were not encumbered by Catholic theology, but they can be saved despite their church.”

Good luck, it’s a tough situation.

 

[JRRTFAN]

I am in a very similar situation as Surfing 4 Him…I am Catholic and she is United Methodist…we have had many disagreements and through them i have found that it is not a good idea to push her to convert any longer…

We want to marry very badly and are close to that point…the only issue in my way is our difference in religion…she does not want to raise our children Catholic…

Assuming she never converts…is there any chance of it being a Happy Marriage???

Please, if anyone has an SUCCESS stories, I need to hear them. So far, I have only heard that it is not a good idea at all…

So if anyone is out there who is Catholic married to Non Catholic…PLEASE…and do not have their kids raised Catholic but are still happy with their life, marriage, family, etc…contact me! tell me your success story!!

See my post #22, Bob. If you are serious about the faith and she is serious about Methodism you have a serious basic disagreement that will always be in the way of something. The faith professed by a person is at their basic core.

Remember, the typical Evangelical is a wonderful, involved, giving person. I know how kind they were to my family when our daughter was ill. But they think they need to help you see the light as they have seen it and that’s a huge problem.

 

[Defender1]

I am in a very similar situation as Surfing 4 Him…I am Catholic and she is United Methodist…we have had many disagreements and through them i have found that it is not a good idea to push her to convert any longer…

We want to marry very badly and are close to that point…the only issue in my way is our difference in religion…she does not want to raise our children Catholic…

Assuming she never converts…is there any chance of it being a Happy Marriage???

Please, if anyone has an SUCCESS stories, I need to hear them. So far, I have only heard that it is not a good idea at all…

So if anyone is out there who is Catholic married to Non Catholic…PLEASE…and do not have their kids raised Catholic but are still happy with their life, marriage, family, etc…contact me! tell me your success story!!

Bob, I might be telling you what you do not want to hear , but honestly as a Catholic we are to raise our kids Catholic . This should not be up for discussion . It should be a deal breaker if she wants otherwise .You most likely will be miserable depending on how strong you are in your Catholic faith . Does she want them raised her faith?The best apologists in the world and scholars will tell you that it is very risky in mixed marriages (not meaning race) protestants marrying Catholics go through hard times . Families from each side get involved . Family split is never good . Hopefully your not too deep into where you have to make statement and leave the relationship if she does not tend to your wishes. Good luck

 

[Vico]

…
Your situation is canonically called a “difference in cult” you would need a dispensation from your Bishop to marry.
…

Another poster reminded me that there is a difference between dispensation for Disparity of Cult and the permission for the Mixed Religion marriage, when I erroneously applied disparity of cult to a mixed religion marriage. As applied to Catholic matrimony, disparity of cult refers to a Catholic marriage with a non-baptised or invalidly baptised Christian, whereas Mixed Religion refers to Catholic marriage with a validly baptized non-Catholic Christian. The disparity of cult situation requires a dispensation, which means it is a very serious matter, and would lead to a non-sacramental marriage. Granting permission for mixed religion marriage, would lead to a sacramental marriage.

 

[thequeen]

Warning! These are red flags! Turn around and go back! :tsktsk:

I couldn’t agree more Chatter163;819 especially the part about want to find a nondenominational church for the both of them to attend that sounds like she is trying to keep him from his obligation of Sunday Mass.

 

[PennyinCanada]

If she wishes to find a christian church you both could attend, that’s a nice way of saying she is not going to a Catholic Mass. You know that, right? It’s not even, one Sunday go to Mass, next Sunday go to xxx church. It doesn’t seem that she’s interested in accommodating your Catholic faith. What will happen inside the home, in your domestic church, of which you would be the head?

Children. Contraception and Sterilization. Baptism. First communion. Confession. Receiving the Eucharist, which *you cannot have life within you *if you neglect it. The Saints and the Blessed Mother. The Rosary. None of these things you’ll have in common. You will be the head of the family for it’s spiritual needs and she will not support you. It is a house built on sandy soil.

I know single Catholic women who are in church every Sunday, having reached their 40’s. They ask where their husband is, why aren’t they married. I can only reply that they made other choices.

 

[masuwerte]

For those looking for success stories, they will be few and far between.

I’ve got one. My wife, who is Catholic, and I will have been married 10 years this December. I would say we have a pretty good marriage. We have one son, who is Catholic. I attend Mass with them, and I take him to Mass when she can’t go. I also attend services at my Episcopal church.

I’ve heard that mixed marriages are becoming more common, has anybody else heard that?

 

[PennyinCanada]

I’ve got one. My wife, who is Catholic, and I will have been married 10 years this December. I would say we have a pretty good marriage. We have one son, who is Catholic. I attend Mass with them, and I take him to Mass when she can’t go. I also attend services at my Episcopal church.

Thank you for showing how accommodating you’ve been these 10 yrs for you to say you have a pretty good marriage. To me, it’s very concerning that the girlfriend of the op is not interested in attending Mass at all, now, while dating. That suggests that she won’t attend when they’re married or take any children when dad cannot go.

 

[PatriceA]

I’ve got one. My wife, who is Catholic, and I will have been married 10 years this December. I would say we have a pretty good marriage. We have one son, who is Catholic. I attend Mass with them, and I take him to Mass when she can’t go. I also attend services at my Episcopal church.

I’ve heard that mixed marriages are becoming more common, has anybody else heard that?

I think your situation shows that a marriage really needs mutual respect and cooperation, not just in the situation of differing religious denominations, but I would suspect you and your wife show each other respect throughout your whole marriage and work to find solutions that are for the better good of the other.

In the OP’s situation, the girlfriend is NOT respecting her boyfriend’s religious faith and refuses to work on a solution that allows the OP to continue to be a fully practicing Catholic. The defiance, or stubborness of the girlfriend, is what would be most concerning to me if I was in the OP’s shoes. Today its their religious differences, tomorrow it might be some other issue such as their financial future, or where to live, or birth control, etc. I don’t think the girlfriend is showing any traits at the moment that would give me hope that I was entering into a strong and healthy marriage.

 

[Hmgbrd]

Just a few personal thoughts about your situation. I hope that it helps. I believe that a relationship must be “give and take” in all things. Your Faith is obviously a basic part of who you are. If I were her, I would have to make the effort to learn as much about the Catholic Church as possible so that I could know and love you better. I believe that both of you together attending RCIA would be a good first step. You can also try her accompaning you to Mass and you going with her to her Church as a compromise. But I am thankful that she is at least being up front with you about her feelings. Remember, by her suggesting that you both change Faith shows me that she doesn’t have any strong principle ties to Methodism. I am not sure that this is a discussion about Faith.

 

[Sarabande]

My grandparents had a very successful mixed faith marriage. My grandmother is a very devout Catholic and my grandfather was a Lutheran. They raised all 6 of their children Catholic. He even helped them with their catechism lessons and never differed with Catholic teaching to show there was solidarity between him and his wife. My Grandfather loved and respected my Grandmother so much and he would do anything for her, including when he came home wounded from the war and she went across the country to meet him, he arranged to have the marriage convalidated in the rectory at the local Catholic church as soon as she arrived. She would not consummate the marriage until that was done. When the children were younger, it apparently wasn’t common for families to bring very young children to mass back then, so he would stay home with them while she took the older children, but they did attend mass together as a family when they could. And shortly before he passed away he was getting ready to join RCIA to become a Catholic. It was many years, but he wanted to “come home” and God did take him home once he made that commitment. But I believe it was through my Grandmother, her prayers and their love for each other that brought him to that point. I remember him telling me when I was second grade that my Grandmother was closer to a saint than anyone he knew.

I think because he was so open, loving and supportive, their marriage was very successful on many levels, including the on the spiritual plane. .

 

[Catholic_Bob]

Thank you all for the advice…

It is a very sticky situation and I’m afraid you are all right…we have been together for 1 and a half years…and I come from a family where missing mass is NOT an option, since i was a baby…recently I’ve become Catholic in my own mentality instead of just a Cradle Catholic…

I think she (my girlfriend) may be coming around somewhat though, she confesses that she believes its the body and blood of Christ, and doesn’t disagree with many of our beliefs…shes not anti-Catholic but more…“anti-pressured-into-becoming-Catholic” …her side of the family has mixed religion and she basically has attended her Methodist church cause they’re nice, and its close to her old house, and now she wants to stay (Stubborn) but my entire family is devoutly Catholic so it’s a bit shocking to her…I guess I’ll have to wait…it’s just hard when you’re 24 and don’t want to go on another 2 years just to realize…she’s never gonna be Catholic…time to move on…

But, I agree that the whole Communion, Baptism, Rosary, and the list goes on…Have to be a part of my marraige and family…

Thank you all very much…Id like to change my question to “How to convert someone to Catholicism” LOL

 

[Fideliter]

Hi, everyone on this thread. I am new to this Forum and interested in this topic. I have a somewhat different, though related, question/problem. The daughter of a friend of mine, a Catholic, is dating a Sikh who, like all Sikhs, has a very different religion and believes in re-incarnation and does not accept our Christian Trinitarian God and other core Christian beliefs and doctrines. This young lady is not really knowledgeable about her Faith and thinks her relationship is not a problem. I am worried that she may want to “marry” him. Does the Church allow Catholics to marry Sikhs? I believe this would endanger her soul and that there would be huge pressure on her to adopt sikhism. I am encouraging her to find a good Christian man and, God willing, raise a Catholic family. Your comments?

 

[Mrs_V]

If she wishes to find a christian church you both could attend, that’s a nice way of saying she is not going to a Catholic Mass. You know that, right? It’s not even, one Sunday go to Mass, next Sunday go to xxx church. It doesn’t seem that she’s interested in accommodating your Catholic faith. What will happen inside the home, in your domestic church, of which you would be the head?

Children. Contraception and Sterilization. Baptism. First communion. Confession. Receiving the Eucharist, which *you cannot have life within you *if you neglect it. The Saints and the Blessed Mother. The Rosary. None of these things you’ll have in common. You will be the head of the family for it’s spiritual needs and she will not support you. It is a house built on sandy soil.

I know single Catholic women who are in church every Sunday, having reached their 40’s. They ask where their husband is, why aren’t they married. I can only reply that they made other choices.

^^^THIS.

 

[NorthTexan88]

Dear Friend’s in Christ,

I have been faced with a situation that is growing heavy on my heart. I am looking for updated information/advice on a Roman Catholic marrying a Christian.

I have been dating my girlfriend (Mary) for little over two years now and we have greatly fallen in love with eachother. We have recently been trying to grow our relationship stronger by putting Christ first in everything we do in our relationship. One major issue though we still come back to is I am a practicing Roman Catholic and she is a non-denominational Christian. I have spoken to Mary many times about my church and what it means to me and she respects everything I do and stand for in my Catholic faith. She has no interest at this time in converting but wants to find a non-denominational church we can both attend on Sundays. I told her that I would be open to the idea of finding a church with her to go to on Sundays together but I would still up hold my obligation to the Catholic church and attend my own church too on Sundays. I have been a Catholic all my life and went to Catholic school and high school. I am twenty-six now and currently looking to propose to my girlfriend very soon.

So my question(s) is, what type of procedures with the Catholic church do I have to go through to make sure my marriage if official with the Roman Catholic church? Also, I have read other places that I must promise to raise my children in the Catholic church. Is this true? My girlfriend has no intentions of raising our children in the Catholic church but still wants them to grow in Christian values.

I know of many marriages that have worked with one being a Catholic and one a non-Catholic but it is not easy. I feel that God is calling me to marry my girlfriend and I pray maybe one day she will open her eyes to the true church but I will not try and pressure her into converting.

Any advice or teachings would be greatly appreciated.

God bless!

-Patrick

This is currenty the sane problem that I an going through with my gf. I hope everything turns out well for you!

 

[m134e5]

Thank you all for the advice…

It is a very sticky situation and I’m afraid you are all right…we have been together for 1 and a half years…and I come from a family where missing mass is NOT an option, since i was a baby…recently I’ve become Catholic in my own mentality instead of just a Cradle Catholic…

I think she (my girlfriend) may be coming around somewhat though, she confesses that she believes its the body and blood of Christ, and doesn’t disagree with many of our beliefs…shes not anti-Catholic but more…“anti-pressured-into-becoming-Catholic” …her side of the family has mixed religion and she basically has attended her Methodist church cause they’re nice, and its close to her old house, and now she wants to stay (Stubborn) but my entire family is devoutly Catholic so it’s a bit shocking to her…I guess I’ll have to wait…it’s just hard when you’re 24 and don’t want to go on another 2 years just to realize…she’s never gonna be Catholic…time to move on…

But, I agree that the whole Communion, Baptism, Rosary, and the list goes on…Have to be a part of my marraige and family…

Thank you all very much…Id like to change my question to “How to convert someone to Catholicism” LOL

If I were you, I wouldn’t even *think *of marriage until she becomes Catholic (and not just to get married to you either). My faith is the most important thing in my life. I can’t imagine meeting someone, getting to know them, and wanting to spend the rest of my life with them- even though they do not share my faith. You mention that Catholicism has to be a part of your marriage and family- take it a step further- your faith shouldn’t just be a part of your marriage and family, it should be the foundation.

I know you are 24 and feel like the clock is ticking, but if you are called to marriage, God will lead you to the right person- don’t settle for the wrong one. I know some great Catholic couples who married when they were older. Even though it took them awhile to find the right person, they are very happy and inspiring to others.

 

[Rock_Happy]

Dear Friend’s in Christ,

I have been faced with a situation that is growing heavy on my heart. I am looking for updated information/advice on a Roman Catholic marrying a Christian.

I have been dating my girlfriend (Mary) for little over two years now and we have greatly fallen in love with eachother. We have recently been trying to grow our relationship stronger by putting Christ first in everything we do in our relationship. One major issue though we still come back to is I am a practicing Roman Catholic and she is a non-denominational Christian. I have spoken to Mary many times about my church and what it means to me and she respects everything I do and stand for in my Catholic faith. She has no interest at this time in converting but wants to find a non-denominational church we can both attend on Sundays. I told her that I would be open to the idea of finding a church with her to go to on Sundays together but I would still up hold my obligation to the Catholic church and attend my own church too on Sundays. I have been a Catholic all my life and went to Catholic school and high school. I am twenty-six now and currently looking to propose to my girlfriend very soon.

So my question(s) is, what type of procedures with the Catholic church do I have to go through to make sure my marriage if official with the Roman Catholic church? Also, I have read other places that I must promise to raise my children in the Catholic church. Is this true? My girlfriend has no intentions of raising our children in the Catholic church but still wants them to grow in Christian values.

I know of many marriages that have worked with one being a Catholic and one a non-Catholic but it is not easy. I feel that God is calling me to marry my girlfriend and I pray maybe one day she will open her eyes to the true church but I will not try and pressure her into converting.

Any advice or teachings would be greatly appreciated.

God bless!

-Patrick

My take may be a bit different, as I was raised by a Catholic dad and an Episcopal mom. They had some differences, but nothing major. They pretty much stayed out of each others’ way in terms of religion. Sundays were weird, my dad, brother and I would go to the Catholic mass, while my mom went to her service. Then we would all meet afterwards. When I was old enough to make my own choices, I decided to be confirmed in the Episcopal church. That ideology just made more sense to me at the time, and still does.

Looking back at it, life might have been simpler with a mono-religion family. But life is not always simple, right? The most important thing is that you love each other, and strive for a loving and healthy relationship. But you might find some challenges along the way from being of different religions.

 

[Will_S]

I myself would say…love like that is rare to find and you should thank your lucky stars you found it and you should grab it and hold onto it and kiss that girl and get on your knee and ask her to marry you and never, ever,* ever,* let her go…

You’re thinking short term. What happens when they’ve been married 8 years, have three children and she says “No more kids. I want an IUD” or “I refuse to let my children go to Mass or to religious education anymore”? Then you’ve got a disaster, probably ending in divorce and a broken home.

Marriage is for life so you have to consider how things are going to work out for the rest of your life. If the prospective noncatholic spouse isn’t willing to allow the Catholic to actually be Catholic and to raise the children Catholic, then the marriage is doomed anyway, so don’t even get into it in the first place.

In response to the O.P. and others in similar situations: I know mixed marriages that work well, but in every such case the noncatholic spouse is fully supportive of the Catholic faith of the Catholic spouse and fully supportive of raising the children as Catholics and only as Catholics.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

For what its worth, apart from the religious consideration, if your intended is doing this to you now, what will she demand of you after the ring is on her finger?
My father used to say “Marriage is give and take-I give and your mother takes”. Of course he was joking, but unfortunately many modern American marriages work that way and many girls seem to think it is their due. In modern American society, many girls are raised to be selfish. Once the “I do’s” are said there is a constant battle as to who wears the pants in the family…and believe me as soon as the wife puts on the pants she becomes the most miserable creature in the universe and divorce is not far off.
My suggestion is that if she absolutely refuses to have a Catholic marriage, cut the relationship off immediately. Cut off all contact with her. Do not see her, or call her or accept her calls- and change your telephone number if necessary. Let her find someone else to boss around. I know it will hurt for a while, but remember a cut with a razorblade heals faster than a cut from a dull knife. It may sound trite, but there are a tremendous number of available Catholic girls out there…
And the reason for going through all of this? Your immortal soul!
And in closing, alwa

 

[lisahiku]

My take may be a bit different, as I was raised by a Catholic dad and an Episcopal mom. They had some differences, but nothing major. They pretty much stayed out of each others’ way in terms of religion. Sundays were weird, my dad, brother and I would go to the Catholic mass, while my mom went to her service. Then we would all meet afterwards. When I was old enough to make my own choices, I decided to be confirmed in the Episcopal church. That ideology just made more sense to me at the time, and still does.

Looking back at it, life might have been simpler with a mono-religion family. But life is not always simple, right? The most important thing is that you love each other, and strive for a loving and healthy relationship. But you might find some challenges along the way from being of different religions.

your post speaks exactly of what happens in mixed marriages. Eventually YOU left the catholic church. Perhaps if your mom had been catholic you would have STAYED catholic.
But, technicallly, there are no guarantees.

It is best to have the family ONE religion. That is the truth. Hard to swallow sometimes but it is the truth.

And what usually happens is that a member of the family in a mixed religion family will stop being catholic. Seen it many, many times.