N
Nadq
Guest
Hello CAF members,
I am a Catholic, living in the Balkan area, here we are quite a minority. I have tried to look for a Catholic guy on a dating site, and actually ended up with establishing a relationship with an Eastern Orthodox guy from Australia.
Now, I have a few concerns here: I have a pretty well established life in my country - a career (currently a team leader), I am teaching catechism to the kids in my church, additionally I work as a project manager in an NPO, I do sports, go to business clubs, in about 2 years I would have saved enough to buy an apartment without any credits, etc. This guy led a pretty turbulent life in his 20ies, I don’t hold it against him, because he has transformed since his conversion, but it has its consequences and namely that he has started studying quite late, did not have any permanent jobs so far and he is now doing a master degree for 3 years and is only working part time. The only way this can work out is if I move to Australia, on top of the significant sacrifice that I will have to leave everything and start from scratch, I am so concerned that we would not have the means for a sheer survival there. Also I am almost 34 now and I am not ready to postpone having kids for later, even in the best case scenario I would have to wait until the end of the year, then move with him - be engaged for several months and only after that marry him. I imagine I might have to undergo a C-section and then I would need full time care + care for the baby, and he does not have neither the money, nor the time availability. He says his parent would be supportive, because they are wealthy, although not extremely rich, but I do not feel secure, and also it feels so lame for me on my age to be depending on his parents (usually I help mine), a bit of pride issue, I guess.
So, he says, that I am struggling between romanticism and skepticism, because I am not ready to go for it before my practical concerns are covered, this sounds a bit as a manipulation, because after all I am ready to give up everything I have here, I only need to know that the most basic needs of a future family would be covered.
Otherwise everything is good, he is very kind and gentle to me, he said he would agree to remain chaste before marriage (although he only had not religious girlfriends so far, so he did not practice that yet), he appreciates me mostly for my faith, he declared himself being in love pretty early in our correspondence (afterwards he met me for a few days in my country, on the way of his pilgrimage to Israel), he is flexible (agreed to come and spend all the summer holiday with me, in my country). He has great respect especially for the more traditional part of the Catholic Church - he was going for some time to Latin mass, he was volunteer with the Jesuits and still has Jesuit friends; he is very intelligent and informed about faith - having studied a BA in theology. And he treats me so well, as if he is ready to do almost anything I ask of him, and it would be such a pity if mere practicalities would ruin that!
Looking for your advice here, my family is very biased, because they don’t want to lose me to go so far (btw. they also don’t have religious background, only my father converted to Catholicism, but years after me and still has a way to go for maturity in faith). And I feel very uneasy - torn between feelings of guilt and fear.
P.S.: I have just posted a poll, attached to this topic, but actually I am looking more for advices and discussion, that’s why I am posting it separately.
I am a Catholic, living in the Balkan area, here we are quite a minority. I have tried to look for a Catholic guy on a dating site, and actually ended up with establishing a relationship with an Eastern Orthodox guy from Australia.
Now, I have a few concerns here: I have a pretty well established life in my country - a career (currently a team leader), I am teaching catechism to the kids in my church, additionally I work as a project manager in an NPO, I do sports, go to business clubs, in about 2 years I would have saved enough to buy an apartment without any credits, etc. This guy led a pretty turbulent life in his 20ies, I don’t hold it against him, because he has transformed since his conversion, but it has its consequences and namely that he has started studying quite late, did not have any permanent jobs so far and he is now doing a master degree for 3 years and is only working part time. The only way this can work out is if I move to Australia, on top of the significant sacrifice that I will have to leave everything and start from scratch, I am so concerned that we would not have the means for a sheer survival there. Also I am almost 34 now and I am not ready to postpone having kids for later, even in the best case scenario I would have to wait until the end of the year, then move with him - be engaged for several months and only after that marry him. I imagine I might have to undergo a C-section and then I would need full time care + care for the baby, and he does not have neither the money, nor the time availability. He says his parent would be supportive, because they are wealthy, although not extremely rich, but I do not feel secure, and also it feels so lame for me on my age to be depending on his parents (usually I help mine), a bit of pride issue, I guess.
So, he says, that I am struggling between romanticism and skepticism, because I am not ready to go for it before my practical concerns are covered, this sounds a bit as a manipulation, because after all I am ready to give up everything I have here, I only need to know that the most basic needs of a future family would be covered.
Otherwise everything is good, he is very kind and gentle to me, he said he would agree to remain chaste before marriage (although he only had not religious girlfriends so far, so he did not practice that yet), he appreciates me mostly for my faith, he declared himself being in love pretty early in our correspondence (afterwards he met me for a few days in my country, on the way of his pilgrimage to Israel), he is flexible (agreed to come and spend all the summer holiday with me, in my country). He has great respect especially for the more traditional part of the Catholic Church - he was going for some time to Latin mass, he was volunteer with the Jesuits and still has Jesuit friends; he is very intelligent and informed about faith - having studied a BA in theology. And he treats me so well, as if he is ready to do almost anything I ask of him, and it would be such a pity if mere practicalities would ruin that!
Looking for your advice here, my family is very biased, because they don’t want to lose me to go so far (btw. they also don’t have religious background, only my father converted to Catholicism, but years after me and still has a way to go for maturity in faith). And I feel very uneasy - torn between feelings of guilt and fear.
P.S.: I have just posted a poll, attached to this topic, but actually I am looking more for advices and discussion, that’s why I am posting it separately.