(Romantic) Love or Respect? The Poll!

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Actaeon

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So the thread about love or respect really made me think about what St Paul says about husbands and wives, and I want to see if it’s true (I hope I didn’t just poison the well by mentioning my association there!).

Please answer with regards to what you would rather have from your partner to make a successful LONG TERM relationship (ie, lifetime of marriage)… not just what you want to feel when you get into a relationship…
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Could you give some examples to help differentiate?
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Sure, let’s say an example of a display of romantic love would be surprising one’s partner with flowers (or a comparable romantic gift for a male), a card that says “I love you”, and lunch dropped off at one’s partner’s work.

An example of a display of respect would be telling one’s partner that they’re proud of them for an accomplishment, or rewarding them for an acheivement.
 
Actaeon said:
Sure, let’s say an example of a display of romantic love would be surprising one’s partner with flowers (or a comparable romantic gift for a male), a card that says “I love you”, and lunch dropped off at one’s partner’s work.

An example of a display of respect would be telling one’s partner that they’re proud of them for an accomplishment, or rewarding them for an acheivement.
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Your examples of respect sound more like how you would congratulate a child…

As for me, I don’t see why the two can’t be combined into a single gesture.
 
I’m kind of torn… at first I would definitely have said signs of love and affection, but now I’m not so sure. both are necessary. I definately appreciate signs of love more, but longterm if there was no respect from a man there would be no basis for a relationship and the signs of love would lose their meaning and value. So I’m really not sure which to respond. 🤷
 
There’s not enough options on that chart… 😛

It is perfectly easy for there to be love *and *respect, as well as a myriad of other parts to it.

I couldn’t vote; not enough options.
 
This isn’t an either or situation. I get both love and respect from my husband and wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t show me both. So none of the above.
 
Actaeon said:
Please answer with regards to what you would rather have from your partner to make a successful LONG TERM relationship (ie, lifetime of marriage)… not just what you want to feel when you get into a relationship…
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Both. Perhaps I’m just greedy though. 😉
 
The premise of the poll is flawed.

Love and respect are not somehow mutually exclusive, and both are required for a healthy marriage.

As for “requiring displays” of either - that suggests insecurities in the relationship. A spouse in a healthy marriage will naturally display love and respect to the other spouse in ways that person will understand.
 
I also cannot vote on the above options. None of them matches my view. Sorry! 🙂
 
OP, I tried to take a similar poll earlier here at CAF and got similar results, nobody willing to reply to it because they didn’t like the options they were given. At the time I wasn’t sure why they didn’t understand the question I was trying to get at, but I think I see it better now. While I tend to appreciate acts of love much more than acts of respect, if you will, I could not appreciate such acts if respect was missing. I think the problem is that people view this as an either/or pole. Whereas you (assuming I understand where you’re coming from ;)) don’t mean this as an either/or situation. Would this be a better way of asking your question? “Assuming that both are present, which acts do you emotionally appreciate more?”
 
It’s easy for me to answer this one, actually, if I look at the examples given above: “romantic” love has no appeal to me whatsoever - flowers, cards, and the like just seem silly to me. My spouse never has to express love to me.

Having my spouse show to me that my opinions and what I do and who I am and the choices I make are valued and respected means something to me.

I’m a woman.
 
thewanderer said:
OP, I tried to take a similar poll earlier here at CAF and got similar results, nobody willing to reply to it because they didn’t like the options they were given. At the time I wasn’t sure why they didn’t understand the question I was trying to get at, but I think I see it better now. While I tend to appreciate acts of love much more than acts of respect, if you will, I could not appreciate such acts if respect was missing. I think the problem is that people view this as an either/or pole. Whereas you (assuming I understand where you’re coming from ;)) don’t mean this as an either/or situation. Would this be a better way of asking your question? “Assuming that both are present, which acts do you emotionally appreciate more?”
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Of course you’re right, and had I known that the polling option would cut off the question, I would have worded it differently. The question was meant to continue “please indicate which statement best reflects which is most important to you.”

The point is to determine which people think is MORE IMPORTANT, not to select one with no emphasis whatsoever on the other…
 
Actaeon said:
Of course you’re right, and had I known that the polling option would cut off the question, I would have worded it differently. The question was meant to continue “please indicate which statement best reflects which is most important to you.”

The point is to determine which people think is MORE IMPORTANT, not to select one with no emphasis whatsoever on the other…
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Even so, I’d say they are equivalently important.
 
It’s my understanding that both of those things go together in a good marriage to begin with. Just sayin. 🙂
 
For polls, people seem to hate being mis-interpeted in their answer. I find it’s always best to add a “neither”, “both”, and “other” option. Just a tip! 🙂
 
Actaeon said:
Of course you’re right, and had I known that the polling option would cut off the question, I would have worded it differently. The question was meant to continue “please indicate which statement best reflects which is most important to you.”

The point is to determine which people think is MORE IMPORTANT, not to select one with no emphasis whatsoever on the other…
Click to expand...
See, even wording it like that I would have a difficult time answering. Both are extremely important. In fact, I would probably vote respect if I was answering which was more important as such. Respect is the foundation necessary for acts of love to truly have meaning. As it is I ended up voting for acts of love because even though I recognize respect as being more important and fundamental I also realize that I personally have a special emotional attatchment to acts of love which just isn’t the same for acts of respect. However, the respect itself is more important because without it true acts of love cannott exist. Thats why I used the phrase emotionally appreciate, I think it makes a difference in the way people would answer.
 
Garyjohn2 said:
For polls, people seem to hate being mis-interpeted in their answer. I find it’s always best to add a “neither”, “both”, and “other” option. Just a tip! 🙂
Click to expand...
😛 That would utterly defeat the purpose of discovering which was preferred and/or more significant to each person. Obviously, both love AND respect are needed in a long term relationship, so putting “both” as an option would be superfluous because I would expect every person with sane ideas about relationships to respond with that option.

The question is targeted towards discovering which acts are preferable or more significant to you when they occur. It’s not hard, and those options are all inclusive.
 
“Respect” does not *exclude *romantic acts of love and kindness.

However, I can see how *just *the acts could be exclusive of actual respect.
 
I am a woman.

While I think romantic gestures are fine, if not done excessively, I prefer for my husband to display his RESPECT for me. Within that respect is knowing me and understanding me, which then translates into doing little things like buying flowers now and then, or other acts of service that he knows I will appreciate. It’s part of respecting your partner. If you respect them, you VALUE and TREASURE them. And you want the best for them.

The sad thing about it is that I really haven’t felt that kind of respect from him in a very long time. I think it is because I did not work outside the home while our sons were growing up. He does not see me as an equal in that way, but someone who is dependent upon him, and he sometimes tries to treat me as a child. He never spontaneously acknowledges what I do and have done.

😦

He is one of the people on this planet that I respect the most. So it hurts that I do not believe the feeling is mutual.
 
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