Room mate problems (CAUTION: reader discretion advised!)

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reed987

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Last night when I got on my laptop I found some gay p 0 r n in my trash folder. I couldn’t believe what I saw and immediately suspected my room mate. I drove home and asked him about it. He denied everything as hard as he could at first but finally confessed that he stole my computer when I was at work and used it to look at that stuff. He deleted it once but forgot to delete it twice (you know how that works on a computer). However he didn’t really think it was a big deal and kinda just shrugged his shoulders and said “you understand right man?” then he went back to playing his video game and never mentioned it again. I went to bed feeling sick, violated, melancholy, uncomfortable, you know. I’ve never seen that stuff before so it was a huge eye opener (no pun intended). I feel uncomofortable leaving my computer at home when I know he’s already given in to temptation once and stolen it to look at that stuff. What really bothers me though is that he didn’t think it was a big deal. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Sorry to bring up such an icky topic but I gotta get this off my chest somewhere, and I don’t want to talk about it to anyone I know personally around here (that is, anyone who personally might know my room mate. Keep in mind this guy must be a closet homosexual, he’s never even admitted to his own room mate that he’s gay)
I can’t help feeling sick and disturbed though… I guess that’s the real problem. I feel really disturbed by those images. and I feel like I can’t trust my room mate. He already tried to hide it and denied it as much as he could.
 
The l33t capitalization had me laughing… but seriously. I would feel pretty upset too. First thing I would do is to password protect my PC so he can’t use it and put on a content filter like K9 (it’s free - just google it) so if you forget and leave it open he can’t surf pr0n!

In regards to having someone with some SSA attraction as your roommate, that’s up to you how you feel about it. If it’s going to both you or you think he will bother you… move or have him move out, whoever holds the lease I guess.

Joe
 
Maybe you need to request (demand) a new room mate. That kid has NO business touching your computer and there is all kind of damage he could do with your computer that could be put on YOU.
 
Password protect your computer!

Imagine if he surfed/downloaded child pron on to your hardrive. If the police do an internet bust…you would hvae a very hard time proving that it wasn’t you who downloaded it.
 
masondoggy said:
Maybe you need to request (demand) a new room mate. That kid has NO business touching your computer and there is all kind of damage he could do with your computer that could be put on YOU.
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I agree. Do you rent an apartment or are you a student in a dorm? If you are a student, I think I’d report that he used your computer without your knowledge and then ask for another room mate. If you share an apartment, I’d probably find another place to live. It’s not good to live with someone you don’t trust. He has no right to touch anything that belongs to you. I’d also check the computer to make sure he hasn’t been on any other sites or that he hasn’t given out your info. or e-mail to any of these things. I’m sure you have personal info. stored on your computer. Make sure everything is where it should be and then get a password so no one can use it but you!!
 
Kilo1Mike21 said:
Password protect your computer!

Imagine if he surfed/downloaded child pron on to your hardrive. If the police do an internet bust…you would hvae a very hard time proving that it wasn’t you who downloaded it.
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That’s exactly what I was thinking of. Doesn’t this creep have his own computer? Why does he need yours? Just what exactly is he trying to hide?

And just to remind you, living your life as a registered sex offender is NOT FUN. Don’t think it can’t happen.
 
I agree that putting a password lock onto your computer is the first step. And make it a hard word with numbers or symbols preferably so he can’t figure it out.

As far as you, you haven’t done anything wrong, so don’t feel to bad or anything.

I’m not sure of your living situation, but if you’re uncomfortable (I know I would be!) maybe you could look into getting a new roommate. I know maybe you don’t want to make a big deal out of it so that he resents you, so perhaps you could state that you want a new roommate for trusts sake, since he used your computer without your permission, who knows what else he’ll do.
 
masondoggy said:
That’s exactly what I was thinking of. Doesn’t this creep have his own computer? Why does he need yours? Just what exactly is he trying to hide?

And just to remind you, living your life as a registered sex offender is NOT FUN. Don’t think it can’t happen.
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I didn’t even think about that…Yikes:eek: Not sure if he has done anything that you can report, I guess he didn’t really “steal” your computer, but it could be thought of that way. It might not be a bad idea to let someone else know what has happened, just to protect yourself!
 
I agree with the other posters: Password protect your computer. Immediately!

Leaving aside the morality of porn and homosexual activity, I think you can make the case to your roommate simply about respect for personal property. He took your computer without your knowledge or permission to visit websites and download material that you find objectionable. That isn’t cool. Especially when you consider that such internet activity could open up your computer to all sorts of computer viruses and the like. And he wouldn’t have even told you he took your computer if you hadn’t “caught” him by finding those files. He should have more respect for your personal property.
 
I would look for a new roomie, and in the meantime, as others have suggested too-- I would set a password feature that only you know, that you need when logging on…I have this on my work laptop. Also, keep this boy in your prayers…I feel badly that he is getting caught up in this. 😦
 
Oh yeah, put a password on that puppy. You got some good ideas already. I’m not sure if you’re sharing an apartment or a dorm room or what, but if you have your own bedroom, I would put a lock on the door for a bit more peace of mind. You shouldn’t have to worry about who is doing what with your stuff when you aren’t home, and his standard of morality is clearly a bit different from yours. (I’m assuming there’s no easy way out of the room mate situation for now, or you’d probably already be thinking along those lines.)
 
This is one of the things people sharing a room learn the hard way.
Common sense dictates this as a minimum.
  1. Get a laptop lock in which its tied down to the desk so the temptation to swipe it and get comfortable will be minimalized.
  2. Password protect or physically protect your internet connection. Have it time out.
  3. Password protect your computer.
  4. Save your files and reformat your hard drive.
Report the incident to your RA.

In some ways this is your fault for not protecting your stuff. Use this as a lesson learned.
 
It seems to me that there are three separate issues:
  1. You didn’t password protect your computer. That’s easily fixed and something you should do (as everyone else mentioned). Think of all the passwords to places like your bank account that’s probably stored on that computer.
  2. You have a roommate that uses your things without your permission. That’s a major problem, and you need to set clear boundaries, especially since he thinks he did nothing wrong. If you think he’ll continue to violate your stuff and your privacy, you might want to also consider a new roommate.
  3. You have a roommate with SSA. How you deal with that is up to you.
 
there are a few misconceptions common in this thread’s responses. I guess I should have been more clear about a few things:
  1. we don’t live in a dorm. we are renting an old house.
  2. we aren’t college freshman either, we’re both upper classman so I can’t run to the RA
  3. this isn’t some random stranger I just got stuck with by a computer. Actually it’s my best friend. I’ve known the guy for ten years. And I didn’t know he was gay. It’s a secret I guess that he doesn’t feel comfortable telling ANYONE.
  4. as far as keeping the guy in my prayers I think that’s a good idea. We’re both catholic, he’s actually a lot more active in the local college catholic community than I am.
  5. as far as leaving him in the dust I would if it was just some stranger but I’ve known the guy for years and actually we are very good friends. It’s not so easy to ride someone off just because he’s got an unpleasant addiction
  6. he doesn’t have a computer for this exact reason. I was a little suspicious when he told me he forced himself to get rid of his laptop recently.
  7. as far as him using it to look up children I wouldn’t be surprised. I didn’t just find gay stuff- I found anthropomorphic animal/bestiality p 0 r n (if you can call it that. That’s why I am so disgusted)
this is much more complicated than you might realize at first
 
With all the porn your friend downloaded to your computer, there are definitely going to be some viruses, some of which may bring up unpleasant pop-ups and such. I would back up all the files and reformat it (make sure you have a recovery disc first). Then put a password on it that your friend cannot guess.

Have an honest conversation about this with him. Tell him that you are shocked and appalled by the filth that he DL’d to your computer and he is never to touch it again. He not only put your computer at risk of viruses, with all your files, passwords, bank acct numbers, etc; but he subjected you to to some deeply disturbing images that have the potential to put your own soul at risk.

Also, let him know that feeding his closet homosexuality is not good for his soul (which he probably knows but may have never heard since nobody knows about it). Encourage him to go to confession and get a spiritual director who will help him through this with his soul intact.

Most of all, PRAY for him. He clearly needs it more than you ever knew.
 
Definately password protect your computer. I would even put K9 internet filtering software www1.k9webprotection.com/ on it for even more security. It blocks out objectional content and it does a great job. Plus it is free. I use it on my computer because I don’t want my kids accidentally seeing something that is bad.
 
reed987 said:
  1. as far as him using it to look up children I wouldn’t be surprised. I didn’t just find gay stuff- I found anthropomorphic animal/bestiality p 0 r n (if you can call it that. That’s why I am so disgusted)
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That’s why you need to be very, very careful. Having that material on YOUR computer is a very serious crime that YOU can be held responsible for and then labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life. The consequences of that label are huge.
 
reed987 said:
  1. as far as keeping the guy in my prayers I think that’s a good idea. We’re both catholic, he’s actually a lot more active in the local college catholic community than I am.
  2. as far as leaving him in the dust I would if it was just some stranger but I’ve known the guy for years and actually we are very good friends. It’s not so easy to ride someone off just because he’s got an unpleasant addiction
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Okay, if this is the choice you are making, in my opinion, you then have an obligation to yourself and your friend of 10 years to help him get over it. You can not live there if this guy continues to give into this stuff. If I were you I would talk to your campus priest and find out if there is a retreat coming up. Then sign both of you up for it. I’m sure that college retreats these days will deal with these issues. Next you should pray together. Say the rosary together every day. See if you can sign up for a holy hour of adoration. He can’t just sit there he has to change everything about his life to break free. Video game playing is a bad sign, just another form of selfishness, he needs to become selfless to break this addiction which is rooted in selfishness.

You sound like a loyal friend. If you are going to stick by him, then help him.

God Bless.
 
whm said:
Okay, if this is the choice you are making, in my opinion, you then have an obligation to yourself and your friend of 10 years to help him get over it. You can not live there if this guy continues to give into this stuff. If I were you I would talk to your campus priest and find out if there is a retreat coming up. Then sign both of you up for it. I’m sure that college retreats these days will deal with these issues. Next you should pray together. Say the rosary together every day. See if you can sign up for a holy hour of adoration. He can’t just sit there he has to change everything about his life to break free. Video game playing is a bad sign, just another form of selfishness, he needs to become selfless to break this addiction which is rooted in selfishness.

You sound like a loyal friend. If you are going to stick by him, then help him.

God Bless.
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Thank you,

Unfortunately I remain skeptical that talking to him about it again will do any good. He doesn’t think that any of what he’s doing is wrong/sinful (and he doesn’t think the church has the right to tell him that it is). Going to a retreat probably won’t help either (he’s been consistently going to the church’s retreats for the past few semesters, something I haven’t done). Talking to the priest probably wont do an ounce of good either.

I know that he’s into some nasty stuff but at this point I honestly feel like he’s beyond my reach, I don’t think he’s gonna be able to change.
 
reed987 said:
Thank you,

Unfortunately I remain skeptical that talking to him about it again will do any good. He doesn’t think that any of what he’s doing is wrong/sinful (and he doesn’t think the church has the right to tell him that it is). Going to a retreat probably won’t help either (he’s been consistently going to the church’s retreats for the past few semesters, something I haven’t done). Talking to the priest probably wont do an ounce of good either.

I know that he’s into some nasty stuff but at this point I honestly feel like he’s beyond my reach, I don’t think he’s gonna be able to change.
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Have you thought about talking to him about it from the vantage point of respect for your personal property? You don’t even have to bring up what he was doing on the computer, only that he was doing anything at all without your permission. It would seem that, being he is your good friend, he should care about respecting your property.
 
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