Room mate problems (CAUTION: reader discretion advised!)

[Tosk]

Is this something he does all the time or is it just a one time thing? I had a roommate do pretty much the same thing to me with my computer. He didn’t look up any gay porn but he had scat, bestiality, bukaki, ect. basically some of strangest most disgusting stuff you can think of. I asked him why he didn’t just look at normal girl on girl american porn like everybody else and he said because he didn’t really like porn, he was just curious what the strange stuff looked like. One thing about porn users is that a lot of them find themselves looking at strange and disgusting stuff with out even being aware why they’re doing it. Pretty much the only thing that you can do is lock your computer, tell him you disapprove, and then pray for him. I wouldn’t expect too much of a change too quickly; digging yourself out of a bog like that takes some time.

 

[2_B_Helpful]

reed, you need to deal with this friend like you would any other loved one who has an addiction. Tell him that he needs rehab/psychological intervention, and tell him that you cannot live with him and empower his bad choices. If he doesn’t go to rehab to deal with his addiction, he’s out.

It seems harsh, but it’s the loving thing to do. Addicts don’t change until they hit rock bottom. To hit rock bottom, they have to lose everything that is important to them.

If he got rid of his own computer because of this, and then couldn’t stop himself from using your computer… he’s addicted.

Delete everything, clean your hard drive, get a lock and put a filter and a password on the computer… and then tell him that you love him so much you can’t support his addiction anymore. Help him find a place for rehab, you’ll probably have to involve his family… but that is what needs to happen. If he’s looking up bestiality and gay porn, the next step could be child porn. It could be rape, could be child molestation… these are the behaviors that serial rapists and child molesters show before they get confident enough to try it on a real person. Your loving action to put your foot down and try to stop him NOW could prevent tragedy in the future.

Would you rather he be mad at you and claim to hate you for life, or bear the guilt of seeing him sentenced for destroying women or children later and know you did nothing to stop that from happening when you had the chance? Your intervention is not a guarantee of anything, but it could make a difference!

 

[reed987]

I firmly believe that we are dealing with a pervert. This guy has a problem much beyond the average person.

About two years ago after we were confirmed at church we had a serious talk about this and he got pretty inspired and went cold turkey. After a few months of trying as hard as he could (with many falls, of course) he decided that it was impossible. He says this activity is just like cigarettes- nobody, that’s right nobody- ever does it for their last time. He honestly thinks that everyone who quits just comes back to it eventually like he does. Also he thinks that compromising is good enough in god’s book. He says as long as he’s not out there doing anything to real people God should be pleased that he’s controlling himself. What goes on in private/in his head is very preferrable to going ahead and carrying it out in real life.

He’s the only person I’ve ever heard talk like that, I’ve got a feeling that these are not signs of a healthy person.

 

[whm]

I firmly believe that we are dealing with a pervert. This guy has a problem much beyond the average person.

About two years ago after we were confirmed at church we had a serious talk about this and he got pretty inspired and went cold turkey. After a few months of trying as hard as he could (with many falls, of course) he decided that it was impossible. He says this activity is just like cigarettes- nobody, that’s right nobody- ever does it for their last time. He honestly thinks that everyone who quits just comes back to it eventually like he does. Also he thinks that compromising is good enough in god’s book. He says as long as he’s not out there doing anything to real people God should be pleased that he’s controlling himself. What goes on in private/in his head is very preferrable to going ahead and carrying it out in real life.

He’s the only person I’ve ever heard talk like that, I’ve got a feeling that these are not signs of a healthy person.

It sounds like he has given in. That explains why he is getting into deeper and deeper stuff. 2bhelpful is right, he is only going to get worse, eventually the computer will no longer satisfy him. Does he expect to get married? This stuff will resurface if he gets married, very scary. He really needs to get together face to face with a priest and start dealing with this stuff. I heard of a new catholic website that is suppose to be pretty good. www.whodoesithurt.org.

 

[Annn]

That’s exactly what I was thinking of. Doesn’t this creep have his own computer? Why does he need yours? Just what exactly is he trying to hide?

And just to remind you, living your life as a registered sex offender is NOT FUN. Don’t think it can’t happen.

As far as I know, gay porn is not illegal, so your statement does not make sense.

It is, however, illegal to use someone’s things without asking. When I was an RA at college I encouraged my residents to create a verbal or written “roommate contract” in which each party sets very explicit boundaries. It is possible that this person has in the past had roommates with whom he had a much more “open share” arrangement (one of my college roommates and I shared EVERYTHING.)

Please talk to this person about this again, making VERY clear that you do not want him using your things without asking.

Also, just because he isn’t out to you does not mean he is “closeted.” Are you new roommates?

 

[seekingjesus]

Reed;

Just found this post, heck found CA not that long ago.

Your friend needs counseling and he needs a good swift kick in the rear, by that I mean an ultimatum either he goes to counseling about this and puts forth the effort or he gets out of the apartment.

But he also needs compassion, you can give him compassion while telling him to get help. Something along the lines of “Dude you are going to go get counseling/go to confession etc, not touch my computer again (and whatever other conditions you put on there) or you are moving out and I won’t have any further contact with you. period. But if you decide to get help I will stay your friend and help you as much as possible. But I can’t live like this”

I was addicted to p0rn and er0tic stories for a long time, it is a temptation I struggle with daily and one that I put the effort into daily to turn away from. But my addiction to p0rn etc came from being exposed to it as a kid and being molested I don’t know your roommate’s history but there is that chance.

Both of you are in my prayers.