Roommate Help

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slaveofmary21

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I’m writing this past midnight my time, so my typing and thoughts might be a little disjointed.

So… My living situation is kinda unique. The way my apartment complex does their leasing is by the room, so I am actually paying for just my room with use of a common area. Due to my struggles with pornography I moved to this place rather quickly and agreed to be matched up with a roommate.

My current roommate is from Korea and is here to learn better english. Yet over the past couple weeks his girlfriend has been around more, and for the past few nights has been sleeping over. I’m not sure whether she’s moving in or just visiting, since he didn’t clarify and didn’t even say when she’d be here. I just vaguely remember something in passing a while back.

So I’m not sure how or when to broach the subject since my own girlfriend will be flying here for the weekend and staying in my room while I stay at my mom’s.

All prayers and suggestions more than welcome.
 
Your roommate and his girlfriend are both adults so I would probably just mind your own business when it comes to their living arrangements. Focus on your own struggles.
 
Does your room have its own lock?

If you are renting a traditional 2br apartment with this guy I do think it’s polite to notify about visitors. But if it’s more like two studios with a mutual common room, then I agree with CL. But why can’t you just talk to the guy?

I’m not sure you have the best arrangement going if your girlfriend is going to be living with strangers while she visits.
 
I agree with the others that you need to speak to him.

A solution to your girlfriend staying with strangers, is to have your girlfriend spend the night at your mom’s house. You can drop her off and pick her up to be with you during the daytime.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I agree with the others that you need to speak to him.

A solution to your girlfriend staying with strangers, is to have your girlfriend spend the night at your mom’s house. You can drop her off and pick her up to be with you during the daytime.
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I also was thinking girlfriend should be the one to stay with mom.

I’m not clear on the arrangements with the apartment so I don’t really know what to answer there, but it seems to be a safety issue for girlfriend to be alone in an apartment with strangers. Especially if you are not comfortable speaking to your roommate about the current situation.
 
So to clarify, we are on separate leases. It’s more like a traditional 2 bedroom apartment as the rooms are quite small. As far as what they do together in his room is his business, and I desire nothing more than clear communication and notification in the future so I know what to expect and can adjust accordingly.

Previously planning, I did ask my girlfriend if she wanted to stay at my mom’s and she said she would rather stay here. I asked her if she felt comfortable with me sleeping on the couch/bed and she said no, which is understandable. I will talk to her tonight about it and see what we will do, after I talk with my roommate.

I’ve had trouble in the past about being assertive from feeling like my needs don’t matter and also not knowing what’s reasonable to ask for. I definitely think it’s time, though, to talk to him at some point soon to set some rules for living together.

So also not only on this specific matter, but also on what’s reasonable to ask for in general would be helpful.
 
Just curious: is your apartment like a student apartment? My grandson lives in a student apartment which is shared with other students.

I know some retirement homes have individual rooms with a common area as well.
 
There are mostly students as it’s very near the local college campus, but you don’t have to be a student to live here.
 
Unless your mother and her don’t get along I don’t get why your GF would want to stay around strangers she doesn’t know vs your family which has to be safer but that’s her call. I would just talk to the guy. If you live in close quarters you have to right to know if she is moving in or staying frequently. If she was staying frequently I’d kind of be upset that’s she’s not contributing to the household expenses like rent but that’s up to him. Just say you have someone visiting and am looking for clarification as to his arrangements. Just so there is no awkwardness. It’s not person but only a matter of politeness for him to let you know. He doesn’t have to go into detail just specify if she is sleeping over persay so you can let your guest know who she is. :cool:
 
If it was me, I would talk to the landlord and say ‘I was expecting to share the common area with 1 person not 2’ and ask to either have the landlord tell your roommate the girlfriend has to go or ask for a reduction in rent.

I have shared many dwellings with people who would let their bf/gf stay over all the time and I think it is just plain inconsiderate

Angie
 
Well it’s much ado about nothing. The girlfriend isn’t here tonight. Don’t know what’s happened or where she is, but she’s not here. I barely got the chance to ask him if she’s just visiting or moving in and she was just visiting. Maybe it was just for that long or maybe he got the impression of me asking that I was kinda annoyed that she was staying for a few nights in a row without letting me know clearly in advance; either way crisis averted.

Just pray that I have the courage to say something at the right time for more copacetic living in the future.

Also pray for safe travels for my girlfriend since she is flying here tomorrow.

As a side note: it’s not that she and my mother don’t get along well, they do, it’s just that she would rather sleep in my bed while I stay over there since we aren’t married. I respect that. We did something similar when I went to where she lives for the first time. I slept in her bed while she stayed in her old room at her parents’ house.
 
Well, here is what I don’t understand about the whole situation. You are complaining about his girlfriend staying over, and now, that is what you are going to be doing. So I don’t understand what the problem is.

Have you mentioned to him yet that your girlfriend is coming and will be staying there for X amount of days? Or are you waiting until she gets there?
 
So, you moved into a place specifically because you struggle with chastity. Your roommate who shares common area with you has a girlfriend who sleeps over, your girlfriend is coming to visit from far away and your solution is to stick her with a stranger who shares common area with you while you go to your moms?

That makes absolutely no sense.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Well, here is what I don’t understand about the whole situation. You are complaining about his girlfriend staying over, and now, that is what you are going to be doing. So I don’t understand what the problem is.

Have you mentioned to him yet that your girlfriend is coming and will be staying there for X amount of days? Or are you waiting until she gets there?
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He knows that my girlfriend will be staying for the weekend.

What I’m complaining about is that he didn’t tell me that his girlfriend would be staying over and for how long. And really a lot of this is my overreaction, worked out through journalling.
 
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