M
mariagoretti24
Guest
I’m a single 24 year old female and have been rooming with a 26 year old female for about a year now. My roommate sometimes appears to have the desire to be a good Catholic and has recently been going to daily mass and regular confession. However, she is very negative in her speech and seems always ready to seize the opportunity to criticize someone or something (though she never turns her negativity towards me- she knows I wouldn’t stand for that.) I think this negativity is slowly rubbing off on me, though it’s hard to tell. She is very dishonest- mostly in inconsequential things, but it is the frequency of the dishonesty that is disturbing. She has also committed sexual sins on more than one occasion in the apartment. To her credit, after every instance, she has gone to confession and broken off the relationship. The fact that she has done those two things after every encounter is really the only reason we’re still living together.
She is a very confused person and keeps going back and forth between one extreme and the other. Everytime I am about to kick her out, she shows signs that she’s going to change, goes to confession, Mass, etc. and this gives me hope that it’s a permanent change for the better. But then every so often she makes a huge mistake (most recently a month ago) and I’m back to questioning whether I should room with her.
There have been so many times when I had resolved to find different living arrangements. However, there are a few things holding me back. One is financial- there are still about 9 months left on the apartment lease. I also don’t have anyone right now I could room with, and I can’t afford to live by myself. She doesn’t have anyone she could live with either. I also am not sure how it would sit in my conscience if we went out separate ways, and she lived in a one bedroom apartment and kept going down the path of sin she keeps flirting with. She tends to be very self-absorbed and spends most of her free time either in front of the computer or TV. Living by herself would be the worst living arrangement for her. I don’t think she is a good influence on me, but it is hard to know how much of her actions are influencing me. If I can do more good by continuing to live with her and being a good example for her, then I will.
I have spent so much time being upset about and analyzing her actions. I can’t help but compare myself to her, which of course isn’t healthy. It only makes me resent her and make me prideful as I think “I’m so much better than her!”
I have had one good talk with her about her actions. Some of her close friends have also voiced their concerns on several occasions. She always resolves to do better, and she does for a time. It’s just seems to be a recurring cycle- mortal sin, confession, repeat. I have had the opportunity for only one good talk for several reasons- one is that I am so busy that it’s rare I have enough free time to have a heart to heart talk with her. Another is that it’s incredibly difficult for me to talk to her. Her ego is extremely fragile and I get the feeling that a few harsh words could crush her. So, I force myself to never accuse, but to talk to her by asking questions and trying to steer her towards admitting that the things she has done are wrong. This takes a lot of time and patience- two things I am very short on at the moment. We also are not very close and as of right now don’t speak much at all. This doesn’t sit with me well at all. A person living under the same roof as me should not be a stranger to me. However, it has been very difficult for me to have the stomach for any kind of conversation with her. Even looking at her is difficult for me. This can’t be a Christian response. I keep thinking in my mind of all the terrible things she has done. She also never initiates conversation with me- preferring to stay glued to a glowing screen.
Any advice would be appreciated. Most everyone I have talked to about this has encouraged me to find another living situation- but I have already outlined the reasons holding me back. Not only that, but something about leaving her just doesn’t feel right. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe I have a “savior” complex. But what if I feel this way out of true Christian charity and the reluctance I feel is God telling me to give her some more time? I don’t really know what answer I’m looking for, but if anything else, prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
She is a very confused person and keeps going back and forth between one extreme and the other. Everytime I am about to kick her out, she shows signs that she’s going to change, goes to confession, Mass, etc. and this gives me hope that it’s a permanent change for the better. But then every so often she makes a huge mistake (most recently a month ago) and I’m back to questioning whether I should room with her.
There have been so many times when I had resolved to find different living arrangements. However, there are a few things holding me back. One is financial- there are still about 9 months left on the apartment lease. I also don’t have anyone right now I could room with, and I can’t afford to live by myself. She doesn’t have anyone she could live with either. I also am not sure how it would sit in my conscience if we went out separate ways, and she lived in a one bedroom apartment and kept going down the path of sin she keeps flirting with. She tends to be very self-absorbed and spends most of her free time either in front of the computer or TV. Living by herself would be the worst living arrangement for her. I don’t think she is a good influence on me, but it is hard to know how much of her actions are influencing me. If I can do more good by continuing to live with her and being a good example for her, then I will.
I have spent so much time being upset about and analyzing her actions. I can’t help but compare myself to her, which of course isn’t healthy. It only makes me resent her and make me prideful as I think “I’m so much better than her!”
I have had one good talk with her about her actions. Some of her close friends have also voiced their concerns on several occasions. She always resolves to do better, and she does for a time. It’s just seems to be a recurring cycle- mortal sin, confession, repeat. I have had the opportunity for only one good talk for several reasons- one is that I am so busy that it’s rare I have enough free time to have a heart to heart talk with her. Another is that it’s incredibly difficult for me to talk to her. Her ego is extremely fragile and I get the feeling that a few harsh words could crush her. So, I force myself to never accuse, but to talk to her by asking questions and trying to steer her towards admitting that the things she has done are wrong. This takes a lot of time and patience- two things I am very short on at the moment. We also are not very close and as of right now don’t speak much at all. This doesn’t sit with me well at all. A person living under the same roof as me should not be a stranger to me. However, it has been very difficult for me to have the stomach for any kind of conversation with her. Even looking at her is difficult for me. This can’t be a Christian response. I keep thinking in my mind of all the terrible things she has done. She also never initiates conversation with me- preferring to stay glued to a glowing screen.
Any advice would be appreciated. Most everyone I have talked to about this has encouraged me to find another living situation- but I have already outlined the reasons holding me back. Not only that, but something about leaving her just doesn’t feel right. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe I have a “savior” complex. But what if I feel this way out of true Christian charity and the reluctance I feel is God telling me to give her some more time? I don’t really know what answer I’m looking for, but if anything else, prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.