Roommates Partying and Drinking

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Francis_Pio

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The year is almost over, so I figure it’s a little late to be asking about this. Nonetheless, it’s begun to seem like a bigger problem than it did initially. I don’t partake of it, but my roommates party and drink in my room just about every weekend, often very excessively. I don’t approve of it, but I haven’t voiced any concerns about it, and have been extremely passive when they’ve asked me if I mind it.

Most of the time, I’ll leave my room, go to the study lounge, and pray the rosary for them and everyone else on my campus. I don’t see any reason to discontinue this, but is it practical or necessary to call them out for drinking? I know it’s wrong, and we partake of others’ sins through silence. Even so, I don’t think my words are going to do much other than create tension and hostility between us, and make the rest of the year miserable. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
are you paying for a room, or your share of a room? then get what you pay for, and ask for a new room or new roommates. if you don’t, then you are not only agreeing with their behavior, but signing over your personal space to them. if that is fine with you then fine, if not, do something to change it.
 
It’s too late to ask for a new room or roommates, there’s only 3 weeks left in the school year. I’m a very shy, non-confrontational person, and even if I were to call them out, I doubt they’d care. I don’t want to create any hostility or ill will between us, and I honestly don’t mind the disturbance or sleeplessness it causes me, that can simply be offered up. I just want to avoid offending our Lord by my actions/inaction, and avoid making the end of the year a miserable experience.
 
puzzleannie said:
are you paying for a room, or your share of a room? then get what you pay for, and ask for a new room or new roommates. if you don’t, then you are not only agreeing with their behavior, but signing over your personal space to them. if that is fine with you then fine, if not, do something to change it.
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I agree with Puzzle, the room mates arent going to change. Better to move out and maybe move in with others more like yourself if you can.

Is that an option?
 
Francis_Pio said:
The year is almost over, so I figure it’s a little late to be asking about this. Nonetheless, it’s begun to seem like a bigger problem than it did initially. I don’t partake of it, but my roommates party and drink in my room just about every weekend, often very excessively. I don’t approve of it, but I haven’t voiced any concerns about it, and have been extremely passive when they’ve asked me if I mind it.

Most of the time, I’ll leave my room, go to the study lounge, and pray the rosary for them and everyone else on my campus. I don’t see any reason to discontinue this, but is it practical or necessary to call them out for drinking? I know it’s wrong, and we partake of others’ sins through silence. Even so, I don’t think my words are going to do much other than create tension and hostility between us, and make the rest of the year miserable. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Many sins do have practical considerations to realize. In this case, as a college student myself, I have witnessed many dormmates get arrested, fined, and charged with underage drinking because of alcohol use. Many even were arrested because of association, even though they did not partake in the alcohol. I highly recommend that you find a new roommate. You need to consider your own well-being in this matter.
 
Drinking, partying and studying, praying dont have to be mutually exclusive!

Why not join them? Just because they drink and party doesnt mean they are bad people. I found people who share my beliefs who also dont have to complete close themselves off from the experiences of others our age.

jesus partied with the tax collectors and lepers, sinners and hoe’s.

On the other hand if college is nearly over for the year that probably means exams? Maybe look upon the interuptance as a hidden blessing, more time to study!
 
Thirty six years ago when I met my first college roommate for the first time he was crawling around the dorm room at 2:00PM, completely naked, drooling and wobbly. You have to have a sense of humor about these things. But at the same time you have to have some self respect and stand your ground.
 
Francis_Pio said:
The year is almost over, so I figure it’s a little late to be asking about this. Nonetheless, it’s begun to seem like a bigger problem than it did initially. I don’t partake of it, but my roommates party and drink in my room just about every weekend, often very excessively. I don’t approve of it, but I haven’t voiced any concerns about it, and have been extremely passive when they’ve asked me if I mind it.

Most of the time, I’ll leave my room, go to the study lounge, and pray the rosary for them and everyone else on my campus. I don’t see any reason to discontinue this, but is it practical or necessary to call them out for drinking? I know it’s wrong, and we partake of others’ sins through silence. Even so, I don’t think my words are going to do much other than create tension and hostility between us, and make the rest of the year miserable. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Partying and drinking isn’t wrong; it’s what many college students do while partaking in them that is. Do not drink too much, remain pure, remain in control of yourself. Keep those things in mind, and go out and have a good time with them! Being Catholic is not about being a boring killjoy (not saying you are-- but I do certainly know some.)
 
You need to be careful as to how you approach this.

Your roomates are drinking in your/their room. We know that excessive drinking is a sin (probably falling under the sin of gluttony).

However, you are actually doing something about it by preaching with your actions and not your words. Of couse, partaking in a reasonable manner would be acceptable and a nice display of proper drinking.

The reason I say to be careful is because you don’t want them to think they have to drink somewhere else because you don’t approve. It’s one thing to get drunk next to your own bed. It’s quite another to have to drive home after getting drunk. My concern would be that they drink somewhere else in respect to you, and then end up driving home. That would be a far worse sin in my opinion.

With three weeks left to go, it isn’t worth confronting them. As I have said, you are already preaching by your actions. If they ask you why you are not joining in, then explain.
 
You have three weeks left, so my advice is to stick it out and DO NOT room with them next year.

I have roommates who party, but they never do it in our room. If they did I would have moved out at the beginning of the semester. I have completely new roommates for next semester and I’m excited about it!
 
Usually after the first year in a dorm you can go to the proper official and sign up with two people of your mutual choice. (assuming a three person room.) After my first year my original room mate and I got together with four other congenial fellows of like mind. We than were able to switch around each semester and I got to know five other guys enough that most of us have been friends at a distance for years. I live in Wisconsin, one lives in California, one in Atlanta, and three in the Chicago area. I was a Chem major, two were English majors, one geology a major, one a history major, and the sixth a business major. We learned a lot from each other. Met girls who were friends of which ever girl one of them was in love with at the moment ( It was a men only College, so girls in Colleges around Illinois and Indiana were our dates for dances, proms, etc.). We drank responsibly once we turned 21. Drinks in the dorm room were grounds for immediate expulsion. It was really fun. No one needs to stay the second year with those they cannot abide. Join up with some friends of like mind.
 
Your post is very vague. Does the school forbid drinking on campus? Are the studends underage? Are they drinking to excess, to physical danger? Are they engaging in other dangerous or sinful behavior?

Look, I’m not one to say college students are responsible drinkers, but what exactly is happening?

If your roomies are underage and/or drinking dangerously then call the campus security and/or police. If this is really the case, wouldn’t you feel horribly guilty by just going off somewhere to hide? What if someone dies?
 
To a certain extent boys will be boys but you need to stand up for yourself imho if it is happening more than once a week.

Tell them firmly that once a week on a Friday or something is ok but not the rest of the week.

Why do you suppose that they always use your room and not their other friends’ rooms?

Probably because they know that you’ll roll over for them and their other friends’ roommates won’t put up with it but they know you’re a soft touch.

Just a guess on my part, part of the brainstorm if you will.

EDIT - There are probably other Catholics on campus you feel as you do maybe you could pin a flyer someplace and get a group together to do something else when the friday party is on.
 
You’ve been milktoast on the issue and have only yourself to blame. When they ask if you mind SAY YES…THEN you can complain…otherwise, endure quietly as you have been. That’s my advice.
 
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