Roommates

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baltobetsy

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Short and sweet. Straight girl, gay guy. What do you think?

Betsy
 
flatmates? or roommates like sharing the same room. Are you in a house or a suite or apt with different rooms.

As long as both have their OWN ROOMS regardless if its connected to a main living room…if both are commited to no pre-maritial sex then I see nothing wrong
 
Sharing an apartment with separate bedrooms.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, Meggie. Anyone else? On the surface, it strikes me as OK, but I’m afraid I’m missing something important.

Betsy
 
Since a man with same-sex attractions has no business disclosing such to anyone other than a therapist or a confessor, two people of opposite genders living in the same apartment together, while unmarried, is a source of scandal. Even if the orientation of the man with same-sex attractions is public knowledge, scandal is still invoked since this would send the message that same-sex attractions are normative and should be used to the financial advantage of decreased rent.
 
I don’t see how it would be overly scandlous for even a straight man and a straight woman to live in the same apartment, section becuase many apts I’ve seen with young adults they often keep their doors open and meander in and out, especally in the post-college years.

Rooms shouldn’t be shared but with respect I don’t see why people can’t live in the same unit.

I don’t believe homosexuality is wrong, the act of persuing it is wrong.
 
Opposite sex roommates that aren’t close friends or related or in a relationship always seemed okay to me in terms of chastity and scandal.

But I would be horribly wary of the statistics out there. Have you googled rape statistics?

Yeah, that can be taken as an offense if you know this guy. Numbers don’t lie though. How much money saved will make it worth it?

Also, what do you mean by gay? Does he have SSA and is seeking healing and living a healthy lifestyle? Or do you need to wonder about multiple partners, bisexual partners perhaps?

That would get me off to wondering about gang rape statistics…

It doesn’t help that I was doing a research paper on this for the semester…and now seeing your thread…
 
Other_Eric said:
two people of opposite genders living in the same apartment together, while unmarried, is a source of scandal.
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This is the bottom line, I’m afraid.
We are not to cause scandal to our neighbors, or do anything that reflects badly on Catholics in general.
That being said, it kind of depends on the situation. I’ve seen co-ops where people of both sexes lived in separate rooms in the same house, each having his or her own room. But in an apartment where no one else knows what goes on, imaginations may be led to be uncharitable.
 
baltobetsy said:
Short and sweet. Straight girl, gay guy. What do you think?

Betsy
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I see sharing the rent with someone as a business relationship. If you feel safe around them, feel safe having them around your stuff, and they will pay their share on time, sounds all good to me!
 
cecilia97 said:
I see sharing the rent with someone as a business relationship. If you feel safe around them, feel safe having them around your stuff, and they will pay their share on time, sounds all good to me!
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I’m kinda with Cecilia.

And about this scandal thing, well, uh, unless you’re living in Small Town, Wyoming, nobody is really going to care or notice.

It’s a business relationship.

Personally I would not want to live with a gay man or woman. I don’t like gay culture. I wouldn’t want gay relations going on in my house. I don’t want to see the gay magazines, have roommate going on about his being gay, etc.

And before you say “oh they don’t do that” let me tell you I wasn’t always a Catholic and I’ve known my share of gay people. It’s a lifestyle.
 
baltobetsy said:
Short and sweet. Straight girl, gay guy. What do you think?
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Not ideal, but I don’t see anything particularily wrong with it.

I don’t buy the scandal thing. I doubt most people will notice or care. There may be a few nosy ones who may need to be told to mind their own business.
 
With every roommate you are going to have problems be it a female or a male. If your personailties mix well together and you both have the same expections of cleaniness and noise and outgoing life then i see no problem with it. I livedfor a semster in college in a house with a man who was also my confirmation sponsor and engaged to a friend of mine. Believe me everyone knew that nothing was going on between us. We shared a house but each one of us had are own bedrooms and rules about KNOCKING before entering either the bedroom or the bathroom!!!
 
Personally I would not want to live with a gay man or woman. I don’t like gay culture. I wouldn’t want gay relations going on in my house. I don’t want to see the gay magazines, have roommate going on about his being gay, etc.
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And before you say “oh they don’t do that” let me tell you I wasn’t always a Catholic and I’ve known my share of gay people. It’s a lifestyle.
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This is completely true and my experience as well. If you are considering “sharing” an apartment with an active homosexual, you will undoubtedly become privy to information you will not wish to see or hear. I wouldn’t do it.
 
I shared a suite with lesbians when I was in college. Lemme tell ya… .it was NOT worth what I was exposed to. They had it in my face that they were gay and heaven help them if they got drunk and crossed the line of trying to hit on me. I thought I was being “tolerant” and “accepting” of them as a person, but I realized that I was demoralizing myself and what I truly believed. It took me less than a semester to get out of there, and even then, it took having to nark on them about their drug usage to get the housing office to allow me to get out of there.

Maybe your friend is different and NOT an active, practicing homosexual. If your friend is not, then I’d say the living accomodations are fine. But if your friend is a practicing homosexual, I wouldn’t recommend it simply based off the fact that you’d be denying your faith by being forced to accept his lifestyle. And the more you deny it, the weaker you’ll become in other areas. (Maybe you will, maybe you won’t but it’s not worth the risk, kwim?)

Good luck as I can imagine this is a tough decision.
 
Again, thank you all for your thoughts. Actually, I have been married for 25 years. I may be called upon to give advice to the young person considering these arrangements.

Here are some of the thoughts I’ve had. Since the young gay man in question is looking for a roommate, it would seem he is “single.” So the question to ask would be whether he intends to have a parade of lovers in and out of the apartment. An affirmative answer to this would probably be a deal-breaker.

If he’s not that into dating, I don’t see much of a problem. All their friends would know she’s straight and he’s gay, so no one would suspect that they were sleeping together and be scandalized. Strangers won’t care, and the ones who later become their friends will also soon understand the arrangement.

When I first graduated from college, I rented an apartment in a house owned by a gay man. All the other tenants were gay men. It was a very “artsy” neighborhood, and a great experience. I didn’t actually room with any of these guys, but they did become my friends. And the parties were great!

So, what else am I missing?

Betsy
 
Betsy,
I really think this is unwise. I worked for a homosexual in his home for over five years, who was, be your definition, single. In the summer, he would have pool parties that would basically devolve into naked dabuchery (like ancient Rome!). His room was strewn with some of the most horrifying pornography I have ever seen. His conversation was peppered with intimate details of other men (boys, actually), and the acts he had engaged in with them. His friends, and many of my co-workers (who were also homosexual) did not refrain from such talk even though they knew I was a Christian woman. It’s possible to co-exist in some capacity in an environment like this, but it can be very uncomfortable and disruptive to one’s spirit. And the bigger question is why would someone who is a professed Catholic trying to live their faith purposely put themselves in this situation? Are there no other single women that could qualify as a roommate?
 
Blessedtoo, thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds terrible. There’s a lot to think about there.

Betsy
 
everyone here has brought up some good points. What it boils down to is how well do you know the man and how comfortable will you be living within his lifestyle?. This goes for any roommate. This is why i perfer to stick with living by myself. I’ve had a few roommates and in the end no matter how much you like each other the agrangement starts to wear on the relationship.
 
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