Rosary "Efficacy" Question

[Tracyms1974]

Hi tracy,

Thank you so much for reading my testimony.

So pray the Rosary, read more spiritual books everyday, and choose to know GOD and the Blessed Mother. If God changed a miserable and despicable sinner like me and showered me graces (thru the Blessed Mother), the more He will shower spiritual and material graces to good people like you.

Honey, I ain’t so much “good” as I am lucky! I only have one major vice (lust, I guess you could say) to deal with. It sounds to me that you had more than one. Sometimes I avoid sin because of what it will do to me. For example: I never tried hard drugs like cocaine simply because it seems a silly reason to go to the hospital which is where I was afraid I’d end up. I used to drink, but I got away from that crowd (thankfully) and I got tired of getting sick (hangovers). Now I only drink what I think tastes good and only one or two at a time. Greed was easy for me to avoid because I’ve never really had a good enough job and my self- confidence is not what it should be. The only thing that I’ve ever found completely irresistable is the touch and / or attention of men in general. So I would say for you to overcome all that you have is completely commendable. I am impressed!

Tracy

 

[Tracyms1974]

Hello, everybody again.

  I've had an awful time praying, but I did pray two days ago.  It was a simple prayer of frustration, but you know what?  It actually helped, as small as the request was.  I had to pack for a trip and i was tired and ill.  I don't like to pack, people.  It gets on my very last nerve and I know that no matter how good a job I do, I will always forget something.  (This time I forgot the CAMERA!  Geez!)  Anyway, I really did not want to pack, so I prayed in a loud voice, "Lord, I offer all my anguish to the poor souls in purgatory who cannot suffer for themselves anymore.  Please release at least 1,000 souls for all that I have to do!"  Then I prayed an Our Father.  I was able to get my packing done and left at a decent time the next day.

  Here's the "bonus."  The next day in the car, my daughter got quiet enough for me to say a whole rosary to myself.  (Well, that would be this morning actually.)  I also realized it was Thursday, so I could say my favorite mysteries - The Luminous Mysteries.  We had a great trip, and we are looking forward to a lovely remainder of our long weekend.  If any of you have been praying for me, I guess it worked.  I just hope I can keep it up.  Sometimes good habits are as hard to form as the bad ones are to break.  Thanks for reading.

Tracy

 

[Tracyms1974]

correction - the “purgatory” prayer was yesterday. I lack just about any concept of time. I imagine y’all were confused.

Tracy

 

[CatholicFem]

The rosary and other repeated prayers and devotions do not work for everyone. I am a sufferer from OCD and have been since my childhood. When I finally got therapy and on medication a few years ago, I realized that the rosary, which I had tried to say every day, had become a type of “magical thinking” with very little true prayer about it. Now I am working on spontaneous prayer–I still love the “Our Father”, but I know that I must stay away from the rosary. I am so happy for those of you for whom the rosary is a meaningful spiritual devotion, but I also find that many in the church recommend it as the ONLY really approved devotion outside of the Mass. One thing we as Catholics need to do is to realize that true prayer comes in many forms and at many moments in the day, A heart uplifted in thanks to God for the beautiful sunset He has granted must be as welcome to Him as any other prayer!

 

[goodcatholicman]

What you say about “We pray because we are sinners,” is not something I was entirely aware of. It’s kinda like these women who are 42 years old, have had three kids, and they’re still a size 6 in clothes. What you DON’T see is the bird-food that they have to eat the stay that way, right? So you are saying that prayer is the same way? These people are so very pious on the outside, but in reality they had to spend hours in prayer every week to get that way, right? I wonder if I’m ready for that kind of commitment of my time - not saying it’s wrong, just hard to do.

To answer your last ?, No we don’t pray together much. Okay, you got me, not at all. He was so mean about getting out the door on Sundays that I started going to the 5:00 Mass on Saturday. He doesn’t like that Mass, and I could take it or leave it. I could hear Mass in Spanish and be happy, you know? I take my daughter to Mass with me (she’s 4), but I’ve been slack about teaching her how to pray at home. (whip, whip.) I’m afraid she won’t pay attention to me long enough to learn the words. She wasn’t real receptive with the months of the year. I wonder at this point if praying together will make a difference.

Tracy

Tracy,

I saw something Fr. Corapi said on EWTN the other day regarding marriage. Paraphrasing here but something like, “So, you say you can’t get along with your partner, huh? Well what have you tried? Do you pray together? do acts of pennance together? go to confession? Attend mass regularly together? No?! Well it sounds like you have tried positively nothing and you have gotten that in return and wonder why things haven’t changed.” Blunt I know and maybe a little harsh but what have you tried with your husband besides failed counseling sessions? Sit down with him and make a commitment to him. ASk the same from him. Agree that you both want to work on things and if not at least agree to try and see where things lead. You may be surprised at the outcome. If you both do the above to the best of your ability then it is hard to see how things won’t work. Go to confession about the infidelity, then forgive yourself and commit not to do it again. Then get to work! Marriage isn’t easy but it is woorth it.
God Bless!

 

[Tigg]

Tracy:

Many years ago, before I started in earnest on my spiritual journey, I would pray the Rosary because it was the “Catholic” thing to do. Definitely no efficacy there!

Then I became involved with a Charismatic prayer group and that further moved me away from the Rosary, because they were of the mind that “we pray directly through the Spirit to Jesus - who needs Mary?”. Definitely no efficacy there, either!

But, staying faithful to my prayer life, through the Spirit, He directed me, once again to the Rosary. I cannot tell you how it happened, only that through continued obedience, Our Blessed Mother moved from my brain into my heart! I cannot describe the faith experience I had from knowing her powerful intercession through praying the Rosary. Although repetitive, and on some days, an obedient exercise, I still sometimes find myself in a new realm of meditation.

Now, the Rosary is as necessary to me as brushing my teeth in the morning. AND if you get into the habit of asking for a virtue on the last bead of each mystery, our Blessed Mother will surely grant you that grace! She loves you, her little child!

 

[Tracyms1974]

Tracy,

Sit down with him and make a commitment to him. ASk the same from him. Agree that you both want to work on things and if not at least agree to try and see where things lead. You may be surprised at the outcome. If you both do the above to the best of your ability then it is hard to see how things won’t work. Go to confession about the infidelity, then forgive yourself and commit not to do it again. Then get to work! Marriage isn’t easy but it is woorth it.
God Bless!

This is the part of your post where I anticipate problems. (The rest of it was fine.) How can I commit to somebody who won’t commit to me? I’m doing good to commit to myself, which is why I asked for advice about prayer, because my stubborn self has realized that prayer is something I need. The question is how much, which ones, and making a habit of it, which is mostly pride on my part. (Thinking I can handle my problems without God’s help.) Just to ease your mind, I’ve been to confession. I have a fantastic parish priest who’s nothing but nice, and that helps, but for whatever reason, I believe in the necessity of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and would go regardless if I needed to. My biggest problem is staying out of there! Grrr. Everybody says prayer helps you do this. I just wonder how much prayer you have to do for this to be true for any given person. It sounds like I’m looking for the “bare minimum required,” and maybe I am. (There’s my pride talking again.) My parish priest is a huge proponent of the rosary which is one reason why I’ve used the rosary as the prime example in this post.

Tracy

 

[Tracyms1974]

The rosary and other repeated prayers and devotions do not work for everyone. I am a sufferer from OCD and have been since my childhood. When I finally got therapy and on medication a few years ago, I realized that the rosary, which I had tried to say every day, had become a type of “magical thinking” with very little true prayer about it. Now I am working on spontaneous prayer–I still love the “Our Father”, but I know that I must stay away from the rosary. I am so happy for those of you for whom the rosary is a meaningful spiritual devotion, but I also find that many in the church recommend it as the ONLY really approved devotion outside of the Mass. One thing we as Catholics need to do is to realize that true prayer comes in many forms and at many moments in the day, A heart uplifted in thanks to God for the beautiful sunset He has granted must be as welcome to Him as any other prayer!

I find your post encouraging. From what you say it sounds like if you don’t say the rosary every day, you don’t have anything to worry about so long as God at least “hears from you” in some form or fashion. This is something I can see myself doing. My mind wanders terribly when I pray the rosary, and when I talk to God, Jesus, or Mary as you would a friend, it means a lot to me, almost like I have confidence that they actually hear me. I have a bit of mental illness myself. I take Prozac for depression/severe PMS, and sometimes I feel obsessive/compulsive. I’m not ashamed of this, I mean, if I need the drug, then I need it. There are worse conditions to have. Depression runs in my family too, so there’s another reason I’m not surprised I have this problem. Anyway, thanks for your post. It was very kind.

Tracy

 

[goodcatholicman]

This is the part of your post where I anticipate problems. (The rest of it was fine.) How can I commit to somebody who won’t commit to me? I’m doing good to commit to myself, which is why I asked for advice about prayer, because my stubborn self has realized that prayer is something I need. The question is how much, which ones, and making a habit of it, which is mostly pride on my part. (Thinking I can handle my problems without God’s help.) Just to ease your mind, I’ve been to confession. I have a fantastic parish priest who’s nothing but nice, and that helps, but for whatever reason, I believe in the necessity of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and would go regardless if I needed to. My biggest problem is staying out of there! Grrr. Everybody says prayer helps you do this. I just wonder how much prayer you have to do for this to be true for any given person. It sounds like I’m looking for the “bare minimum required,” and maybe I am. (There’s my pride talking again.) My parish priest is a huge proponent of the rosary which is one reason why I’ve used the rosary as the prime example in this post.

Tracy

Tracy - Sometimes the most profound commitments cannot be ignored. You are called to love others, which includes your husband, as Christ loved you. Which means being loving him even (and perhaps especially) when he doesn’t love you back. Sometimes just recognizing that kind of commitment can bring about the desired change in someone else. Good luck and God Bless!

 

[iamrefreshed]

Actions AND prayers can work wonders. It sounds like much harm has been done in your marriage by BOTH parties. I am a betrayed spouse. That is an awful gut wrenching feeling. Have you and your husband been working on addressing his feelings over the adultery?

Maybe you could attend Retrouvaille?

retrouvaille.org

 

[mercygate]

Hello, everybody!

Catholics everywhere have nothing but good things to say about the Rosary, which I’m sure is completely founded and truthful. However, I don’t seem to see or understand it’s efficacy in my personal life. Those who have talked to me know that I’m in a fruitless marriage right now. (My husband and I live like roomates, not spouses - his fault.) I am pregnant and I’m making arrangements to place this child for adoption due to this situation and financial strain. We already have one child who is seeing us live this way, I don’t wanna make it two. My point is this - my husband says that he prays the rosary EVERY DAY on his way to work. So why is he still such a jerk? I don’t pray the rosary much for this reason - It doesn’t seem to work for him, why would it work for me?

On thing I am doing to combat my demons is making religious jewelry. If I’m going to make money, I may as well make God happy too. This in and of itself (I hope and pray) will drive me to stay more chaste. (My vice is adultery; the baby may not be my husband’s - yet another reason for the adoption.) How can I tell people of the goodness of God and be cheating on my husband - even though I may have a better excuse than others. I’m sure that if I prayed the rosary more, combating this temptation would be easier - esp. when I’m not selling/making anything. But I just don’t want to spend all that time praying only to “slip up”. This in and of itself would drive my already existing belief in the rosary’s limited efficacy. See what I mean?

What I’m looking for here is, what is the rosary good for, really? And if it doesn’t work for me (or my husband, as mentioned earlier) then does praying the rosary at least benefit somebody else besides me? Like the poor souls in purgatory for example. Any comments or answers will be well appreciated. Thank you so much for reading my post.

Tracy

Tracy, dear heart. You have a LOT more to deal with than worrying about whether any particular form of prayer is “effective.”

Oi. WHAT a pile of trouble. DO follow the advice of others and speak with your priest. You might not think it possible, but you life does not need to slide down this trajectory of misery. Consider yourself prayed for. Hang on.

Formal prayer, such as the rosary, may be a little to “canned” for you right now. Sounds like you’re more in a place where, “LORD!!! HELP!!!” is more like it.

 

[Tracyms1974]

Actions AND prayers can work wonders. It sounds like much harm has been done in your marriage by BOTH parties. I am a betrayed spouse. That is an awful gut wrenching feeling. Have you and your husband been working on addressing his feelings over the adultery?

Maybe you could attend Retrouvaille?

retrouvaille.org

A few years ago, I got the pamplet, showed it to him, and he flatly refused to go, just like almost everything else we’ve tried. The last counselor I was seeing I saw by myself - he never went once. The counselor himself had this unspoken attitude of his “hands being tied” regarding the whole thing. I don’t know how many of you here have been to college, but in the same way that papers don’t write themselves, and on the contrary, require a lot of digging, copying, rewording, TIME, so does fixing a marriage. A marriage is not going to fix itself. He does not get this at all. He thinks that counseling is a waste of time, and he thinks that retreats of any kind are stupid. Not me, however, I was willing to go.

I would imagine that if you were cheated on, then yes, that would be very painful - ESP. if you felt like you were doing everything you thought was right and fair in the relationship. My husband has been a verbally abusive, caustic, nasty jerk on and off our entire marriage. The past two years it has gotten worse. My point is that I think that deep down, he knows that he contributed a good bit to my bad behavior, which I every day struggle to correct and/or prevent from happening again. I can quit cheating on him, but he won’t quit being nasty. In fact, it may give him some kind of sick ego boost to think of me as “damaged merchandise” while he never physically cheated on me - a feeling of “one-up-ness,” ya know? Trust me, if I was with a man who treated me properly and lovingly, then there is NO WAY I’d do this kind of thing to him. Really, I wouldn’t have to!

Tracy

 

[Tracyms1974]

Tracy, dear heart. You have a LOT more to deal with than worrying about whether any particular form of prayer is “effective.”

Oi. WHAT a pile of trouble. DO follow the advice of others and speak with your priest. You might not think it possible, but you life does not need to slide down this trajectory of misery. Consider yourself prayed for. Hang on.

Formal prayer, such as the rosary, may be a little to “canned” for you right now. Sounds like you’re more in a place where, “LORD!!! HELP!!!” is more like it.

I’m sorry, I had to laugh at this one, but in a good way! You’re right, though. It’s nice to be “relieved” of the “expectation” that I “should be” praying the rosary. I’ll start with the “LORD, HELP!!!” approach and see where that takes me.

My jewelry is not selling. That sucks. But one good thing I’ve done for myself is that I’ve joined a support group for people with sexual problems. The way I see it, if a divorce is in my future, then I am truly afraid that chastity will not be. So far being in this group is helping. I had a chastity problem before I got married. (Actually, I thought getting married would help me in that way, and it did for a while.) But when our marriage got bad, I went back to my old habits as - a coping strategy? stress? who knows? Anyway, I know informal group therapy is not prayer, but I think at this point the two may be able to complement each other.

Tracy

 

[mercygate]

I’m sorry, I had to laugh at this one, but in a good way! You’re right, though. It’s nice to be “relieved” of the “expectation” that I “should be” praying the rosary. I’ll start with the “LORD, HELP!!!” approach and see where that takes me.

My jewelry is not selling. That sucks. But one good thing I’ve done for myself is that I’ve joined a support group for people with sexual problems. The way I see it, if a divorce is in my future, then I am truly afraid that chastity will not be. So far being in this group is helping. I had a chastity problem before I got married. (Actually, I thought getting married would help me in that way, and it did for a while.) But when our marriage got bad, I went back to my old habits as - a coping strategy? stress? who knows? Anyway, I know informal group therapy is not prayer, but I think at this point the two may be able to complement each other.

Tracy

I admire your apparent pushing, poking, striving to thread your way through what others would consider a hopeless obstacle course. Only the Lord can give you this grace.

I once heard a broadcast on Focus on the Family in which a couple that had been engaged in infidelity and violence had managed to come back together and be “reborn” purely by the grace of God. Check out Focus on the Family web page and see what they have going.

I know this is going to sound trivial and really “preachy” but as you work on yourself, maturing your own walk, building your own strengths and drawing on the graces available to you, it is not completely out of the question to envision microscopic changes of heart in your husband.

By the time you get through this (whatever the outcome) you are going to be either very wise or very brutalized.

I’m voting for the former.

Godspeed.

 

[mangy_dog]

Hello, everybody!

  Catholics everywhere have nothing but good things to say about the Rosary, which I'm sure is completely founded and truthful.  However, I don't seem to see or understand it's efficacy in my personal life.  Those who have talked to me know that I'm in a fruitless marriage right now.  (My husband and I live like roomates, not spouses - his fault.)  I am pregnant and I'm making arrangements to place this child for adoption due to this situation and financial strain.  We already have one child who is seeing us live this way, I don't wanna make it two.  My point is this - my husband says that he prays the rosary EVERY DAY on his way to work.  So why is he still such a jerk?  I don't pray the rosary much for this reason - It doesn't seem to work for him, why would it work for me?  

  On thing I am doing to combat my demons is making religious jewelry.  If I'm going to make money, I may as well make God happy too.  This in and of itself (I hope and pray) will drive me to stay more chaste.  (My vice is adultery; the baby may not be my husband's - yet another reason for the adoption.)  How can I tell people of the goodness of God and be cheating on my husband - even though I may have a better excuse than others.  I'm sure that if I prayed the rosary more, combating this temptation would be easier - esp. when I'm not selling/making anything.  But I just don't want to spend all that time praying only to "slip up".  This in and of itself would drive my already existing belief in the rosary's limited efficacy.  See what I mean?  

  What I'm looking for here is, what is the rosary good for, really?  And if it doesn't work for me (or my husband, as mentioned earlier) then does praying the rosary at least benefit somebody else besides me?  Like the poor souls in purgatory for example.  Any comments or answers will be well appreciated.  Thank you so much for reading my post.

Tracy

Hello Tracey,

I am not a stranger to anything you have said in your thread. So I will try and give what I can to your cause.

The rosary in and of it self will do nothing for you unless you are determined to break away from sin!

Having said that - let me tell you what worked for me. ( and by “me” I mean “us”)

Carrying and wearing my sacramentals did nothing for me until I was able to break away from my sin. As catholics, we tend to want to know and do everything catholic. Sometimes being in this and that ministry; knowing the intricacies of theology and morality and angelology etc etc…but we forget the basics that keep our lives in tune with God’s will.

I digress…What has been working for me is: Pray the rosary, daily.

But!!

Go to confession, weekly. And here I make a caveat. Confession is a square deal. I’ll explain. We confess our sins, we recieve absolution (repentance of course is necessary), we recieve the graces that our Lord knows we need to fight off temptation and evil so that we don’t continue to repeat the same horrible sin. And we sanctify our priests.

With confession, recieve the Eucharist, weekly.

Love and serve the Lord and be a witness onto others.

Sound simple huh? Only then will the rosary become efficacious in your life. And the sacramentals and making rosaries etc etc.

Do the basic catholic things really well. And for God’s sake, break away from your recurring, damaging sin.

Rosary
Confession
Communion
Service to God and witness onto others.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.

 

[Catholictrain]

As far as the question about how your husband could be saying the rosary and still be such a jerk… I would like to share this story with you. The names are changed to protect privacy.

A friend shared with me that many years ago he was tempted by pornography. He also told me he said the rosary. I thought this was weird… I thought, ‘how could you say the rosary and still look at this trash’. Yet, this person continued to say the rosary… they felt bad when they failed and fell into lustful sin, but they still said the rosary.

Many years later I talked to this friend again. They are free from the sinful addiction of lust/porn and they credit the rosary for finally pulling them out of the abyss.

So, yes, someone can say the rosary and still fail … still sin and still be a ‘jerk’. But maybe he or she doesn’t want to be a jerk and is counting on the many graces to help pull them out of their sinful ways.

May God bless you both.

 

[KestrelRose]

Perhaps, rather than praying the Rosary, visualize yourself sitting beside Mary and simply tell her your problems. Be honest with her, she is a wonderful trusted friend. She will not judge you or your husband. She will hold your hand and listen.

If you cry she will wipe your tears from your face. If you become angry she will calm your fears.
If you feel lost and can not pray she will pray for you.

Every morning and every evening meet with her just as you would meet with a friend for coffee.

The Rosay will come later - when you begin to trust Our Blessed Mother.

 

[Tracyms1974]

As far as the question about how your husband could be saying the rosary and still be such a jerk… I would like to share this story with you. The names are changed to protect privacy.

A friend shared with me that many years ago he was tempted by pornography. He also told me he said the rosary. I thought this was weird… I thought, ‘how could you say the rosary and still look at this trash’. Yet, this person continued to say the rosary… they felt bad when they failed and fell into lustful sin, but they still said the rosary.

Many years later I talked to this friend again. They are free from the sinful addiction of lust/porn and they credit the rosary for finally pulling them out of the abyss.

So, yes, someone can say the rosary and still fail … still sin and still be a ‘jerk’. But maybe he or she doesn’t want to be a jerk and is counting on the many graces to help pull them out of their sinful ways.

May God bless you both.

I am glad to hear of a real-life example (or another one, rather) of how the rosary did not work right away for somebody. It makes me think that maybe time is all he needs and all I need. I have a rosary in my car, in my jewelry box, and I even know how to make them - pretty ones too, like ones from the store. So, I believe in the power of the rosary - not that the rosary itself has magical powers like a charm, I know better. I just feel better having them on hand - esp. in the car. I’m not the best driver.

Tracy

 

[Tracyms1974]

Hello Tracey,

Do the basic catholic things really well. And for God’s sake, break away from your recurring, damaging sin.

Rosary
Confession
Communion
Service to God and witness onto others.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.

I do two and a half of the above things. I go to Confession when I have to - ironically, sometimes I do this in order to receive Communion. I go to Mass every weekend, either Sat. night or Sun. morning and receive Communion when I’m able, and the “half” is service to God and witness to others. I don’t have much time to volunteer for anything, so I pretty much just try to be nice to people. If they ask my views on abortion or whatever, I tell them straight up. I don’t bring up religion a lot because I live in the South with a bunch of Protestants. They wouldn’t “get it,” you know? And they have this persistent idea that they are right and everybody else is wrong, so why bother? The only thing I don’t do often is pray the rosary, but I guess as other people have said here already, if I’m not going to do that, then I’d better pray something - and fast.

Tracy

 

[Tracyms1974]

Perhaps, rather than praying the Rosary, visualize yourself sitting beside Mary and simply tell her your problems. Be honest with her, she is a wonderful trusted friend. She will not judge you or your husband. She will hold your hand and listen.

If you cry she will wipe your tears from your face. If you become angry she will calm your fears.
If you feel lost and can not pray she will pray for you.

Every morning and every evening meet with her just as you would meet with a friend for coffee.

The Rosay will come later - when you begin to trust Our Blessed Mother.

This is a lovely post. Thank you so much - I will so try this. What you say about trust is true, I think. Maybe I’m not really ready to pray the rosary every day simply because the trust I have in Our Lady is rather limited right now.

It’s funny you mentioned coffee. She must have put those words in your mouth because I love coffee and going out for coffee is a favorite pasttime of mine. Neat!

Tracy