Rude Adults (Seniors Who Should Know Better) During Mass

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You think it’s **“just seniors?” **I’ve got news for you…😉
 
CWBetts said:
Are you placing the blame on Vatican II, poor catechesis, or both?:confused:
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Definitely not on the Council. None of this nonsense is endorsed in Sacrosanctum Concilium. I guess if we have to name somebody, it would be opportunists acting falsely in the “Spirit of the Council.” Doesn’t really matter how we got here, though. We need reform, regardless of the source of the problem.
 
Once while on vacation and attending the local parish, I encountered two middle-aged ladies directly in front of and right beside me loudly chatting it up to catch up on their friendship before Mass.

Smiling and with a conversational tone, I turned to one and said, “Excuse me, I’m not from here. Do you believe that Jesus is truly present in the tabernacle up there on the altar?”

One of the “happy chatters” responded, “Yes.”

“Then why are you talking?” * said with my best, cute little wide-eyed innocent look *

All of a sudden, the chatting stopped and was replaced with reverent silence. 🙂

~~ the phoenix
 
May I make a suggestion?
Pardon me. Your whispers are drowning out the priest. I am hard of hearing due to military and work exposure. If someone is buzzing in the background I have problems understanding anything around me. Tinnitis is also a hindrance. Would you mind holding it down until after Mass?
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PaulJason said:
I will say this too, we attended an EF Mass a couple of weeks ago and then returned to our regular parish for Passion Sunday, the level of respect for fellow parishioners was unbelievable. The people around us at the EF realized and respected that we had come to worship and allowed us too by not disturbing, and in respecting us we gave them equal respect. Many people at the OF do not care why we are there they only seem to care that they have to be there and they will do as they please, there is little respect for the fellow sitting next to you.

How to change this I do not know.
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I’d say the answer is within the paragraph.

This and other issues like it often get the request for tolerance and not to risk offending the perpetrator. That is the wrong way to view the issue and perhaps contributes to it.

From the Daily Roman Missal:

The works of mercy are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbour’s spiritual and bodily necessities. Giving alms to the poor is one of the chief witnesses to fraternal charity, it is also a work of justice pleasing to God.

Spiritual
  • counseling the doubtful
  • instructing the ignorant
  • admonishing sinners
  • comforting the afflicted
  • forgiving offenses
    -bearing wrongs patiently
  • praying for the living and the dead
So, I’d say the proper thing to do is instruct the chatty folk, forgive them, be patient, and pray for them. It doesn’t have to be a confrontation and it certainly isn’t about tolerance.
 
kage_ar said:
You stated that you had to do something that may appear to be rude and disrespectful (leave early) for what you felt was a valid reason.

Maybe, on another forum somewhere, someone is posting…

"There is a man who lives next to me, we are in a Sr. Citizens community, he is a fallen away Catholic. He has not been to Mass for 50 years, since his wife passed away and no one from the Parish came to see how he was doing.

This Sunday, he agreed to go with me. He is a bit hard of hearing, and things in the Parish are a bit different since he has been there. We sat in the back, so I could answer questions if need be.

A couple sat in front of us, they would turn around and glare every time my friend had a question or comment. Finally, we just left.

Seems they left early, too.

My friend says it seems that nothing has really changed since the parish deserted him in his time of grief. I don’t know if he will come back again, please, pray for him."
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I can see your point. They were not talking about. the Mass.

They went to communion so they were not new Catholics.

If they are senior Catholics and still need direction on what is going on at Mass something is wrong. The Mass has not changed!!!

I tried to keep from focusing on them but I just thought I had to interrupt their sandbox time.

My wife did not leave early. They did not see me leave early. They walked out after receiving communion. I guess you missed that in your eagerness to turn the table back on me.

Thank you for the comments.

Eddie Mac
 
Eddie_Mac said:
The Mass has not changed!!!
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I’m a convert, but, I am pretty sure there have been a couple of changes to the Mass in the past 50 years, at least that is what the folks over in the Traditional Catholicism room seem to think.

😉
 
*I agree with the poster who said…it’s not just seniors. 😉 I honestly don’t ever remember the last time (well, in Florida, up in PA, the parishes seemed less chatty before/during mass, and more reverent in general) I walked into a parish, where people were just praying and sitting silently, waiting for mass to start. I absolutely love our new parish, but it’s like a social event before mass…I mean LOUD LOUD talking across the pews…even the priests are laughing near the altar, and talking about how they didn’t buy enough donuts.:rolleyes: (which is sometimes a funny conversation to overhear, I admit) The reason the seniors or anyone else are talking during mass, is because it just seems to be so prevalent, now. No one tells anyone to be quiet anymore…even libraries are loud places now…lol

I dunno, I’m 40 but I sound like an old spinster. lol I don’t mean to.😊 I just wish people would settle down, and be silent for an hour during mass (and before too!)…sheesh, it’s only an hour! :o*
 
Sad to say, church doesn’t seem to be the reverential place it once was. When I was growing up, you could hear a pin drop. Now, it sometimes sounds like Grand Central Station.
Kathy
 
For me it was the 30 somethings in front of me on Mother’s Day. They spent the entire service cooing at the baby who was next to me on her mother’s lap, chatting amongst themselves or giggling with their children who were looking at football magazines. The children began to engage the children next to me in loud, inappropriate play for Mass (encouraged by the 30 something parents) to the extent that the parents (next to me) had to move their own children to help ease the distraction.

While it was very annoying, I dealt with it by praying and singing at a volume just above their chatter. They even turned around to see who was interrupting their conversation! The family next to me followed suit! I think they got the message.
 
Eddie_Mac said:
My wife and I attended Mass today and sat in the next to last row. I had to leave a little early to attend to the Eucharistic Adoratiion Ministry table at the breakfast. We normally do not sit in the back.

Two senior adult men were sitting behind us and carried on their conversation throughout Mass.I gave them a stern glance once jsut before Mass started.

I am hard of hearing due to military and work exposure. If someone is buzzing in the background I have problems understanding anything around me, Tinnitis is also a hindrance.

I was doing my best to concentrate on the Mass and ignore the rudeness. I have had a habit of attempting to correct bad behavior during Mass and this sometimes annoys my wife.

As our parish priest elevated Our Lord just before receiving the Body of Christ his asthma interrupted him. One of them made the comment that “He forgot the words!”. My wife and I turned around and glared. They finally understood the message.

They left immediately after communion.

What is wrong with people these days? Why can’t the elders set a good example? Why are people so rude, inconsiderate, and irreverant??

Eddie Mac
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If you’re leaving early yourself I’m not sure I really sympathize with your critique of others’ behavior.

If other people distract you from the celebration of the Sacred Mysteries I guess I’d offer that it might help to reflect on why you go to Mass and what your expectations are (not to mention why you leave early).
 
While I vehemently disagree with parts of it, take a look at the following on the website of the Archdiocese of Brisbane:

litcom.net.au/liturgy_lines/displayarticle.php?llid=258

I particularly disagree with the following:

*“Before Mass readers need to prepare, musicians to rehearse, and other ministers to make final arrangements. It is unreasonable to expect all this to be carried out in silence…On the other hand, parishes should provide a separate space within the church building for private prayer and devotion.” *

Malarkey! :dts:

I have no idea who wrote it or if it carries any weight in that archdiocese. Sadly I’ve had pastors would would agree with every word of it. Sometimes it helps to see how others think before trying to help them change their points of view…
 
There was a couple siting beside me on sunday who were pretty quiet until about 10 minutes into the mass when the woman began rummaging i her bag for a treat for her young daughter - now i dont mind a lolly or somthing as it keeps the wee ones quiet and its a blessing to see the church full of children but the mum spent about 10 minutes with a really noisy wrapper getting the sweet out!!!

She continued rustling it until i put my hand on her arm and she looked up and got the hint - i apolgised but as somene who was trying to learn the faith it was rather distracting!!

Later on, just before the creed, she was talking to her husband and then started talking about her confession the night before - AND I MEAN ALL DETAILS!!!

I swear i was about to implode - ive always thought the confessional was a private thing and between you and god - and i was mortified sitting next to her!

Lets say this - she was prayed for - HARD!
 
diggerdomer said:
If you’re leaving early yourself I’m not sure I really sympathize with your critique of others’ behavior.

If other people distract you from the celebration of the Sacred Mysteries I guess I’d offer that it might help to reflect on why you go to Mass and what your expectations are (not to mention why you leave early).
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What is your purpose on this forum? It doesn’t appear to be to discuss, debate, or learn about Catholicism. Rather your posts seem to automatically take up a contrary position for the sake of pointless squabble. Either your real intent is to create animosity or you believe the rest of the world is prone to constant strife. Whatever the case, if you want others to take you seriously then try adding productive posts instead of ones like this one.
 
Just this morning I had an occasion to “instruct the ignorant:” I was at a women’s retreat held in a small chapel, and during Adoration these two women started carrying on a lengthy whispered conversation (and since I was sitting in the row ahead of them, I could hear every word despite my efforts to tune it out). Father was hearing confessions in another room, so maybe that’s why they were chatting, I don’t know. In any case, they weren’t observant enough to realize that they were the only ones talking and that everyone else was praying or reading in silence. I let it go the first time, prayed for them, etc. But then they started in again, and I finally said to them as gently as possible what everyone else in the room was probably thinking. I greeted them with a smile and said: “Hello, is this your first time here?..I just wondered, because usually we make it a point to keep silence while we’re in the chapel. But there is coffee in the other room, and you’re welcome to go out have a cup, and chat out there. Thanks so much.” The one lady looked a bit sheepish, and they were silent for the remainder of the program. I made it a point to greet them afterwards and to wish them a blessed Holy Week, and I hope there were no hard feelings. :o
 
top_cat said:
Could it also be that one of them was deaf and therefore the level of his voice was higher than you would normally expect ?

I agree it’s irritating - but it’s better to be tolerant
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Why should he have to tolerate this. No one should be talking at all before Mass. Do you realise how hard it is to tell my young children to stay quite and pray before Mass when a forty year old couple are gabbing at full level like they are in a bingo hall. I attribute this to poor training by there parents. :mad:
 
Lycoming said:
I particularly disagree with the following:

*“Before Mass readers need to prepare, musicians to rehearse, and other ministers to make final arrangements. It is unreasonable to expect all this to be carried out in silence…On the other hand, parishes should provide a separate space within the church building for private prayer and devotion.” *
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I disagree as well. Unless the building is truly so small that there is no other place for the musicians to rehearse, something else can be worked out. Our choir used to warm up in the church before Mass, but we finally put an old piano in the basement, and now the choir rehearses down there. Sometimes I do need to warm up on the organ, because the demands of some organ pieces make them unplayable on the piano. But when I do, I stop 15 minutes prior to the start of Mass in order to avoid distracting those who come early to pray. Ideally, our music would be well-enough prepared that we would not need to do an extensive rehearsal before Mass.

If someone would argue that their church has no piano and no money with which to buy one, an ad on craigslist should do the trick. There are plenty of folks who have an unused piano taking up space in their house, who would be glad to be rid of it for free if someone would haul it away and give them a charitable donation tax-receipt. 👍
 
CarrieH said:
Just this morning I had an occasion to “instruct the ignorant:” I was at a women’s retreat held in a small chapel, and during Adoration these two women started carrying on a lengthy whispered conversation (and since I was sitting in the row ahead of them, I could hear every word despite my efforts to tune it out). Father was hearing confessions in another room, so maybe that’s why they were chatting, I don’t know. In any case, they weren’t observant enough to realize that they were the only ones talking and that everyone else was praying or reading in silence. I let it go the first time, prayed for them, etc. But then they started in again, and I finally said to them as gently as possible what everyone else in the room was probably thinking. I greeted them with a smile and said: “Hello, is this your first time here?..I just wondered, because usually we make it a point to keep silence while we’re in the chapel. But there is coffee in the other room, and you’re welcome to go out have a cup, and chat out there. Thanks so much.” The one lady looked a bit sheepish, and they were silent for the remainder of the program. I made it a point to greet them afterwards and to wish them a blessed Holy Week, and I hope there were no hard feelings. :o
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👍 Just wanted to say that you handled that situation beautifully, and in a very Christian manner. Good job!
 
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