Rude people about children at Mass

[Colorado_Mike]

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

 

[TexRose]

Oh that is very rude!
The Lord himself said “Let the children come unto me” so I wouldn’t worry about what those older folks said. They forget that they had children at one time as well.

 

[Katie1723]

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

I don’t mind kids at Mass. What I mind are kids who are left to their own devices with no attention from the parents. And what I mind more than kids, is adults who think time before Mass is for socializing. In the church before Mass is for praying.
Kathy

 

[Tantum_ergo]

It’s tough, but maybe you can accept this as a cross (like St. Therese of the Child Jesus did when she was unjustly punished). Say a little prayer for them. We don’t know why they act as they do. Think of the good example you’re giving your children too:

1. As Christ taught, ‘loving’ not just the ‘lovable’ but the downright mean, rude and unlovable. . .and doing a ‘kindness’ that will be rewarded as they cannot ‘repay you’ in kindness.
2. Showing them that retaliating (even with rolled eyes, or muttered comments, or even with the old, "Thank goodness we do not act like THAT in church) rudeness with rudeness is not Christian behavior.
3. Showing them that, even when people fail, or sin, we still give them chances. We forgive them and give them the chance to repent and make reparations. . .seventy times seven. And we do it with love. Maybe those people will always comment thusly. . .but then again, if consistently meant with kindness and prayer. . .you may be the means for a miracle of love.

 

[Lorrie]

I don’t mind kids at Mass. What I mind are kids who are left to their own devices with no attention from the parents. And what I mind more than kids, is adults who think time before Mass is for socializing. In the church before Mass is for praying.
Kathy

I second this.

 

[the_phoenix]

I don’t mind kids at Mass. What I mind are kids who are left to their own devices with no attention from the parents. And what I mind more than kids, is adults who think time before Mass is for socializing. In the church before Mass is for praying.
Kathy

I third this.

 

[FrankLawrence]

it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

Could you please elaborate? Often, people assume that unruly behavior from THEIR kids is “regular,” when in fact it is not. Then, they don’t understand what went wrong when their teenage sons are impregnating girls, as their teenage daughters are getting impregnated. If your children are displaying behavior in church that has gotten to the point where people are regularly complaining about it, I know that your instinct is to defend your children, but are you being an enabler? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know the situation.
What I can say, though, is that back during a time when I was weak in my faith, all it took was the actions of an unruly 3 year old(he got physical with me in such a violating manner, that if he was an adult, I would have punched him right in the face during Mass) and the fact that his mother observed what he did and failed to discipline him, that was just the excuse I needed to miss Mass for nearly a YEAR. (Again, I was weak in my faith at the time.) So what am I saying? I guess I’m saying that parents who fail to discipline their unruly kids at Church are horrible witnesses for Christ. Again, I don’t know what the situation was with you and your kids, so I’m not accusing you of anything, but if your children are being singled out for complaints by other parishioners, perhaps their behavior is not as “regular” as you’d like to think it is. Again, I don’t know the situation as I wasn’t there, but I’ve seen 2 and 3 year old children at Mass who I felt were a tremendous blessing to be there, while I’ve seen others whose presence detracted from the Mass.

 

[cecilia97]

Oh that is very rude!
The Lord himself said “Let the children come unto me” so I wouldn’t worry about what those older folks said. They forget that they had children at one time as well.

“Let the children come unto me” actually sounds like a good thing to politely tell them if you can’t ignore it and bite your toungue! I agree those comments are very rude, even if the child in question really IS throwing an unholy fit. Funny, it’s the elderly folks at my parish that make the most noise…

 

[VociMike]

I generally like sitting right behind families with smaller kids. There’s something about watching them that helps me to understand how God feels about all of us.

However…there are some kids that really are out of control, and about half the time the parents either don’t notice or maybe just pretend not to notice. When my kids were smaller I was highly sensitive to the simple fact that one of my children could disrupt the Mass for hundreds of people, and I was quick to take them to the back if they started getting loud. For some reason that usually quieted them down and I rarely had to actually leave the nave.

 

[Tracyms1974]

Hello, all!

  I felt compelled to add my :twocents: since I'm the mother of a 3yr old.

  Up to now, I've kept my child in the cry room, but I have tried as of late to "acclimate" her, if you will, to the sanctuary, extra seating room, etc.  These are my personal rules as a mom:  If she squirms around in the pew, or won't sit still in the case of chairs, I let it go unless it's just ridiculous.  If she starts talking, I answer her quickly and then tell her to pay attention.  Sometimes I give her gum; this helps a lot with the talking.  One Sunday she kept trying to jingle my keys, and without a word, I firmly took them away and set them squarely on my purse.  She left them alone after that.  The only time I would consider leaving with her and giving a time-out is if she's acting like a crazy person / completely disrespectful.  

  The way I see it, if you are at least making an attempt to discipline your child and somebody still has something to say about it, then that's rude.  The person making the comments needs to see that you're trying to correct the situation and should be quiet.  If you don't try to do something about it as a parent and the said rude parishioner "beats you to the chase," then the best thing to do is to forget about it and try to do better next time.  Good luck in the future, I know I always need it.

Tracy

 

[Kielbasi]

Babies and toddlers are not required to be at mass and really shouldn’t be if they cannot behave themselves.

Churches have nurseries and cry rooms, that’s what they are there for. Of course young children are also permitted to stay at home in front of the tv watching “The Three Stooges” or other youth oriented programming while one of their parents are in church.

That’s mostly what I did during my preschool days on Sunday morning.

 

[Sabda]

Babies and toddlers are not required to be at mass and really shouldn’t be if they cannot behave themselves.

Churches have nurseries and cry rooms, that’s what they are there for. Of course young children are also permitted to stay at home in front of the tv watching “The Three Stooges” or other youth oriented programming while one of their parents are in church.

That’s mostly what I did during my preschool days on Sunday morning.

Your particular parish may have a nursery or cry room but please do not assume that all parishes do. Mine does not have a nursery or cry room. The children receive grace when they come to Mass with their parents. Why would you want them to miss that? If they are exposed to Mass they learn more quickly how to behave at Mass. Leaving them at home all the time will not help with that.

In response to op I tend to do what Tracym does in regard to my child being at Mass, except I don’t give gum. I taught my children to whisper. When they are in Mass they know that they have to whisper. Talking in a normal voice is NOT allowed.

 

[Leopard]

Babies and toddlers are not required to be at mass and really shouldn’t be if they cannot behave themselves.

Churches have nurseries and cry rooms, that’s what they are there for. Of course young children are also permitted to stay at home in front of the tv watching “The Three Stooges” or other youth oriented programming while one of their parents are in church.

That’s mostly what I did during my preschool days on Sunday morning.

Let me get this straight, babies and toddlers in their most formative years should not be permitted to attend Mass, but should watch The Three Stooges instead? Is this supposed to improve their behavior when they finally are allowed to come to Mass?

 

[kage_ar]

Churches have nurseries and cry rooms, that’s what they are there for. Of course young children are also permitted to stay at home in front of the tv watching “The Three Stooges” or other youth oriented programming while one of their parents are in church.

.

There is not a cry room in our TOWN, 2 Parishes and one Convent Chapel. Not one cry room.

We love kids around here, so, the parents who are dealing with rude parishioners, please - come to Mass here

 

[Socio_Momma]

Smile, ignore it, and pray for them.

Having no cry room or nursery & having 3 small children I have had once or twice come across this. It’s frustrating but I remind myself as long as Dh & I are acting in our capacity as parents still during the Mass not just letting them run “wild” (i.e. we are directing behavior to be positive, respectful, & encouraging as much active participation in the Mass as possible for their ages) then we are doing the right thing by having them there with us. If they act disrespectfully or we are unable to redirect them into positive behavior, then we take them to the back. That tends to calm them, but kids are kids sometimes they act like kids & little noise from a child is nothing in comparison to people talking during the consecration about what they are doing later, answering their cell phones during Mass (yep, seen this ) or complaining so loudly about the kids that they are more distracting than the kids Christ knows that children are not going to be “mini-adults” but still He called all, including children, to Him (not to the TV or hidden away in a back room), as parents we strongly believe it is our responsibiltiy to put our children on the path to holiness. That is best done by fully living out the faith as a family, including going to Mass together.

Some people are always going to find kids a distraction, they’d find something else if it wasn’t kids to complain about. Don’t stress about a few random comments & continue to be a model to your children in the faith:thumbsup:

 

[mercygate]

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

What do you consider “regular behavior”?

 

[b_justb]

You could just turn to the comment makers and say, “Some people’s children,” and leave it at that. Let them figure out if you’re sympathizing with them or zinging them.

 

[Brenda_V]

I have to tell you that I used to get these kinds of comments about my children too. Now that they are adults and I run into some of the Parishioners who remembered us when they were little I get compliments on how well they behaved at Mass, this taught me that those who loved seeing the children at Mass were not as loud as those who didn’t and not only that, those who didn’t like the children there were fewer in number, just louder making it seem like there were more of them.

OP, know that there are plenty of people at Mass who see you there working with your children who are happy to see you! They are just not heard.

Just a story, this happened about 21 years ago, our Parish had just finished with the addition to the Sanctuary (more than doubled the occupancy) and a Cry Room (air and heat and sound were not working yet). My now 21 yo was only 6 mo and sitting in my lap playing with my bead necklace, my now 27 yo was 6 yo was following along in her little Missal. We are sitting third or fourth pew back. The only sound coming from us was the light sound of beads clicking together. After Mass we ended up in front of the Elderly couple who had been sitting directly in front of us, the woman loudly whispered to the man “We now have a cry room for those noisy babies!” - it was said just loud enough for me to hear!

I tell this story so you know that most of us who say “normal 2 and 3 yo behavior” do indeed know what is worthy of removing the child from the church and what is not!

Brenda V.

 

[historybrat]

Just ignore people who make rude comments. I’m single and there are a lot of little ones at my parish. All I ask is that parents keep and eye on their children and try to get them to behave during mass. No parent is perfect and sometimes kids just really can’t control themselves. But I’ve always felt its better to bring them to mass so they can see how others behave and mimic them, than to leave them at home for years and then wonder why they can’t behave at mass or understand whats going on when they get older. As long as you are trying people around you need to be understanding. Pray for patience with those who don’t understand.

Historybrat

 

[BloodStaindRose]

A child even of such a young age needs to know his/her place to sit and be quiet as possible–to show reverence.

Punishment should be involved if they cannot seem to sit still or cause a ruckus.

I would also have to comment if a child was making too much noise and the parent never took them out of Mass!