Rude people about children at Mass

  • Thread starter Thread starter Colorado_Mike
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
BloodStaindRose said:
A child even of such a young age needs to know his/her place to sit and be quiet as possible–to show reverence.

Punishment should be involved if they cannot seem to sit still or cause a ruckus.

I would also have to comment if a child was making too much noise and the parent never took them out of Mass!
Click to expand...
Sitting quietly and doing nothing (I have never met any toddler who can do that) and sitting while quietly playing with a beaded necklace or book are both acceptable. Toddlers are busy!

If a baby/toddler starts to scream or throw a tantrum they should be removed. However, most will make some noise throughout the mass ( whispering to mommy or daddy, perhaps clicking of small a toy, or the knocking of a book on a pew). They should NOT be punished for that!

Bring them to church! As a wise old priest once said, he loves to hear babies and toddlers make noise in church. It means we are a growing parish AND the parents are bringing their children to church.
 
Catholic90 said:
Sitting quietly and doing nothing (I have never met any toddler who can do that) and sitting while quietly playing with a beaded necklace or book are both acceptable. Toddlers are busy!

If a baby/toddler starts to scream or throw a tantrum they should be removed. However, most will make some noise throughout the mass ( whispering to mommy or daddy, perhaps clicking of small a toy, or the knocking of a book on a pew). They should NOT be punished for that!

Bring them to church! As a wise old priest once said, he loves to hear babies and toddlers make noise in church. It means we are a growing parish AND the parents are bringing their children to church.
Click to expand...
And Jesus loves to hear the little children. 👍
 
A good opening would be, “I’m so sorry little Johnny isn’t being as quiet as he could be today. Perhaps you could have given me advice if it wasn’t so long long long long long ago that you brought your children to Mass.”

Wait, that’s not right. That’s what not to say. Try to remember that the person who quips as an aside usually does so because they lack the maturity to address a situation properly or lacks the grace to “offer it up.”

When someone offers you unsolicited criticism, sometimes you have to humble yourself for them to get a little humility themselves.

Perhaps you could try turning to the critic with a hangdog expression and open quietly with, “I’m so sorry little Johnny isn’t being as quiet as he could be at two years old. (Make an apologetic smile. Raise your eyebrows slightly and look hopeful.) After Mass would you take a moment and tell me how you were able to manage…with your children?* It’s so tough nowadays, and I’d love to hear your insights on this.”

(If they answer with, “I didn’t have any children,” you can say, “Ahhhh, I see,” and nod your head in understanding at their lack of patience. With a sweet smile, you can still press them for advice after Mass, if you’re up to it.)

Usually, the offender will either apologize or talk to you later. If you do get the chance to chat later, recognize that what you may hear may not agree with your idea of parenting, and recognize the humility it takes on their part to answer for their rudeness in a very Christian manner.

Ask leading questions. If you are told that, “Punishment should be involved if they cannot seem to sit still or cause a ruckus,” ask them how they were able to punish a toddler at Mass without exacerbating the situation. Draw them out. Be sincere, be curious. They probably just need someone to listen and show an interest in their experience.

I know this won’t be easy with everything you have to carry, but ten minutes chatting will win you an ally and put you both at ease.

Guess what? The best case scenario is that you’ve probably just made a friend who needs to be reminded that a little discomfort on their part is an opportunity to help themselves – and others – to grow spiritually. That’s my idea of Catholic community.
 
I am sorry that you have those experiences—I have children too—my two oldest are 14 and 13, but I have recently had a baby—she is now 15 months old. So I had previous experience with rude sighs and stares with my oldest. And now my youngest is getting pretty pookie (pookie to me means curious and vociferous----developmentally on track, I would say—I would rather her be pookie than a dullard!)

But don’t get me wrong! I am VERY conscientious about others feelings. If she seems to start squirming, and before she loses her cool, I take her out if she is UNHAPPY. I don’t take her out for every little thing though! They act as if I am not watching her as good as they would! Children are naturally curious and have “sticky little hands”-----They want to touch everything to LEARN. I am watching—not nervously, but I AM watching! :o I don’t need anybody elses testiness to “remind” me.

Children also sometimes RESPOND to the music by “singing” and clapping. Some people are tested and distraught that their prayer is disturbed by a sudden little screech of joy. Trust me, the screech of joy is far more praising to God than any prayer I have prayed.

My advice to you is to be peaceful. Remember St Teresa de Avila’s prayer:
"Let nothing disturb thee,
Nothing affright thee;
All things are passing;
God never changes;
Patient endurance
Attains to all things;
Who God possesses
In nothing is wanting;
Alone God suffices.

This prayer helps to see all disturbances in perspective.
God Bless you, and everything will be better in church next time!🙂
 
We went through times when ours were young and restless and distracted others. We never did have anyone tell us anything though.
I think now that I look back I got nothing out of Mass, as it is a full time job keeping the peace in the pew. If I had to do it again I would have taken turns with husband staying home with the kids, at least until they were a little older, and they had some kind of understanding of how to be still and quiet in the pew. We grew up in a time for utmost respect for the Mass with no talking or moving about, and if we did ,we would get “the look” or be punished when we got home if we were older.

I guess what you need to ask yourself is, are my kids too distracting since others are commenting, and what can I do by being a responsible member of the church to make things better for everyone around me?

Blessings
 
Catholic90 said:
If a baby/toddler starts to scream or throw a tantrum they should be removed. However, most will make some noise throughout the mass ( whispering to mommy or daddy, perhaps clicking of small a toy, or the knocking of a book on a pew). They should NOT be punished for that!
Click to expand...
No “clicking” toys in the baby pack for church!
 
pray4peace said:
We went through times when ours were young and restless and distracted others. We never did have anyone tell us anything though.
I** think now that I look back I got nothing out of Mass, as it is a full time job keeping the peace in the pew. **If I had to do it again I would have taken turns with husband staying home with the kids, at least until they were a little older, and they had some kind of understanding of how to be still and quiet in the pew. We grew up in a time for utmost respect for the Mass with no talking or moving about, and if we did ,we would get “the look” or be punished when we got home if we were older.

I guess what you need to ask yourself is, are my kids too distracting since others are commenting, and what can I do by being a responsible member of the church to make things better for everyone around me?

Blessings
Click to expand...
Amen!

Don’t say you didn’t get anything out of Mass. You did, it just wasn’t the sort of thing we adults LIKE to get out of Mass.

The REAL saints are the moms and dads who endure this distraction during their children’s toddler years.

We have a guy who had to chase his little 'un half way up the aisle every Sunday for 2 years because the boy would escape and head for the baptismal pool. I think Steve & Patty get stars in their heavnly crown for this. They constantly eyballed their 3 kids and held them to a standard of good behavior. Each child got to put something in the collection basket – they would crowd to the end of the pew when the ushers passed by.
 
I would hate the idea of parents of children ever missing mass simply because they have children. Even the idea of mom and dad taking turns, unless the child is sick or is too “brand new” (some of us did not like to take our newborns out until they reached a certain age, for me it was about 2 months) just doesn’t seem right.

Children have to be trained to go to church, just like they have to be trained to go to the store, learn table manners, or anything else. It is a part of life! This necessarily means there will be some error and correction. There should be a healthy dose of patience toward parents with young children at mass. Of course, I am only talking about those that are attending to their children, not the ones who do not.

I say, if we see a young family, smile and give them your support. If we can’t come to Mass as a family, where can we go?

Peace,
Kelly
 
As a father of three young children I can tell you my own kids distract me to no end during Mass. I’m also distracted by:

  1. *]People who sit right behind me and cough, sneeze and sniffle during Mass.
    *]There some elderly folks at our church who insist on bringing everything in a plastic grocery bag. So when they need something during the quiet times of Mass the rustling echoes off of the church walls.
    *]Then there are those who insist on whispering to each other throughout Mass.
    *]There is a woman who sits in the front pew nearly every Sunday and insists on breastfeeding her newborn. Since my seven year old wants to see all the action at Mass, we sit up front, and inevitably I end up kneeling behind her. I can’t even begin to imagine how distracting this must be for Father.
    *]Then there are those adults who, for some reason, can’t seem to make it through an hour of Mass without getting up to go to the bathroom.
    *]Of course, there are those who come in late, and disrupt the entire pew.
    *]And those who insist on leaving early, and disrupting the entire pew.
    *]Let’s not forget the sirens when the fire department or the ambulance goes by,
    *]The sound of jet engines from planes landing at the nearby airport.
    *]Then there is the occasional cell phone that goes off during the homily or the Consecration.
    *]Finally, there is the perennial car alarm from the parking lot.
    I can think of a thousand distractions. Its up to us to focus on what is important: Our Lord and Savior. If some people are more focused on your children than Him, we should pray that they are able to overcome their lack of attention. I’d just ignore them and continue to do what you are doing.

    A couple of years ago some folks complained to Father about the crying children. He had this to say in his homily(I’m paraphrasing):

    “Parents, please, if your children become too much of a distraction, take them into the vestibule. Remember, people are trying to pray the Mass. To those who have complained about the children, let’s remember the many children’s voices who have been silenced by the evil of abortion in this country, and be thankful for the children’s voices we have in our church.”
 
Patrick2340 said:
“Parents, please, if your children become too much of a distraction, take them into the vestibule. Remember, people are trying to pray the Mass. To those who have complained about the children, let’s remember the many children’s voices who have been silenced by the evil of abortion in this country, and be thankful for the children’s voices we have in our church.”
Click to expand...
Just…wow. What an amasing pastor you have there!
 
mercygate said:
No “clicking” toys in the baby pack for church!
Click to expand...
I should have clarified…not a toy that actually clicks or makes noise:nope: , but a toy that when set on the pew or accidentally dropped or like mom’s necklace lovingly played with mentioned early that makes noise just by its ‘being’. :juggle:

One of my most cherished memories of my boys as toddlers in church was when they would sit in my lap and play with my hair. I had fairly long hair, so they would grab a fistful and just stroke it or wrap it around their arms, head, etc. It did not hurt me, as they did not pull on. They were playing with it. I did have people attempt to ‘scold’ my boys for “pulling my hair”. I quickly told them they were not hurting me and I was actually quite happy with them doing that, as it kept them content and quiet.
 
To the original poster:

If your children were truly well behaved and some crabby person made a negative comment, you should say something like:

“Wait here, …I think I have a millstone in my car and it looks like it would fit around your neck.”

On a serious note, I’ve found it helpful to always take small children to Mass every week (and more if possible). If they become unruly, take them to the back (not the cry room) and hold them. They learn quickly that the back of church is not for running around and that church is a place to be calm and quiet. Also, try to attend a Mass that is near a time when your child will be sleepy. Our toddlers usually fell asleep during Noon Mass, at the very least they were in ‘tired-mode’ and not ‘I need to run around mode.’
 
Catholic90 said:
I should have clarified…not a toy that actually clicks or makes noise:nope: , but a toy that when set on the pew or accidentally dropped or like mom’s necklace lovingly played with mentioned early that makes noise just by its ‘being’. :juggle:

One of my most cherished memories of my boys as toddlers in church was when they would sit in my lap and play with my hair. I had fairly long hair, so they would grab a fistful and just stroke it or wrap it around their arms, head, etc. It did not hurt me, as they did not pull on. They were playing with it. I did have people attempt to ‘scold’ my boys for “pulling my hair”. I quickly told them they were not hurting me and I was actually quite happy with them doing that, as it kept them content and quiet.
Click to expand...
Thank you for recognizing that a baby and beaded necklaces kind of go together ;). Yes, there are some parents who don’t do anything when a baby or child becomes noisy but there are some things that are just not worth taking a child out of Mass for, my beads, your hair are just two examples. I also have to say that in my experience at Mass there are far more parents who actually are actively training their children in the way to behave than not! You know, there are few parents who don’t take the baby/toddler out when necessary.

The one thing that I learned from that comment though was perhaps they had hearing aids and at the time all a hearing ade did was amplify the sounds making it hard to filter out the “little noises” most of us do filter out (I don’t know if it has changed since then). I would then check to make sure I wasn’t sitting behind someone with a hearing aid so as not to let our “little noises” disturb them.

Brenda V.
 
As a mom of a 3 yo (with another on the way!) we have been sitting in the cry room since she was born because I was afraid of disturbing anyone. Unfortunately, there are many distractions there for my dd. Other parents come in late, bring noisy toys, bring food and drink or let their children wander around. I don’t think that that is the best training ground for mass and I’m to the point that I am ready to return to the nave so that my dd can see what is going on. She is always interested in everything going on around her and I think that she would do well if she could see and hear better. 😉
I think responsible parents know what is appropriate for mass and strive to teach their children to the best of their ability. A little understanding from everyone will help a lot!

My 2 cents…
Elizabeth
 
I would say, ignore those rude people! Most people are happy to see the children at Mass with you!
 
Colorado_Mike said:
What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.
Click to expand...
“OH Thank GOD you’re here. Could you watch them while I go to the bathroom? Thanks much!” Then run to the bathroom. 😃

Seriously, just smile. Let them wallow in their own self-made discomfort; you can’t make it better for them.
 
When some children behind me were lowder than the new PA system, I didn’t say anything. I simply moved quickly to the other side of the church. We just don’t have the good sisters around any more who could silence anyone with an icy glance.
 
There have been some young children sitting in front of me who were disruptive the last two masses. However, why worry about it? The first time I moved during the mass, and last Sunday I sat on the other side of the church. I wouldn’t be rude myself, but I understand how people may become upset when the center of attention becomes the child nearby rather than Christ present in the Church.
 
Leopard said:
Let me get this straight, babies and toddlers in their most formative years should not be permitted to attend Mass, but should watch The Three Stooges instead? Is this supposed to improve their behavior when they finally are allowed to come to Mass?
Click to expand...
I do not know whether to laugh or cry at that post, I cannot imagine what kind of Catholic children one would raise with the attitude they are best left at home watching The Three Stoogies.

Nor like another poster pointed out do all Churches have cry rooms, mine does not.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top