Rude people about children at Mass

[PatienceAndLove]

A couple I know dropped their kids off at grandma’s for pancakes and grandma time instead of taking them to church. At age 7 (age-of-reason), they made their kids go to Mass.
Guess who had one heck of a time getting their kids to pay attention and participate?

Children learn better when they have been going to Church from the beginning.

Kids and Church via Assumption Grotto

 

[dranzal]

I have brought my babies to Mass since they were born. Do the bigger boys (7&9) sometimes get distracted? A little—but they respond immediately to the “eye” from mom in the choir. Does the 15 mo baby get squirmy and/or decide to “sing” at odd times? Of course. I then carry her to the back and (don’t be shocked) nurse her.

Yes, dh will bring in a couple of those finger puppets or a little stuffed animal for her to hold or a board book for her to look at. My older children have learned from this that Mass attendance is an imperative for all. We may have to make little adjustments for the babies, but we WILL be at Mass!!!

I agree that the parents who attempt to ignore the antics of their children are doing their children and the congregation a disservice.

Parents who are trying differing techniques to interest the child or teach or even train the child about Mass should be commended. Have patience with them.

If your parish seems to be overflowing with young families, suggest a children’s Mass. Then you go to the elderly Mass to avoid the little buggers and you can have your childless Mass.

Chrismyster, tell mommy not to sweat it. Bring the baby. The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

BTW, in the Eastern churches, not only do babies attend, they receive the Eucharist.

 

[dranzal]

One more thing.

Last Sunday, Father interrupted the Eucharist to tell the congregation to can it. These were big kids and adults chatting as if at a ball game, not babies. They won’t all fit in the cry room.

 

[pmoo]

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

Although I would never say anything to the offenders, I do get a little irritated at the parents who spend the entire mass talking to their children, admonishing them to be quiet, etc. How can children learn to be quiet if their parents are constantly talking to them, fussing over them, etc? If in that situation, I say a silent prayer asking God to help me not be judgmental or mean-spirited.

As some others said, it’s not the kids who bother me. Usually, I find it’s the adults who behave inappropriately.

However, once I sat in front of a family with two preteens. The entire family whispered throughout the entire mass, prayers, and communion. I was very upset to have talking going on during prayer nd finally got up and moved when I could take it no more.

It’s God’s house, and everyone is welcome, so continue to raise your children to be good Catholics:thumbsup:

 

[RunningLawyer]

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass?

Listen to them.

 

[Charli]

I have to tell you that I used to get these kinds of comments about my children too. Now that they are adults and I run into some of the Parishioners who remembered us when they were little I get compliments on how well they behaved at Mass, this taught me that those who loved seeing the children at Mass were not as loud as those who didn’t and not only that, those who didn’t like the children there were fewer in number, just louder making it seem like there were more of them.

OP, know that there are plenty of people at Mass who see you there working with your children who are happy to see you! They are just not heard.

Just a story, this happened about 21 years ago, our Parish had just finished with the addition to the Sanctuary (more than doubled the occupancy) and a Cry Room (air and heat and sound were not working yet). My now 21 yo was only 6 mo and sitting in my lap playing with my bead necklace, my now 27 yo was 6 yo was following along in her little Missal. We are sitting third or fourth pew back. The only sound coming from us was the light sound of beads clicking together. After Mass we ended up in front of the Elderly couple who had been sitting directly in front of us, the woman loudly whispered to the man “We now have a cry room for those noisy babies!” - it was said just loud enough for me to hear!

I tell this story so you know that most of us who say “normal 2 and 3 yo behavior” do indeed know what is worthy of removing the child from the church and what is not!

Brenda V.

 

[Charli]

Re: quote from Dr. Suess: He really is a expert. His son commited suicide. We have little children in our mass. they are a little unruly, so what. However there are some 6-7 and 8 year olds that think that the mass is a circus. And their parents either don’t mind or whatever. This is what we are most upset about.

 

[turtle18]

Being single, and not having children, I guess I don’t understand. There is a big huge difference between babies crying and undisciplined parents who think it’s cute to let children act that way and even use the Gospel as an excuse to let justify it. Jesus said to not prevent people from keeping children from him. But He didn’t say that was an excuse to let the children act any way they wanted. The last 10am Mass I went to, the five year old sitting in the pew behind me, undoubtedly diagnosed with ADD or something, talked all 70 minutes of the Mass. Dad made no effort to rectify this situation and Mom shssed him all of five times during Mass, of which he ignored every single one of them. I just flat out couldn’t hear and I am middle aged.

Fortunately, we have a 7pm Mass which is too late for most of the unruly kids to attend.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Maybe in America but I’ve never seen them in other countries.
Personally I do not believe in them. I see no problem in parents taking their children to Mass. I don’t see the children as the problem but the self-righteous adults who do the complaining about the children. I agree with other posters that keeping them away is contrary to what Christ said. Do you really think Jesus is happy when he sees people complaining about children??

I live in the U.S., and I have never seen a cry room, ever. I have been to Masses in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Indiana, Michigan, Florida and California. Where are these alleged cry rooms located?

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Re: quote from Dr. Suess: He really is a expert. His son commited suicide. We have little children in our mass. they are a little unruly, so what. However there are some 6-7 and 8 year olds that think that the mass is a circus. And their parents either don’t mind or whatever. This is what we are most upset about.

What?

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I live in the U.S., and I have never seen a cry room, ever. I have been to Masses in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Indiana, Michigan, Florida and California. Where are these alleged cry rooms located?

Usually in the back of the Church.
Some are even located off to the side with a TV in the room that close-circuit broadcasts the Mass to the room. I have even seen them in basements, if there is no room up in the Church. Other Churches have converted the choir loft into a glassed in Cry Room.

 

[Strevel]

Smile, be nice and “understand”. If we respond rudely we give substantual credability to their claim. We teach our kids to fight and not respect the Church.

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

 

[stpetric]

Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

I think most people understand that children will be children, and that small children don’t have the attention span of adults. Therefore they cut kids (and their parents) some slack about behavior during the liturgy. Indeed, they’re glad to see the next generation of Christians coming along!

Therefore I suggest, as respectfully as possible, that if you’re hearing from people about your children’s behavior “not a few times”, that it’s worth asking if perhaps their behavior might in fact be more disruptive than you understand it to be. Perhaps they’re not yet at a developmental point where it’s fair to ask them to be on “church behavior” for an hour or so.

 

[Jaypeeto4]

Well, about kids screaming at mass, etc.
When I was a little boy I was made to go to the JWs
Kingdom Hall. And I was taught to respect the fact that
I was at a worship service and that I was not to talk, run up and down the aisles, start screaming, etc. I knew better than to misbehave. Not that I didn’t WANT to, mind you. I just knew
better.

I expect to hear babies make their noises at mass.
But a mom who will just sit there while her baby is literally SHRIEKING at the top of his lungs, is not being very responsible or courteous to the other people at mass. No one can hear the homily. One Sunday, one mother was so clueless that she let her approximately 7 year old daughter get up from her pew,
traipse down the main aisle, and start jumping up and down and doing CARTWHEELS in front of the altar. Incredible. And the mother didn’t budge. Finally, our pastor had to issue a stern rebuke about “this kind of behavior.” At THAT point, and only after that point, did mom get up and usher her brat back to her seat.

Most parents, however, do the best they can, and kids will be kids. We can’t expect the silence of a monastery…
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Usually in the back of the Church.
Some are even located off to the side with a TV in the room that close-circuit broadcasts the Mass to the room. I have even seen them in basements, if there is no room up in the Church. Other Churches have converted the choir loft into a glassed in Cry Room.

I was talking about the fact that I have been to hundreds of churches in nine states throughout the country, and I have never seen a cry room. My question was, where are the churches that do have these cry rooms? I never intended to ask where in the church the cry room would be located.

 

[genealogist]

I snottily apologized a few weeks ago to the couple as they climbed over me and my three kids to sit somewhere else.

“May the love of Jesus be with you this morning. I am sorry that we ruined your day.!”

My wife in not Catholic and rounds on Sundays at the hospital. I therefore often take all three 10, almost 7 and 4. The older have to go each week since she is in first grade. I bring Children’s Worship bulletins and Magnifikids to kee them focused on the Mass as best I can. I was still gettin the stuff out of the church bag when this older couple apparently had enough. I sympathize about bratty kids but feel we were not sitting next to them long enough to warrant such a quick retreat. I am not asking thyem to endure sheer hell for many moments but my 4 yr old had put the kneeler up and down one or two times and that apparently was a red flag for then to flee.

I want to remind people that many people in my situation would take great offense and leave and never come back. I could go to her church drop the kids off for an hour of Sunday School and then children’s worship during the service and NEVER be treated such. There would be a very specal pit in hell for me for leaving the Church particularly for such a reason but guess what? Those rude self righteous parishioners who I am one of soemtimes will be burning in eternal hell fire along with the fallen aways for driving them away! God is watching ALL of us.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

I expect to hear babies make their noises at mass.
But a mom who will just sit there while her baby is literally SHRIEKING at the top of his lungs, is not being very responsible or courteous to the other people at mass. No one can hear the homily. One Sunday, one mother was so clueless that she let her approximately 7 year old daughter get up from her pew,
traipse down the main aisle, and start jumping up and down and doing CARTWHEELS in front of the altar. Incredible. And the mother didn’t budge. Finally, our pastor had to issue a stern rebuke about “this kind of behavior.” At THAT point, and only after that point, did mom get up and usher her brat back to her seat.

Most parents, however, do the best they can, and kids will be kids. We can’t expect the silence of a monastery…
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+

I want to say first that I agree with much of your post. It certainly sounds like the behavior displayed by the girl in your story was inapproriate, though I would argue that she should not be labeled a “brat.”

That said, I wanted to bring up the issue of special needs children. It can be very difficult to tell that a child is autistic. But there certainly must be different standards for a child who is autistic and will likely have difficulty with Mass. I know parents of children who are autistic. Sadly, many of them have encountered great difficulties in trying to get their children religious education and teaching their children proper behavior at Mass. Their efforts are nothing short of heroic.

 

[krissy343]

I was talking about the fact that I have been to hundreds of churches in nine states throughout the country, and I have never seen a cry room. My question was, where are the churches that do have these cry rooms? I never intended to ask where in the church the cry room would be located.

I live in Northwest Indiana and our parish has one. To my knowledge, it is the only parish in town that has one. It’s also the largest parish in town so I’m sure they thought it was needed.

 

[westcoast]

Oh my gosh, since I don’t have kids I have a hard time with their noise-making, etc. but do realize that’s just how kids are! And besides, we were all kids once.
I know that if were sitting there thinking, ughhhhh, they won’t be QUIET, and the parents turned around to me and said, “I’m so sorry they are being loud” I would feel so bad for even thinking that way about the noisy kids. I would then kind of be on the parent’s “side”, commisserating with them, instead of fuming against them (inwardly, of course - and I know that’s wrong to get irritated at children but I need to work on that). And I know you don’t owe anyone an apology because kids are kids but I think it would definitely nip their comments in the bud.

 

[jc-servant]

There is no better place for a child to be seen and heard than in mass. Yes, I agree that there are some children who are unruly, but those are very few and even those cannot really bother you. Children are God’s little gifts to us. And I personally (notice the personally here) do not feel that a cry room is the best place for a child. God is most certainly present at the mass and at the mass is where the child should be.

We have so many missing children now a days that it really irks me to hear someone complain about the very few that we have with us. We should all rejoice when we see our children simply because they are survivors.

I love children, but I do not love children imitating Superman while “flying” on the modesty bench from the first pew while it rocks precariously back and forth during mass. Their parents sit ignoring them and their loud game as they drown out the homily. If you think this behavior cannot really bother someone, guess again. It was in the front pew so their precious little arms flapping were waving in people’s line of sight to the priest while their shrieks drowned him out.

I think extremely disruptive children are more common than you think. The parent who sits silently while they cause havoc are little better than a TV babysitting them at home. I had to actually tell the mother of the 2 super hero boys that the bench was not attached to the floor, so her little darlings were in extreme danger of tipping over and cracking their heads on the stone floor. This was the only reason that she finally told them to get off of it. However, neither she or their father made them sit down and be quiet. Did I mention that the older one was old enough for 1st Communion?

Not being aborted does not make a child immune to some reasonable discipline in his or her life. It will make them better prepared to deal in the real world when Mommy and Daddy are not around. The police don’t care when someone tells them, “You can’t tell me what to do.” Sounds farfetched, but I actually saw it working at a campus police department fairly often from college students who never learned to respect authority before leaving home.