Rude people about children at Mass

[WidespreadPanic]

Well this seems to be a problem without a solution. For we all know that my kids never do anything wrong and that it is just the cranky old people that are the problem. I don’t remember this being a problem when I was young. A simple look from my father or mother was all it took. Now the parent has to bring a picnic and a bag of toys to entertain for the hour. I would just suggest that all the old people just sit there and not smack there lips or make comments for it does no good. Remember we all have a cross to bear.

 

[wanner47]

We take our toddler to Mass every Sunday and will take the new baby as well.

She’s at the age where she does NOT want to sit still. We bring toys, etc. to keep her distracted, point out things like the crucifix and the statue of Mary to keep her interested, but sometimes she’ll just throw a fit and we’ll take her out. We do our utmost to make sure she’s not being so disruptive that it is very distracting to others.

We went to the baptism of a friend’s baby a few weeks ago. Afterwards, my friend (who is now the mother of three energetic boys!) said, admiringly, “Does your daughter always behave that well at Mass?”

I had to laugh because, unbeknownst to my husband and me, our daughter spent a good chunk of Mass on her knees LICKING the kneeler! We thought she was just taking a nap.

 

[pmoo]

I live in the U.S., and I have never seen a cry room, ever. I have been to Masses in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Indiana, Michigan, Florida and California. Where are these alleged cry rooms located?

I’m in Palm Beach County, Florida and my church has a cry room. Not many use it, but it’s available.

 

[pmoo]

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

I wanted to respond again as your children are so young. In my church, we often hear babies crying or even toddlers…that is what they do. As many others have said, it’s the older kids who should know better and/or their parents who are the real problems.

As to what to say, that is a tough one. Maybe that you hope they will understand your desire to teach their children to love God as much as they(complainers) do? Maybe that will silence them.

 

[boppaid]

Being single, and not having children, I guess I don’t understand. There is a big huge difference between babies crying and undisciplined parents who think it’s cute to let children act that way and even use the Gospel as an excuse to let justify it. Jesus said to not prevent people from keeping children from him. But He didn’t say that was an excuse to let the children act any way they wanted. The last 10am Mass I went to, the five year old sitting in the pew behind me, undoubtedly diagnosed with ADD or something, talked all 70 minutes of the Mass. Dad made no effort to rectify this situation and Mom shssed him all of five times during Mass, of which he ignored every single one of them. I just flat out couldn’t hear and I am middle aged.

Fortunately, we have a 7pm Mass which is too late for most of the unruly kids to attend.

If you know this child probably has ADD, why are you so upset over this? You should feel compassion toward this poor child and his parents who undoubtidly struggle with this. What do you want them to do? Constantly keep walking him out? He has a disability. God doesn’t care. He wants him there. I guess I don’t understand what else are they supposed to do?

 

[IrishAm]

If you know this child probably has ADD, why are you so upset over this? You should feel compassion toward this poor child and his parents who undoubtidly struggle with this. What do you want them to do? Constantly keep walking him out? He has a disability. God doesn’t care. He wants him there. I guess I don’t understand what else are they supposed to do?

Yes, you do understand what else they are supposed to do. They are supposed to take turns walking him out. They are supposed to be compassionate to both the child and the people around them. It’s hard, it’s awfrul hard; and people will cut them a lot of slack if they make an effort, and very little slack if they do not.

 

[KathleenElsie]

Yes, you do understand what else they are supposed to do. They are supposed to take turns walking him out. They are supposed to be compassionate to both the child and the people around them. It’s hard, it’s awful hard; and people will cut them a lot of slack if they make an effort, and very little slack if they do not.

We have friends that have special needs children that they bring to Mass. We believe they belong at the Mass. But, when they are there they sit near the door to the vestibule and leave quietly with them.

There is a big difference with normal child behavior and special needs. Both issues need compassion and understanding. Both the parents and the others at the Mass need compassion and understanding.

It is a two way street. The children belong at Mass. The childless belong at Mass and we all need to get along.

 

[boppaid]

Yes, you do understand what else they are supposed to do. They are supposed to take turns walking him out. They are supposed to be compassionate to both the child and the people around them. It’s hard, it’s awfrul hard; and people will cut them a lot of slack if they make an effort, and very little slack if they do not.

I understand what you are saying, but there are some children who are HIGHLY difficult to discipline, and who (if you walked them out every time they were figity, or talkative, or whatever) would completely miss mass all the time. Those are the children I’m talking about. That is how my nephew is. They first started walking him out whenever he became disruptive, but they found that they were only in mass for about 5-10 minutes. They talked to their priest who assured them that God wants them all there, and that that is most important. I don’t see how anyone can disagree with that. In instances like that, with special needs children, what else can you do? Quit taking them to mass?

 

[fierysword1920]

Yeah Colorado I now some folks make situations out to be worse than they really are. I am a person who sits in the back at church who should probably sit up front because I get entertained by people’s kids and their antics, I don’t see any problem with little kids who act up a little bit, it’s just the way it is. I find myself very entertained by these little ones and my friends holler at me to pay attention, but I ahve my own two year old daughter and I love the things little people do and say in the darndest places.
Don’t sweat it, keep taking your kids to church, to Christ, thats whats important.

What is a good way to respond to people who overtly comment (negatively) about your children at Mass? Not a few times we have had (usually older) parishioners say things like “I knew we shouldn’t have sat here” or “oh, these kids at Mass” or similar comments. This is not about babies or toddlers having screaming fits and not leaving Mass - it is the regular behavior of 2 and 3 year olds as we try to get them through the liturgy.

 

[Kanda]

Babies and toddlers are not required to be at mass and really shouldn’t be if they cannot behave themselves.

Churches have nurseries and cry rooms, that’s what they are there for. Of course young children are also permitted to stay at home in front of the tv watching “The Three Stooges” or other youth oriented programming while one of their parents are in church.

That’s mostly what I did during my preschool days on Sunday morning.

Maybe they aren’t, but when I had my children baptized, I made a solemn promise to raise my children in the faith. The most central part of my faith is the mass, and more importantly, the Eucharist. If I left my chilren to Sunday morning TV, instead of bringing them to Christ, then I would be going back on my oath.

Furthermore, I have never been to a church with a cry room. I know they exist, but not where I am. I personally think that separating the children from the mass, or from religious learning during this time, is counter intuitive to Christ’s teachings.

 

[bcuster]

There appears to be strong opinions about children at Mass. I have recently noticed that I have become distracted by children at Church. I never expected this to happen to me. I taught children ages 6 to 14 for years and years. I am now a therapist for children with severe emotional issues. I love children and being around children. For the most part, parents keep children quiet during Mass and the children show great patience during Mass. I have come to the conclusion that the problem is with me. I turned 50 this year. My hearing is not what it used to be, and I am more easily distracted. So here is my solution: I go to a Sunday evening Contemplative Mass and I sit up near the front so I am not distracted. When I do attend the Mass with the majority of younger families, I try to sit up front as well. I also offer my Mass to Jesus through Mary and humbly admit that I am easily distracted. I hope that I do not get so old or grumpy that I am rude to parents with small children.

50 year old
Bonnie

 

[Pax_Vobiscum_57]

We don’t have a cry room at our parish, and we have a lot of BIG families. We had a missionary once, who stopped his talk when a woman was taking her crying baby out, and said something to the effect of “You don’t have to take that baby out on my account. I love to hear babies. It’s an affirmation of life.”

You should just turn around the next time you hear a comment like that and smile sweetly at the person making the remark.

 

[pmoo]

Again last Sunday my mass was disturbed by…ADULTS, not children. I was in the second row from the front, so it was very surprising that these women talked or whispered during the first reading and even when Father was preparing the host for his prayer and blessing!!! This is such a solemn and sacred time and it boggles my mind that these women talked as if they were at the movies waiting for the feature film to start.

Again, I think it’s great to start children young in this habit. Perhaps when they are older , they will have a better understanding that it’s God’s house.

 

[Tish]

I struggled with this very issue for many years. I tried moving to the back of the church but found that the children were so easily distracted by others at Mass that the best place for them is in the front. After our fourth child arrived I finally stopped trying to show my children how to behave in Mass by watchind how I behave and now I sit right down with the younger ones and help them behave.Now a days my husband and I and our eight children (the youngest 12 mos) sit in the second pew and we get comments from others at Mass about how well behaved my children are. I sit through most of the Mass but only the youngest sits with me. All of the other children stand when they are to stand, sit when they are to sit, and kneel when they are to kneel and I am right there at their level to help them to do it. If the baby begins to babble, daddy takes her to the back of the church (we have no crying room) and walks with her to keep her quiet. If she is fussy we take her into the entry way where we can still see Mass but hear nothing. But we would never leave her home. As a matter of fact we take her and her siblings to daily Mass. I strongly recommend it!

 

[bknebel]

I’m from a small parish and I just love hearing the sound of babies and toddlers at Mass! we have so few of them anymore, so its nice to hear them when they are there! I agree, let the little children come!

 

[Apryl]

I hope that I do not get so old or grumpy that I am rude to parents with small children.

… but what about the families with children that are being rude?

We have children in our church, but there are the ones that pretty much bring everything to a halt. During prayers, the child is screaming at the top of their lungs (and not because they are hungry or hurt, but because they seem to like the echoes or something). There have been children that would take one of the hymnals and tap it on the pew (it’s on old church, so wooden pews) for more than 5 solid minutes.

Then, there are the children that have caused people to go to the parents and say, ‘My kids could never sit in the front of your church. We wish you would help teach others how to get their children to behave in mass’ - this was said to a father with three small children … his wife was at home with baby number 4 who is very ill - please pray for the family

I have come to learn from my family that as a small child, I would ‘holler and scream’ for the fun of it. Sadly, no one stopped me. So, now I get teased about it as an adult.

**Many people that hear comments about children at mass are probably around normal kids, and can’t see what the big deal is. **There are those that are noisy, rude, inconsiderate, obnoxious, distracting, and it is not necessary. In fact, I think it’s wrong to ignore the behavior.

 

[Apryl]

I sit through most of the Mass but only the youngest sits with me. All of the other children stand when they are to stand, sit when they are to sit, and kneel when they are to kneel and I am right there at their level to help them to do it. If the baby begins to babble, daddy takes her to the back of the church (we have no crying room) and walks with her to keep her quiet. If she is fussy we take her into the entry way where we can still see Mass but hear nothing. But we would never leave her home. As a matter of fact we take her and her siblings to daily Mass. I strongly recommend it!

Thank you for doing this. This is what is needed!

And I think that I can safely say that your children will thank you for it later. (Sounds like a family of great kids - product of great parents!)

 

[pmoo]

I’m from a small parish and I just love hearing the sound of babies and toddlers at Mass! we have so few of them anymore, so its nice to hear them when they are there! I agree, let the little children come!

I, too, love to hear babies at church. Now, if it goes on for some time and I can’t hear Father, it’s time for the parents to go into our cry room. In fact, I absolutely LOVE it when Father blesses the children at the end of our mass…they are all so adorable - God’s littlest ones