Rude Protestant Neighbor

[robwar]

It’s a horrible cross. But the Lord doesn’t give us crosses that we don’t have the potential to carry.

When it happens again, try not to plan it, and pray to Jesus and Mary for help when in that situation (an arrow prayer). You will find the words or the right thing to do.

This cross is also about you. Sometimes we get given things that we might pray to God even more and trust in Him so that afterwards we can overcome many obstacles. Try an arrow prayer - it is hard to have faith in this way but faith moves mountains.

God bless.

I understand what you are trying to say but this isn’t about a cross to carry but about harassment and boundaries. I generally don’t believe in this kind of advice for people facing abuse situations. No one has to have abuse as some kind of cross to carry. The answer to abuse is to put up some kind of boundary. That may mean confrontation with this brut. I am sure he treats others this way too. Op also needs to learn not to interact with these people if they don’t stop. There is nothing anywhere that say we have to have some kind of friendship with those we live by. These people are not friends by the behavior described here. Abuse unchecked lead to more abuse. While this is just annoying words, way too often telling people in real abusive situation that this is their cross to carry and they have to learn their lesson borders on spiritual abuse. Telling people that they have boundaries and that abusive behavior is unacceptable is the first step in stopping it.

 

[friardchips]

I understand what you are trying to say but this isn’t about a cross to carry but about harassment and boundaries. I generally don’t believe in this kind of advice for people facing abuse situations. No one has to have abuse as some kind of cross to carry. The answer to abuse is to put up some kind of boundary. That may mean confrontation with this brut. I am sure he treats others this way too. Op also needs to learn not to interact with these people if they don’t stop. There is nothing anywhere that say we have to have some kind of friendship with those we live by. These people are not friends by the behavior described here. Abuse unchecked lead to more abuse. While this is just annoying words, way too often telling people in real abusive situation that this is their cross to carry and they have to learn their lesson borders on spiritual abuse. Telling people that they have boundaries and that abusive behavior is unacceptable is the first step in stopping it.

I don’t agree. Your sentence (underlined) is incomplete. Confrontation in the world exists because people don’t put the situations into God’s hands enough. This is not spiritual abuse but Catholic advice. If I am abused I have to deal with it but first I will pray about it. And IT IS A CROSS. When the situation occurs I will be praying that God will help me through it. From this help, I will be better able to see where I stand. It might be that God shows me that nothing is going to change, maybe this person is mentally ill, so the next thing is to tell someone as a problem shared is a problem halved. But I can tell you now, with full confidence, that we do not live in a perfect world, and part of this is because we don’t always pray on the spot. We panic.

Pray for them before in a rosary. Pray and remain composed when it happens again.
Take action after the event.

However, if the OP feels already as if the situation is a physical danger then outside help needed immediately.

By the way, a cross is anything we offer up - any affliction, any suffering, any torment, any pain, any illness, any problematic situation, any task, any emotions, any arguments, anything and everything is a cross when offered up and God is there and God will help.
Faith moves mountains. And yes, His help might often eventually involve speaking with the people or getting help.

To note: Jesus said that if slapped on one cheek offer the other. This is a cross.

 

[juliamajor]

Again-if this a problem that has to do ONLY with you than go ahead. But abusive people don’t harass one only one person and it sends a message that it’s ok to be abusive and funny to be harassed. It isn’t.
You could think about your own soul but when it effects the community or anyone other than yourself it becomes YOUR duty to halt evil in the world. And since Donne has said
“No man is an island” this can and will influence other people to good or bad.once you’ve done your duty to call to mind their wrongdoing all else falls on them.

 

[Took2Long]

I am not sure how to respond to this neighbor’ rudeness.

Every time I see him he acknowledges me by saying something in a derrogatory way about Catholics instead of just saying good morning or hello. It is also his tone which I find offensive. He does not say these things in a joking way.

It is every time and after several years of this I am finally tired of it. He is married to a friend and this is her third marriage. Unfortunately, I have noticed that since being married to him (3 yrs now) she also is making belittling statements to me because I am celibate and have been for a long time now.

I am just wondering how I should respond as ignoring their statements or just rying to have a conversation over their statements is not working.

My advice would be to always remember that Jesus taught us that our belief would be questioned and ridiculed by many. This is the cross you must carry. Jesus carried His cross for us, and now we must carry the cross of ridicule for Him. I know in this life, the ridicule by your neighbor is growing old and tiring. I’d suggest that you just keep telling yourself that He is worth whatever ridicule that may come your way. When you feel like you’ve had too much, come here and vent to us as you have today. We will be like Simon and we’ll help you carry the cross. We carry it too. But I just keep telling myself that He is worth it.

 

[acadiANNA]

I would not allow them to ruin your day. Sorry you have such disrespectful people as neighbors. Don’t be influenced by the spirit they carry. Jesus said that those who live by His Word would be challenged by the world. Maybe bringing them an apple pie would break the ice. I have a ‘friend’ who would call me a martyr whenever I would go out of my way to do something for someone else. She still does it after 35 years. I just ignore it.

An elderly lady I would take to the grocery would tell them politely:
“I’ll get to Heaven my way and you get to Heaven your way.”
“I’m praying for you!”
“You’re always invited to my church. It’s on 5th St. Would love to have you.”
“I can speak to you about anything, but religion is off limits.”
“Are you speaking to me? I didn’t hear what you said.”
“You are so funny, where do you come up with that stuff?”
“Remember the Golden Rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

My usual response is God bless you. Or have a good day.
Some things don’t deserve an answer. Or you could ask them politely, “Can you please stop commenting on my lifestyle?” " Praying for you that the harassment will stop.

 

[rfournier103]

So many things I would love to post here that would get me banned… (sigh)

I suppose I will have to settle for parroting the company line and say that love, charity, and understanding are the best ways to deal with this.

If he’s really upsetting you, a restraining order may work… That usually gets peoples’ attention.

 

[friardchips]

So many things I would love to post here that would get me banned… (sigh)

I suppose I will have to settle for parroting the company line and say that love, charity, and understanding are the best ways to deal with this.

If he’s really upsetting you, a restraining order may work… That usually gets peoples’ attention.

Risk getting banned, seriously, it is better than giving negative advice.

 

[Isaiah45_9]

I am not sure how to respond to this neighbor’ rudeness.

Every time I see him he acknowledges me by saying something in a derrogatory way about Catholics instead of just saying good morning or hello. It is also his tone which I find offensive. He does not say these things in a joking way.

It is every time and after several years of this I am finally tired of it. He is married to a friend and this is her third marriage. Unfortunately, I have noticed that since being married to him (3 yrs now) she also is making belittling statements to me because I am celibate and have been for a long time now.

I am just wondering how I should respond as ignoring their statements or just rying to have a conversation over their statements is not working.

Just confront him gently about it. Let him know that you do not appreciate the snarky comments and express that he is harassing you with those comments. You have to make sure you express this exactly like this.

After you have expressed this, if he does it again. Give him a warning and reiterate the above.

If he still insists, call the cops and file on him.

This behavior from him is not going to change unless you take it seriously. It has gone for too long and the line has been drawn.

In the mean time, pray for him.

 

[Cricket2]

It is time to let these folks go. Ignore them, as they obviously are not real friends to you.

Let them be content in their own rudeness, while you continue to live a life that is closer to God.

 

[OraLabora]

So many things I would love to post here that would get me banned… (sigh)

I suppose I will have to settle for parroting the company line and say that love, charity, and understanding are the best ways to deal with this.

If he’s really upsetting you, a restraining order may work… That usually gets peoples’ attention.

Same here. What she’s enduring isn’t rudeness, it’s harassment. But going through the trouble to go to court probably isn’t worth it.

For a while, I had to endure Protestant proselytism at work. It was bad enough when I was an atheist, but when I returned to the Church, it ramped up a notch or two (by the same people). I finally ended up leaving that job. I found trying to their points to be futile.

I would just say “good morning” or whatever when when seeing the neighbour, and when the rant starts simply say “gotta run, have a nice day” and walk away and pray for them in my daily prayers. By engaging any more than that, you’re giving them reason to continue. By ignoring them, you give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you.

Sometimes it helps to hit back with something so outrageous (and funny!), that proves that 1) you have a sense of humour and 2) no matter how hard they’ve been trying, they’ve not managed to rattle you.

Something like (in response to the have sex with priests comments) “oh no, the abbess promised me I’d be impregnated by the Holy Spirit!”.

 

[friardchips]

For a while, I had to endure Protestant proselytism at work. It was bad enough when I was an atheist, but when I returned to the Church, it ramped up a notch or two (by the same people). I finally ended up leaving that job. I found trying to their points to be futile.

I am not surprised if you said stuff like the following:

Something like (in response to the have sex with priests comments) “oh no, the abbess promised me I’d be impregnated by the Holy Spirit!”.

Um.

God bless.

 

[Porknpie]

Love your neighbor as yourself.

You know what you would like someone to say to you if you were being an ***.

Jesus didn’t cut us off as friends, but took our sins on Himself.

St. James made a point to say that our prayers are not worth much without good works.

Sometimes the best way that we can love is to break contact and pray for those that persecute us (certainly Horselvr is not being welcomed). The biblical analogy here would be to shake off the dust from your feet.

Matthew 10:14

14 If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town.

Luke 9:5

5 Wherever they do not welcome you, as you are leaving that town shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.”

 

[GoldenSeal]

Hello Horselvr-

I have noticed the same thing with people (not limited to, but…) that live out in rural areas.
Is that accurate? Sounds like a rather blue collar sense of humour to me from what you have described. I have had to deal with that type of person in various workplaces over the years, and since it is a man saying them to you…I’d try to laugh it off and offer to sell him an indulgence. Then maybe you both will laugh. This man can tell his comments bother you and, just like grade school, he is pushing your buttons to get a reaction. Off the cuff remarks and borderline offense is the ‘go-to’ communication some people use. Why? I don’t know exactly…

My father was a blue-collar worker but he never said anything rude or off-color to anyone, especially a woman. This sounds like borderline sexual harassment to me. It sounds like the male neighbor needs to be confronted, as some others have suggested. Politely, in a Christian spirit, but something needs to be said. How he behaves afterward would determine if any relationship is possible.

 

[friardchips]

Sometimes the best way that we can love is to break contact and pray for those that persecute us (certainly Horselvr is not being welcomed). The biblical analogy here would be to shake off the dust from your feet.

Matthew 10:14

14 If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town.

Luke 9:5

5 Wherever they do not welcome you, as you are leaving that town shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.”

I totally agree with this - it is then leaving them in God’s hands. But I do think this is a near last resort, and as of yet, it seems no attempt at peace - prayed-for love in exchange for evil - has been made (I think?).

 

[JRKH]

dronald: he is non-denom but I am not sure if they regularly attend church.

rcwitness: "If you show them that you genuinely don’t hold the past against them but desire for them to be more Christian in their behavior, they may just open their hearts.

Honestly, I don’t hold anything against them—well—until yesterday that is. I am just very tired of the rude remarks. You may be onto something in “desiring them to have a more Christian behavior.” I would never even think of walking up to someone and smearing their church or beliefs.

His remarks are, but not limited to: “So, have you become a Nun yet? Oh wait that would require you to have sex with the Priests.” I find this pretty rude and to even entertain the thought quite disgusting actually and a direct smear on our Sisters and Priests.

There is no aspect of Catholicism that is hands off to him. She follows suit and tries to laugh his comments off—I guess in an effort to keep the peace because I think she/they realize I am tired of it and I actually am getting a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I see them.

Obviously there is a wide range of opinion on how to handle this.

My advice is a direct but charitable approach of asking questions…When he makes a comment like you share above, simply look him straight in the eye and say something to the effect of:
“I’ve been meaning to ask you,Is it your intent to hurt and insult me?” “Why do you feel the need to be so cruel?”
Say it calmly but with conviction and with a totally straight face and then just stand there - staring him straight in the eye and wait for his reply.

He can go one of two ways…He can say something like - Yes it is his intention to be cruel and hurtful or (as is more likely) he can say something to the effect that he is joking…or…“Can’t you take a joke?”

In either case you will be able to reply.
If his intent is to be cruel - then one course of action is indicated. You may have to bear the cross of his hatred while you treat him with love.
If he thinks he is being clever and humorous - then another course of action is indicated. You may be able to have a conversation with him about what is appropriate humor.

Of course another way to get your point across is to go totally emotional on him.
The next time he makes a rude and cruel remark…Burst into tears and run into the house…Repeat as necessary until he (hopefully) gets the point…

Peace
James

 

[NotAllHere]

Give them a plaque with I John 4 or I Cor 13 on it. In the first John chapter it says, if one hates a person then they do not know God. In I Cor 13 it points out that love is not rude. There is also a verse about sharing one’s faith with kindness and respect. Check out the fruit of the Spirit in Gal 5, ask her what it means to “be filled with the Spirit”(Baptist), to “walk in the Spirit”(Pentecostal). Then go into what fruit of the Spirit and what agape or love means. Let the answers come out of their mouths. Then pray that the Holy Spirit convicts them.

 

[MacQ]

Just confront him gently about it. .

Yes, this.
They think it’s funny.
So just let them know it’s hurtful.

Something along the lines of a sincere and kindly delivered statement like “Listen guys, I know you think that’s funny, but it actually find it hurtful. I know you don’t mean it that way, but to me it feels you’re making fun of me. So, could we just be friends without going there?”
If it doesn’t stop after you’ve made this polite request, simply avoid engaging in conversation. 'Sorry…gotta run."

Any other retorts you’ ve been offered simply engage and feed the problem.

Let him know that you do not appreciate the snarky comments and express that he is harassing you with those comments. You have to make sure you express this exactly like this.
After you have expressed this, if he does it again. Give him a warning and reiterate the above.
If he still insists, call the cops and file on him.
This behavior from him is not going to change unless you take it seriously. It has gone for too long and the line has been drawn.
.

No, not this, unless you want real trouble.. Calling police and getting restraining orders are not for rude remarks.
If you want to escalate this to a really nasty conflict, do that.

In the mean time, pray for him.

Yes, by all means.

 

[OraLabora]

I am not surprised if you said stuff like the following:

Um.

God bless.

I didn’t, because they were trying to sway me by (what they thought) were rational arguments, so I tried to sway them by what I knew, albeit imperfectly, was the truth.

In this particular case I was suggesting rebutting an absurd (and insulting) comment with an equally absurd comment that maybe was a poor attempt at humour…

 

[NotAllHere]

Maybe you should ask him if he would go half on a fence, and then use his response as a way to explain your feelings about his statements.

 

[Isaiah45_9]

No, not this, unless you want real trouble.. Calling police and getting restraining orders are not for rude remarks.
If you want to escalate this to a really nasty conflict, do that.

The OP:

I am not sure how to respond to this neighbor’ rudeness.

Every time I see him he acknowledges me by saying something in a derrogatory way about Catholics instead of just saying good morning or hello. It is also his tone which I find offensive. He does not say these things in a joking way.

**It is every time and after several years of this **I am finally tired of it. He is married to a friend and this is her third marriage. Unfortunately, I have noticed that since being married to him (3 yrs now) she also is making belittling statements to me because I am celibate and have been for a long time now.

I am just wondering how I should respond as ignoring their statements or just rying to have a conversation over their statements is not working.

Notice a couple of things:

1. Everytime:
   a) Derogatory comments
   b) Offensive tone
2. Several years (More than 2 years for sure).
3. His wife is on the bandwagon.

Trouble has already started. Uncalled for. If after the OP clearly expresses that she wants this to stop, and it doesn’t stop. It immediately becomes harassment, under code of law. And needless to say disrespectful. It really is disrespectful already.

She is being bullied and verbally abused by them. It **needs **to stop.

The other option would be to scream at the top of her lungs in the middle of the street and cry and scream for him to leave her alone and make a really really big scene. At which point neighbors will come out and/or call the police.

I’m all for resolving matters peacefully. However, there is a line.