Rude Protestant Neighbor

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OraLabora said:
I didn’t, because they were trying to sway me by (what they thought) were rational arguments, so I tried to sway them by what I knew, albeit imperfectly, was the truth.

In this particular case I was suggesting rebutting an absurd (and insulting) comment with an equally absurd comment that maybe was a poor attempt at humour…
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I get what you mean. 🙂

I do think that humour is often a good way to diffuse. It shows a kind of lightness of Spirit and also humour shows that abusive comments aren’t doing any good. Often this will be enough to get rid of the bully. It can actually help the other person to chill out too. Maybe other Christian branches of faith think we Catholics take ourselves too seriously. So your suggestion of humour I think has a real strength and truth to it.

God bless.
 
NotAllHere said:
Maybe you should ask him if he would go half on a fence, and then use his response as a way to explain your feelings about his statements.
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😃 Depending on the size of the fence it could end up being like that old TV series: ‘Home Improvement’, where you discuss life over the dividing fence, and recognise each other by your hairlines.
 
JRKH said:
Obviously there is a wide range of opinion on how to handle this.

My advice is a direct but charitable approach of asking questions…When he makes a comment like you share above, simply look him straight in the eye and say something to the effect of:
“I’ve been meaning to ask you,Is it your intent to hurt and insult me?” “Why do you feel the need to be so cruel?”
Say it calmly but with conviction and with a totally straight face and then just stand there - staring him straight in the eye and wait for his reply.

He can go one of two ways…He can say something like - Yes it is his intention to be cruel and hurtful or (as is more likely) he can say something to the effect that he is joking…or…“Can’t you take a joke?”

Peace
James
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I like this answer. I think he will reply something to the tune of “What’s the matter, can’t take a joke?” How would you like to reply to this? Have an answer ready. I think eye contact is important, that you are meeting his challenge face to face. I might reply something like “You are a mean, sad man. God wants more from you than this” and walk away. If he continues, remind him that the clock is ticking, he will answer one day to God, and he needs to do better.

I had a grouchy old guy next door who was married to a very nice lady. The lady and I got along very well but that old guy seemed to be always cranky and somehow in the summer with the windows open, he could hear my door close and he’d love to come out. Our 2 driveways were side by side with no fence so they knew even when I came home or when someone was stopping by. (He eventually was diagnosed with alzheimers so you can imagine) I have a lot of sympathy for your situation. If you think talking to the wife first might accomplish something, personally I would try that first. Wives have access behind closed doors to work on their grumpy husbands.

Remember too that there is a spiritual battle going on here. Always pray and ask God to come into this situation. If you have blessed water or salt, go often on the perimeter of your property with prayer and St Michael. When outside, find an uplifting hymn to hum to yourself. Praise God, thank God, and it will be like an armor for you in this battle.
 
Tell them about luk 6:31 (golden rule), Mat 7:12 (Golden rule) , Mat 22:39 (love your neighbor) , Eph 5:4 (coarse joking) , Rom 13:8-10 (fulfill the law through love), Gal 5:14 (love your neighbor), ect.

I would have a sit down talk with the both of them. If quoting the bible and prayer does not work I do not know what will.

If I were catholic I would try to make it even more obvious that I am catholic wearing it as a badge of honor. Put a huge statue of mary on your front lawn with candles all around it. Put statues of saints on the boundary line to your property. Take a boombox with you when you know you will see them and blast music when they try talk to you. My dad’s friend bought a cheap car painted a ugly color and painted his house a ugly color and parked the junk car in front of his neighbors house.

But seriously if you do not need to talk to them don’t. Put bambo between your houses, and if you do talk to them and they make fun of you walk away. Maybe you could find their preacher and talk to him if nothing else works and you can Mat18 them.
 
friardchips said:
As an alternative, this is strong and to the point. 👍

This is: “I am a victim, please tease me” - you have now invited a bully / victim relationship. 😛
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It struck me as weak and helpless too. I don’t think that’s a proper response to a bully. Instead, I’d say something along the lines of:

"Do I make you feel threatened somehow? I notice you always seem to feel the need to put me and my beliefs down. Are you insecure about your own beliefs or life? I’m not a fan of your protestant religion, but I bet if you went and talked to your pastor about your issues he could help you deal with this problem. "

Not angry, not attacking, but strong and concerned. This will totally turn the tables. He’ll either cave-in completely or get outright hostile. Either way the low grade abuse ends. You can either actually be friends afterwards or ignore him from now on with a clean conscience.
 
JRKH said:
My advice is a direct but charitable approach of asking questions…When he makes a comment like you share above, simply look him straight in the eye and say something to the effect of:
“I’ve been meaning to ask you,Is it your intent to hurt and insult me?”
Say it calmly but with conviction and with a totally straight face and then just stand there - staring him straight in the eye and wait for his reply.
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That would seem to be very effective!
MacQ said:
No, not this, unless you want real trouble.. Calling police and getting restraining orders are not for rude remarks.
If you want to escalate this to a really nasty conflict, do that.
.
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I tend to agree with this. A neighbor will always be your neighbor (unless one of you moves of course) and this is a last resort type thing if there is a level of danger involved.
 
Porknpie said:
Sometimes the best way that we can love is to break contact and pray for those that persecute us (certainly Horselvr is not being welcomed). The biblical analogy here would be to shake off the dust from your feet.

Matthew 10:14

14 If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town.

Luke 9:5

5 Wherever they do not welcome you, as you are leaving that town shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.”
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Point well taken 👍
I like those references
 
GoldenSeal said:
My father was a blue-collar worker but he never said anything rude or off-color to anyone, especially a woman. This sounds like borderline sexual harassment to me. It sounds like the male neighbor needs to be confronted, as some others have suggested. Politely, in a Christian spirit, but something needs to be said. How he behaves afterward would determine if any relationship is possible.
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Mine, too, and neither did he. Times have changed. The term is what we use around here for that type of banter…you may have a better term for it.
 
horselvr said:
dronald: he is non-denom but I am not sure if they regularly attend church.

rcwitness: "If you show them that you genuinely don’t hold the past against them but desire for them to be more Christian in their behavior, they may just open their hearts.

Honestly, I don’t hold anything against them—well—until yesterday that is. I am just very tired of the rude remarks. You may be onto something in “desiring them to have a more Christian behavior.” I would never even think of walking up to someone and smearing their church or beliefs.

His remarks are, but not limited to: “So, have you become a Nun yet? Oh wait that would require you to have sex with the Priests.” I find this pretty rude and to even entertain the thought quite disgusting actually and a direct smear on our Sisters and Priests.

There is no aspect of Catholicism that is hands off to him. She follows suit and tries to laugh his comments off—I guess in an effort to keep the peace because I think she/they realize I am tired of it and I actually am getting a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I see them.
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It sounds like this person has some mental issues. Also, what he is doing is sexual harassment. I would STRONGLY suggest a call to the local police.
 
JustaServant said:
It sounds like this person has some mental issues. Also, what he is doing is sexual harassment. I would STRONGLY suggest a call to the local police.
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Good to be concerned but police often need some actual proof and this might get the neighbours gossiping.
 
manualman said:
It struck me as weak and helpless too. I don’t think that’s a proper response to a bully. Instead, I’d say something along the lines of:

"Do I make you feel threatened somehow? I notice you always seem to feel the need to put me and my beliefs down. Are you insecure about your own beliefs or life? I’m not a fan of your protestant religion, but I bet if you went and talked to your pastor about your issues he could help you deal with this problem. "

Not angry, not attacking, but strong and concerned. This will totally turn the tables. He’ll either cave-in completely or get outright hostile. Either way the low grade abuse ends. You can either actually be friends afterwards or ignore him from now on with a clean conscience.
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  • yes, and then she’ll know where she is with them. The cards are laid out on the table, so to speak, from there on in.
 
Isaiah45_9 said:
The OP:

Notice a couple of things:
  1. Everytime:
    a) Derogatory comments
    b) Offensive tone
  2. Several years (More than 2 years for sure).
  3. His wife is on the bandwagon.
Trouble has already started. Uncalled for. If after the OP clearly expresses that she wants this to stop, and it doesn’t stop. It immediately becomes harassment, under code of law. And needless to say disrespectful. It really is disrespectful already.

She is being bullied and verbally abused by them. It **needs **to stop.

The other option would be to scream at the top of her lungs in the middle of the street and cry and scream for him to leave her alone and make a really really big scene. At which point neighbors will come out and/or call the police.

I’m all for resolving matters peacefully. However, there is a line.
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Yes, it’s a bad situation. I never said it wasn’t rude, disrespectful or any of the other things you mention.

I’m just in favor of not escalating it.
Which is what would happen with legal actions and calling cops on people.
.
If what I suggested doesn’t work to a friendly resolution, then there can be a “no resolution”…ignore and stay away from the neighbor.
Make an overt enemy out of him…then you’ll really have a problem beyong disrespect and insult.

You can always make a bad situation worse.
 
MacQ said:
Yes, it’s a bad situation. I never said it wasn’t rude, disrespectful or any of the other things you mention.

I’m just in favor of not escalating it.
Which is what would happen with legal actions and calling cops on people.
.
If what I suggested doesn’t work to a friendly resolution, then there can be a “no resolution”…ignore and stay away from the neighbor.
Make an overt enemy out of him…then you’ll really have a problem beyong disrespect and insult.

You can always make a bad situation worse.
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I see where you are coming from. And sadly, this is the most prevalent view and action for most people.

I have worked with many victims and the predominant factors are:

lack of reporting and/or preventive action.

Notice I said to do 2 things before calling the cops:
  1. Verbally explain that she is offended and harassed by this behavior and request for it to stop.
  2. If it continues after the warning, she needs to go back to point 1.
At this point, if the behavior continues after the 2nd warning. It will only continue or escalate.

An intervention will be needed at this point. A bully will only respect someone stronger and on higher authority than him. If after police intervention things escalate, it is likely that they would have escalated anyways. This person is not giving up the harassment after years have passed. Ignoring the problem is not going to make it go away in this case.
 
JustaServant said:
Then she needs a witness.
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Great point!

Have a friend or neighbor be with you.

Also, depending on your State you might be able to record what is said if the law allows for “one party consent” recordings.
 
rcwitness said:
Love your neighbor as yourself.

You know what you would like someone to say to you if you were being an ***.

Jesus didn’t cut us off as friends, but took our sins on Himself.

St. James made a point to say that our prayers are not worth much without good works.
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Jesus also physically threw people out of the temple and called the Pharisees “whitewashed tombs”.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” (Matthew 23:27)

It may, indeed, be a “good work” to let this guy know he’s being a jerk. I would ask him if his brand of Christianity promotes this kind of behavior toward others.
 
I can’t fathom why people’s first reaction is a restraining order or calling the cops.
Y’all have taken this way over the top.

If cops did respond, first thing they’ll want to know is “Have you told him his remarks are offensive?”
Has he threatened you?
You want them to come back and say:
“He says he was just joking…and you appeared to smile and go along with it”…

They’d have good reason to consider you a nutjob…

Look:
Being rude is not against the law.
Neither is insulting someone.

And restraining orders sometimes have consequences.
(How many feet away does your next door neighbor have to stay?
You really want to live next door to him after you’ve sicced the cops on him?

For cryin’ out loud people…think about it.
 
MacQ said:
I can’t fathom why people’s first reaction is a restraining order or calling the cops.
Y’all have taken this way over the top.

If cops did respond, first thing they’ll want to know is “Have you told him his remarks are offensive?”
Has he threatened you?
You want them to come back and say:
“He says he was just joking…and you appeared to smile and go along with it”…

They’d have good reason to consider you a nutjob…

Look:
Being rude is not against the law.
Neither is insulting someone.

And restraining orders sometimes have consequences.
(How many feet away does your next door neighbor have to stay?
You really want to live next door to him after you’ve sicced the cops on him?

For cryin’ out loud people…think about it.
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I just forwarded this post to the local authorities along with your IP address and social websites history. :):)🙂 Just kidding.

Kidding aside, you need to read closely.
 
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