Rude Protestant Neighbor

[JustaServant]

I can’t fathom why people’s first reaction is a restraining order or calling the cops.
Y’all have taken this way over the top.

If cops did respond, first thing they’ll want to know is “Have you told him his remarks are offensive?”
Has he threatened you?
You want them to come back and say:
“He says he was just joking…and you appeared to smile and go along with it”…

They’d have good reason to consider you a nutjob…

Look:
Being rude is not against the law.
Neither is insulting someone.

And restraining orders sometimes have consequences.
(How many feet away does your next door neighbor have to stay?
You really want to live next door to him after you’ve sicced the cops on him?

For cryin’ out loud people…think about it.

The guy said to her: “So, have you become a Nun yet? Oh wait that would require you to have sex with the Priests.” Don’tcha find that just a tad bit weird thing to say to somebody, especially a woman? I mean, where I come from, saying that to a woman would mean, at the very least, a couple of loose teeth. That’s what makes me think the guy might have loose screw.
Hell, our neighbor lady is pregnant and I haven’t even asked her when the baby’s due (taking Bill Cosby’s advice about pregnant women).
No, this guy needs to be avoided and watched. If he keeps it up, get a witness and notify the authorities.

 

[JRKH]

As an alternative, this is strong and to the point.

Yes - that is what we want to look for.

This is: “I am a victim, please tease me” - you have now invited a bully / victim relationship.

It struck me as weak and helpless too. I don’t think that’s a proper response to a bully.

You may be right…the words I chose are only suggestions after all. I do not know the people involved and it is always best to choose an approach that works for you.
Also - this is why I tried to emphasize eye contact (glaring if you like), standing your ground and expecting him to answer. This aspect is likely more important than the words. One must find that fine line where one can be strong but no lose their charity.

Instead, I’d say something along the lines of:
"Do I make you feel threatened somehow? I notice you always seem to feel the need to put me and my beliefs down. Are you insecure about your own beliefs or life? I’m not a fan of your protestant religion, but I bet if you went and talked to your pastor about your issues he could help you deal with this problem. "

Not angry, not attacking, but strong and concerned. This will totally turn the tables. He’ll either cave-in completely or get outright hostile. Either way the low grade abuse ends. You can either actually be friends afterwards or ignore him from now on with a clean conscience.

Well put. The only thing question here is whether he actually HAS a religion, protestant or otherwise. I don’t think the OP said that whether they were church goers or claim some faith.
But that said - - Yours is another excellent approach. As you say - not angry not attacking - but strong and concerned. Stand your ground as calmly as you are able (remember he only sees the outside) and challenge him to respond by your clear question and firm attitude.

I hope some of this helps.

Peace
James

 

[friardchips]

I just forwarded this post to the local authorities along with your IP address and social websites history. Just kidding.

Kidding aside, you need to read closely.

Woah neddy!

This is WAY over the top…

I know you all probably live in a police state but no one has been murdered or sexually assaulted. The OP needs to pray and act sensibly, speak directly, and then get back up if need be. Why all this get the cops stuff already. Hey, why not call a cop documentary and get them to follow these guys to their work place and interview them! Hey, call CNN, whack it up on there too! Call the FBI! Arrest him for being an aggressive and ignorant Protestant - that will be great for evangelisation! WOW! I love this forum! Not joking. It gets more and more like Judge Judy!

 

[friardchips]

If you want to stop them because of the word “sex” which is a little odd, then say this:

“If you continue to make sexually aggressive remarks in my direction, which I take as very serious, I will consider it as sexual abuse, and will be forced to call the police”.

And ignore them. And don’t speak to them because otherwise they might try trap you with something.

Maybe then one day in time in a year or so they may even say sorry if you pray for them.

But you see how this works. Unless you can find a peaceful solution you will end up with a police state on your own front yard.

 

[johnnyc176]

I am not sure how to respond to this neighbor’ rudeness.

Every time I see him he acknowledges me by saying something in a derrogatory way about Catholics instead of just saying good morning or hello. It is also his tone which I find offensive. He does not say these things in a joking way.

It is every time and after several years of this I am finally tired of it. He is married to a friend and this is her third marriage. Unfortunately, I have noticed that since being married to him (3 yrs now) she also is making belittling statements to me because I am celibate and have been for a long time now.

I am just wondering how I should respond as ignoring their statements or just rying to have a conversation over their statements is not working.

Keep them in prayer (especially the Rosary) that they may come to know the Truth of Jesus Christ and His Church, the Catholic Church. I would also tell them that if they would actually like to know what the Catholic Church teaches you would be happy to share with them but you are not interested in arguments.

 

[robwar]

I don’t agree. Your sentence (underlined) is incomplete. Confrontation in the world exists because people don’t put the situations into God’s hands enough. This is not spiritual abuse but Catholic advice. If I am abused I have to deal with it but first I will pray about it. And IT IS A CROSS. When the situation occurs I will be praying that God will help me through it. From this help, I will be better able to see where I stand. It might be that God shows me that nothing is going to change, maybe this person is mentally ill, so the next thing is to tell someone as a problem shared is a problem halved. But I can tell you now, with full confidence, that we do not live in a perfect world, and part of this is because we don’t always pray on the spot. We panic.

Pray for them before in a rosary. Pray and remain composed when it happens again.
Take action after the event.

However, if the OP feels already as if the situation is a physical danger then outside help needed immediately.

By the way, a cross is anything we offer up - any affliction, any suffering, any torment, any pain, any illness, any problematic situation, any task, any emotions, any arguments, anything and everything is a cross when offered up and God is there and God will help.
Faith moves mountains. And yes, His help might often eventually involve speaking with the people or getting help.

To note: Jesus said that if slapped on one cheek offer the other. This is a cross.

Op does not have to put up with rude and crude cracks in the name of offering it up or whatever. The best thing to do is stop interacting with him and let him and his wife know that these constant remarks are unacceptable. It can be done in a Christlike fashion. Then stop the interaction with this neighbor and move on. Shake off the dust off your feet. That is it. There is no requirement any where to keep at it since it seems like this couple is hostile to Catholics. All the other kindness stuff has been shown to this couple. They currently don’t seen interested so it is time to move on. Whether you want to agree with it or not, this couple’s comments and crack are abusive. Wave hi and let the relationship be at that. It is always amazing that people can’t seem to let relationship go when they turn sour or bad and there are posters like yourself that seem to think the “Catholic” thing to do is keep at it in the name of suffering or what ever. That is not true at all and a couple of posters have even quoted the Bible about shaking off the dust and moving on.

 

[CarolNoel]

I am not sure why there seems to be constant interaction with this guy. I probably would draw a line in the sand and the next time this bozo say the stupid things he say, I would say “hey listen, I am not sure where in the Bible it says to be rude to other people but I am tired of it, If you can’t stop the immature bathroom behavior, i really am not interested in interacting with you. Please stop harassing me, it doesn’t reflect positively on your religion” He might not think he is being rude but being funny and doesn’t realize that he isn’t so it continues. i would wager he is this way with others as well.

I like what you said. What kind of friends would act like this. I would be so out of their lives. period

 

[friardchips]

Op does not have to put up with rude and crude cracks in the name of offering it up or whatever. The best thing to do is stop interacting with him and let him and his wife know that these constant remarks are unacceptable. It can be done in a Christlike fashion. Then stop the interaction with this neighbor and move on. Shake off the dust off your feet. That is it. There is no requirement any where to keep at it since it seems like this couple is hostile to Catholics. All the other kindness stuff has been shown to this couple. They currently don’t seen interested so it is time to move on. Whether you want to agree with it or not, this couple’s comments and crack are abusive. Wave hi and let the relationship be at that. It is always amazing that people can’t seem to let relationship go when they turn sour or bad and there are posters like yourself that seem to think the “Catholic” thing to do is keep at it in the name of suffering or what ever. That is not true at all and a couple of posters have even quoted the Bible about shaking off the dust and moving on.

Who said ‘put up with’ it? ‘Offering it up’, you mean?

Who said it isn’t abusive?

Who is suggesting to ‘keep’ the suffering?

When someone lives close by as a neighbour peaceful resolutions are better than extreme ones. No one is saying that these things shouldn’t be sorted out?!!

 

[friardchips]

I like what you said. What kind of friends would act like this. I would be so out of their lives. period

Maybe I read it wrong, but I thought the OP said ‘neighbours’ not ‘friends’, so she has no tie to these people other than living close by anyway.

 

[Joy2day]

If I were catholic I would try to make it even more obvious that I am catholic wearing it as a badge of honor. Put a huge statue of mary on your front lawn with candles all around it. Put statues of saints on the boundary line to your property. Take a boombox with you when you know you will see them and blast music when they try talk to you. My dad’s friend bought a cheap car painted a ugly color and painted his house a ugly color and parked the junk car in front of his neighbors house.

But seriously if you do not need to talk to them don’t. Put bambo between your houses, and if you do talk to them and they make fun of you walk away. Maybe you could find their preacher and talk to him if nothing else works and you can Mat18 them.

This is good advice. But not sure how the other neighbours would feel about it. There is more than one way to skin ur neighbour… Bamboo is a great idea. You just need to reduce his opportunity. Do u have a hose? If he come,near you with his usual claptrap : grab ur hose, & accidentally miss those roses or just have a very wide spray. Make sure he gets the point. Plant ur sprinkler near the boundary line.
I dont think this is necessarily about religion. It is more likely about a man unable to personally say no to sex, maybe a slave to.it in his life, who feels threatened by a woman in charge of herself. He has to bring you down to make himself feel better about himself. Anyway, his problems are not yours to solve - you just dont need to hear about his insecurity. At other times, put headphones on.

 

[OraLabora]

We’re Catholics aren’t we?

What is the charitable, Christian thing to do when faced with obnoxious people?

I don’t think it’s to return the rudeness in kind, unless turning the other cheek is considered rude.

Escalating this into confrontation is only likely to generate more stress, conflict and discomfort and it may even make being his neighbour unlivable causing great expense in having to move.

Not saying this should be put up with, only that we should try to approach the solution to this problem as Christians. There’s enough strife and conflict in the world.

When people make me uncomfortable I just go out of my way to avoid them. I’ll only interact with them if strictly necessary. For someone I must work with, it means keeping relations strictly professional and cordial, even if the other person isn’t so cordial. For a neighbour, it may mean limiting it to things like pointing out his house is on fire…

And meanwhile, we pray for them! Some people thrive on conflict. Don’t play their game!

 

[friardchips]

If I were catholic I would try to make it even more obvious that I am catholic wearing it as a badge of honor. Put a huge statue of mary on your front lawn with candles all around it. Put statues of saints on the boundary line to your property. Take a boombox with you when you know you will see them and blast music when they try talk to you. My dad’s friend bought a cheap car painted a ugly color and painted his house a ugly color and parked the junk car in front of his neighbors house.

But seriously if you do not need to talk to them don’t. Put bambo between your houses, and if you do talk to them and they make fun of you walk away. Maybe you could find their preacher and talk to him if nothing else works and you can Mat18 them.

This is good advice. But not sure how the other neighbours would feel about it. There is more than one way to skin ur neighbour… Bamboo is a great idea. You just need to reduce his opportunity. Do u have a hose? If he come,near you with his usual claptrap : grab ur hose, & accidentally miss those roses or just have a very wide spray. Make sure he gets the point. Plant ur sprinkler near the boundary line.

The OP could put up CCTV directed really obviously at his driveway. The problem is the OP’s house could end up like the security at Bill Gates’ mansion.

I dont think this is necessarily about religion. It is more likely about a man unable to personally say no to sex, maybe a slave to.it in his life, who feels threatened by a woman in charge of herself. He has to bring you down to make himself feel better about himself. Anyway, his problems are not yours to solve - you just dont need to hear about his insecurity. At other times, put headphones on.

The last bit of this about him feeling threatened seems to ring true. Very likely indeed.

 

[GoldenSeal]

Looking back at the first post, it sounds as if the female half of the couple and the OP have been friends for a long time. (OP mentions it’s the woman’s third marriage.) I think it would be appropriate to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her friend and tell her how all this is making her feel. It is taking a “weak” position, but that is something you can do with a friend to either resume a good friendship OR find out if the friendship is over. I wouldn’t get the police involved unless the man started acting in a threatening manner. I would simply avoid him if he didn’t respect my take on the issue. He might change his tune if OP changes her approach.

 

[House_Harkonnen]

Wrong place.

 

[House_Harkonnen]

I am not sure how to respond to this neighbor’ rudeness.

Every time I see him he acknowledges me by saying something in a derrogatory way about Catholics instead of just saying good morning or hello. It is also his tone which I find offensive. He does not say these things in a joking way.

It is every time and after several years of this I am finally tired of it. He is married to a friend and this is her third marriage. Unfortunately, I have noticed that since being married to him (3 yrs now) she also is making belittling statements to me because I am celibate and have been for a long time now.

I am just wondering how I should respond as ignoring their statements or just rying to have a conversation over their statements is not working.

Ignore them.

 

[friardchips]

I’m still laughing at the majority of Joy2day’s post!

 

[robwar]

Who said ‘put up with’ it? ‘Offering it up’, you mean?

Who said it isn’t abusive?

Who is suggesting to ‘keep’ the suffering?

When someone lives close by as a neighbour peaceful resolutions are better than extreme ones. No one is saying that these things shouldn’t be sorted out?!!

I never suggested not to be peaceful or cordial. But someone does not have to put up with the kind of cracks from anyone. Sorting out can be telling them that constant cracks which sound crude do not have to be tolerated. Bible says not to throw pearls before swine. Asking someone if they are a nun to have sex with a priest is acting like a swine and no matter how nice you want to be, it is sick crude comments to cause pain. Maybe you like people like this, I don’t and if my faith is so disrespected, I would find better people to visit and hang out with.

 

[Adamski]

Your holiness and the truth of the faith make him uncomfortable because of his sinful life

 

[friardchips]

I never suggested not to be peaceful or cordial. But someone does not have to put up with the kind of cracks from anyone. Sorting out can be telling them that constant cracks which sound crude do not have to be tolerated. Bible says not to throw pearls before swine. Asking someone if they are a nun to have sex with a priest is acting like a swine and no matter how nice you want to be, it is sick crude comments to cause pain. Maybe you like people like this, I don’t and if my faith is so disrespected, I would find better people to visit and hang out with.

• That particular Bible quote is not really relevant here although I see why you used it. But I believe it is out of context.
• When did I say I like people like this?
• Jesus said that to good to those we love has lesser value than to the world at large because even criminals do good to their own kind and so we are expected to live in a certain way even to people who hate us.

Dear OP: Jesus’ ‘give them the other cheek’ quote still stands although this doesn’t mean we have to spend quality time with all of our neighbours. I don’t do this with neighbours anyway; rather, we have the odd nod and hello here and there. This just reminds me of the second commandment - I think if I was doing wrong I would like to be corrected (this is love also) and there are various subtle ways to get a point across (not excluding praying for them) and this doesn’t mean war, it means a blanking of them once or a gentle rebuke or good for bad. You could even say: “Thank you. I take it for my sins. God bless.” My mother said that she was bullied about her faith for ages by this couple. They were Methodists. One fine day, she turned to them and said: “You are Methodists, so what is your method?” Needless to say, they stood there, and said: “Oh, um, don’t know really”; looked embarrassed, and never spoke of such things again! I hope you find a way but remember to pray.

 

[rcwitness]

Maybe you could find their preacher and talk to him if nothing else works and you can Mat18 them.

This is a very interesting approach!

I did this very thing with a friend of mine. I had lots of conversations with him about the Catholic faith while he did not commune with a church. He was very opinionated and had lots of criticism towards our faith. I took lots of it without a substantial ability to hold him accountable to his personal accusations. Finally he joined a church and when I shared with him a situation in which my wife and I decided not to go to a wedding reception party of two friends of my wife who are gay, he layed on some heavy accusations on us. He called me a coward, childish, stupid, and claimed Jesus would never will that we do not go to the Reception. So I asked him if he would be willing to meet with me and his own pastor about his behavior and accusations. He shrinked away and just said I was being stupid. Well, that was my last attempt to have genuine fellowship with him. It was a way to offer him a chance to confirm his behavior and accusations with his own pastor.

I did happen to follow up with his pastor about the issue and he basically rode the fence as much as possible regarding the issue. He did think that Jesus would have gone to a gay wedding and reception for the purpose of building a friendship in order to draw them out of their lifestyle. I wrote him a few emails explaining the manner of friendship and where Jesus would draw a line between being a friend and being a witness of a sinfull event. He took the luke warm possition of it’s ok if you go and ok if you don’t.

But the point wasn’t to win a debate. It was to hold another Christian accountable to his behavior. The fact that someone would reject the request to meet with their pastor about the “faith based” comments and harassments they were making is convicting in itself.