Rudeness in church

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livnlern

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I try to page attention during mass and “keep my eyes on my own paper” so to speak. But lately I’ve noticed more people allowing young, disruptive children remain in church instead of taking them out and a lot of people talking directly before and after mass.
I love kids and know through experience it’s hard to keep little ones quiet and still during mass. But why are some parents so oblivious when their children are being noisy or are just too active to sit in the big church instead of the crying room or narthex (which is our crying room)? Yesterday at mass a couple in front of us allowed their little boy to stand on the seat and then helped him to stand on the rail of the seat in front of them!
Also, on the way out of mass, a lady behind me yelled out to her friend a row over from us as we were leaving. I know that we all like to say hello to friends from church, but what happened to the idea of talking in a quiet voice until you get outside?
I don’t mean to sound curmudgeonly but can’t help but notice these things happening more and more.
 
livnlern said:
I try to page attention during mass and “keep my eyes on my own paper” so to speak. But lately I’ve noticed more people allowing young, disruptive children remain in church instead of taking them out and a lot of people talking directly before and after mass.
I love kids and know through experience it’s hard to keep little ones quiet and still during mass. But why are some parents so oblivious when their children are being noisy or are just too active to sit in the big church instead of the crying room or narthex (which is our crying room)? Yesterday at mass a couple in front of us allowed their little boy to stand on the seat and then helped him to stand on the rail of the seat in front of them!
Also, on the way out of mass, a lady behind me yelled out to her friend a row over from us as we were leaving. I know that we all like to say hello to friends from church, but what happened to the idea of talking in a quiet voice until you get outside?
I don’t mean to sound curmudgeonly but can’t help but notice these things happening more and more.
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What about when the children are teenagers? Yesterday, just in front of me, there was this young woman with her “grandparents?” and she was on of the most irreverent teenagers that I saw at Mass. Toward the end of the Mass she started to poke and tickle her grandmother. I was really tempted to smack her on the head, but I just apologized to the Lord for her behaviors and my thoughts.
 
Heaven forbid that parents actually help children “see” the altar and what is taking place.

If the parents cannot sit on the first pew, it is smart to get kids to where they can see instead of the kids getting bored by looking at the rear end of the people in front of them.
 
kage_ar said:
Heaven forbid that parents actually help children “see” the altar and what is taking place.

If the parents cannot sit on the first pew, it is smart to get kids to where they can see instead of the kids getting bored by looking at the rear end of the people in front of them.
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I understand what you’re saying and think it’s important for kids to see and try to understand what’s happening in the mass. I have no problem with this. What I saw were parents who weren’t paying attention to what their (I think) 4 or 5 year old was doing. I didn’t mention that he was also laying on the floor at one point. When this happened, the mom just looking down at him and went right on with what she was doing. He was continually climbing up and down off the seat.
 
livnlern said:
I try to page attention during mass and “keep my eyes on my own paper” so to speak. But lately I’ve noticed more people allowing young, disruptive children remain in church instead of taking them out and a lot of people talking directly before and after mass.
I love kids and know through experience it’s hard to keep little ones quiet and still during mass. But why are some parents so oblivious when their children are being noisy or are just too active to sit in the big church instead of the crying room or narthex (which is our crying room)? Yesterday at mass a couple in front of us allowed their little boy to stand on the seat and then helped him to stand on the rail of the seat in front of them!
Also, on the way out of mass, a lady behind me yelled out to her friend a row over from us as we were leaving. I know that we all like to say hello to friends from church, but what happened to the idea of talking in a quiet voice until you get outside?
I don’t mean to sound curmudgeonly but can’t help but notice these things happening more and more.
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I wonder the same things exactly.
 
I don’t know why people have to be like this during church but it is really annoying when you’re paying attention during the consecration of the Eucharist and all of a sudden some annoying kid starts screaming at the top of his lungs. And I’m talking about kids at the age that they should know better, not infants.
 
I really hate to be that crazy traditional, but almost all of the problems you might notice at Mass are nearly non-existent in the Tridentine Mass :o I was at one yesterday 🙂 and while kids still cried and fussed, they were kept in check, and cetainly no adults had the gall to make a fuss in the church as well!

My home parish has all of the things you say and more though, and unless the priest is willing to ask for respect in the prescence of Our Lord (see GIRM #45 among others) I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do but to shush them 😦 Unfortunately if they don’t fully believe, or realize, the Real Prescence of Our Lord, there is nothing that will stop them from treating the Sacrifice of the Mass as a social event and expect to be entertained.

I’d also say, don’t be too upset at the kids. Remember, their “guardian angels forever look upon the face of God” and “you will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven unless you are like one of these.” But you can *most certainly *blame the parents 👍
 
It’s really sad that supposedly pro-family Catholics are so annoyed by children.

Yes, some kids are more of a handful than others, and some parents aren’t as skillful at getting them to mind. That is a fact of life.
 
I don’t mind young children and babies making a noise, but it really irritates me when it is adults doing the conversing and messing about at Mass (before and also after). In one instance, I saw an older man running around the church while pushing his disabled wife in a wheelchair. These are allegedly ‘devoted Catholics’. There is no respect at all for our Lord’s Presence. I would never as a adult imagine behaving like some of them do in a hall, nevermind a Catholic church.
 
stuart12 said:
I don’t mind young children and babies making a noise, but it really irritates me when it is adults doing the conversing and messing about at Mass (before and also after). In one instance, I saw an older man running around the church while pushing his disabled wife in a wheelchair. These are allegedly ‘devoted Catholics’. There is no respect at all for our Lord’s Presence. I would never as a adult imagine behaving like some of them do in a hall, nevermind a Catholic church.
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How terrible for someone to bring a cripple to church. :rolleyes: Only healthy, quiet adults and their well behaved children should be allowed in a Catholic church.
 
Middleman said:
It’s really sad that supposedly pro-family Catholics are so annoyed by children.

Yes, some kids are more of a handful than others, and some parents aren’t as skillful at getting them to mind. That is a fact of life.
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I understand that some kids are more active than others, and am not blaming the kids. As I said in my posts, I love kids and having raised 4 of them, understand that it’s not always possible to have them sit still and be quiet. What I’m talking about are parents who don’t take them out when they get noisy or restless or don’t think about this ahead of time and sit in the crying room. To me this was a very simple thing. When my children were little, I would sit in the crying room with them and other families with young children and not have to worry so much about them talking and walking around. This helped me to relax and pay attention more than if I’d have sat in the big part of church and struggled the whole time to keep them occupied.
It’s just a matter of being thoughtful and considerate of others.
 
Middleman said:
How terrible for someone to bring a cripple to church. :rolleyes: Only healthy, quiet adults and their well behaved children should be allowed in a Catholic church.
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I wrote ‘running’. Meaing physically running about playing with the wheelchair with the woman in it.
 
I am Genghis Khan’s right hand traditional Catholic. 😃 Let’s see. I started attending the EF in 1956 when I went into Primer (now known as kindergarden today). We had school Masses attended w/o our parents and Sunday Masses attended w/ our parents. None of us ever cut up. I was 5. We knew what would happen.

I don’t have a problem with little ones since my parish does not have a cry room. My beef is with people my age who think it is OK to stand in the narthex and openly discuss the benefits of Preparation H. No. I am not making it up. No. I am not engaging in hyperbole.

In the interests of “community” we forget that we are in His presence. My parish is not perfect about this but, in general, it is quiet, restrained, and possible to kneel before Mass and pray in relative peace and quiet. The volume of noise in my local geographic parish between the band banging away, practicing riffs, etc. and the general chit-chat in the pews is simply astounding and one of the reasons why I choose to drive 25 miles to avoid it. The “worst” of them are people my age who ought to know better.
 
Your post reminded me of this: rev-know-it-all.com/2008/2008—05-11.html

Anyway, yeah, the kids are rather noisy, aren’t they?!! And, why is it that others want to play with a baby than observe the Sacrifice of the Mass?!! The baby will be around after Mass, consecration happens only once every Mass. Mass that is an inconvenience for these people once a week.

In the EF Masses I’ve been too, the very first one there was a child running in the front of the church. The dad was having a hard time to catch up. I’ve also seen toddlers lying on the pews suckling on a bottle in the church’s with EF Masses. They were quiet and their parents weren’t fawning over them but paying attention to the prayers. I should mention that with these families, who have young children, also have slightly older children, who pay attention at church.

I probably should tell you offer it up and blame you and make you question what’s wrong with you that you can’t observe our Lord through these minor distractions and be as pius as me, but, I’m not because it’s a very real issue, talking people and disruptive children.

I’d like to recommend telling the child to behave or bringing him to the crying room, but, the parent’s may not appreciate that.

This is really unfair to the people who want to spend time with God and who don’t have the opportunity to do so everyday.

Perhaps you can bring it up to your priest to tell these people to behave while they are in church. Not just during Mass, but, in church. They are in the presence of the Lord of the Universe. God, their Creator, is in that church. He would like a little respect.

“It is a proverb: A young man according to his way, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. They are not doing any favours to their souls or to their child’s by treating Mass like this. It is for the love of God that you correct them, should you correct them in some way.
 
\Yesterday at mass a couple in front of us allowed their little boy to stand on the seat and then helped him to stand on the rail of the seat in front of them!\

**This is one advantage to a pewless church. Little children can be moved more easily to a place where they can see what’s happening, and they are not pinned to one spot.

There is an autistic child at our parish. Guess what? She’s part of the Church, too.**
 
kage_ar said:
Heaven forbid that parents actually help children “see” the altar and what is taking place.

If the parents cannot sit on the first pew, it is smart to get kids to where they can see instead of the kids getting bored by looking at the rear end of the people in front of them.
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No, this is a poor excuse. Parents shouldn’t lift their kids so high that it is a distraction to those behind them. The rail of the pew is no place for feet to be placed. That’s rude and dirty. Feet belong on the floor. Anyone’s mother would slap a kid’s wrist and tell them to get their feet off the table. The rail of the pew is the same. It’s for hands not feet. This is especially true for a church that distributes communion in the hand.

If it distracts or blocks people behind them, it is doubly wrong. I am a short woman. I have to stand behind people all the time. I don’t feel the need to stand on the pew to see the altar. When I was younger, I would be respectful, or I’d receive a correction during Mass and get a spanking after Mass. Young kids, at the very least kindergarten age and up know enough to pay attention to the priest, unless they aren’t taught correctly or sufficiently by their parents. Otherwise, they need to sit respectfully in the cry room. Parenting has to utilize sound discipline, or it’s just babysitting.

Only at most 30% of catholics believe in the real presence. This may be the key problem here. Parents need to learn to show respect or the children won’t.
 
I do not have a problem with young children and babies becuase they do not know what they are diong. Even Jesus said “let the children come to me, for if you do not become like children you will not enter my father’s kingdom.” I do however have a problem with adults who should know better but all you can do is pray for them and ignore them.
 
My son was giggling during mass yesterday, sometimes he lay down, and once or twice (that I noticed) I got a dirty look from a woman sitting near us. Let me say now, there is no crying room or family room or anywhere in our church where I can take him to fuss. If I want to go to church, he has to come with me. I guess that woman was thinking what some of you have posted, that I’m not a great parent blah blah blah. My son has a learning disability. He is not as easy to communicate with or control as the “average” child. He also looks older than he is. Funny how looks can be deceiving that way. And I’d hate for some of you to have had to attend mass with him when we first started going, for at times he was so out of control I wanted to drag him out mid-mass and take him home. Had I done that though, I would be no better off then I am today, since I would have been reinforcing the bad behaviour by giving in and taking him home since that was his actual goal in the first place. Now he’s much calmer, and still learning appropriate church behaviour. This takes time, and not just my patience, but the patience of the whole parish community.

Believe me I know it’s hard, but please resist the temptation to judge others. Also, church should be the last place where we behave so judgmentally. We really should just be glad that children are there, learning and loving Christ.
 
We live in a noisy world full of tension and stress and confusion. When I go to Church, I go to “escape” from the noise, tension, stress and confusion. For some people, that is the only “quiet time” that they have. When children and babies start acting up, when adults who know better start having conversations about inane things in normal tone voices, when they talk on the way going up to Communion (“Are you going to breakfast?”) or, what once happened to me at an SSPX Mass at the Communion rail when a father kept telling his toddler “Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming!”, it makes for a not so good thing.

So the next time an adult gives you what you perceive to be a dirty look, consider there’s more to the story. Most people are good about their children, others not so. I have been told by priests that it is actually a sin to disturb people at Mass.

By the way, that’s a really silly thing for people to say “Don’t judge.” You, yourself, just made a judgment.
 
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