Sabbath for Working moms. Limited Chores time

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momof2angells

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Hi all. I work outside the home Mon-Fri and the weekends are when I catch up with house cleaning and I bulk cook for the week on Sundays. I also take part time classes. Today, I was writing a paper for class then cooked a few meats for the workweek (husband and I go to medical appts 3 times a workweek so I like to have premade meals, can’t afford takeout). Something happened today as I remembered I wanted to start observing a day of rest, it was almost 3pm and I realized my entire Sabbath day so far has been cooking and cleaning the kitchen and schoolwork and making lunch fir the kids and got a major headache and frankly I got cranky and tired. I’m here to ask for suggestions for anyone in similar scenarios of needing a day of rest with limited time to do chores. I have a tough outside job and need to reset before anither workweek. My husband does all thr laundry as of a few weeks ago due to another overwhelming day in which he offered to take that off my plate. He works full time too. Nobe of us can cut back hours. Would really appreciate any suggestions, all I have so far is using ppr plates and trying to fit all cooking and cleaning on Saturdays and Friday nights. Thank you
 
Do what you need to do for your household.

We all do need days of rest…but today my kiddo got poop in the only PJ’s she fits—so I had to do laundry.

Premade meals that last a few days is what I usually do. Also sometimes we have “breakfast for dinner” which is frozen waffles, fruit and brown’n’serve sausage. There are several easy “cheat” meals that can be fairly healthy. For instance, “taco cups” 1pound ground beef, 3/4pound carrots ground, fried together, add season put on dough (or cresent roll dough) in a muffin tin, top with cheese and bake. veggies are already in so no worry about that and they re-heat wonderfully. Make your own frozen pizzas—cook till cheese is just melting, cool, and freeze. SUPER cheap. I can do that for around $1 a pie if I make the dough myself.

I also meal-plan for a month. It takes a while to get into, but once you do it’s a miracle.

Pasta can be cooked up in great vats ahead of time and easily distributed throughout the week. I find that Rotini seems to hold it’s shape/flavor best.

I work part-time from home. I’m no longer in school, but as a freelancer, I must keep up with my education and credentials. I know a bit of how you feel.

How old are your kids? Even young ones can be enlisted to help. Also for school lunches…can you get a bento box for the kids and do ‘deconstructed’ lunches? Rather than make sandwiches toss in pieces of lunch meat, cheese and crackers and some dried fruit like raisins. You can get a few boxes and bang them out in minutes. No baggies, no assembling. Worth their weight in GOLD. Get cheap plastic ones then build up a nice stock.cheap plastic bento link

Do you have any apple products? I’m finding the app “TODY” REALLY helpful for getting things done. It can also support multiple users so it’s nice for hubby and I.
 
Thank you. My kids are teens and I’ve told them the biggest help is for them to clean up after themselves when they eat and shower. When I come home from work they have to ensure the sink is empty so I can make a meal but I don’t give them much else. To be honest I’ve cut back on making them lunch and breakfast, most weekends they’ll make a sandwich when they get up late, there’s always something in the fridge or fruit, before I would cook everything from breakfast to dinner but as they got older and wake up later things changed. Dinner is always something my husband and I do. I’m overwhelmed because i have to wok outside the home, honestly I find staying home and caring for my family the biggest gift I wish I had. My phone is android and I have an ipad, I will look into that app. Thank you.!
 
momof2angells said:
Thank you. My kids are teens and I’ve told them the biggest help is for them to clean up after themselves when they eat and shower. When I come home from work they have to ensure the sink is empty so I can make a meal but I don’t give them much else. To be honest I’ve cut back on making them lunch and breakfast, most weekends they’ll make a sandwich when they get up late, there’s always something in the fridge or fruit, before I would cook everything from breakfast to dinner but as they got older and wake up later things changed. Dinner is always something my husband and I do. I’m overwhelmed because i have to wok outside the home, honestly I find staying home and caring for my family the biggest gift I wish I had. My phone is android and I have an ipad, I will look into that app. Thank you.!
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Ok.

I’m going to sound mean but.

You have teenagers. They need to make their own darned school lunches, they need to help with dinners they need to do their own laundry. They need to contribute substantively to household chores–washing floors, vacuuming, sweeping, doing the dishes. My toddler knows she must clean up after herself before naps and bed and she knows to bring her plate to the dishwasher.

Treating them like small children is the greatest disservice you can possibly do to them. I worked in colleges for years. We had to add laundry and basic cooking to orientation because the students were so helpless. They didn’t know how to properly sweep their dorm rooms and very few knew how to vacuumn to any degree that kept things tidy. Keeping their own dirty dishes out of the sink is WAY too little to expect of them. I took care of my niece for a year, she was 10 and had ASD. I expected far more from her.

Is there any chance part of your stress is because you are equating your value as a parent with what you can do for your children?

Given their ages, it’s no wonder you feel stressed…your role in their life needs to change. As someone who delt with 18yos who were accostomed to Mom killing herself to do all PLEASE, PLEASE host a family meeting and stop this tonight.
 
Ok. This will happen. Thank you. I also have a bit of OCD I think when it comes to cleaning. I always feel my house is dirty, I always feel there is something I have to clean than I walk around and see things out of place and start tidying. It’s been 2 weeks since I washed the floors and most woman probably wouldn’t have that in the back of her mind as often as I do.
 
momof2angells said:
Ok. This will happen. Thank you. I also have a bit of OCD I think when it comes to cleaning. I always feel my house is dirty, I always feel there is something I have to clean than I walk around and see things out of place and start tidying. It’s been 2 weeks since I washed the floors and most woman probably wouldn’t have that in the back of her mind as often as I do.
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Wash a kitchen floor every two weeks? That’s fairly normal, not OCD.

Correct me if I’m wrong but did your need for full-time employment come just as your children were able to do more things themselves and needed independence?

There is NOTHING wrong with being frustrated things are out of place and wanting to tidy. That’s normal. Is it possible that you are ascribing “OCD” to cleaning because it is something you want for yourself and you don’t feel you deserve it?
 
Hi. I’ve been full time since they were infants. I do like a clean house but I’ve sensed I have a bit of a obsessive thought about cleanliness. I just want Sundays to be a day of rest and I wonder if other than recruiting more help maybe there’s something else I’m missing as far as cooking/cleaning schedule/different mindset.
 
momof2angells said:
Hi. I’ve been full time since they were infants. I do like a clean house but I’ve sensed I have a bit of a obsessive thought about cleanliness. I just want Sundays to be a day of rest and I wonder if other than recruiting more help maybe there’s something else I’m missing as far as cooking/cleaning schedule/different mindset.
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Honestly, from what you described I think that you desire reasonable things. If you told me that you wanted the floor washed every day, yeah, I might give you a side eye. But two weeks? Heck NO! That is not OCD that is very normal. If I had time I’d wash my kitchen floor at least once a week, especially since it’s the main entrance to our house…and I’m no where NEAR OCD.

I think what you’re missing is that you and your husband are no longer taking care of 2 little humans but 2 very-nearly adults. My 10yo niece was more work than my small children in some ways. Her needs were more extensive when it came to time. I couldn’t just say “here A-A-apple. Color the apple”.

You are still doing all the things that a mom of 3-8yo’s do. PLUS you’re trying to be the parent to teenagers who want you to watch the game or need you to spend 2 hours on a science project or the like.

You’re in a bad place, no doubt, but there is hope. Your children are still young enough to learn to really pull their weight. They are also old enough to clean WELL. Even my non-neuro-typical 10yo niece knew how to vacuum to my standards. It took about 3 times of having her re-do the living room until it was right before she knew what I expected every time. She knew that Mondays she was responsible for vacuuming and she was expected to do a good job. And guess what? She did. And I had time to do things for her–like work with her on her programming lesson–that she needed of me. But if I cared for her as I did my toddler–If I expected less out of her than I did, I would of been burnt out and frustrated.
 
Haha the struggle is real.
I try to get as much done before Sunday and rearrange my schedule to fit it all in, but it doesn’t always happen.
I’ve found that looking at my schedule in one or two week blocks helps me plan ahead, rather than looking at a daily schedule.
On sundays I have to work, we get pizza.
I’ve had to enlist other family members to help with the chores.
It’s hard when you’re trying to fit in studying.
 
momof2angells said:
My kids are teens and I’ve told them the biggest help is for them to clean up after themselves when they eat and shower.
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If your kids are teens, I think you can work them a lot harder.

I don’t suggest starting a completely new program overnight, but gradually shift up.

When you wrote, I was envisioning little tots, but you have so many options with teens. They can cook, they can tidy up, they can clean up the kitchen–the possibilities are endless.
 
I will take this to heart and honestly looking forward to implementING a change. I have vacuuming and cooking meals on my list. Unfortunately, I can’t see them washing floors yet because all I can envision is slips and falls right now. I have rice on my mind but the simplest pasta has me worried about them burning their arms when draining the hot liquid. Aside from thsee hesitations (I have anxiety) I can think of other things, thank you so much for bringing this to light!
 
momof2angells said:
Unfortunately, I can’t see them washing floors yet because all I can envision is slips and falls right now.
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My 5-year-old Aspie daughter begs to use a Swiffer wet mop (I had to fight her for it when I was getting ready for my parents to visit). Your kids can do a LOT more than you think. My big kids (15 and 12) don’t do a lot, but here’s what they do:

–play with baby sister
–babysit baby sister (the 15-year-old)
–pack own lunches for school
–unload dishwasher (we should really have them load, too)
–hang up clothes (when I remember to ask)
–clean own rooms
–tidy living room and baby sister’s play room
–bake and cook simple meals
–small yard projects
 
momof2angells said:
I will take this to heart and honestly looking forward to implementING a change. I have vacuuming and cooking meals on my list. Unfortunately, I can’t see them washing floors yet because all I can envision is slips and falls right now. I have rice on my mind but the simplest pasta has me worried about them burning their arms when draining the hot liquid. Aside from thsee hesitations (I have anxiety) I can think of other things, thank you so much for bringing this to light!
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Pasta is dangerous? I mean maybe if you’re cooking it in a gallon pot…but, not in a regular single-handed saucepan. Even if you have a 13 and 14 yo. They go to college in very, very short 4 years. They NEED to know how to make pasta. So many of my students felt utterly humiliated when they struggled to learn how to make a box of Kraft mac’n’cheese. I would have a dozen students turn up for the class then I’d have two dozen at my door all covert and cloak and dagger because they didn’t want to be known as the kid who couldn’t boil water. It was hard for the girls because they felt like they were going to magically know how to cook were failing as women, it was hard for the guys because they felt like they should know how to care for themselves and were failing as men. Please don’t do that to your kids. Teach them first aid and let them fail. Safe, at home, with you there to help them.

As far as mopping? Get a Shark or a swiffer. Those don’t create much water.

Anxiety is a terrible burdan. If you need help, don’t be ashamed to get it.

You are going to do fine. Like Xantippe the great suggests, a slow ramp-up may be better, but I do think a “Come to Jesus/Things are going to change around here” would be beneficial to set things off.
 
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Thank you, would you be willing to share some examples of simple meals, this is what I’ve just been pondering over just now. I was thinking now I have to buy gloves for when they handle raw chicken. (Then my anxiety reminds me of how easy it is for them to get sick if they don’t handle raw meat well then I have to be in the kitchen monitoring which defeats the whole purpose of them helping me). Ack.
 
Ok thank you. When I cook pasta I use the whole box and I use my rice pot to boil water. It’s large to feed a family if 5 and when it’s time to drain, it’s heavy and even I have to be careful with my mitts as I drain it. I wonder if there’s a tool to easily drain, maybe I’m just doing it an old fashioned way. Who knows but yes I think pasta can be dangerous because of the boiling water. I am looking into shark and swifter right niw, thanks fir that suggestion.
 
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momof2angells said:
Ok thank you. When I cook pasta I use the whole box and I use my rice pot to boil water. It’s large to feed a family if 5 and when it’s time to drain, it’s heavy and even I have to be careful with my mitts as I drain it. I wonder if there’s a tool to easily drain, maybe I’m just doing it an old fashioned way. Who knows but yes I think pasta can be dangerous because of the boiling water.
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Boiling water can be dangerous. But it’s a life skill. A sturdy colander that can stand in the sink so you’re not fussing with the colander with a handle is a big help. Also not putting too much water in the pot helps it not weigh too much. But one should be able to manage pasta for 5 fairly easily. Angel hair spaghetti and Orzo have the least bulk, so perhaps have them start with that.

And you mentioned meat. Yes, with improper handling and cooking one can get sick, but we’re not talking about preschoolers or even grade-schoolers. You have teenagers. They NEED these skills just as much as they need to know history or science or english.

I am going to prescribe for you some homework. Go watch a few episodes of Master Chef Junior.
 
I look forward to watching it! Do you suggest I watch it with them as well? I am in between this forum and amazon checking out the shark vacuum. Thank you so much all for lifting my spirits today and inspiring me.
 
Side question- do you recommend I have them wear the disposable gloves for meat handling. I’m getting too excited over the details now. 🙂
 
momof2angells said:
I look forward to watching it! Do you suggest I watch it with them as well? I am in between this forum and amazon checking out the shark vacuum. Thank you so much all for lifting my spirits today and inspiring me.
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I think it would do your teens a world of good to see what 7-11 year olds are doing in the kitchen.
 
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