I’m also a SAHM, but my kids are toddlers, and I’m pregnant with #3. Lately, I’ve been trying to make Sundays more of a day of rest; until recently, I’d been using Sunday as a day when Daddy could wrangle the kids while I got a lot of cleaning done. Not an entirely bad idea, but all work and no play, much less no nap or anything else, makes mommy Not A Happy Mommy.
So–I have instituted that certain chores get done on certain days, with general catchup on Saturday but NOT Sunday. Of course, I’ll still need to cook and do dishes on Sunday, but those are certainly necessary! I vacuum the main areas on MWF (or Saturday). I mop the floors on Saturday morning, and sweep them as needed through the week. Laundry is Tuesday and Thursday plus two loads on Saturday (DH’s work clothes, so as to do all at once, plus one load of towels and cleaning cloths I’ve used Saturday morning.) I clean the bathrooms on Saturday morning and hit them on either Tuesday or Wednesday, too.
Your kids can EASILY do most of this, and they can absolutely be expected to clean up after themselves. For context, while I do think I had too many responsibilities at the time, I was making dinner once a week by 8-9 years old, and that dinner was a soup plus biscuits from scratch. By the time I was 13-14, I was handling most of the cooking plus most of the floors and the bathrooms.
I would have a “this is going to change” talk, and gradually increase responsibilities. Rotate them, too, so as to be fair: one kid is in charge of vacuuming downstairs on Monday and the other does upstairs on Wednesdays for a month, then they swap. Likewise, one has to mop while the other cleans bathrooms.
Insofar as cooking, I’d start them slowly on things THEY like to cook. That part was crucial for me: I was bored, and was left alone in the house, so I looked up a recipe in a cookbook that I thought would taste good and went to work. That turned out well, and I went from baking cookies a couple of times each week to making far more complicated dishes.
I totally understand the food safety concerns. I would do cooking lessons as a one-on-one thing, emphasizing as I did so just how sick raw meat can make you if you aren’t careful, what cross-contamination is, etc. Make sure they know how to wash their hands properly, including scrubbing under fingernails and backs of hands. FWIW, since I started cooking regularly, I have never gotten sick from ANYTHING I cooked. These are totally learnable skills, and crucial ones to have as adults.
(Also, I personally would have a glass of wine to sip on while teaching a teen to cook, but that’s just me.
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Once they’ve spent a bit of time in the kitchen, assign each one a regular dinner night. They’re responsible for planning the meal a week in advance and communicating needed ingredients to you so that you can shop for them.
Oh, and laundry: also something they can do. Just explain about normal washing temps, delicates, etc, then assign each of them a basket of responsibility based on however you sort your laundry–you might handle delicates, for example, while Kid 1 does whites on Wednesday and Kid 2 does darks on Friday. And then, again, rotate.