Sacrament of Confirmation Denied to My Son.

[WanderAimlessly]

You may need to talk to a Canon Lawyer on this. You have concerns about what is being taught and the obstinacy of the priest.

Saying that, is there any other parish close by that is outside the priests influence?

 

[StMonica]

I don’t understand why, if making sure your son was properly educated in the faith is so important to you, you did not go to the diocese sooner.

I spoke to a deacon about what I should do and he said that I should go to the diocese about it but be forewarned it will escalate everything and may force us to leave the parish. I have never encountered anything like this before and quite frankly it scared me. That’s why it took me so long to go to the diocese. I also thought that I could get my priest to see reason as I thought we were good friends.

 

[StMonica]

You may need to talk to a Canon Lawyer on this. You have concerns about what is being taught and the obstinacy of the priest.

Saying that, is there any other parish close by that is outside the priests influence?

There is a parish about an hour away that will allow us to home school the kids and consider this appropriate faith formation. My son wants to be Confirmed at our parish which is why I haven’t given up getting him Confirmed there. We may have to go to that other parish though.

 

[whatevergirl]

Probably the ‘reason’ why the Diocese has this in place (certain number of days attending) is that ‘everyone’ would not attend, if they had the choice, and then people would be confirmed with no record of the parish training them. So, that is most likely the reason behind it, because for the life of me, my dh and I can’t figure out why our son needed to be there for every class, when the teaching was so poorly done. (no offense to the teachers) There was even an incident where one of the teachers instructed the class that ‘they can miss Sunday mass, and it’s not a mortal sin…’ And, she made it sound like you didn’t need a valid excuse for not attending. My son also came back from a class one night stating that his teacher ‘put down’ the Sacrament of Reconciliation. So, I immediately called the head sister who ran the program, and I said to her, that if she continues to teach this way, maybe I’ll see what the Bishop thinks of this program. (this was not my immediate response but she was battling me, literally, on why the teacher might have said this) Hello? He’s supposed to BE LEARNING ABOUT THE FAITH? Not contradicting Church teachings, and our home teachings. But, she respected me for calling her, and she and I became great friends after that…but it goes to show, how you need to be on top of everything these days. Cannot take for granted that because you are sending your child through the faith formation classes, that he/she is being taught the proper things.

So…long story made long. lol I think that is why most likely, they require the attendance. HOWEVER…what should change, is at the end, a test should be given…and if you were teaching your child at home…then he/she would have to take the same test to see if he/she was ready for Confirmation. I remember going through faith formation classes when I was 14, and it’s sad, but I don’t remember learning much either, so the mandatory attendance is kind of a joke, in my eyes, at this point.

I hope that you ‘win’ this battle, St Monica…please keep us posted!!

 

[StMonica]

Thanks for all your feedback. You gave me exactly what I was looking for. You gave me support when I felt beaten down but you also challenged me which allowed me to explore any and all actions which I have taken. I was really afraid that it was me being obstinate. Thank you for making my next step clear to me.

God bless you all!

 

[Ridgerunner]

Some of these "church bureaucrats: have more power than they should. But the K of C is not without effectiveness. A few years ago, my daughter learned that the parish school was going to use a textbook series for religion that was not on the USCCB list; was written by a pro-choice priest who made no secret of it, and was scandalous in many ways.

The Diocesan DRE absolutely, positively would not listen to suggested alternatives, not even when the principal of the school agreed with my daughter once he was fully informed. My daughter and son-in-law were told they could not meet with the bishop about it , period. Indeed, their letter to the bishop was ignored.

My son-in-law went to the K of C and explained it all to them. The local chapter politely asked the DRE to allow a different, approved text series. They were refused. Then, the K of C wrote the bishop a letter, politely saying they were convinced no one had or would bring it to his personal attention, and that this inability to communicate with him was leaving them no alternative but to picket the chancery (With Fourth Degree in full regalia) so the bishop would know about the problem. Another text was approved by return mail.

 

[grandfather]

Some of these "church bureaucrats: have more power than they should. But the K of C is not without effectiveness. A few years ago, … and that this inability to communicate with him was leaving them no alternative but to picket the chancery (With Fourth Degree in full regalia) so the bishop would know about the problem. Another text was approved by return mail.

I am a KC. I am amazed that they would do this. Generally they will not stand up to a nutty priest or bishop.

The OP’s story is not rare. The liberal establishment wields power to impose their agenda. A single family trying to get justice gets crushed. There is rarely any help from the bishop. Families have to live their lives. They can not go through extraordinary efforts like going to a canon lawyer to get a problem solved, like getting proper instructions for a child. This should be a given. The OP’s problem is a sign of a much bigger problem in the Church. It goes on almost everywhere. There is a great deal of disorder in the Church. The scandals and outrageous legal settlements, criminal cases, point to severe disorder. A number of American bishops have been removed or resigned for personal involvement in immoral behavior. How many others are there? After all the wreckage we have suffered under the leadership of our bishops the same bunch remain ensconced in their mansions surrounded by a cadre of like minded minions. The foxes guard the chicken house and have been for decades. Who let them in? How di this happen? Why did it happen? Does anyone think that the same leadership that led us into this mess will be able to find the way out? They not only led us into the scandal era, but years of decline, declining vocations, closing of once vibrant Catholic schools, priestless parishes, selling off of parishes, rampant litugical abuses. This is the harvest of the seeds sown and cultivated by this generation of Catholic leadership.

The example of a single parish KC council to get justice through threatening the bishop with public confrontation and exposure is unfortunately the only thing that works. Appeals to chanceries and Rome rarely work and take an enormous amount of effort and time. A family alone is almost helpless and has no influence. It will take group effort to remedy the disorder. We hate confrontation with ecclesial authorities. We are taught to obey. History shows that bishops go bad and we are in a time where that seems we have a generation of inneffective leadership. So Catholic families like the OP’s are left to their own devices to pass on the faith.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

If there is truly heresies being taught in the faith formation programs at your parish that is a serious charge … just pulling your child out to “home school” leaving other children to be victimized by bad theology is uncharitable and a violation of the Christian fiduciary duty - as it were …

A parent’s first responsibility is to his/her own children. If they were being molested would you bandy about such outrageous accusations against the OP? I have never heard such ridiculous criticism as accusing a parent who withdraws her children from a heretical program of being uncharitable and un-Christian.

Just to clarify…I have personally witnessed this practice in ROMAN churches in both Massachusettes and Pennsylvania in the last 10 years…so it does happen, though (as I stated before) I don’t necessarily support the practice.

I wouldn’t support the practice, either, as it is illicit. The age for confirmation in the US is from 7-18, with further specification possible by bishops within those bounds.

Register at that new parish.

At that point, you are now under the other pastor’s care and can licitly recieve the Sacraments under his direction.

Parish registration is not actually a canonical concept - it’s just something we do, and everyone pretends it amounts to making one a parishioner. Still, your suggested route would be easier, as all parties would respect it as a legally legitimate solution.

 

[Just_1_hr_a_wk]

It is not appropriate to compare problems with sacrament formation with sexual abuse of a child as one poster tried to do.

It is also not appropriate for a parent to just do what they want/‘know is right’ knowing full well it is not going to be supported by the pastor in the end.

When I first started reading the thread I had the passing thought that this was something that suddenly came up - turns out it is not.

The pastor/DRE were painted at one point as nearly planning several years ahead of time to deny this child confirmation - turns out that is not accurate at all. THAT was a highly inappropriate and unChristian thing to do.

I am not sure seeing a Cannon Lawyer will be of help as it seems there has been some neglect of reasonable process on the side of the family.

I wish the best for all involved and hopefully some good will come of the experience.

 

[grandfather]

Parish registration is not actually a canonical concept - it’s just something we do, and everyone pretends it amounts to making one a parishioner. Still, your suggested route would be easier, as all parties would respect it as a legally legitimate solution.

A lot of ill informed people have very strong opinions. You are right parish registration is meaningless. All it does is provide a list to send donation envelopes. It is also something new. Years ago the only registration that happened in a parish was the baptismal, conirmation and marraige registry. There is a small parish in my area with an orthodox very old pastor. The church seats about forty people, but every year there are fifty or sixty young people being confirmed. They are refugees from worthless confirmation programs. Families come from three states to escape their parishes tyrannical heretic DREs and their toxic programs. The priest provides educational materials and they are all home schooled. This has been going on for many years. If you tracked the people that went through this process and compared them with their counterparts who went through their parishes programs to see how many remained Catholics and avoided the moral pitfalls that face youth today, what do you think you would find? Formation is essential.

 

[StMonica]

The pastor/DRE were painted at one point as nearly planning several years ahead of time to deny this child confirmation - turns out that is not accurate at all. THAT was a highly inappropriate and unChristian thing to do.I

Would you please tell me what I wrote that led you to the conclusion that what I have said is not the entire truth? The DRE and my priest were informed by me that we intended to home school our children in the faith. They did not tell me at that point that my children would not received their Sacraments if I proceeded down that path. It was not until it was time for them to receive their Sacraments that we were informed of this informatin. How is that not being accurate? You have constantly called me “unChristian.” What did I do to lead you to that conclusion?

 

[Just_1_hr_a_wk]

Would you please tell me what I wrote that led you to the conclusion that what I have said is not the entire truth? The DRE and my priest were informed by me that we intended to home school our children in the faith. They did not tell me at that point that my children would not received their Sacraments if I proceeded down that path. It was not until it was time for them to receive their Sacraments that we were informed of this informatin. How is that not being accurate? You have constantly called me “unChristian.” What did I do to lead you to that conclusion?

I have have used the term ONCE.

I have NOT said you did not tell the truth.

YOU have indicated that you have had several discussions covering a couple of years where you were informed that if the child was not prepared for the sacrament using the parish program he would not be seen as qualified to receive.

 

[grandfather]

Would you please tell me what I wrote that led you to the conclusion that what I have said is not the entire truth? The DRE and my priest were informed by me that we intended to home school our children in the faith. They did not tell me at that point that my children would not received their Sacraments if I proceeded down that path. It was not until it was time for them to receive their Sacraments that we were informed of this informatin. How is that not being accurate? You have constantly called me “unChristian.” What did I do to lead you to that conclusion?

St. M.,

You are better off ignoring the accusatory comments. You have enough on your plate than to let it distract or bother you. Take the information and insight that is useful and ignore and discard the rest. You are doing just fine.

 

[Just_1_hr_a_wk]

When I approached our DRE and priest about withdrawing from the faith formation program they asked me how I would educate my kids. I had told them then that I would be home schooling my children in the faith and named the textbooks that I intended to use. The DRE even helped to find out if they were approved through the Diocese. So as you can see they knew several years in advance of my intention but they never once told me that if I followed that path then they would deny Confirmation to my kids.

It didn’t even occur to me that they would do such a thing.

To put things in perspective:

How far out did you have this discussion with the DRE and the priest?

Was there much time between this discussion and the two years you spoke to the priest hoping he would see things you way and he told you repeatedly that your son would need to go to the parish preparation program?

 

[grandfather]

To put things in perspective:

How far out did you have this discussion with the DRE and the priest?

Was there much time between this discussion and the two years you spoke to the priest hoping he would see things you way and he told you repeatedly that your son would need to go to the parish preparation program?

This is irrelevant. It is straining at gnats. The parish program is nuts. She figured it out. It puts children at risk. She needs to protect her kids in the faith and is doing so. What perspecive are you talking about? Good grief!

 

[Just_1_hr_a_wk]

This is irrelevant. It is straining at gnats. The parish program is nuts. She figured it out. It puts children at risk. She needs to protect her kids in the faith and is doing so. What perspecive are you talking about? Good grief!

The sequence of events as they were related.

 

[Cactus]

St. Monica, you’re doing a wonderful job as a Catholic mother. Hang in there. The faithful have a right to receive the Sacraments and all too often, parish bureaucrats have hijacked them. It’s hard raising faithful children in this environment. It’s no wonder we have a shortage of priests. Good candidates are turned away just like you’re experiencing here.

 

[Marysann]

St. Monica, I feel so badly for you and your family. You have been through enough, and it is time to call in the big guns. Your son has the right as a Catholic to the Sacrament of Confirmation. If I were you, I would contact a canon lawyer, and ask their help. You could try the St. Joseph Foundation at www.st-joseph-foundation.org. Obviously you are not going to get anywhere with your pastor or DRE. This kind of thing causes so much hurt, and your family doesn’t need to be exposed to any more of it. Please let us know how everything turns out.

 

[AlexV]

“Just 1 Hr a Week” is a provocateur who attacks those he thinks are daring to go against lawful authority.

The mother in this case does indeed deserve sympathy. Her story is not unique. In a worst case, a letter to Rome would not go unanswered, I assure you.

 

[Alexius]

Some of these "church bureaucrats: have more power than they should. But the K of C is not without effectiveness. A few years ago, my daughter learned that the parish school was going to use a textbook series for religion that was not on the USCCB list; was written by a pro-choice priest who made no secret of it, and was scandalous in many ways.

The Diocesan DRE absolutely, positively would not listen to suggested alternatives, not even when the principal of the school agreed with my daughter once he was fully informed. My daughter and son-in-law were told they could not meet with the bishop about it , period. Indeed, their letter to the bishop was ignored.

My son-in-law went to the K of C and explained it all to them. The local chapter politely asked the DRE to allow a different, approved text series. They were refused. Then, the K of C wrote the bishop a letter, politely saying they were convinced no one had or would bring it to his personal attention, and that this inability to communicate with him was leaving them no alternative but to picket the chancery (With Fourth Degree in full regalia) so the bishop would know about the problem. Another text was approved by return mail.

:knight1: :knight1: Sound the trumpets! We’re going to war! :knight1: :knight1: