Sacrament of Marriage (I'm confused, please help!)

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Allow me to preface this by saying that neither my husband, nor I are Catholic (YET!), and we have just started the RCIA Inquiry Session. My husband and I were both baptized as infants: me in the Episcopal church, and he in the Lutheran church.

Now, since we both desire to join the Church, it only stands to reason that we wish to have our marriage blessed in the Church as well. We were both married in a Protestant church, by a Protestant minister.

Here’s the problem:

I was married and divorced prior to marrying my husband. (STOP! Please do not make up your mind and answer before you keep reading!) Based on that information alone (that I am divorced/remarried) my current marriage would be considered invalid and I would have to seek an annulment before having my current marriage seen as valid and blessed by the Church. I understand that.

HOWEVER, here’s where my confusion comes in… my first husband had been married and divorced prior to marrying me. Does that mean that my first marriage was invalid (because he had been divorced once without an annulment since he wasn’t Catholic), and that my current marriage is actually VALID?!

Obviously, if my current marriage is invalid, I know I’ll have to go through the annulment process. However, if my marriage proves to be valid (since my first husband was not free to remarry because he did not get his first marriage annulled since he’s not Catholic) will I still have to go through the annullment process?

Please help! 😊

I’m so confused. I’ve searched through pages upon pages, but I could only find information about things not specific of my particular situation.
 
There are a lot of unknowns in your situation. You really have to talk to a priest that will direct you to a person that is properly educated on how to deal with the situation. Do not go shopping around for opinions until you get the one that makes you feel good about your future. I understand what you want but do not live your life based on feelings from opinions given in a forum like this. Please do your homework (talk to a priest) and prepare for some hard soul searching questions.
 
Please understand that I am not “shopping for opinions.” I’m looking for an answer as to whether or not my marriage is valid. If there’s more to it than just a “yes” or “no”, then I accept that and will absolutely be talking to the priest at the next opportunity I have, regardless of the answers I receive here. 🙂
 
The only way to obtain an answer to your question is to sit down with the proper authorities in your diocese.

We cannot answer “yes” or “no” because it’s not that simple. This type of case, involving multiple prior marriages, is *very *complex.

PLEASE go talk to your priest and get the name of a canon lawyer in your diocese with whom you can discuss the case.
 
That’s a good question!

I don’t know your logic make sense, I believe regardless you are going to have to get annulment for you past marriage. Remember all an annulment does is state your previous marriage is invalid, if he was married and divorced before that could very well be reason enough. How that effects your current marriage I don’t know either 😉 Your differently going to need to talk to a priest about it. There might also be someone in the diocese that handles that short of thing.
 
There is a possibility that your marriage might be valid. There is a situation called a ligamen-type declaration of nullity. It comes into effect when a person marries someone who was previously married, and that first marriage of that person was never declared null.

Here are some references:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ligamen

ewtn.com/expert/answers/m…t.htm#marriage <<<see Canon 1100 on this page

HOWEVER - you MUST see a priest about this, because your details may not fit this case, and you could in fact be in a relationship with a married man. You must continue to remain chaste, and not presume anything until this is resolved by the Tribunal.

I only offer this information here because when my ex-fiance went through the annulment process (he was previously married to a woman who was married before him) the Monsignor who processed his petition said that it is not a widely known procedure (it is much faster to obtain a ligamen-type declaration of nullity than the common type), and that most priests who have not extensively studied Canon Law may not be familiar with this. The petition process is different, the application is different. But the priest must know about it first.

Hope this is helpful. But PLEASE PLEASE - see a priest before continuing with any assumptions about your relationship.

~Liza
 
Hi Kettle,

Yes, please talk to your priest. I understand your argument. But I don’t know if the marriage tribunal will want to investigate the validity of your ex’s marriage to then determine the validity of his marriage to you. But you have to talk to someone (your priest) to get the ball rolling towards the possibility of convalidating your marriage. He will tell you what the next steps would be.

I’m very happy for you that you have found RCIA and the Catholic church! Welcome! God is drawing you closer to Himself. There may be challenges ahead, but keep praying to do His will. I will pray for you as well.

Gem
 
I have had an annulment granted for my first marriage. I started with speaking to our priest. The annulment process is very thorough. You would have to write a letter explaining why you think your first marriage wasn’t valid (ex had been married before), then you have three or four witnesses also write a letter for you. Along with whatever else that may have occured, your witnesses may want to reference the previous marriage. The Tribunal process is very fastidious (as it should be). The Tribunals also give your ex a chance to reply, which in my case I believed helped a lot. You may have to start the process of annulment to see the validity of you current marriage. It was an additional healing process for me. The annulment process does give us a chance to further explore our faith. I will keep you in my prayers. Enjoy RCIA and welcome! 🙂

Pam
 
there is not enough info in OP to answer her particular question, but it may help to know in general how the procedure will work. The marriage tribunal must investigate all the facts, and some of those crucial facts are whether both parties were free to marry. you will be asked to complete and interview form, so you will give the info about your ex-s marital history, whatever you have, and whatever paperwork you can get. the witnesses you name should include someone who can help document his status.

the tribunal investigates earliest marriage first, and that is why info on your ex will be so important, and why the interview form should be as complete as possible about him. For instance, was he or his first wife Catholic? that would make a difference, so would her marital status (was she previously divorced, for example).

there are way to many ramifications to discuss it here, so your best bet is to get going on the annulment. The more ground there is to cover, the longer it will take for the investigation. Your part will be in gathering the most complete info, witness list and paperwork background you can to make their job easier. For instance, at the time of your first marriage your ex probably had to supply his divorce papers, can you find them, or find out what jurisdiction they would have been filed in.

if your pastor is not experienced in the interview process ask him to recommend someone to help you with the interview.

good luck, there are no guarantees, but almost everyone who goes through the annulment process does find it can be a healing experience.
 
I hope that the information I need is a matter of public record, because I do not know where he is, nor do I desire to contact him in any way, shape or form. I was married to him for two months before I filed for divorce, and that was a very long time ago. (My husband and I have been married now for almost 14 years, just to give you an idea, time-wise.) The last address I have for him is the one we shared, and I know for a fact that he’s not there because the house we lived in belonged to my parents. I remember his first wife’s name, but only her married name. (I have no clue what her maiden name might have been.)

I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have my marriage blessed by the Church, in spite of how much I fear my ex. It does help to know a little more about the whole process (thank you!) because I’ve only been to one RCIA Inquiry Session, and am really very new to learning about the Church. There was a lot of information, but none seemed to address anything more than a simple “previous marriage” situation. And, again, my husband and I will be talking to our priest asap.
 
you might want to begin now to brainstorm with other family members and friends to come up with witnesses who can attest to the facts surrounding your ex’s 1st marriage. by the way, it is not necessary that you have any contact with him at all. be sure to explain your reasons to the tribunal.
 
kettle said:
… I was married to him for two months before I filed for divorce …

… how much I fear my ex…
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Unless I’m misinterpreting your comments, the Tribunal may concentrate on your marriage to your ex and not be so concerned with your ex’s first marriage. The short definition of an invalid marriage is that on the day of the wedding something existed which interfered with either or both partners ability to consent to the marriage. If you entered the marriage already terrorized by him, and/or if he entered the marriage with the intent of terrorizing you, either one would constitute a lack of consent to what marriage is. Or if he is mentally ill, and it became obvious within a few days or weeks that he was mentally ill at the time of the wedding, that to would indicate an inability for him to give consent.

But like everyone else has said, the only way to get an answer to your exact situation is to get expert advice from your priest, or if he does not feel expert enough, to the expert(s) that he refers you to. We can help give you a general idea of the general issues, but you need specific help for an authoritative answer.
 
cathyf said:
Unless I’m misinterpreting your comments, the Tribunal may concentrate on your marriage to your ex and not be so concerned with your ex’s first marriage.
But like everyone else has said, the only way to get an .
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the procedure is to deal with earliest marriage first.
it is true that poster should detail as completely as possible conditions that pertained at the time of her marriage as well, especially anything that reflects on capacity of either to give full consent. previous posters have advised getting expert help completing the inteview.
 
Quite simply put the ex husbands first marriage is the crux. As far as the Church is concerned it was a putative marraige and thus when you and he contracted “marraige” he was not free to do so thus invalidating your exchange of vows with him. You then severed that relationship (non-marraige due to him having and existing putative marraige) and contracted marriage with a man who we are assuming to be free (based on current information). You will still need to discuss this with your pastor and possibly the tribunal but it seems quite simple to me. The only real problem would be if your ex-husband fought the process by having an investigation into his first marriage. If and/or when the case reaches the tribunal he will have the right to defend the possible bond and so that may be an issue. But the first step is having a sit down with the priest and he will advise you from there.
 
Just my :twocents: - a complete and hearty agreement with those advising the absolute necessity of speaking with a priest and/or someone from the marriage tribunal. This is, without a doubt, your quickest and most easily understood route to a solution and to putting this behind you to move happily on.

I know it all seems confusing and convoluted but a lot of that may be because you didn’t take the talking-to-a-priest route at the very outset. In this age (especially) of researching most things for ourselves using the internet or some other form of data, it’s easy to think that form of educating ourselves will work for everything. As you have learned, it won’t work for this.

Believe me (I’ve been in a similar situation), things will become incredibly easier and move along much more smoothly (even if there are STILL some hurdles) once you sit down with an authority. You’ll make good progress then and everything will come clear.

My prayers are with you; God bless your journey and just take one step at a time, trusting in the Lord - He will bring you through this just fine.

🙂 🙂
 
mchium said:
Just my :twocents: - a complete and hearty agreement with those advising the absolute necessity of speaking with a priest and/or someone from the marriage tribunal. This is, without a doubt, your quickest and most easily understood route to a solution and to putting this behind you to move happily on.

I know it all seems confusing and convoluted but a lot of that may be because you didn’t take the talking-to-a-priest route at the very outset. In this age (especially) of researching most things for ourselves using the internet or some other form of data, it’s easy to think that form of educating ourselves will work for everything. As you have learned, it won’t work for this.

Believe me (I’ve been in a similar situation), things will become incredibly easier and move along much more smoothly (even if there are STILL some hurdles) once you sit down with an authority. You’ll make good progress then and everything will come clear.

My prayers are with you; God bless your journey and just take one step at a time, trusting in the Lord - He will bring you through this just fine.

🙂 🙂
Click to expand...
You are correct and not to go off topic too much but a problem can arise even with going to your local pastor because the average knowledge of the canon law of marriage is woefully inept because it is just one course among many at the seminary when there should be probably one class per semester during the four years of theology. I always advise speaking to ones pastor but I also highly advise speaking to someone in the Diocese who has a degree in canon law at least on an informal level.
 
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