Sacrament of Marriage Quandary

[EruditeGuy]

Hi:

I am getting married in September 2007 in a Roman Catholic Church. I have booked the church and have asked two priests to officiate the ceremony (one is the pastor of the church, the other a close friend).

When discussing my wedding preparations with my mother (i.e. asking her what church I was baptized in, so that I could get the appropriate paperwork in order), I learned that I was never baptized, although was raised Catholic. You wouldn’t believe the distraught I had felt when I discovered this.

I lamented my problem to my friend who is a priest. He recommend that I get in contact with the RCIA ministry of a church of my choosing. However, he told me that most programs start in the Fall and culminate on the Easter Vigil, when adults are baptized into the Church.

It is now January (well past Fall), where April is just around the corner. What is the probability that I could get baptized by next April?

Also, I’ve been reading a lot about RCIA programs across the country. Some programs claim that it may take adults atleast one year into the program before they are baptized. How universal is this phenomenon (i.e. on average, does it take atleast a year for a non-Catholic to be baptized)? Would my being raised Catholic be taken into consideration, thereby accelerating the process towards me officially joining the Church?

I am extremely scared that my fiancee and I will not be able to get married under the sanctimony and blessings of the Church.

 

[Veritas41]

I think you should contact your diocesan offices and speak to someone about your unique situation. I know of cases where people have been put on a “fast-track” to enter the Church, bypassing the usual RCIA requirements, because they had acquired sufficient knowledge of the Catholic faith without RCIA.

 

[rwoehmke]

Are we to assume that you have been going to confession, receiving communion, and made your confirmation? It seems strange to me that any of these things could be happening unless you had a baptismal certificate somewhere. If you have been away and now want a Church wedding perhaps your wife is a practicing baptized Catholic in which case with proper permissions from the bishop you could still be married in a Catholic Church maybe at Mass. On the other hand if neither of you are baptized Catholics you would be free to have a civil marriage or marry in another Faith. As you have described the situation so far I can’t help but assume that you are possibly receiving communion without the necessary preparation to do so.Something just does not add up here.

 

[puzzleannie]

simply enroll at RCIA at your parish, or with one of these good priests, you can probably skip the inquiry period since you were raised Catholic, and prepare for the sacraments and be baptized when the priest, and you, judge you are ready. It is true Easter is the ideal time, and also true that it might be very hard to prepare in time for this Easter, April 7-8. that is best judged with the priest who knows you best. Surely if you were raised Catholic you have a relationship with at least one parish priest who knows you and your family well.

I am not going to ask how you were “raised Catholic” yet did not receive the sacraments, and never thought to question it until now, but the priest certainly will ask that question.

If all does not happen as you wish before your wedding date, your fiance, whom I assume is Catholic, merely needs to apply (in good time for paperwork to be done) for a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic. You continue with your preparation and receive the sacraments at the next opportunity.

Your situation is not uncommon, surprisingly, and the first step is to go straight to the priest who is preparing you for marriage. This is exactly why all the “rules and regs” about marriage prep in a Catholic parish, to find this stuff out in plenty of time to take care of such pastoral needs. I am surprised your parish booked the church for a wedding without all the paperwork in place.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hi:

I am getting married in September 2007 in a Roman Catholic Church. I have booked the church and have asked two priests to officiate the ceremony (one is the pastor of the church, the other a close friend).

When discussing my wedding preparations with my mother (i.e. asking her what church I was baptized in, so that I could get the appropriate paperwork in order), I learned that I was never baptized, although was raised Catholic. You wouldn’t believe the distraught I had felt when I discovered this.

I lamented my problem to my friend who is a priest. He recommend that I get in contact with the RCIA ministry of a church of my choosing. However, he told me that most programs start in the Fall and culminate on the Easter Vigil, when adults are baptized into the Church.

It is now January (well past Fall), where April is just around the corner. What is the probability that I could get baptized by next April?

Also, I’ve been reading a lot about RCIA programs across the country. Some programs claim that it may take adults atleast one year into the program before they are baptized. How universal is this phenomenon (i.e. on average, does it take atleast a year for a non-Catholic to be baptized)? Would my being raised Catholic be taken into consideration, thereby accelerating the process towards me officially joining the Church?

I am extremely scared that my fiancee and I will not be able to get married under the sanctimony and blessings of the Church.

You don’t mention if she is Catholic?

If neither of you are Catholic you will need to be Catholic to Marry in a Catholic Wedding ceremony. Since you were raised Catholic it should be eaiser for you, but not being Baptized will require RCIA and Baptism at the Easter Vigil. Unless your pastor can get special permission from the Bishop to Baptize an adult outside of the normal Easter Vigil.

Canon Law also says that a Catholic should if at all possible be Confirmed before the Sacrament of Marriage.

 

[EruditeGuy]

Sorry for omitting the fact that she is Catholic.

Thanks for all your help.

 

[EruditeGuy]

Are we to assume that you have been going to confession, receiving communion, and made your confirmation? It seems strange to me that any of these things could be happening unless you had a baptismal certificate somewhere. If you have been away and now want a Church wedding perhaps your wife is a practicing baptized Catholic in which case with proper permissions from the bishop you could still be married in a Catholic Church maybe at Mass. On the other hand if neither of you are baptized Catholics you would be free to have a civil marriage or marry in another Faith. As you have described the situation so far I can’t help but assume that you are possibly receiving communion without the necessary preparation to do so.Something just does not add up here.

I don’t remember whether or not I was confirmed. Given this, I doubt that I was. However, I had gone to confession (regularly I might add) and had received communion at Mass every Sunday (I stopped when I learned that I was not baptized).

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Sorry for omitting the fact that she is Catholic.

Thanks for all your help.

Then what others have suggested is the best route. Have her speak with her pastor are obtain a dispensation to Mary an non-Baptized person. The Marriage can take place in athe Catholic Chruch, but won’t be a Sacramental Marriage, it will be valid however. After you complete RCIA and are received into the Church next Easter, the Marriage will become Sacramental, without you needing to do anything additional at the moment of your Baptism.

Please however think carefully when people suggest, a civil Marriage and then having the Marriage blessed later. That is not the way to do it. You have the ability to do it right without changing the dates most likely.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I don’t remember whether or not I was confirmed. Given this, I doubt that I was. However, I had gone to confession (regularly I might add) and had received communion at Mass every Sunday (I stopped when I learned that I was not baptized).

and that is proper. Since you cannot receive the Sacraments with any benefit without Baptism first. Doing so you have done nothing personally wrong. Are you absolutely sure that you were not Baptized? Check with the parish where you received your First Holy Communion and see if they have any records of a Baptismal certificate from somewhere.

 

[Adonia]

Wow! A quandry is right. I have never heard something like this happening before. Good Luck. I will pray for a positive outcome for you.