Sacrament of Reconciliation -- HELP! (sorry - long)

[Missy68]

For about 3 years now, I’ve been going to confession once a month. We got new priests in July and I’ve been to one of them 2 times. Both times in my confession, he told me that my sins really weren’t sins.

The first time he did it, I thought it was a fluke. He said, “Well it sounds like you really just need a pep-talk” He gave me absolution, anyway, “in case” he was missing something. This last time (Saturday), he said that out of my list (I have to bring in a piece of paper because I get so nervous & forget), that only one could be stretched into “might” be a sin and one other one was “not-charitable” in my thoughts and I could work on that, but it really wasn’t a sin & the rest weren’t either. He gave me absolution.

I’m worried now that I’m not doing my examination of conscience well or right. This is what I use: 123456755.tripod.com/ which I think is pretty comprehensive, but I’m wondering if there’s something I’m missing.

I don’t want to stop going to confession every month.

Thanks for your insight.

 

[rskempf]

Going to confession once per month is great. Do not stop.

Ask the priest for advice on how to prepare for monthly confession. Perhaps he has some great material to use. It never hurts to ask your confessor, or spiritual advisor for help.

Have you read the examination of conscience that is in the Daily Roman Missal. I would recommend making a transition to this shorter and more straightforward examination of conscience. Another reference is “Handbook of Prayers” by Socias. The examination here is great too.

The real answer is - keep trying! Use references that are directly tied to the magisterium. Ask the priest for help. Keep going monthly.

God bless you.

Rick

 

[PhilotheaZ]

It’s interesting that you have been confessing regularly for three years and your previous confessors never told you that what you were confessing were not sins, but this priest does. Odd that they would have such different perceptions of what is sin and what is not. (Unless you have changed what you confess, and from your post that doesn’t seem to be the case.)

Many of us who confess frequently have, by the grace of the Sacrament, gotten over the “really big” sins in our lives and we are working on the “smaller stuff” (not to trivialize it, though, as all sin offends God). Happily, that means we have less that absolutely needs to be confessed. Apparently this priest doesn’t consider it worth confessing at all. Perhaps he is one of those priests who think confession for venial sins is a waste of time. If so, I would disagree with him on that.

One thing you might want to consider is changing the way you approach confession. Rather than confessing a “laundry list” of every little thing you can think of, each time you go to confession just confess one or two things that you KNOW are sins and that you truly want to overcome, the ones you would most like to work on. That way you can focus on them in the weeks to come with a firm purpose of amendment. And the things you consider REAL sins (not just imperfections) won’t get lost in a long list so that the priest barely notices them. (Think from the perspective of people you live, work, or interact with. What part of your behavior most negatively affects them? If I couldn’t think of anything to confess, all I would have to do is ask my husband!) Remember, as long as they are venial sins, you only have to confess ONE real sin in order for ALL to be forgiven. (You must confess all mortal sins, but from your post you’re probably not in that situation right now.)

If you’re not sure anything you confess is a true sin, it is permissible to confess one real sin from your past life. At the end of your confession of recent “peccadilloes,” say something like, “I am sorry for these and all the sins of my past life, especially for ______________.” At least one real sin must be confessed in order for the Sacrament to be valid. (Be aware that some priests do not like penitents to do this. And it should be avoided by persons who are scrupulous.)

Or, if you think this priest is simply wrong, you might try a different confessor.

 

[rskempf]

This is pretty good advice but I would not be so hard on the priest. These guys give their lives for our salvation and get beaten up without mercy. All of them are a little different from each other and best of all, they are human too.

On the other hand, you need a spiritual advisor you are compatible with. I recommend prayer.

God bless you all.

 

[Lazerlike42]

This is pretty good advice but I would not be so hard on the priest. These guys give their lives for our salvation and get beaten up without mercy. All of them are a little different from each other and best of all, they are human too.

On the other hand, you need a spiritual advisor you are compatible with. I recommend prayer.

God bless you all.

I think it is also good advice, but I don’t think anyone has really been hard on the priest. PhilotheaZ relly just said that it is worth noting that for 3 years these things were sins, but now the new priest doesn’t consider them so. While you are 1000% right that we not be too hard on priests, we also have to recognize the fact that priests have such a profoundly important role in our salvation, especially in the advice they give us, and especially in terms of advice in the confessional, and about what is and is not sin.

We also have to recognize that there are bad priests, unfaithful ones who knowingly reject the truth about sin.

Apart from the good priests and the bad ones, however, is another important kind: those who are “bad,” but not by some moral fault like unfaithfulness, but rather due simply to not being the most skilled or the most knowledgable, and of these I would mention two pieces of advice. The first from John of the Cross, who said that it was better a soul have no spiritual director at all than even a mediocre one (or something to that effect), for a spiritual director who is not good can lead a soul astray much worse than a soul can go astray on its own. I would say we can apply this to those advising us in confession.

Second, I’d quote either Fr. Corapi or Fr. Groeschel… I forget which of them said it, but he said that he would rather have a knowledgable priest than a holy priest, because a knowledgable priest won’t lead him astray, but a holy priest, while being holy himself, if not knowledgable in some area may give bad advice or counsel. Of course, the best would be to have a holy and knowledgable priest.

Btw, rskempf, I want to be clear that this isn’t all directed to you… I really just used your post as a jumping off point to give some general thoughts which may be helpful to the original poster.

God bless!

 

[Timothysis]

That examination of conscience is absurd; no one could live up to that. There are much better ones to be found…perhaps you could find one that is more “practical.”

 

[passus]

I think the examination of conscience you’re using may be leading you into some scrupulosity. Some of the things in that examination aren’t sins at all. For example, under the fifth Commandment, one of the questions asks:
Did I fail to correct in charity, or accept others’ corrections of me?
Under the tenth Commandment a few of the questions ask:
Am I moody? Gloomy? Bitter? Divisive?
Not only do failing to correct or accept others’ corrections have nothing to do with killing, but they simply aren’t sins. The same goes for being “moody.”

I suggest that you find another examination of conscience. You might order from Catholic Answers a copy of The Little Catechism of Confession which includes a thorough examination of conscience, or find another online, like these:

Examination of Conscience
What to Confess?

Ask your confessor for help in making a thorough and honest confession the next time you receive the sacrament and if he repeatedly tells you that what you have mentioned is not sinful, then ask why or try to explain to him why you thought it was, and that can help you in making a better examination of conscience for your next confession.

 

[Sir_Knight]

he told me that my sins really weren’t sins.

Remind your priest that according to Romans 14:14, that if you believe something to be a sin, then for YOU, it IS a sin and therefore needs to be confessed and absolved. A pep talk doesn’t cut it.