Sadness over NFP misuse/misunderstanding

[Alexander_Smith]

One simply is not allowed to do any of this using “articificial” or “unnatural” means which undermines the freedom of the individuals and thus the relationship of the couple as well.

That is not true. If a couple didn’t want to have any children at all, and tried to use NFP for that purpose, they would be abusing it. Just as much as a couple practicing abstinence in their marriage with no grave reason to do so. It’s more complex than just being natural or unnatural.

Yep, that’s why he provided a method for us to discern monthly. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have cycles. We’d be fertile all the time.

Even the Church doesn’t give a list of “grave” reasons in their teaching. They leave it up to the couple to work on their reasons and their resolutions to enable them to have more children when the time is right.

I’ve seen people criticize a woman for delaying pregnancy when her last child is only 6 months old, and I just don’t see anything wrong with delaying a pregnancy so that the parents can get a handle on the new family addition.

Sorry for shortening your post, but I couldn’t respond to all of it.

God didn’t provide us with a way to discern monthly. NFP is quite a young method of birth regulation, and as such is the exception, not the rule. There was no NFP around Jesus’ time, except by the use of temporary abstinence.

I would never criticize anyone for delaying pregnancy, or tell them they must have more children. That’s for them to decide, not me, and I respect that.

Again my problem with current use of NFP is the mindset that it is required. It is the exception, it is not the rule. NFP is not required to have a happy marriage, and Catholics have been getting married and raising families for centuries without it.

I was married and had my first child without health insurance. When we got married, I worked at a pizza place. I later went into the coal mines and we had a second child. Then I went to college and worked part time while my wife stayed home with the kids. We barely supported ourselves and there were hundreds of times that we worried like crazy over finances. Ten years later, we’re finally afloat financially. I finally have a “foundation”.

Should I have waited ten years (or even 4-5) to get married? I don’t regret a minute of it. God called me to love my wife and as soon as I recognized that, I married her. We took up our financial cross and did the best we could. Waiting until my human conditions were perfect would have been tantamount to ignoring God, and suggesting that people do so in general is suggesting that poor people never get married. That suggestion also consigns the majority of the world to chastity and childlessness.

I’m not arguing against people like you!! What you’ve done is admirable and a truly wonderful thing! I mentioned waiting because such a huge deal is made about finances in regards to NFP, but couples have suffered through hard times their whole lives and still had plenty of kids to show for it. I applaud you!

Find me one… ONE… “financially stable” young married couple of childbearing age in this entire town in the present day. Have you just been living with your parents or under a rock?

I shouldn’t have used the word “stable”. I didn’t mean that the couple would have a lot of money, but rather that they would be able to afford children or a child in general. Nothing wrong with getting married no matter what your situation, as long as both you and your spouse are mature people.

It seems like you have a reason to be “sickened” I personally don’t know anyone without some degree of financial hardship, or with a solid financial standing. So I can see what you’re saying. Still, if couples wait for a solid financial standing they many never have kids. It’s better to get a plan together, and maybe start a savings account for the things that pop up rather than wait until they’re fully stable

I would think a family is really blessed if they can afford to not use family planning, but there are a few folks on the forum who are quite happy doing just that, and I think that’s awesome!

I entirely agree with you. I hope I haven’t offended anyone who’s worked through hardships, and had children too, I was kind of arguing a different pont with that… My family did the same thing, and I’m glad my parents decided not to wait.

Never been happier. My oldest helps out, my youngest (daughter) is a spitting image of my wife and loves me dearly. Just can’t imagine changing the structure of the family right now, but you know the saying, I made plans and God laughed. 22 years with my wife and the most important thing I have learn is, adapt and overcome the situation. I see you have learned this early, so kudo’s. Not everyone knows this or should know this though. Correctly it is a “saddness” more for the state of priorities in “society” as a whole then NFP with practicing christians.

I have NO problems with NFP practicing Catholics. I guess my problem is with the idea that NFP must be used until he “time is right”. Sometimes that’s the case, but a lot of people work through it too.

I can understand this. I live in the panhandle of the state in a 3 br cabin. We commute to NOVA for everything from work to haircuts. But we have Mountaineers gusto.lol. A guy I knew from Misery aka Missouri, said, “if you wait until you can afford kids, then you’ll never have them.” Thankfully, we trusted and the Lord has always provided a way.

That’s a great thing to hear.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Again my problem with current use of NFP is the mindset that it is required. It is the exception, it is not the rule. NFP is not required to have a happy marriage, and Catholics have been getting married and raising families for centuries without it.

Can you share the *sources *where you’ve found this to be the current mindset?

I agree in essence with what you’re saying… but I don’t see this to be the current mindset.
In my experience, the majority of Catholics are contracepting… so if you mean the church’s attempt to counteract this trend by “requiring” pre-marital NFP classes as a way of deterring them from making this sinful choice, then I don’t understand why this is bad.

 

[Rence]

God didn’t provide us with a way to discern monthly. NFP is quite a young method of birth regulation, and as such is the exception, not the rule. There was no NFP around Jesus’ time, except by the use of temporary abstinence.

I would never criticize anyone for delaying pregnancy, or tell them they must have more children. That’s for them to decide, not me, and I respect that.

Again my problem with current use of NFP is the mindset that it is required. It is the exception, it is not the rule. NFP is not required to have a happy marriage, and Catholics have been getting married and raising families for centuries without it.

I have to respectfully disagree wiht you Alexander: Yes God did provide us with a way to discern monthly, and the decision to use NFP is to be prayed about every month (or more frequently). NFP was indeed around in Jesus’ time, and I’m sure they used it to breed their goats like we still do today but the people were ignorant of it for themselves. It is VERY true, that sometimes ignorance can be bliss (like, for example, we really don’t need to know about eye surgeries. In fact, sometimes it’s better not to know.) but other times, ignorance can make things more difficult. If women in Jesus time knew how to use their cycles (NFP) they may have avoided being “set aside” because they couldn’t have children because as you know NFP is for sucessful, as well as delaying, pregnancies.

But God gave humans the capacity to learn and grow and develop. They didn’t know how to use their cycles to use NFP. But they also didn’t have effective medications to treat simple infections that caused death back then, but are easily cured or managed now. It wasn’t that long ago that we learned that unclean surgical practices killed people. Now you wouldn’t think of operating on a person without a sterile environment.

NFP should be taught to every single catholic, with proper instructions on discernment. They SHOULD know their own cycles.

The times of Jesus were different from today’s time. In the times of Jesus, women had so many children that the older ones raised the younger ones, and the kids did a lot of field and house work to keep the family operating. You can’t do that today. Not only is it wrong to have your older children raise your younger children, but it certainly “costs” a lot more to feed more children today than it did back then. Occassionally I see a big family take advantage of all the helping hands available, and do it quite impressively well too, but remember, children are not slaves, they are a blessing to be cherished, loved and provided for. And there is a very big difference between family cooperation, and having children to work the fields to keep the family going. I don’t think the times of Jesus were always “better”. There have been a lot of improvements since that time.

 

[Alexander_Smith]

Can you share the *sources *where you’ve found this to be the current mindset?

I agree in essence with what you’re saying… but I don’t see this to be the current mindset.
In my experience, the majority of Catholics are contracepting… so if you mean the church’s attempt to counteract this trend by “requiring” pre-marital NFP classes as a way of deterring them from making this sinful choice, then I don’t understand why this is bad.

Mostly it’s Catholics I’ve meant in my parish and in other places, but also Catholics on TV, on boards like these, blogs, and some priests I’ve talked too.

Teaching NFP to deter couples from using ABC is wonderful, and I heartily support that idea. A lot of Catholics not only use contraceptives, but also have abortions as well. Heck, the majority of the teenagers in the confirmations classes I and my siblings have gone to over the years see no problems with ABC. It’s crazy.

I don’t mean to say that NFP is bad. It’s not bad at all. It’s just that it’s something that has to be used carefully.

Also, I am by no means trying to say that couples should have as many children as they can! The Church does not teach that, and it would go against the nature of a loving marriage to force a couple to have as many kids as possible. At the same time, I think there is something wrong when the standard of living rises in the world, but the number of children per couple drops.

I have to respectfully disagree wiht you Alexander: Yes God did provide us with a way to discern monthly, and the decision to use NFP is to be prayed about every month (or more frequently). NFP was indeed around in Jesus’ time, and I’m sure they used it to breed their goats like we still do today but the people were ignorant of it for themselves. It is VERY true, that sometimes ignorance can be bliss (like, for example, we really don’t need to know about eye surgeries. In fact, sometimes it’s better not to know.) but other times, ignorance can make things more difficult. If women in Jesus time knew how to use their cycles (NFP) they may have avoided being “set aside” because they couldn’t have children because as you know NFP is for sucessful, as well as delaying, pregnancies.

But God gave humans the capacity to learn and grow and develop. They didn’t know how to use their cycles to use NFP. But they also didn’t have effective medications to treat simple infections that caused death back then, but are easily cured or managed now. It wasn’t that long ago that we learned that unclean surgical practices killed people. Now you wouldn’t think of operating on a person without a sterile environment.

NFP should be taught to every single catholic, with proper instructions on discernment. They SHOULD know their own cycles.

The times of Jesus were different from today’s time. In the times of Jesus, women had so many children that the older ones raised the younger ones, and the kids did a lot of field and house work to keep the family operating. You can’t do that today. Not only is it wrong to have your older children raise your younger children, but it certainly “costs” a lot more to feed more children today than it did back then. Occassionally I see a big family take advantage of all the helping hands available, and do it quite impressively well too, but remember, children are not slaves, they are a blessing to be cherished, loved and provided for. And there is a very big difference between family cooperation, and having children to work the fields to keep the family going. I don’t think the times of Jesus were always “better”. There have been a lot of improvements since that time.

The only difference between NFP and abstinence for the sake of temporarily avoiding conception, is that NFP allows for sexual intimacy at the same time. But since they both serve the same purpose (when NFP is used like abstinence), then they must both be used with moderation.

 

[PaulinVA]

I think it’s good when young people embrace the ideas of the faith. I think it’s good when they determine that they will do the right thing and follow Church teaching.

I even am okay when they explore those ideas in writing and in conversations. Sort of try on the idea or try to apply it to specific situations. That’s part of learning.

But, they have to realize that people are actually living these situations out and are trying, themselves, to do the right thing. Living it and talking about it are different.

 

[spunjalebi]

I was married and had my first child without health insurance. When we got married, I worked at a pizza place. I later went into the coal mines and we had a second child. Then I went to college and worked part time while my wife stayed home with the kids. We barely supported ourselves and there were hundreds of times that we worried like crazy over finances. Ten years later, we’re finally afloat financially. I finally have a “foundation”.

Should I have waited ten years (or even 4-5) to get married? I don’t regret a minute of it. God called me to love my wife and as soon as I recognized that, I married her. We took up our financial cross and did the best we could. Waiting until my human conditions were perfect would have been tantamount to ignoring God, and suggesting that people do so in general is suggesting that poor people never get married. That suggestion also consigns the majority of the world to chastity and childlessness.

The point of what I mentioned wasn’t to degrade people who have children without health insurance or who are under financial hardships, but to point out that the person who told me that comment was very dismissive of my legitimate concerns and acted like it was “nothing.” It’s more than “nothing”-- it’s serious and you have to contend with it in a mature manner. However, the response I got from that person wasn’t anything like that. I am not saying anyone should wait years before getting married because everything isn’t perfect-- heaven forbid, the situation my husband and I found ourselves in early on wasn’t anywhere near ideal.

That said, I would not condone anyone to get married under grave circumstances without considering NFP until their situation improved. That’s something most Catholics would support. NFP allows couples to be responsible about their situations and to have children at times where it’s more feasible. To me, it just seems overwhelmingly irresponsible to have a child without health insurance, considering the fact that typical hospital fees for a birth can range anywhere from 10K-20K. Who is going to pay for that? And how else would you pay for everything else, like shots for the baby? It’s considered against the law without properly immunizing your child before sending them to school, and in some cases recklessness. Just my opinion.

Also, I am by no means trying to say that couples should have as many children as they can! The Church does not teach that, and it would go against the nature of a loving marriage to force a couple to have as many kids as possible. At the same time, I think there is something wrong when the standard of living rises in the world, but the number of children per couple drops.

I think there are a lot of other factors which go with that. For one, the rate of fertility drops when women are educated because if you’re still in school at age 18, it’s less likely that you’re going to be married and having children. In countries with higher standards of living, the age of marriage tends to be older, and therefore you have less children. I’m talking in terms of developing and close to industrialized countries. In highly industrialized countries, yes that tends to be true.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Mostly it’s Catholics I’ve meant in my parish and in other places, but also Catholics on TV, on boards like these, blogs, and some priests I’ve talked too.

Teaching NFP to deter couples from using ABC is wonderful, and I heartily support that idea. A lot of Catholics not only use contraceptives, but also have abortions as well. Heck, the majority of the teenagers in the confirmations classes I and my siblings have gone to over the years see no problems with ABC. It’s crazy.

I don’t mean to say that NFP is bad. It’s not bad at all. It’s just that it’s something that has to be used carefully.

Also, I am by no means trying to say that couples should have as many children as they can! The Church does not teach that, and it would go against the nature of a loving marriage to force a couple to have as many kids as possible. At the same time, I think there is something wrong when the standard of living rises in the world, but the number of children per couple drops.

While I trust you’ve gotten that impression … I’d still like to see the sources (posts here, blogs, links, etc) that fully explains this misuse NFP…

 

[smithm29]

I can agree that it’s sad that most people (including Catholic people) tend to view kids as a burden, rather than a gift. Most people seem to want two, maybe three at most, regardless of their situation. It’s not necessarily the misuse of NFP that’s the problem, it’s modern views on family and finances/comfort.

 

[Rence]

I agree in essence with what you’re saying… but I don’t see this to be the current mindset.
In my experience, the majority of Catholics are contracepting… so if you mean the church’s attempt to counteract this trend by “requiring” pre-marital NFP classes as a way of deterring them from making this sinful choice, then I don’t understand why this is bad.

I don’t know anyone in real life who is using NFP. And I don’t know anyone in real life who even knows what NFP is. I dont’ know what they’re teaching in some of these pre cana classes, but it’s not NFP because many people think NFP is the old rhythmn method. The majority of Catholics are on ABCs.

And how does the Church expect couples who are confronted with “grave reasons” to delay or space out pregnancies to use NFP if they don’t know what it is? I think it should be taught in high school. If they take the time to add it to the curriculum and teach it CORRECTLY, it would be a great advantage for Catholic families.

IMOHO, one of the biggest injustices to women (catholic and non-catholic alike) is not teaching them NFP. Even when I talk to non-catholic women whose religions allow them to use birth control, I try to explain NFP and encourage them to learn about NFP so they can maked educated decisions that affect their health.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I don’t know anyone in real life who is using NFP. And I don’t know anyone in real life who even knows what NFP is. I dont’ know what they’re teaching in some of these pre cana classes, but it’s not NFP because many people think NFP is the old rhythmn method. The majority of Catholics are on ABCs.

And how does the Church expect couples who are confronted with “grave reasons” to delay or space out pregnancies to use NFP if they don’t know what it is? I think it should be taught in high school. If they take the time to add it to the curriculum and teach it CORRECTLY, it would be a great advantage for Catholic families.

IMOHO, one of the biggest injustices to women (catholic and non-catholic alike) is not teaching them NFP. Even when I talk to non-catholic women whose religions allow them to use birth control, I try to explain NFP and encourage them to learn about NFP so they can maked educated decisions that affect their health.

Couldn’t agree with you more!

 

[Rence]

At the same time, I think there is something wrong when the standard of living rises in the world, but the number of children per couple drops.

You have to take into consideration the cost that is involved in keeping adults living longer. I personally don’t think the life expectancy changed much from when it was 40 centuries ago we just have better medication and procedures to keep people going longer. Medications and procedures to prevent people from dying “prematurely”, from getting sick, or rehabiliating people who have gotten sick is quite quite costly. The number of children per couple has dropped but that in no way means their bills have gone down.

I’m sure you know that having one sick child can do a family in financially. So can having grandma or grandpa move in. Though it’s a blessing to care for one’s parent, it adds to the bills at the end of the month. Also take into consideration that part of being responsible is attempting to ensure the stability of your future, so that you don’t drive your own children to bankruptcy later in life. It’s very prudent to save for one’s future. And it’s a cold hard fact that if you don’t, you’re very likely to be on the street one day, if not a burden to your children.

Newly married couples will most likely be finding themselves taking care of their own parents, in addition to taking care of children, even though those parents tried to ensure their future financial needs. There is something to be said about avoiding sending your elderly or disabled parents to nursing homes and taking care of them yourself if at all possible and if you can do so (like they took care of us when we were children). Social Security and pension is not going to solve all their problems, and neither is medicare, especially with chronic illness.

 

[Alexander_Smith]

While I trust you’ve gotten that impression … I’d still like to see the sources (posts here, blogs, links, etc) that fully explains this misuse NFP…

I’d like too, but I’m talking about statements and writing on people’s personal lives and problems, and I wouldn’t feel right posting a lot of examples of that kind.

One example I can use, is that of an uncle of mine, who happens to teach confirmation classes. The class was talking about ABC, and he mentioned the Church’s alternative to ABC was NFP. Nothing wrong there, but the general consensus among the students was that when they got married, they would use NFP to avoid children pretty much altogether, and there was NO discussion as to when NFP was allowed or not. People seem to forget that NFP has to be moderated and done after much prayer and consideration just like temporary abstinence.

I can agree that it’s sad that most people (including Catholic people) tend to view kids as a burden, rather than a gift. Most people seem to want two, maybe three at most, regardless of their situation. It’s not necessarily the misuse of NFP that’s the problem, it’s modern views on family and finances/comfort.

You may be the right in that regard. I’m only speaking from what I’ve seen and heard, I have no experience using it myself.

I don’t know anyone in real life who is using NFP. And I don’t know anyone in real life who even knows what NFP is. I dont’ know what they’re teaching in some of these pre cana classes, but it’s not NFP because many people think NFP is the old rhythmn method. The majority of Catholics are on ABCs.

And how does the Church expect couples who are confronted with “grave reasons” to delay or space out pregnancies to use NFP if they don’t know what it is? I think it should be taught in high school. If they take the time to add it to the curriculum and teach it CORRECTLY, it would be a great advantage for Catholic families.

IMOHO, one of the biggest injustices to women (catholic and non-catholic alike) is not teaching them NFP. Even when I talk to non-catholic women whose religions allow them to use birth control, I try to explain NFP and encourage them to learn about NFP so they can maked educated decisions that affect their health.

That’s interesting. I definitely know/know of quite a few Catholics who use NFP, and others who talk about it a lot.

You have to take into consideration the cost that is involved in keeping adults living longer. I personally don’t think the life expectancy changed much from when it was 40 centuries ago we just have better medication and procedures to keep people going longer. Medications and procedures to prevent people from dying “prematurely”, from getting sick, or rehabiliating people who have gotten sick is quite quite costly. The number of children per couple has dropped but that in no way means their bills have gone down.

I’m sure you know that having one sick child can do a family in financially. So can having grandma or grandpa move in. Though it’s a blessing to care for one’s parent, it adds to the bills at the end of the month. Also take into consideration that part of being responsible is attempting to ensure the stability of your future, so that you don’t drive your own children to bankruptcy later in life. It’s very prudent to save for one’s future. And it’s a cold hard fact that if you don’t, you’re very likely to be on the street one day, if not a burden to your children.

Newly married couples will most likely be finding themselves taking care of their own parents, in addition to taking care of children, even though those parents tried to ensure their future financial needs. There is something to be said about avoiding sending your elderly or disabled parents to nursing homes and taking care of them yourself if at all possible and if you can do so (like they took care of us when we were children). Social Security and pension is not going to solve all their problems, and neither is medicare, especially with chronic illness.

That’s true, but I can also see it with my own eyes. I often see a very dramatic drop in children per family as each generation passes. Most of my relatives have 2-3 children, wheres my grandparents or great-grandparents had 4-8 or more. Most couples I know have fewer than 4, usually 2 or so. Every time I tell people there are 6 kids in my family, I get comments about how big it is, so something is definitely changing.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I’d like too, but I’m talking about statements and writing on people’s personal lives and problems, and I wouldn’t feel right posting a lot of examples of that kind.

One example I can use, is that of an uncle of mine, who happens to teach confirmation classes. The class was talking about ABC, and he mentioned the Church’s alternative to ABC was NFP. Nothing wrong there, but the general consensus among the students was that when they got married, they would use NFP to avoid children pretty much altogether, and there was NO discussion as to when NFP was allowed or not. People seem to forget that NFP has to be moderated and done after much prayer and consideration just like temporary abstinence.

You may be the right in that regard. I’m only speaking from what I’ve seen and heard, I have no experience using it myself.

That’s interesting. I definitely know/know of quite a few Catholics who use NFP, and others who talk about it a lot.

With all due respect, it wouldn’t be odd for Confirmation students (I guess early teens) to be squeamish about having children.

The important part is when they are adults and getting married that they understand the Church’s teaching regarding regulation of births in a more concrete way.

 

[Sierrah]

I am only 18, not likely to be married any time soon, but I still wanted to express my sadness over the number of topics in this sub-forum about Natural Family Planning, and the mentality that it is “required” for a good Catholic marriage.

I understand that there are good reasons for some couples to use NFP, but it seems to me that is being used as more of a “Catholic contraceptive” than anything else these days. Whenever I hear young couples talking about their marriages or future marriages, I hear about NFP. The thing is, NFP is okay for certain purposes, but it is not necessary for Catholic marriage, and in some cases it can be destructive, and maybe even sinful for couples that are healthy enough, and financially stable enough to have children.

The fact is, NFP is not supposed to be used to avoid children altogether like condoms or birth control pills. If you are using it in your marriage with a mentality of convenience rather than necessity, than you probably shouldn’t be using it!

It breaks my heart to see threads on this forum and other forums, from unhappy husbands or wives talking about how their use of NFP is making their marriage difficult or unhappy. IMO A healthy, financially stable couple has no reason to use NFP.

Natural Family Planning should not be to appease immature Catholic couples who view children as an obnoxious byproduct of sex. Men and women preparing for marriage should be preparing for children as well by anticipating the financial needs and emotional needs of bringing up children, and preparing themselves mentally for that responsibility.

To conclude this post. I firmly believe that NFP is something that should be considered only if there is a real reason to avoid conception temporarily. I also believe that abstinence serves the same purpose for shorter periods of time. Both methods require REAL reasons to use. There is something seriously morally wrong with a young, healthy financially stable couple that uses NFP as soon as they are married.

By the way, I fully understand that NFP can be used to help achieve conception as well, that’s definitely a good thing! My argument is about the preventative aspect of NFP, and how it is, in my opinion, misused.

This is exactly the point I was trying to make in an earlier thread I started but I’m just not that good at putting things into words. You did much better I think. Thanks for posting this.

 

[Rence]

That’s true, but I can also see it with my own eyes. I often see a very dramatic drop in children per family as each generation passes. Most of my relatives have 2-3 children, wheres my grandparents or great-grandparents had 4-8 or more. Most couples I know have fewer than 4, usually 2 or so. Every time I tell people there are 6 kids in my family, I get comments about how big it is, so something is definitely changing.

That goes right back to my point: my great grandparents on both sides had 6+ kids. But didn’t have parents to take care of…today’s medicine wasn’t around then

 

[HouseArrest]

I’d like too, but I’m talking about statements and writing on people’s personal lives and problems, and I wouldn’t feel right posting a lot of examples of that kind.

One example I can use, is that of an uncle of mine, who happens to teach confirmation classes. The class was talking about ABC, and he mentioned the Church’s alternative to ABC was NFP. Nothing wrong there, but the general consensus among the students was that when they got married, they would use NFP to avoid children pretty much altogether, and there was NO discussion as to when NFP was allowed or not. People seem to forget that NFP has to be moderated and done after much prayer and consideration just like temporary abstinence.

Yes, there is something wrong there. NFP is not the Church’s alternative to ABC. It’s the Church’s alternative to abstinence.

 

[Middleman]

I am only 18, not likely to be married any time soon, but I still wanted to express my sadness over the number of topics in this sub-forum about Natural Family Planning, and the mentality that it is “required” for a good Catholic marriage.

I understand that there are good reasons for some couples to use NFP, but it seems to me that is being used as more of a “Catholic contraceptive” than anything else these days. Whenever I hear young couples talking about their marriages or future marriages, I hear about NFP. The thing is, NFP is okay for certain purposes, but it is not necessary for Catholic marriage, and in some cases it can be destructive, and maybe even sinful for couples that are healthy enough, and financially stable enough to have children.

The fact is, NFP is not supposed to be used to avoid children altogether like condoms or birth control pills. If you are using it in your marriage with a mentality of convenience rather than necessity, than you probably shouldn’t be using it!

It breaks my heart to see threads on this forum and other forums, from unhappy husbands or wives talking about how their use of NFP is making their marriage difficult or unhappy. IMO A healthy, financially stable couple has no reason to use NFP.

Natural Family Planning should not be to appease immature Catholic couples who view children as an obnoxious byproduct of sex. Men and women preparing for marriage should be preparing for children as well by anticipating the financial needs and emotional needs of bringing up children, and preparing themselves mentally for that responsibility.

To conclude this post. I firmly believe that NFP is something that should be considered only if there is a real reason to avoid conception temporarily. I also believe that abstinence serves the same purpose for shorter periods of time. Both methods require REAL reasons to use. There is something seriously morally wrong with a young, healthy financially stable couple that uses NFP as soon as they are married.

By the way, I fully understand that NFP can be used to help achieve conception as well, that’s definitely a good thing! My argument is about the preventative aspect of NFP, and how it is, in my opinion, misused.

You are young and idealistic, which is good. You’ll understand better in about 20 years.

 

[3GirlsRUs]

When used correctly, NFP has a built in “do we really need to use this” monitor - it’s the abstinence part. By way of design of NFP, if a couple is TTA there is something to “give up”, and when the reasons for avoiding start to become less than necessary, the couple will realize it.

The problem occurs when the couple starts to turn to ABC instead.

’

:yup: definitely to the bolded part. I have my third daughter as by-product of a cycle where we started out saying “No…not yet” to saying, “Ah, what the heck…we’ll make it work should we be blessed.”

And…there’s a chance…that I could have another kid that attests to that, too, give me a couple of weeks and I can update…

 

[Em_in_FL]

Yes, there is something wrong there. NFP is not the Church’s alternative to ABC. It’s the Church’s alternative to abstinence.

Exactly.

@ Alexander Smith - consider this…
You mentioned that you’re from a family of 6, but also had an alcoholic father who didn’t contribute to the family.
Would your family have faired better if the 6 of you had been spread out more to alleviate any stresses on your father? (notice I’m not once mentioning *less *kids, but perhaps more spaced-out)… I’m *obviously *speculating here, but *clearly *every family has issues that have to be dealt with in one way or another. If my husband were to become an alcoholic and not contribute to the family life I would not consider this to be the prime example of family life, regardless of how many children we had… “numbers” don’t equal holiness, in and of themselves.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

I think you need to do more actual research rather than basing your opinion on your personal experiences. Couples who prayerfully (prayer is essential) use NFP (for whatever reason) are less likely to divorce, more likely to have large families, and more likely to have stronger marriages than those who avoid conception at various times by other means (either ABC or total abstinence - which can be very hard on many marriages). NFP is a gift to married couples in times of distress…

 

[Alexander_Smith]

Exactly.

@ Alexander Smith - consider this…
You mentioned that you’re from a family of 6, but also had an alcoholic father who didn’t contribute to the family.
Would your family have faired better if the 6 of you had been spread out more to alleviate any stresses on your father? (notice I’m not once mentioning *less *kids, but perhaps more spaced-out)… I’m *obviously *speculating here, but *clearly *every family has issues that have to be dealt with in one way or another. If my husband were to become an alcoholic and not contribute to the family life I would not consider this to be the prime example of family life, regardless of how many children we had… “numbers” don’t equal holiness, in and of themselves.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

I think you need to do more actual research rather than basing your opinion on your personal experiences. Couples who prayerfully (prayer is essential) use NFP (for whatever reason) are less likely to divorce, more likely to have large families, and more likely to have stronger marriages than those who avoid conception at various times by other means (either ABC or total abstinence - which can be very hard on many marriages). NFP is a gift to married couples in times of distress…

I understand your example, but I should have clarified a bit. My father stopped drinking some time after he married my mother. He supported my family for a long time, but a year or two so after the hurricane, he stopped trying to find jobs, and then he began to drink again. By that time that 6 of us were already older than 9, so his drinking played no part in any decision to have more kids or not.

I have no problem with NFP. I’m sure it’s helped a lot of people. But whenever I hear couples talk about it, with the exception of people on this forum, I hear it referenced as the Catholic alternative to birth control. I’ve even heard priests talk about it like this, to somehow appease people who criticize the Church for not allowing ABC.