Safe to stop being a man?

[Polluted]

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

What made you to decide to post this thread?

 

[Polluted]

What made you to decide to post this thread?

To see where my fellow Catholics stand on this issue and to know if I really am engaging in a dead art. The art of actually giving a crud about how I treat women and lifting them up with respect and things of this nature.

 

[Kelfa28]

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

I can’t understand why you would. Especially if you are going on a date.

My husband does all of the above and did it all while we were dating. Except for the flowers thing…but I dislike getting flowers anyway as I find them impractical and I am allergic to most of them.

FYI guys…ask a girl about the flowers thing because she might be allergic.

I think a lot of women like this kind of stuff.

 

[Rhubarb]

I don’t think you need to stop doing these things but I don’t think you should be insisting on all of them either. Like, driving during a long road trip. I don’t see why that task belongs to either the man or woman. Unless one or the other really likes, or hates, driving.

 

[PolarGuy]

I too wonder why OP would post this silliness.

That, and I also wonder: what makes him think doing these things make him a man to begin with?

This board has become unreadable.

 

[Beryllos]

Do these things if you like, but not in order to prove something or to meet expectations. Do them (or don’t) for the good of the other person.

 

[midori]

Always be a gentleman. Whether the woman in your company is a lady is something outside of your control.

That being said— the one I would be careful of is “showering with affection.” Not everyone’s on the same wavelength for what degree of physical contact, verbal affirmation, gifts, or other things like that, is appropriate and enjoyable, versus overwhelming and uncomfortable. For me, I always liked contact— but he felt like I was clingy and smothering. On the other hand, he appreciated a full fridge and a clean house. I got the full fridge down… but I’m still working on getting my house to look like a magazine spread.

 

[Lou2U]

Do these things if you like, but not in order to prove something or to meet expectations. Do them (or don’t) for the good of the other person.

I too wonder why OP would post this silliness.

That, and I also wonder: what makes him think doing these things make him a man to begin with?

This board has become unreadable.

Yes to both of these posts.

OP, why does opening doors for girls make you a man? Or paying for meals? If a woman doesn’t like this, it doesn’t mean you are less of a man. It just means she doesn’t like you doing it.

Lou

 

[on_the_hill]

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Do you do these things now? I can’t tell from your post whether you’re married or not.

 

[You]

OP you cannot win either way, if you hold the door open or if you push through first and let it swing back in her face…

 

[Xantippe]

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

If you’re a married guy, I think you should stop buying flowers for random women.

 

[seagal]

OP, from your post I would guess you’ve been trying your best to be a good man but your efforts have not been appreciated. All I can say is, if a woman doesn’t appreciate your “manliness”, she’s not the woman for you.

OTOH, women don’t like to be smothered or made to feel incapable. So if you always insist on being the macho guy and don’t appreciate her help (for example sharing the driving), then she’s not going to be happy. I love it when someone holds the door for me, and I enjoy helping out with handy work around the house. Give me a man who gives me flowers in one hand and a power drill in the other

 

[GEddie]

If a long distance is involved, then by all means split the driving. No point in getting fatigued and compromising safety just to “be manly.”

ICXC NIKA

 

[Allegra]

You should hold doors for everyone and if you think there are suspicious noises outside your house, you should check them. Other than that, most of what you posted are dating rituals and have less to do with “being a man” than “getting a woman”. I think you should keep doing them as practice for being a “real man” which involves things like taking over all the housework when your wife is on bedrest, taking a second job to pay for braces, keeping your composure when a kid throws up on you at 3AM, and trusting your life and family to God’s grace during a tragedy.

 

[Neofight]

To see where my fellow Catholics stand on this issue and to know if I really am engaging in a dead art. The art of actually giving a crud about how I treat women and lifting them up with respect and things of this nature.

Just as not all atheists act immoral, not all gentlemen act virtuously. Genteel acts are nice, but genteel acts alone are not substitutes for Christian Charity.

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”
Perhaps, instead of worrying about working so hard on being a “man”, we all should work harder at being Christ Like.

You know, holding open doors for girls
The girls may notice, but if you want God to notice, how about evangelizing at every opportunity. Spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ IS opening doors for others.

Buying them flowers
While it might be a quaint act in courtship, just don’t lose sight of the fact that the greatest gift a man can give his woman (and indeed it his responsibility) is to assist her in gaining her salvation. Christian men are called to do everything possible to ensure their wife and their children attain salvation.

Taking the check at dinner
But, don’t forget men should take the check at dinner (by almsgiving) for those in need.

Showering them with affection
And, not just them, but everyone in need. Loneliness is one of the most debilitating maladies a human being faces. Consider showering the lowly with affection, for as we have done to those we have done to Christ.

Driving during long road trips
Don’t forget that old woman who lives on the corner who we see every day pulling the cart to the grocery…its a short, not long, road trip that she might really appreciate us helping her with.

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe
A couple of different parables come to mind…the noise late at night could be an allegory for our short time in this world, and making sure the house is safe, might be assisting not only “girls” but everyone in preparing for the day when Jesus comes again.

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

So, perhaps we should not be concerned with whether it is “safe to stop ‘Being a man’”, and instead concentrate on what being a real Christian man is about

 

[Sarcelle]

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

I can only speak for myself and not for other women.

I don’t mind the man doing the driving since I hate driving anyway.

I thank someone who is holding the door open for me.

As for flowers and affection showering, I would be uneasy if some strange man did it to me. As for someone who picks up the check, depends on who’s doing it. Again I would feel uncomfortable if some stranger did it.

 

[Anglewannabe]

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”.

When I first read your title, I honestly though you were considering following Bruce Jenner’s foots step and having an operation

 

[Anglewannabe]

If you’re a married guy, I think you should stop buying flowers for random women.

 

[Xantippe]

You should hold doors for everyone and if you think there are suspicious noises outside your house, you should check them. Other than that, most of what you posted are dating rituals and have less to do with “being a man” than “getting a woman”. I think you should keep doing them as practice for being a “real man” which involves things like taking over all the housework when your wife is on bedrest, taking a second job to pay for braces, keeping your composure when a kid throws up on you at 3AM, and trusting your life and family to God’s grace during a tragedy.

Yes.

Running through the list:

–If a person of any possible sex is within five yards of you, hold the door for them. If they get the first of two double doors for you, thank them and grab the next door for them. Be especially helpful if they are loaded up with packages, are on crutches, are physically frail, carrying a baby, pushing a stroller, holding a child by the hand, etc. (If it’s late, lonely, and you are scared of them, feel free to disregard–but in a busy public place, there’s no reason not to be helpful.)
–Don’t buy flowers for women that barely know you or that you haven’t ever asked out. (Exception: Mother’s Day.)
–If you ask a woman out for a meal or other outing and are choosing the expensiveness of the meal or outing, then you are the host and you pay. If she asks you out, then she’s the host and she pays. (Two possible nuances: sometimes friends go out as friends and each pays for himself. But in an established friendship, that should be worked out. You shouldn’t be paying for a female friend every single time. Second nuance: eventually, after you’re dating seriously, there should be some sort of reciprocity. She should start asking you out if she likes you. I think my husband and I started alternating at some point after our third or fourth date. But of course, at some point, it doesn’t matter anymore, because you’re married and there’s a common pot.)
–Here’s an extra suggestion for dealing with paying for dates. If you like a woman a lot, when you are picking up the check and if she is reaching for her purse tell her, “You ask me out next time. I can’t wait to see what you think up!” And then let her ask you out and pay–if she likes you, she will ask you out. To women, I’d suggest that if a man you like asks you out, when he pays, tell him something like, “I’ll take care of next time” and then make plans and pay for next time.
–Don’t shower a person with affection that is not responding back with affection. Be proportional and socially-calibrated. If you’ve gone out once, don’t tell her that she’s the love of your life. That’s CREEPY.
–The better driver should do most of the driving, but should get some breaks. Whoever isn’t driving on long trips should navigate. (My parents switch off, but my grandparents used to do the driver-navigator split, as grandpa loved long drives. My husband is a much better driver than me, so we do the driver-navigator switch, but we’ve never done a car trip longer than 4 hours together. The standard advice is no more than two hours of driving at a time.)
–I have been married to my husband for 17 years and he has literally never gone outside to check a suspicious noise. We stay inside and observe from safety. (Like for instance the time the police were chasing a fugitive through our neighborhood.) The one time we had a suspicious noise inside the house (it turned out to be a pipe that fell loudly), we both went to investigate.