Safe to stop being a man?

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Re: driving. Consider, especially if you are a parent and taking a family trip, that allowing your spouse to drive may be giving them a much needed break from attending to the needs of children. If you insist on driving, your wife could very well suspect that you’re driving because it’s the easier job. 😛
 
Lou2U said:
Yes to both of these posts.

OP, why does opening doors for girls make you a man? Or paying for meals? If a woman doesn’t like this, it doesn’t mean you are less of a man. It just means she doesn’t like you doing it.

Lou
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+2
 
Neofight said:
Just as not all atheists act immoral, not all gentlemen act virtuously. Genteel acts are nice, but genteel acts alone are not substitutes for Christian Charity.

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”
Perhaps, instead of worrying about working so hard on being a “man”, we all should work harder at being Christ Like.

You know, holding open doors for girls
The girls may notice, but if you want God to notice, how about evangelizing at every opportunity. Spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ IS opening doors for others.

Buying them flowers
While it might be a quaint act in courtship, just don’t lose sight of the fact that the greatest gift a man can give his woman (and indeed it his responsibility) is to assist her in gaining her salvation. Christian men are called to do everything possible to ensure their wife and their children attain salvation.

Taking the check at dinner
But, don’t forget men should take the check at dinner (by almsgiving) for those in need.

Showering them with affection
And, not just them, but everyone in need. Loneliness is one of the most debilitating maladies a human being faces. Consider showering the lowly with affection, for as we have done to those we have done to Christ.

Driving during long road trips
Don’t forget that old woman who lives on the corner who we see every day pulling the cart to the grocery…its a short, not long, road trip that she might really appreciate us helping her with.

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe
A couple of different parables come to mind…the noise late at night could be an allegory for our short time in this world, and making sure the house is safe, might be assisting not only “girls” but everyone in preparing for the day when Jesus comes again.

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

So, perhaps we should not be concerned with whether it is “safe to stop ‘Being a man’”, and instead concentrate on what being a real Christian man is about
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:clapping:
 
Polluted said:
What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.
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None of these have to do with masculinity. Don’t do them if you don’t want too.
 
pensmama87 said:
Re: driving. Consider, especially if you are a parent and taking a family trip, that allowing your spouse to drive may be giving them a much needed break from attending to the needs of children. If you insist on driving, your wife could very well suspect that you’re driving because it’s the easier job. 😛
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Yes.

Also, come to think of it, doing “nice” stuff when other people beg you not to do it isn’t actually very nice.

There’s a wonderful passage in C.S. Lewis’s The Four Loves where he describes the unforgettable Mrs. Fidget, a self-sacrificing, totally devoted mother, who fills her family with dread, guilt, and a desire to be far, far away:

wedgewords.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/mrs-fidget/

It would seem that it’s not just women who are subject to the temptation to bend over backwards to do “nice” things for people that really, really don’t want them.
 
Xantippe said:
Yes.

Also, come to think of it, doing “nice” stuff when other people beg you not to do it isn’t actually very nice.

There’s a wonderful passage in C.S. Lewis’s The Four Loves where he describes the unforgettable Mrs. Fidget, a self-sacrificing, totally devoted mother, who fills her family with dread, guilt, and a desire to be far, far away:

wedgewords.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/mrs-fidget/

It would seem that it’s not just women who are subject to the temptation to bend over backwards to do “nice” things for people that really, really don’t want them.
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My stepmother is this way. She’s always sure that the victim-I-mean-recipient of her help will realize how much better off they are, once she’s done helping them.
 
Allegra said:
My stepmother is this way. She’s always sure that the victim-I-mean-recipient of her help will realize how much better off they are, once she’s done helping them.
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Yeah. When somebody says, “Please don’t do XYZ for me,” then don’t do XYZ for them.

It’s not hard.
 
Polluted said:
To see where my fellow Catholics stand on this issue and to know if I really am engaging in a dead art. The art of actually giving a crud about how I treat women and lifting them up with respect and things of this nature.
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So to reword your question, you want to know if you should stop giving a crud and treat girls like dirt?
 
Naskor said:
None of these have to do with masculinity. Don’t do them if you don’t want too.
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They are seen as traditional signs, perhaps very small ones, and now that they are commonly scrutinized by everyone, useless indicators, that a man is willing to endure hardship for those he loves. That is in fact quite masculine, and I don’t think will ever be undesirable. These particular actions, however, are simply too obvious, to truly determine if a man has the characteristics one is supposed to be able to intuit from these, you will have to look deeper.
 
white_sheep said:
These particular actions, however, are simply too obvious, to truly determine if a man has the characteristics one is supposed to be able to intuit from these, you will have to look deeper.
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Right. Too obvious, and too stylized, too divorced from the characteristics they are supposed to represent. As you can see with the OP being so attached to those particular gestures that he doesn’t think 1) that it matters if a particular woman doesn’t appreciate particular gestures (he ought to be able to just roll on doing his thing and she ought to appreciate it, gosh darn it) and 2) he doesn’t seem to be thinking about the larger personality characteristics that they are supposed to represent.

Unfortunately, with a lot of people, those stylized courtship gestures are just like a Hollywood backlot facade–there’s nothing behind it. That’s one of the reasons why the gestures don’t really impress.
 
I guess it comes down to the question of what does the OP expect in return? Sometimes holding a door is just holding a door.

if you’re interested in getting to know someone better, of course you should do the little courtesies. But you should do them even if you’re not interested in getting to know someone better. Remember what Oscar Wilde said, “A gentleman is never rude by accident.”
 
The Lord talked about those who want a position of leadership being slaves of all and servants of all. He didn’t talk about any of this stuff, one way or the other. Do what makes you a servant, but if you’re doing things that those you serve do not need or do not want, then consider that the thing you may actually be serving is your own vanity.

In other words, when given the choice between “being a man” and being a saint, choose to be a saint. If you stay in prayer, you are capable of working that out.
 
Polluted said:
What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”

You know, holding open doors for girls

Buying them flowers

Taking the check at dinner

Showering them with affection

Driving during long road trips

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.
Click to expand...
More random acts of kindness going down the drain. Should we start a new jerk culture?
 
👍👍
Neofight said:
Just as not all atheists act immoral, not all gentlemen act virtuously. Genteel acts are nice, but genteel acts alone are not substitutes for Christian Charity.

What do you think ladies. Should I stop being a “man”
Perhaps, instead of worrying about working so hard on being a “man”, we all should work harder at being Christ Like.

You know, holding open doors for girls
The girls may notice, but if you want God to notice, how about evangelizing at every opportunity. Spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ IS opening doors for others.

Buying them flowers
While it might be a quaint act in courtship, just don’t lose sight of the fact that the greatest gift a man can give his woman (and indeed it his responsibility) is to assist her in gaining her salvation. Christian men are called to do everything possible to ensure their wife and their children attain salvation.

Taking the check at dinner
But, don’t forget men should take the check at dinner (by almsgiving) for those in need.

Showering them with affection
And, not just them, but everyone in need. Loneliness is one of the most debilitating maladies a human being faces. Consider showering the lowly with affection, for as we have done to those we have done to Christ.

Driving during long road trips
Don’t forget that old woman who lives on the corner who we see every day pulling the cart to the grocery…its a short, not long, road trip that she might really appreciate us helping her with.

Checking the noise outside late at night to make sure the house is safe
A couple of different parables come to mind…the noise late at night could be an allegory for our short time in this world, and making sure the house is safe, might be assisting not only “girls” but everyone in preparing for the day when Jesus comes again.

Things of these nature ya know? It seems like gender neutral roles is being begged for these days, including by many Catholic women. Is it safe for me to stop “Being a man” and to just give in already.

So, perhaps we should not be concerned with whether it is “safe to stop ‘Being a man’”, and instead concentrate on what being a real Christian man is about
Click to expand...
👍👍👍
 
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