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Cider
Guest
This
How do people go through life taking every comment others made personally? If you knew your kid wasn’t sick anymore and the comment wasn’t directed at you, let it go.
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How do people go through life taking every comment others made personally? If you knew your kid wasn’t sick anymore and the comment wasn’t directed at you, let it go.
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JLCecilia
Guest
After reading another one of her posts last night where she offended someone - again - I’m a whole lot less frustrated with her and see now that her rants really are HER problem. She posted about some school that let a kid go thru the lunch line and then made him dump his tray in the trash b/c his lunch account was below zero. Her rant continued that her DS would be devasted and embarrassed if that ever happened to him. One of our cousins - who’s a teacher - came on and gave her a piece of his mind about all the negative press teachers get over stuff like this: people posting and re-posting the worst stories more so than the inspirational ones. I never appreciated till I saw his post just how much our teachers do for our kids: he explained that he’s paid for a kids’ lunch on more than one occasion.
I will go back to ingoring her posts as I did before. Is it totally snarky of me to be annoyed with all of her autistic/special needs memes and pleas of special treatment for her son? I understand that it must be very frustrating dealing with people’s comments and stares when they don’t know his condition (heck, if I didn’t know him, I’d think the same way). I know she needs to blow off steam on FB, but it becomes less about the kids’ needs and more about the parents’, it seems. To me, it’s much in the same vain as posting pics and updates on every little thing your child does. After awhile, you become, is ambivalent the word? Indifferent? When you’re inundated with something over and over again?
Oh well. I won’t say that I won’t ever respond again, or even get hurt, but I thank you all for taking the time to talk me through this. Thanks again.
I will go back to ingoring her posts as I did before. Is it totally snarky of me to be annoyed with all of her autistic/special needs memes and pleas of special treatment for her son? I understand that it must be very frustrating dealing with people’s comments and stares when they don’t know his condition (heck, if I didn’t know him, I’d think the same way). I know she needs to blow off steam on FB, but it becomes less about the kids’ needs and more about the parents’, it seems. To me, it’s much in the same vain as posting pics and updates on every little thing your child does. After awhile, you become, is ambivalent the word? Indifferent? When you’re inundated with something over and over again?
Oh well. I won’t say that I won’t ever respond again, or even get hurt, but I thank you all for taking the time to talk me through this. Thanks again.
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Rico_S
Guest
That does seem pretty crazy…perhaps even mini-rant worthy.
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maryjk
Guest
I was thinking the same thing.
Yes, there are teachers out there that are great.
And Yes, there are parents out there trying their best.
But it can still upset someone that has a sick child at home because some not so great parent sent their kid to school sick. Or be upset because their child witnessed some sad situation caused by a school and a parent that forgot to put money on a lunch card.
And posting that someone wasn’t being the best parent or a great school system, isn’t “HER problem.”
It would be like someone getting upset if I post, “it was terrible. I went to the hospital for a procedure and I had to wait 4 hours past my appointment time. Grrrr, come on people, I haven’t eaten since last night.”
That post wouldn’t be against every health care worker. It would be about whomever scheduled my procedure and didn’t inform me of why I was waiting so long.
Every nurse I know, shouldn’t get upset. And if they do, it is their problem not mine.
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heidi_storage
Guest
I read this story and thought it was outrageous, too. Children should never be shamed in such a fashion. This wasn’t about the teachers, anyway–it was an administative decision.
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JLCecilia
Guest
Oh my gosh! I did it too! This is so true, this IS a horrible story and I was willing to just pass it off b/c of my feelings toward the poster. Good grief. Mea culpa. Forgive me!
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Marysann
Guest
I don’t have much to say about your original problem other than try not to take what people say on Facebook personally. I don’t use Facebook myself because I can see how caught up in it I would become. I just want to say that I admire you for offering up your struggles with getting to work, getting your children ready in the morning etc. for your friend and your SIL who can’t have kids. That is so inspirational to me, and reminds me that I need to remember to do the same. Thank you for posting that.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Wait, you resent this woman for being a SAHM and you’re jealous of her perfect little life, but her son is autistic??? I would bet anything that she would go back to work and suffer through 80 hour weeks for the rest of her life if it would make her son “normal”.
I have an autistic niece, and even though it’s a relatively minor case, you cannot imagine how hard it is not only for her, but for her family. Autistic children need what you call “special treatment”. My SIL and other nieces post autism pictures on facebook all the time. Sure, it takes up my newsfeed, but they are trying to support their daughter/sister any way they can. It may not be the most effective method, but I can’t pass judgement on my brother’s family on this one. Parents of special needs children tend to become activists for their kids, because society is still very ignorant about them.
Case in point, you admit that you would stare and make comments if you didn’t know about his condition. She hopes that someday people like you won’t look at her son and just see a problem, or something weird to be gawked at.
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JLCecilia
Guest
Very true. But I stand by my response when she implied that people who send their kids to school sick are irresponsible and don’t love their kids. IMO, that was taking it a bit far. I still don’t think FB is the place to rant, though. Call your momma or your GFs and complain! I didn’t post 2 weeks ago about my kid puking all over the bathroom or lying on the floor sick. Prob b/c I don’t have internet on my phone and partly b/c I was too busy caring for my sick child. Also, I just hate seeing all the posts about, now so-and-so has it. It kind of gives me the willies to think about how many people are sick and I want to go into doomsday mode (j/k). I’d rather just be surprised if we get it
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JLCecilia
Guest
Ok, this makes sense now. Thank you.
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Mrs_Sally
Guest
I think it is time for a Facebook break. Put her on ignore or whatever, or better yet, just stop checking your feed at all.
You have enough going on in your own life to be worried about whatever random thought someone decides to post to Facebook.
You have enough going on in your own life to be worried about whatever random thought someone decides to post to Facebook.
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maryjk
Guest
Think about this.Very true. But I stand by my response when she implied that people who send their kids to school sick are irresponsible and don’t love their kids. IMO, that was taking it a bit far. I still don’t think FB is the place to rant, though. Call your momma or your GFs and complain! I didn’t post 2 weeks ago about my kid puking all over the bathroom or lying on the floor sick. Prob b/c I don’t have internet on my phone and partly b/c I was too busy caring for my sick child. Also, I just hate seeing all the posts about, now so-and-so has it. It kind of gives me the willies to think about how many people are sick and I want to go into doomsday mode (j/k). I’d rather just be surprised if we get it
My “momma” is dead. I can’t tell you what I would do to be able to call her and complain.
So, do I take personally what you said to me? Should I get upset about your post? And your post was *to *me. Her post was just a generally posting.
But no, your post didn’t upset me. Heck, unless you’ve read the posts I’ve made about my mom, you wouldn’t know.
But then you post something that could be taken that people that complain on Facebook don’t take care of their children.
My point is, pretty much everything can be taken the wrong way. And we need to realize that. And not take everything so personally.
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VivienneJ
Guest
This can be a problem on Facebook, the wrong people get blamed, as the above story shows. Someone saw the word school and immediately thought teacher and ranted. People forget that there are a whole lot of other people working in schools.
Not only this ^^ but special needs children can suffer more through illness than others. For some what would be a simple respiratory tract infection can be much more serious, for just one example.
It is worth remembering that everything the people you know post on something like Facebook is not necessarily aimed at you. Take it all with a grain or two of salt.
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EasterJoy
Guest
As nearly as I can tell, FB is for some people the means by which they can most conveniently complain to their mommas, GF, and anyone else who cares to listen. Some take it even farther, using it as a stream-of-consciousness account of their lives that they seem to add to whenever they chance by a keyboard. People post about having their Christmas tree taken down except that there are needles still all over the carpet.
As Dave Barry put it in his own subtle way:
“…*I can also use my phone to go to Facebook and Twitter to read messages and “tweets” from a vast network of people I do not really know, updating me on their random neural firings on such issues as what they are eating. In the old pre-technology days, it would have been almost impossible to replicate Facebook or Twitter. The closest you could get would be to mail dozens of postcards a day to everybody you knew, each with a brief message about yourself like, “Finally got that haircut I’ve been putting off.” Or: “Just had a caramel frappuccino. Yum!”
The people receiving these postcards would naturally assumed that you were a moron with a narcissism disorder. But today, thanks to Facebook and Twitter, you are seen as a person engaging in “social networking.” As the technology improves, we’ll reach the point when you don’t even need a phone to socially network. You’ll have some kind of device implanted in your brain so you can receive other people’s brain waves directly as they occur. You will know everything about them. You will know when they f&%t*.”
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leonie
Guest
Risking offending everyone here.
I think everyone is way too sensitive and too easily offended.
I think everyone is way too sensitive and too easily offended.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Having said this, among parents of special-needs children that I know a great effort is made not to make the challenge the identifying mark of the child. This can be very difficult, since it is so hard to know when any child really needs and deserves special allowances (as all of us do, from time to time) and when he or she is trying to get an advantage he or she doesn’t need (like nearly everyone else in the world is also tempted to do from time to time).
Yes, having a child with unusual needs often makes a parent into an activist, whether the parent wants to be one or not. It can be the only way to help the child make his or her best way in the world. Still, most parents of children needing some special allowance or other tend to be discrete about it, for the child’s sake. They do “educational work,” absolutely, but in a more general sense, rather than only for their situation, their child, and their child’s condition. That way, their efforts can be seen as a general advocacy in favor of general awareness of that the needs of others cover a broad spectrum, calling for generosity and compassion for all and avoidance of rash judgment of anyone, rather than something that draws attention to their child personally. (The older the child gets, the more important this becomes.)
I have no idea whether the OP’s acquaintance falls into any particular group, but only mean to say that “being an activist” can mean a lot of things. In the cases I know personally, it is usually the kind I’m describing.
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smallcat
Guest
Risking offending everyone here.
I think everyone is way too sensitive and too easily offended.
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Cider
Guest
I agree with her on the school lunch issue. Who would actually want a kid’s lunch tray taken from them and thrown in the trash?
Why would a teacher be offended at someone upset by this? Usually teachers aren’t the ones working the lunch line and even if they were it was wrong.
But by all means ignore her for being concerned about the welfare of others and her own family.
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Cider
Guest
I completely agree.Risking offending everyone here.
I think everyone is way too sensitive and too easily offended.
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LongingSoul
Guest
Lol. That’s funny! I feel the same way. When I first signed up to facebook I sussed this phenomenon as weird immediately. It seemed the equivalent of going out onto your front verandah and yelling " just had a two egg omellette with a nice chai tea! Mmmmm yum" and just waiting there for one of my neighbours to come out, which one, I couldn’t know… and yell back “lucky you. I’m too busy to eat. Just washing my hair with this new shampoo I bought yesterday. sigh”
It really doesn’t resemble any relationship dynamic that real life supports except maybe in mental institutions where you might see people yelling into the ether about nothing.
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