Said good-bye to my sister-sad

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I have a sister who has many issues going on in her life, financial, and with her kids. She is a single mom with a special needs kid, my nephew. I have helped out my sister so much since her divorce financially, as well as my parents and they still are, and with her kids. She has had it very difficult and suffered much. I have always been there for her. About three years ago, she would start saying things like I was being nosy etc. after asking my advice yet again on her kids. One child is very aggressive and so full of anger. He has been diagnosed with bipolar and oppositional deficient disorder. He was in treatment for all this (name removed by moderator)atient for about a year or so in and out. He is now 12 and is worse. She does not discipline him because he was abused by his father and stepmother. She does discipline her 15 year old daughter. My sister is full of rage herself. She hates her job, hates the fact that she never completed college, is angry about the divorce and hates men in general. Add all that to a very angry son who fights so much with his sister and her life is miserable. I have tried throughout the years to tell her to go to Holy Hour, she says no time have to go to soccer practice. I have tried to say to go to frequent confession, again soccer games on Saturday evenings. I have tried to say pray the rosary at home even if she started with one decade, but she says her son won’t do it. I say pray with your daughter and she makes up some excuse as well. So I finally was exhausted listening to all her problems on a daily bases and she never tried any of my advice. I first suspected her son of being bipolar two years before the diagnosis, but she yelled at me. So one day I told her that I could not take it anymore. I could not listen to all her problems anymore if she was not going to change herself to help her kids.

Since then, her daughter, who is now 15 has called me personally crying telling me that she can’t take living with her mom and brother anymore. She said she didn’t care to live anymore. I told her that I could not call her mom for I know what would happen, so in that case I didn’t need to and things worked out where I told my sister we were going on a road trip and if her daughter could come and she agreed. This was a break for her. On Monday of this week, my niece called me again crying and this time what she had to say was worse. I have heard that my sister took my nephew off all his medications and was going to try natural remedies. He had put a hole in the wall and broke my nieces hinges on her door to her room. He is very aggressive. He has threatened her life with a knife many times. So the day she called me she said her brother and her got into a fight and her mom was home and he pulled a knife on them. She was going to call 911 but her mother yelled at her to put the phone down. She ran to my other sisters house. She called me to tell me again that she can’t live like this for the next four years until she turns 18 years old. I tried calling Boys Town for my sister for she once considered that and once I got all the info, I called her and all I did was mention their name and she went off on me and was so full of anger. She told me that her son was joking when he pulled the knife and didn’t mean it. She makes excuses for everything. He was hitting his head on the wall and I told her that was not normal and she went off on me again. I told her that something had to be done and I would call children services if she doesn’t wake up and see her son is dangerous. Even my dad sees that and my mother. My sister doesn’t see that. She hung up on me and called her daughter and told her that if she was not happy at home to leave. So my mother called me to come and pick her up and maybe she can stay the summer over my house so that there would be peace in their home. My sister texted me all my nieces appt, which I assumed meant she was fine with me picking her up. She texted my niece today and said she wanted her home tomorrow after their family counseling and that I was not her mother and she will not be staying her for the summer or what was left, two weeks. She said I kidnapped her.

I am just done with all of this. I talked to my niece, who is my Godchild, and told her that if a dangerous situation comes up again to not listen to her mother and go into a room and call 911. My niece told me that her brother said he did not want to live anymore that day he had the knife, my sister said my niece was lying. My niece recorded the whole ordeal and I heard it on her cell phone and he does say he doens’t want to live anymore and hates his family. So my niece was not lying. The reason my niece has never opened up before in counseling is because her mom immediately tells the counselor that her daughter is a habitual liar and manipulator. While she was on the road trip with us, I told her to record the next blow up and then we will know who is lying and telling the truth. So tomorrow she has proof for the counselor for my sister has always protected her son and put down her daughter. I don’t know why, but it is true. Now, she has proof that what she is saying happened. I heard the whole mess and the yelling my nephew was doing, he was so angry and trust me, he did not pick up the knife as a joke.

So today when my sister said I kidnapped her child, that just did it for me. I emailed her a good-bye letter. I once read a little of the book toxic people and she is one in my life right now. She needs help and I love her and have offered her so much help, adviced, a listening ear etc. I just can’t do it when she keeps saying bad things against me and my family. I found out from my nephew when we got back from our road trip that she was happy about my husband having a nasty fall at a restaurant. He walks with a cane and has terrible feet pain and with the floor wet he fell down. He is getting an MRI today due to being in so much pain. She told my nephew, “It couldn’t have happened to a better person.” He repeated this to my daughter and it bothered her and she told me. What a terrible thing to say about someone elses misery. So I hope I did the right thing. I told her that our kids, since they are cousin, can see each other, but I don’t need to talk to her anymore since she blames me for almost everything. I didn’t put it in those words for anything I say, whether nice or not, she will take it in the wrong way and in anger. She is just so full of rage.

Sorry, I had to vent. I am also very upset and crying. I just lost my best friend again. We were just starting to talk again and I knew when I called her that she would be angry at me, but I did for the sake of my niece.
 
I can imagine how painful all of this is for you and everyone involved, especially the children. I have been in that sort of “toxic relationship” before and it is hard to live with the pain, but I know that is where our faith is needed, and as a result our faith becomes stronger.

Your are in my prayers.
 
**Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Aid the helpless, strengthen the fearful,
hold the sorrowful, help those sick, in pain or suffering,
comfort those needing peace, hug the lonely,
guide us from evil, guard the unborn,
protect those in danger, pray for those who have died;
may all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen. **
 
Number one, sever all connections with your sister and her two children. You are already fed up with your sister’s drama, eventually your nephew will hurt you or your own children, and eventually your sister will call the police on you and you will have to deal with kidnapping charges. And I guarantee that the police will not try to see things from your perspective.

Number two, call family services and tell them everything.
Sorry, I had to vent. I am also very upset and crying. I just lost my best friend again. We were just starting to talk again and I knew when I called her that she would be angry at me, but I did for the sake of my niece.
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She was ready to falsely accuse you of child abduction. She is in no way your friend.
 
I just wish I could give you a big hug. I am so, so very sorry that you are going through this. Cutting out poison in our lives is SO HARD, especially when it is someone we love. :console: My heart aches for you, and I offer my sympathy and prayers!
 
**Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Aid the helpless, strengthen the fearful,
hold the sorrowful, help those sick, in pain or suffering,
comfort those needing peace, console the lonely,
assist the lost or confused, guard the unborn,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
pray for those who have died; may all who keep your sacred
commemoration experience the might of your assistance.
Amen. **
 
Dacinom said:
Please call child protective services immediately. While I am deeply saddened for you and what you are going through with your sister, the more serious problem here is that someone in the family could commit suicide or be murdered. Clearly there is escalating violence and running around threatning with knives is very serious.

I know you are in deep pain because of all you have done and your emotions are a wreck. Please, just put that aside for a few minutes and make a phone call or better yet drive down to social services in your area immediately. God bless and please take care as best as you can.
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There is one problem with call Child protective services. They will not do anything about this incidence. My nephew is receiving counseling and so is his mother from a therapist. They started family counseling with my niece yesterday. It did not go well. My niece called me so upset and said that the counselor is completely on her mothers’ side and her brothers. The counselor yelled at her for trying to call 911 and have “her patient Baker Acted.” The counselor yelled at her and “blamed” her for my sister and I cutting off our relationship. My niece said they all ganged up on her and she just cried. The counselor told her that it was best that I was out of my sister’s life for I was a “bad outlet” and so are my parents. My sister responded to my email and she told me in it that my mother called her son a schizonphenic, but my mother never said that. She told this to the counselor and that is why the counselor told her to not talk to my parents either for they were a “bad outlet” as well. She told my niece not to talk anymore to anyone in the family and that for talking to me about her problems, she will be punished and consequences even. She said her mom is thinking of what to take away from her for talking to me and leaving the house. This counselor is going to make things worse. My niece was hoping for a counselor that would be fair to all three and she could finally open up for she has also wanted to end her life. This lady will only make things worse. If I call child services, they will talk to this counselor for she has been seeing my nephew for a long time and doesn’t think the knife incidence was a big deal. My hands are tied. My niece begged me not to tell her mom that I was talking to her. She is so afraid of this counselor and it should not be this way. It is so sad. So you see even if I call, they will talk to my sister and she will give them the counselors name and she will tell them I am nosy for that is what she called me in therapy to my niece. This is just horrible, just horrible. I feel so hopeless, but they are not my kids. Something bad will have to happen before good comes out of this. The counselor said my nephew belongs in a normal public school, because she is listening to all the lies my sister believes to be true. She doesn’t realize how dangerous her son is. I don’t know if she told the counselor that he was suspended from his last school three times for acts of violence and fighting. All I know, is that my daughter will not be alone with my nephew. I will not go to family functions if she is there with her kids. My heart aches for my niece who is more of an adult than my sister. She said this to me, “The counselor doesn’t even know really what is going on here at home.” She is right. She is only going on with what my sister is telling her and what hurts my niece the most is that she calls her a habitual liar, a manipulator and not to be trusted. In the email my sister wrote back to me, my niece and daughter saw it first in the morning before I did, and she read it and saw that her mother wrote that her son “doesn’t feel safe at home.” She cried because she said, “What about me? She wrote all about my brother and nothing about me.” She is hurting. Please pray for her. Thanks.😦
 
Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Aid the helpless, strengthen the fearful,
hold the sorrowful, help those sick, in pain or suffering,
comfort those needing peace, console the lonely,
assist the lost or confused, guard the unborn,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
pray for those who have died; may all who keep your sacred
commemoration experience the might of your assistance.
Amen.
 
Dacinom said:
Please call child protective services immediately. While I am deeply saddened for you and what you are going through with your sister, the more serious problem here is that someone in the family could commit suicide or be murdered. Clearly there is escalating violence and running around threatning with knives is very serious.

I know you are in deep pain because of all you have done and your emotions are a wreck. Please, just put that aside for a few minutes and make a phone call or better yet drive down to social services in your area immediately. God bless and please take care as best as you can.
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I agree. By your post, it sounded like you didn’t call them… but I would anyway. It is definitely better to be safe than sorry. You never know what child protective services will do.

But I will be praying for your family and especially your niece.
 
Call Child Protective Services today-it is your legal obligation to report a situation where a minor is at risk. Do you understand this? You are breaking the law by not reporting the abuse your niece is experiencing. She is being physically threatened and emotionally abused and neglected. By reporting the mother, your niece will have ann opportunity to be heard and be protected. The son needs an (name removed by moderator)atient psych setting if he is to ever have any hope. If you don’t help the niece, at some point she will run away, and most likely be in greater danger and suffer more abuse at the hands of the scummy people living on the street. You cannot save your lost sister, she is gone. She is mentally ill and cannot see the dangerous situation that the son is creating in the home. She is a bad mother. Do not be afraid of her. You can change the future of your niece. Do not delay, call CPS immediately. Don’t talk yourself out of it, just do it.
 
Cupofkindness said:
Call Child Protective Services today-it is your legal obligation to report a situation where a minor is at risk. Do you understand this? You are breaking the law by not reporting the abuse your niece is experiencing. She is being physically threatened and emotionally abused and neglected. By reporting the mother, your niece will have ann opportunity to be heard and be protected. The son needs an (name removed by moderator)atient psych setting if he is to ever have any hope. If you don’t help the niece, at some point she will run away, and most likely be in greater danger and suffer more abuse at the hands of the scummy people living on the street. You cannot save your lost sister, she is gone. She is mentally ill and cannot see the dangerous situation that the son is creating in the home. She is a bad mother. Do not be afraid of her. You can change the future of your niece. Do not delay, call CPS immediately. Don’t talk yourself out of it, just do it.
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Trust me, I want to, but they won’t do anything. You don’t understand. My niece and nephew were in worse situations with their father, when he had them on visitation. Now he is out of state and doesn’t see them much, but when he did he use to beat on my nephew and child services were call 8 times. Once by me and once by the sister, their mother and the others were therapist who called because of the dangerous situation the kids reported to their therapist. Even with marks on him, my nephew, child services did nothing. They did classify one as child abuse and neglect for he was very underweight after coming off a two week visit from his dad, but still did nothing. They did not protect them and in fact each time they were called, the kids were in more trouble by their dad and stepmother. I finally got angry since I brought my nephew to one of his physicals to see if they classify this as physical abuse and the doctors did. They asked him on how his dad talks to him and stepmom for they were very verbally abusive as well, all documented, then the paperwork was out of the doctor’s hand and into lawyers. The lawyers decided they did not have a case because the physical abuse was not up to the physical abuse the they usually see. When I asked the case worker what that meant, she basically told me that a child needs to have a broken bone or be in the hospital or dead for them to do something. I could not believe it. I did call Boys Town to talk to a counselor and she agreed that child services all around America is almost useless. She has heard horrible stories. I don’t know why they have child services if they don’t protect the child but believe the parent even when physical evidence is apparent. Like I said before, a trained psychologist knows my nephew pulled the knife out and it was more her duty to report it. One of my nieces and nephew’s past therapist called child services when their stepsister’s were playing around with knives and running with them and putting it to their throats. They knew the children were in danger, and reported it, but child services did nothing. They just told my nieces’ father to becareful and watch the kids more, which was a joke for they were home alone a lot. So you see, I don’t trust child services and especially since my sister has a trained psychologist behind her.

My other sisters, one especially thinks I am overreacting and should talk to my sister, but I told her that I could not and not be involved especially if my niece calls me. I will promise you this, I am praying about it, but I don’t think child services will do anything. They always talk to the parent and I know what my sister will say and then they will be given the name of the boy’s therapist. My niece hates this therapist and doesn’t feel safe with her and said she is mean. I just pray and told my niece to call 911 despite what the therapist said if she feels her life is threaten again. I told her to go to her room and let her brother and mom fight for that is what they do all the time and she defends her mother and that is what got her brother really angry. I just said don’t get involved because if your mom is okay in letting her son talk to her that way, let it be. I am trying to have her stay out of their fights so my sister can’t blame her for that is what she does. It is all my nieces’ fault. She didn’t have a chance in therapy for she already told the therapist she was a habitual liar, and a manipulator. I am going to wait for one for therapy session and see how that goes, and if this therapist talks mean to my niece again, I will report her. I am seeing our family therapist and told her what happened and she said this therapist is wrong in so many areas and the knife incidence should have been reported. She is just a bad therapist and again my sister believes anyone who agrees who boy is in the right and could do no wrong. She is losing her daughter if she hasn’t lost her already.
 
Thanks for all the prayers everyone. Keep them coming, especially for my niece.
 
Did you play the recording from your niece’s phone to someone in child protection? If she has more, go to their offices and play them all.
What I would suggest to someone in my own country is to report everything, play the recordings, wait a little, then go over their heads or to the media. In my country they are legally not allowed to publish minors’ names and photos, but they would publish the story and it would be enough to get something done, they couldn’t ignore it anymore if it leaked.
 
Yes, I wanted to do that, going to the media, when my sister had all the child services report against her ex-husband, but she didn’t want me to. I don’t know why.

I talked to a police friend and she recommended that I file a police report to cover myself. She agreed that child services will do nothing with this. So that is what is done. I have protected myself and the police know so if they want to go to my sister’s house, than they can do that too. They can file also to child services.

My sister is a bad mother. It is sad to said and finally say it myself. For the sake of my niece who was blaming herself for my sister and I not talking, I wrote an email to my sister and told her that even though I agreed with all I said, I was not cutting her off. My niece opens up to me and I need to keep that line of communication open. She doesn’t care about her mom’s opinion as far as not talking to anyone in the family or the counselors. She still talks. My sister for years has been taking showers with her son. He is now 13 and she should have stopped when he was about 5 years old, but refused to because he was “innocent.” I just talked to one of my nieces who is an adult and she told me something I did not know. He is also looking at porn on the internet while he is home alone. What makes me angry about this is that my niece was accused of looking at porn when she is home alone. My niece has seen the sex videos that they show in schools and she hated it. She is not into porn. She said she took offense of the counselor suggesting she was doing this and her mom said nothing knowing her brother has the problem.

It is just sad, but I am going to have my niece live with me when she turns 18 and pray for her now. My nephew, will have an addiction to porn and yelling and abusive behavior to women for a long time. I pray for him too. Both are my Godchildren. The one in control in that household is my nephew. I asked my adult niece what were the thoughts of my sister on her son looking at porn and she as always has an excuse ready and said he is just curious.

I had a cousin just like my nephew, same personality and was in control as a child. His parent allow him that control. He was always unhappy and wanted to die, just like my nephew. He was also into porn, just like my nephew. The only difference was that my cousin got into drugs at the age of 12 and continued until the day he died at the age of 33 when he was gunned down by drug dealers who say he stole drugs from him. He was in prison twice and had killed two people in his lifetime. I just don’t want to see this happen to my nephew, but I see so many similarities except the drug addictions. Pray for both of them. He has been in counseling for over 6 years now and is not better. You would think the counselors would ask themselves why and the answer is that there is no consistency at home in punishment. He is in control.

Thanks everyone for your prayers and thoughts. There is nothing else we all can do now except to pray. God Bless you all.
 
I talked to a police friend and she recommended that I file a police report to cover myself. She agreed that child services will do nothing with this. So that is what is done. I have protected myself and the police know so if they want to go to my sister’s house, than they can do that too. They can file also to child services.
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Glad you have gone to the police. I still encourage you to follow up on the information Monicad gave you. Since you have filed the police report you can let CPS know that also.

Praying for you and your family.
 
**Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Aid the helpless, strengthen the fearful,
hold the sorrowful, help those sick, in pain or suffering,
comfort those needing peace, console the lonely,
assist the lost or confused, guard the unborn,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
pray for those who have died; may all who keep your sacred
commemoration experience the might of your assistance.
Amen. **
 
**Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Aid the helpless, strengthen the fearful,
hold the sorrowful, help those sick, in pain or suffering,
comfort those needing peace, console the lonely,
assist the lost or confused, guard the unborn,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
pray for those who have died; may all who keep your sacred
commemoration experience the might of your assistance.
Amen. **
 
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