Saintly Humor

[Eucharisted]

that is HILARIOUSSSS. If I remember reading somewhere, St. Philip is regarded as quite the humorous saint. does anyone know any more instances?

my friend told me this story about a Mass she attended. The priest was telling a joke in his homily. it was about some girl in the woods and was about to be attacked by a bear. she prayed to God, saying, “Please, Lord, let this be a Catholic bear!” or something. God said yes. The bear stopped, and then suddenly did the Sign of the Cross and said, “Bless us O Lord and these thy gifts…” Then at the concecration (of the Mass), the priest, accidentally said, Bless us O Lord…

I always thought it was funny how Peter (in the gospel of John, when Jesus had resurrected and gone to the shore where His disciples were fishing) jumped off the boat “scantily clad” to reach Jesus, then John comments that the boat was close to shore anyway.

And how John wrote about how Peter was slower than him in reaching the tomb. hah!

there’s quite a lot of humor in the Bible.

LOL thank you for sharing these, especially the Peter ones

 

[jeanne71350]

There’s another one attributed to St Teresa of Avila - she was praying while using the little nuns’ room, and a devil appeared to her, mocking her for choosing to pray while on the can. Her reply? ‘What comes from my mouth is for God, what comes from the other end is for you, devil’.

Hahahaha that’s awesome. She’s a cool nun.

-Jeanne

 

[scottywolf777]

There’s a famous story about a woman who wanted to see Padre Pio because she’d heard of his fame. She boldly pushed her way into the cloister where in those days women weren’t allowed under pain of excommunication and spoke to the first friar she saw who happened to be Padre Pio.
"I have come a long way to find the Holy Father. Where might I find him? she asked.
Padre Pio smiled and told her to go to Rome and that’s where she’d find the Holy Father (meaning the Pope)

 

[LilyM]

Another one about Blessed John XXIII - there have been a few about him already.

Story goes a visitor arrived in the Vatican, and as he was making small talk with him, asked ‘Your Holiness, how many people do you have working here in the Vatican?’

John XXIII’s reply? ‘Oh - about half’.

 

[sabriner]

Another one about Blessed John XXIII - there have been a few about him already.

Story goes a visitor arrived in the Vatican, and as he was making small talk with him, asked ‘Your Holiness, how many people do you have working here in the Vatican?’

John XXIII’s reply? ‘Oh - about half’.

Oh, I thought that was JP2… hm.

 

[LilyM]

Oh, I thought that was JP2… hm.

I could be wrong. Stands to reason it’s too good a line to be used by only the one Pope Heck, it’s probably been doing the rounds for a couple of centuries at least.

Talking about Papal (though not saintly in this case) humour - Napoleon had somewhat stormy relations with two successive Popes, Pius VI and VII, and at various stages both were imprisoned, if memory serves. Apparently Napoleon, in a moment of disillusionment, told one or other that he intended to destroy the Church in France. The Pope replied ‘Well, our own bishops couldn’t manage it, so neither will you!’

 

[sabriner]

Heck, it’s probably been doing the rounds for a couple of centuries at least.

hah, true true

Talking about Papal (though not saintly in this case) humour - Napoleon had somewhat stormy relations with two successive Popes, Pius VI and VII, and at various stages both were imprisoned, if memory serves. Apparently Napoleon, in a moment of disillusionment, told one or other that he intended to destroy the Church in France. The Pope replied ‘Well, our own bishops couldn’t manage it, so neither will you!’

hah! good one.

Most of the priests I know are funny, too. Maybe not as witty, but still very charming, strange, and humble.

 

[scottywolf777]

It is said of the great Saint Jerome that he could not abide the presense of a fool. During the time he translated the scriptures into Latin to create the Vulgate Bible he spent that time living in a small cave outside Bethlehem. Around noon each day, the novices of the nearby monastery would scurry down the mountain to bring Jerome his lunch. Upon arrival they would set the tray down ring the bell at the mouth of the cave and scurry back up the mountain praying he didn’t come out of the cave like an angry bear. The Episcopal Book of Lesser Fast and Feasts (a suppliment to the Book of Common Prayer) described him thus:“Rarely if ever was he pleasant but, seldom of ever dull”

RE:Blessed Pope John XXIII, he was once asked by a member of the news media what he thought of all the pomp and pagentry of the Vatican. His response was, “I love it, it’s just like a 3 ring circus”

The great Franciscan saint, Bonaventure, started his carrier as a canon lawyer until one hot July day he heard a pig farmer ushering his pigs to market with the words: “rush little piggies off to market like lawyers off to Hell!”
There’s also a famous Brother Juniper story concerning him. He met with Brother Juniper one day to answer his question. Juniper’s question was, “Can an unlettered fisherwoman love God as much as Brother Bonaventure.?” To which Bonaventure gave him the answer ,“Yes,of curse she can.” Brother Juniper then went through the city proclaiming that an unlettered fisherwoman loved God more than the great Brother Bonaventure. Bonaventure is reported to have laughed when it got back to him.
When the Papal envoy came to find Brother Bonaventure to give him the honor of making him a Cardinal, Br. Bonventure was found up to his elbows in dirty dishes. Bonaventure told the envoy to hang the mitre and cope on a tree and he’d come for it when he was done.

 

[cthulhubryan]

When the Papal envoy came to find Brother Bonaventure to give him the honor of making him a Cardinal, Br. Bonventure was found up to his elbows in dirty dishes. Bonaventure told the envoy to hang the mitre and cope on a tree and he’d come for it when he was done.

In the protestant churches we talk about servant leadership as if it were a new idea. Hah.

 

[scottywolf777]

In the protestant churches we talk about servant leadership as if it were a new idea. Hah.

Jump on in the Tiber and take your swin the water is fine!

 

[cthulhubryan]

Jump on in the Tiber and take your swin the water is fine!

I’ve been ready for years, but the wife would leave me if I did.

 

[Moscati]

I’ve always thought the story of St. Thomas Aquinas (who was a very large man) chasing the prostitute out of his rooms with a red hot poker was really funny.

If I remember right, his family was very upset with his decision to join the Domincans, and had him kidnapped and shut up in a suite of rooms. The prostitute was supposed to convince him he really didn’t want lifelong celibacy. She failed rather spectacularly.

 

[Moscati]

Also, from St. Augustine:

Quapropter bono christiano, sive mathematici, sive quilibet impie divinantium, maxime dicentes vera, cavendi sunt, ne consortio daemoniorum animam deceptam, pacto quodam societatis irretiant.

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians, and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of Hell.

This is why I was so terrible at Algebra! In pursuit of holiness.

(“mathematici” in this context actually means something more like astrologers, just for the record . . . but it’s a funny mistranslation!)

 

[LilyM]

Also, from St. Augustine:

Quapropter bono christiano, sive mathematici, sive quilibet impie divinantium, maxime dicentes vera, cavendi sunt, ne consortio daemoniorum animam deceptam, pacto quodam societatis irretiant.

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians, and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of Hell.

This is why I was so terrible at Algebra! In pursuit of holiness.

(“mathematici” in this context actually means something more like astrologers, just for the record . . . but it’s a funny mistranslation!)

Well there is, and was in ancient times, such a thing as numerology.

It consists of things like making predictions and assertions about character based on numerical values attached, for example, to the letters of one’s name or the date of one’s birth. A lot like astrology, but as I say based on numbers rather than the position of the stars.

Every bit as occultic, of course. Maybe this is what St Augustine was referring to?

 

[jtodisco]

I always found it amusing that after appearing to His bewildered and frightened apostles Christ decides to demonstrate that He is not a ghost and really has a body by asking if they have anything to eat. So here is the Son of God appearing in His Glorious body gnawing on a piece of broiled fish in front of His gawking and confused apostles! You know the Lord has a sense of humor.

Like many of the previous saint stories I can’t confirm the 100% accuracy of the following brief story, but I find it hilarious nonetheless.

Pope John XXIII was out greeting people one day when a woman in the crowd he was passing through approached him. She was wearing an outfit that very clearly displayed her rather large bust and was wearing a crucifix necklace. Upon seeing this Pope John XXIII remarked “What a Golgotha!”

 

[scottywolf777]

I’ve always thought the story of St. Thomas Aquinas (who was a very large man) chasing the prostitute out of his rooms with a red hot poker was really funny.

If I remember right, his family was very upset with his decision to join the Domincans, and had him kidnapped and shut up in a suite of rooms. The prostitute was supposed to convince him he really didn’t want lifelong celibacy. She failed rather spectacularly.

St Francis of Assisi was given a similar temptation by the Sultan of Damietta. His solution was to climb naked into a roaring fireplace and invite the probably shocked woman to join him in his bed. No response is given by the woman in the story but, she probably ran screaming out of the room.

 

[cthulhubryan]

I always found it amusing that after appearing to His bewildered and frightened apostles Christ decides to demonstrate that He is not a ghost and really has a body by asking if they have anything to eat. So here is the Son of God appearing in His Glorious body gnawing on a piece of broiled fish in front of His gawking and confused apostles! You know the Lord has a sense of humor.

Like many of the previous saint stories I can’t confirm the 100% accuracy of the following brief story, but I find it hilarious nonetheless.

Pope John XXIII was out greeting people one day when a woman in the crowd he was passing through approached him. She was wearing an outfit that very clearly displayed her rather large bust and was wearing a crucifix necklace. Upon seeing this Pope John XXIII remarked “What a Golgotha!”

Oh my. Today has been a terrible day and I desperately needed that laugh. Thank God for Bl Pope John XXIII!

 

[Moscati]

Well there is, and was in ancient times, such a thing as numerology.

It consists of things like making predictions and assertions about character based on numerical values attached, for example, to the letters of one’s name or the date of one’s birth. A lot like astrology, but as I say based on numbers rather than the position of the stars.

Every bit as occultic, of course. Maybe this is what St Augustine was referring to?

No doubt it was something like that.

 

[scottywolf777]

There’s a story of a group of midieval German monks who were trying to win favor with the Pope who was an Italian. Their bribe consisted in a case of German beer. The Beer arrived in Rome shortly before Lent. The Pope being Italian was used to wine and not beer. So to let the brothers know about the reciept of his gift he sent them a note thanking them for the case of Lenten Penance.

 

[GilChrist77]

A Franciscan and a Jesuit were arguing about whose order was better. Finding no answer, they asked God for a sign. A small piece of paper fluttered down from the heavens. It read:

My sons,

Argue not over such trivial matters. Focus on serving Me.

All my love,
God, O.P.

I love this joke!

Proof of God’s sense of humor in my own life? He wants me to wear white for the rest of my life as a Dominican Sister. It’s so funny because no matter what I’m eating some of it will almost always end up on my lap particularly if I’m wearing white.

There was a couple who had been camping for a week and were on their way home. They didn’t have much food left over, just a few hot dogs. The gentleman was very hungry but it was a Friday and so his wife wouldn’t let him eat the hot dog. They decided on their way home to visit Solanus Casey. The man asked Father if he could eat the hot dog because it was all they had left. Father asked the man to show him the hot dog which was in a cooler which had had ice in it but the ice had all melted so it was full of water. The man opened the cooler for Father who looked at the hot dog for a few minutes and then said “I think it’s been swimming in the water long enough, call it a fish and eat it.”

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria! Let’s see what the good God wills.