J
Jenlyn
Guest
I totally relate. There are good days and bad days.
Thanks for the link Evan.
- Status
Thanks for the link Evan.
J
Joysong
Guest
Saint Therese operated with motivation that few of us are able to imitate fully. Her entire gift to God, as she understood her vocation, was “to be love” in the heart of the Church for the salvation of others. She offered herself totally as a sacrificial victim. Therefore, every opportunity to become sacrificial was embraced by her, even though she may have struggled interiorly. I’m thinking of the nun at mass with a very annoying habit that grated on Therese’s nerves.
When we read of these heroic examples, we get the idea that God desires it of us also, and we attempt to follow suit. That’s where we err, for the soul is still in infancy and has not progressed to this high level of charity. God takes us step by step, and Therese was already far advanced spiritually when she made this offering as a victim.
My husband and I would both be watching TV and he would say to me, “how about getting me a glass of water?” Mind you, I did not want the water … he did! Woe to me if I did not respond. What I learned is that his mother was excessively doting. He had been brought up, culturally, that men in this area of the country were entitled to have their wives serve them in all requests, even those that were unreasonable. It took a great deal of patience to “re-educate” him while fighting to bury my resentment.
God alone will have to speak to the heart of persons involved in this difficulty to show them how best to handle it. What disturbed me most was that, although he and I had worked it out amicably, he redirected his requests to my children to do those things that he should have done himself.
Until we achieve the level of sanctity of St. Therese, we are not in monasteries where everyone in our family unit is motivated by the highest charity of the nuns.
We have to do what we can in order to get along together, without becoming enablers or co-dependent.
Carole
When we read of these heroic examples, we get the idea that God desires it of us also, and we attempt to follow suit. That’s where we err, for the soul is still in infancy and has not progressed to this high level of charity. God takes us step by step, and Therese was already far advanced spiritually when she made this offering as a victim.
My husband and I would both be watching TV and he would say to me, “how about getting me a glass of water?” Mind you, I did not want the water … he did! Woe to me if I did not respond. What I learned is that his mother was excessively doting. He had been brought up, culturally, that men in this area of the country were entitled to have their wives serve them in all requests, even those that were unreasonable. It took a great deal of patience to “re-educate” him while fighting to bury my resentment.
God alone will have to speak to the heart of persons involved in this difficulty to show them how best to handle it. What disturbed me most was that, although he and I had worked it out amicably, he redirected his requests to my children to do those things that he should have done himself.
Until we achieve the level of sanctity of St. Therese, we are not in monasteries where everyone in our family unit is motivated by the highest charity of the nuns.
We have to do what we can in order to get along together, without becoming enablers or co-dependent.Carole
E
Edwin1961
Guest
Joy,
You mentioned that you feel ‘irritated’ to shine your husband’s shoes in the morning.
What about doing it the second last thing you do before you go to bed. And then, the Last thing you do is pray for your husband to God and thank Him for your marriage. Also when you shine his shoes, pray silently to God that you’d like your husband to give you peace in knowing that he loves you and visa versa.
I’m looking at it this way, who wants to think that the first thing you’d do in the morning is to shine his shoes. Doing it at the end of the day would be a benefit on your part. What if your husband wakes up late and he’s in a bad mood?
You mentioned that you feel ‘irritated’ to shine your husband’s shoes in the morning.
What about doing it the second last thing you do before you go to bed. And then, the Last thing you do is pray for your husband to God and thank Him for your marriage. Also when you shine his shoes, pray silently to God that you’d like your husband to give you peace in knowing that he loves you and visa versa.
I’m looking at it this way, who wants to think that the first thing you’d do in the morning is to shine his shoes. Doing it at the end of the day would be a benefit on your part. What if your husband wakes up late and he’s in a bad mood?
J
JoyToBeCatholic
Guest
H
hurst
Guest
God loves a cheerful giver. If you can’t give cheerfully, then don’t do it unless it is a legitimate obligation.
2 Corinthians 9:6 Now this I say: He who soweth sparingly, shall also reap sparingly: and he who soweth in blessings, shall also reap blessings. 7 Every one as he hath determined in his heart, not with sadness, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
But if you think the inner anger and resentment is “caused” by the other person, then you are mistaken. Contrary to popular belief, no one can “push your buttons” except your own will.
Thus, I would ask whether you have given your will over to an entity promising to coddle you, only to discover it treats you flippantly. If so, then you are seeking strength for yourself from one who can’t or won’t give it. But Jesus warned us about this:
Matthew 7:6 Give not that which is holy to dogs; neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest perhaps they trample them under their feet, and turning upon you, they tear you.
We know we have given our love entirely to God if we seek our strength only from Him. And we know we do this if we can love our neighbor without relying on a return from them in order to continue to give to them cheerfully. That is charity - not expecting or needing a return payment for services rendered.
That is how we are called to love our neighbor, because we cannot love God like that, since we need to depend upon Him. So the only way to return a just love back to God (Who loved us first) is to do so by means of our neighbor.
She further knows that she can be of no use to Me and can in no way repay Me that pure love with which she feels herself to be loved by Me, and therefore endeavors to repay it through the medium which I have given her, namely, her neighbor, who is the medium through which you can all serve Me. For, as I have said to you, you can perform all virtues by means of your neighbor. I having given you all creatures, in general and in particular, according to the diverse graces each has received from Me, to be ministered unto by you; you should therefore love them with the same pure love with which I have loved you. That pure love cannot be returned directly to Me, because I have loved you without being Myself loved, and without any consideration of Myself whatsoever, for I loved you without being loved by you – before you existed; it was, indeed, love that moved Me to create you to My own image and similitude. This love you cannot repay to Me, but you can pay it to My rational creature, loving your neighbor without being loved by him and without consideration of your own advantage, whether spiritual or temporal, but loving him solely for the praise and glory of My Name, because he has been loved by Me.
The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena (p. 81)
catholicprimer.org/catherine/catherine_dialog.pdf
It reveals a need for healing on your part. This is precisely what you need to overcome so that you can love more perfectly.
This is the supreme office of discretion which proceeds from charity. So you see how discreetly every soul, who wishes for grace, should pay her debts, that is, should love Me with an infinite love and without measure, but her neighbor with measure, with a restricted love, as I have said, not doing herself the injury of sin in order to be useful to others. This is St. Paul’s counsel to you when he says that charity ought to be concerned first with self, otherwise it will never be of perfect utility to others. Because, when perfection is not in the soul, everything which the soul does for itself and for others is imperfect.
The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena (p. 27)
catholicprimer.org/catherine/catherine_dialog.pdf
If it is an obligation, you have to keep doing it. But if it is all voluntary, then you must find a way to not be resentful or else drop it until you can.
Seeing yourself as doing it personally for Jesus is an excellent way to be converted from resentment! St. Catherine did the same thing when serving her family: she treated them as Jesus, Mary, and the Apostles.
hurst
H
hurst
Guest
We can be doormats, too. We just need to be welcoming. Then God will use us as doormats to welcome others into His Kingdom!
We should also not worry if we are treated as dirt. Just remain humble, and God will treat as dirt also – for His garden to plant flowers in!
God is so good! Everything He handles turns into something beautiful in eternity.
hurst
J
JMJ_Theresa
Guest
I don’t have any great wisdom. I just remember my Grandpa ringing his little bell. Grandma would come down from upstairs, walk past him and bring him a beer. She would just laugh when he did that. I use to get steamed up.
However, my grandmother was one of the most saintly persons I have ever personally known. Everyone loved her. She radiated love. I hope that my Grandpa did not “glory” in her servanthood, but admired the Christ in her. Hopefully, it brought him closer to God.
Also, I know God is more interested in our own sanctification than He is in our efforts to lead others to greater holiness.
However, no one should tolerate abuse.
However, my grandmother was one of the most saintly persons I have ever personally known. Everyone loved her. She radiated love. I hope that my Grandpa did not “glory” in her servanthood, but admired the Christ in her. Hopefully, it brought him closer to God.
Also, I know God is more interested in our own sanctification than He is in our efforts to lead others to greater holiness.
However, no one should tolerate abuse.
B
BarbaraTherese
Guest
Grace and Glory:
By trying to discern, as Father said and well advised I think, to look into co-dependancy and enabling…and to do so for the love of God that you may better serve others in their interests, or their good.
At times we can be so intent on our own spiritual holiness etc. that we become like the boy scout who seeing a blind woman at a crossing, takes her by the arm and across the road. At which point the blind lady hits him on the head with her cane: “You naughty boy, why did you drag me across the road?”…the woman did not want to cross the road in the first place! In other words, we think, speak and act in our own interests, rather than being focused on what is good for the other. And certainly taking a person across the road for the love of God when they did not want or need to cross the road in the first place is not acting in the best interests of the other. Yet the boy’s motivation was the very highest.
By being a servant in your family etc. for the love of God you have the highest motivations, however are you acting in their best interests, or what is best for them…and for the love of God. I think Father’s comments were wise. And I am wondering if you need to shift your focus…your perspective and attitude?..though I can see that Grace is with you and that you desire ardently to love and serve God.’
How do we discern true servanthood…by being focused on the other and acting in their interest and what is best and good for them. Why was Jesus kind and compassionate to some and not so kind to others, because He could see what was best for them…for their good. How do we imitate Jesus?.. by striving to act always in the best interests of the other, for their good and benefit.
I do hope I am not confusing you more…
Peace…Barb
I am wondering if you need to shift your attitude and perspective from becoming a saint and working out how to be holy and a saint in every circumstance, to working out what is the best for the other person always - for their good. In acting this way and for the love of God He will draw you to holiness.
By trying to discern, as Father said and well advised I think, to look into co-dependancy and enabling…and to do so for the love of God that you may better serve others in their interests, or their good.
At times we can be so intent on our own spiritual holiness etc. that we become like the boy scout who seeing a blind woman at a crossing, takes her by the arm and across the road. At which point the blind lady hits him on the head with her cane: “You naughty boy, why did you drag me across the road?”…the woman did not want to cross the road in the first place! In other words, we think, speak and act in our own interests, rather than being focused on what is good for the other. And certainly taking a person across the road for the love of God when they did not want or need to cross the road in the first place is not acting in the best interests of the other. Yet the boy’s motivation was the very highest.
By being a servant in your family etc. for the love of God you have the highest motivations, however are you acting in their best interests, or what is best for them…and for the love of God. I think Father’s comments were wise. And I am wondering if you need to shift your focus…your perspective and attitude?..though I can see that Grace is with you and that you desire ardently to love and serve God.’
How do we discern true servanthood…by being focused on the other and acting in their interest and what is best and good for them. Why was Jesus kind and compassionate to some and not so kind to others, because He could see what was best for them…for their good. How do we imitate Jesus?.. by striving to act always in the best interests of the other, for their good and benefit.
I do hope I am not confusing you more…
Peace…Barb
M
meno
Guest
I, too, have had trouble in this regard. I would like to share one experience of how the issue came up.
Several months ago, a woman approached me outside of church (of all places) and asked me for money. She said the food pantries in our small city were all bare and that she needed money to feed her kids.
I wanted to say no because I’m on a tight grad student’s budget. But I thought of the Gospel story of the widow’s mite, in which the widow gave from her need rather than her excess, and I decided to make the sacrifice to help.
Pretty soon, she approached me again with an equally desperate story, which she would repeat over and over until I gave again. Then she started asking for larger amounts. I thought of the widow’s mite and gave again.
I started to resent her regular approaches and snapped back angrily when she asked me again. This just produced tears on her part, which caused me to feel guilty and give again.
It got to the point where I was having trouble making my rent because I had given money to her. It was obvious that she was going to keep pressing me for money with stories of desperation as long as I kept on giving. I had to examine my own motives in the situation.
I also realized that – doh! – the widow in the widow’s mite story gave to the Temple, which is a form of giving to God through a recognized charity. That wasn’t what I was doing.
I gradually learned to say no to the woman calmly and (somewhat) lovingly rather than angrily. I offered her other forms of help such as information on organizations that could help her with her specific situation. And – surprise! – she accepted my response in a calm way and I haven’t heard from her since. I still pray for her at night.
I am definitely prone to co-dependent behavior and I am slowly learning to examine my own motivations in helping others. If I am doing it out of ego rather than love (EGO=Edging God Out), then I try to ask God’s help in discerning whether the act in question is truly helping the other person and if there is an alternative action that would be more loving.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to spout off about this.
Several months ago, a woman approached me outside of church (of all places) and asked me for money. She said the food pantries in our small city were all bare and that she needed money to feed her kids.
I wanted to say no because I’m on a tight grad student’s budget. But I thought of the Gospel story of the widow’s mite, in which the widow gave from her need rather than her excess, and I decided to make the sacrifice to help.
Pretty soon, she approached me again with an equally desperate story, which she would repeat over and over until I gave again. Then she started asking for larger amounts. I thought of the widow’s mite and gave again.
I started to resent her regular approaches and snapped back angrily when she asked me again. This just produced tears on her part, which caused me to feel guilty and give again.
It got to the point where I was having trouble making my rent because I had given money to her. It was obvious that she was going to keep pressing me for money with stories of desperation as long as I kept on giving. I had to examine my own motives in the situation.
I also realized that – doh! – the widow in the widow’s mite story gave to the Temple, which is a form of giving to God through a recognized charity. That wasn’t what I was doing.
I gradually learned to say no to the woman calmly and (somewhat) lovingly rather than angrily. I offered her other forms of help such as information on organizations that could help her with her specific situation. And – surprise! – she accepted my response in a calm way and I haven’t heard from her since. I still pray for her at night.
I am definitely prone to co-dependent behavior and I am slowly learning to examine my own motivations in helping others. If I am doing it out of ego rather than love (EGO=Edging God Out), then I try to ask God’s help in discerning whether the act in question is truly helping the other person and if there is an alternative action that would be more loving.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to spout off about this.
A
asquared
Guest
I would not call St Jerome, St Ignatius, St Francis Xavier, John the Baptist, Maximiliam Kolbe, St Catherine, or Mother Teresa doormats. They all exhibited extraordinary courage, some even to the point of dying for Christ, but also in every aspect and encounter of their lives. A doormat is something for people to walk on, a saint is someone who walks with Christ. Some of these saints also exhibited extraordinary obstinancy and obduracy in pursuing their mission from God, and even when submitting in humility and obedience to Church authority did not waiver in fidelity.
J
JoyToBeCatholic
Guest
I have often thought this very thing. How I react is a choice. But sometimes I feel like I have no choice:
I think part of the problem though, is that this particular person does not take a gentle approached seriously. Unless I fly off the handle nothing is taken seriously, however, even when I do fly off the handle to get the persons attention, resolutions and appologies are made but never are lasting. I just don’t know how to deal with this type of person; doesn’t take anything seriously and expects to be catered to. Complete opposite of me and so I am at a loss as to how to deal with it.
Yes, this is why I have had to discuss it with this person. There have been times where I have done it voluntarily, but it has become increasingly difficult and is now interfering with my own responsibilities. I simply can’t cater to someone’s trifling requests and ignore more important duties. I have seen many improvements over the past few days and we are at peace with each other right now.
Thank you for the beautiful quotes from “Dialogue”. Words I need to reflect on!
Wow, I’ve got a long way to go! 
I agree, and btw, this person is *not *abusive, just ignorant (I think). Sometimes I think it *must *be intentional b/c I just couldn’t allow someone to do those things for me w/out being sensitive about how it is affecting them and everyone else. I am realizing that we are just opposites in personality and I need to stop imagining that what would motivate me to act this way may not necessarily be this person’s motivation. IOW, I need to stop trying to judge this person’s heart, or at least be more charitable about it. I tend to dwell on my own vices and shortcomings which, in turn, gives me the tendancy to look for the same in others.
Thanks for all your advice!
Godspeed!
~donna
J
JoyToBeCatholic
Guest
No, I didn’t mean to imply that I think all saints are doormats. But in consideration of the many ways in which they mortified themselves and humiliated themselves, it can be perceived that way. That is why it is necessary to consider motive in carrying out those acts or non-acts, b/c some people find it easier to just allow themselves to be treated badly in order to avoid possibly having to make a difficult choice. In my case, using the shoe-shining analogy, I thought it would be better to say nothing and continue shining the shoes b/c I was afraid of conflict. I knew that I would feel like I had to fly off the handle in order to get him to see that shining his shoes every morning prevents me from being able to tend to the baby when it wakes up. The first time I told “my husband” that I didn’t think I should “shine his shoes” anymore, he said I wasn’t sharing the responsibility that I should be. This was wrong, and it caused me to boil even more until I did finally errupt. It didn’t have to, though. I could have told him I didn’t think that was a fair assessment and to please give it some consideration. Then I could have calmly pointed out that shining his shoes prevents me from doing more important things. This person is not so unreasonable that, once brought to his attention, he would not then see that shoe shining is interfering with taking care of baby (yes, maybe he should have noticed this for himself, but he is usually “sleeping” while this is going on).
My point is that I was being imprudent about the situation and though I had to keep shining the shoes, when what was really needed was taking care of the baby. BarbaraTherese said it nicely:
Now my only concern is what is going to happen as a result of my husband having to shine his own shoes. Inevitable, the first day he “bought a new pair” so he wouldn’t have to shine him himself, but the next few days he did finally give in and shine his own
.I guess my part now is to make sure he doesn’t start buying a new pair every day, and if he does, to loving show him that its going to break the bank if he needs a new pair of loafers every day!
~donna
B
BarbaraTherese
Guest
…Hi Meno, I think probably we are all grateful for a chance to sprout off…sort out…learn…etc.! I sure am!
I think perhaps what you and some other Posters are describing is journey. Very often in a situation we commence at one point, but as the situation unfolds our responses change because aspects of the situation are changing or we are gaining new insights…Grace is working in us. As we journey in a particular situation too, our own interior disposition, emotional content etc. (the INTRApersonal) may very well change too. All this is The Holy Spirit at work in us, the other(s) and in the circumstances of a situation itself.
Your point is excellent and important that we pray in any situation. Also, I had a smile at your: EGO - Edging God Out
…I’ll remember that and to my profit!Excellent point!
I think that 'journey. is a very important word - worth pondering…and we need to give ourselves and others permission to journey = time span of some degree. Journey is what it implies…we start at A and we travel towards B and perhaps on to CD and F etc. etc.
Also, we are faulted creatures and we may make mistakes…that is only human…and we need as we journey to allow others to make mistakes too - and in the hope that we and the other will recognize and learn from those mistakes and in hope anyway not repeat them. I have heard it said that God allows us to make mistakes, because we need to learn what we have not yet learnt - I like that! When are the best lessons often learnt? Through my mistakes.
At times I do repeat my mistakes - hence ‘renewal’ becomes an important word. I recognize that I have repeated the same old mistake, I regret it, am sorrowful and ask pardon, and then I renew my resolution to not repeat the mistake and go on. Journey from A to B to C to D to E to F! to make new again: re new.
Hence ‘repentance’ becomes an important word and implies that I recognize my mistake, am sorry/regretful etc. and intend to go on in my journey hopefully not repeating that mistake. Moving from recognition to sorrow to going on…is itself a journey fram A to B to C. Nor do we journey alone: “Help me Lord to understand that nothing is going to happen today that You and I together cannot handle”…a poster on my kitchen wall.
Within the one journey or overall circumstance, there may be many journeys.
My sprout!
…Peace…Barb
B
BarbaraTherese
Guest
Hi there JoyToBeCatholic…it is isn’t it!..great tag!I’ve heard people say everyone is called to holiness but that Christians aren’t supposed to be “doormats”. But when you read the lives of saints, didn’t many of them behave that way? In their silence weren’t they encouraging the sinful actions of others?
Are we all called to exercise extraordinary virtue in all circumstances? If we are all called to be saints, does this mean we are all called to exercise extraordinary virtue? Is everyone continually being given the necessary graces? How does one “cooperate” with these graces? Or, does one have to be mature in their love of God before being able to do so (being perfected).
Isn’t the practice of exercising extraordinary virtue useless if it isn’t successful? For instance, one may have, as their motive, to please God, but whenever he tries to tolerate something he grows impatient, or harbors resentment or anger from having tolerated so much. Should one try to come down to a more “practical” level (for lack of a better word) and speak up about the injustice being done to them? Or should they continue to try tolerating adversity despite the imperfections that arise from having done so, in the hopes that they will someday realize the way to cooperate with the grace God is giving them.
I’m sorry there are so many questions. I’ve tried wording it many different ways for lack of a better way to express it. I’m horrible at articulating things!
Thanks,
~donna
I thought your questions were very insightful and very common questions pondered by those seeking to love God with all their hearts. All too often however, we are prone to setting up our own idea of perfection and work towards that…and something of a false idol although done all unknowingly and with the very best and to be commended intentions. Perfection may be a different quality in different persons according to God’s Will for that person…and what is operative in that sentence is “God’s Will”. Obviously the perfection asked of a priest or nun perhaps is going to be different for a lay person perhaps…in that the duties of each state in life are different and the duties inherant in our state is God’s Will for us. Further God’s particular will for us unfolds in the circumstances and people around us for one. It unfolds in the duties imposed by being Catholic. The key word perhaps is ‘unfold’. It is not to us anyway always something fixed that we can ‘hold’ but it unfolds in time and space. In other words, we need prayerfully to be sensitive to what is happening around us to ‘hear’ God’s Will.
For sure, the writings of the saints etc. can give us clues…not be repeating exactly what they did perhaps, but insighting the reasons why they did what they did. At times we may need to serve unselfishly, at other times we may need to assert…be served…how do we discern, by reading and insighting the people and circumstances around us and by discerning what we hope will be the best for them - their good. “A new commandment I give to you, love one another” and love implies that we seek their benefit, their good. There is an excellent post here somewhere that I will search for and point out that describes the ‘life of virtue’.
Peace is the criteria of the spiritual life. Anything that robs one of Peace of soul, emotions and mind needs examining and pondering prayerfully and possibly by asking advice … and advice is only advice that needs to be pondered and to choose and decide if that advice returns Peace. If it does not, then we must search further and I think this is exactly what you are doing.
Journey.
I hope that some Posts in this thread may strike home to you and that you will come across something that you can rest with and peacefully. “My Peace I give to you”…not will give…but give. We already have it if we are in the state of Grace or in a state of friendship with God, with The Lord, and if not then we ask ourselves, why not. What is happening in my life, in me and/or in my relationships etc. that The Lord’s own Peace is not residing in my soul, emotions and mind.
Peace…Barb
B
BarbaraTherese
Guest
Here is the quote, by Evan, that I referred to in my last Post re the life of virtue and its growth in us…its journey in us…
Thank you Evan for posting it.
Altho the quote below does refer to working hard at virtue, one does not do it overly anxiously, but peacefully…if one is striving to live a life in the Spirit or a spiritual life…for while the labour is ours, the result is entirely in God’s hands. Hence prayer is important. A certain amount of anxiety in the situation described below would only be normal…but when it becomes anxiety robbing one of Peace, it is no longer that level of anxiety that is productive and helpful in a situation. Anxiety indicates the presence of conflict…and conflict does beg to be resolved creating anxiety. At times I may become over anxious about something and loose Peace of soul and this is the time to start to seek advice and to pray.
The OP of this thread is indicating a level of conflict (and perhaps some anxiety is felt and normal) that she/he seeks to resolve by asking other’s thoughts (advice) in this thread.
A good spiritual director is pure gold in the spiritual way.
Thank you Evan for posting it.
Altho the quote below does refer to working hard at virtue, one does not do it overly anxiously, but peacefully…if one is striving to live a life in the Spirit or a spiritual life…for while the labour is ours, the result is entirely in God’s hands. Hence prayer is important. A certain amount of anxiety in the situation described below would only be normal…but when it becomes anxiety robbing one of Peace, it is no longer that level of anxiety that is productive and helpful in a situation. Anxiety indicates the presence of conflict…and conflict does beg to be resolved creating anxiety. At times I may become over anxious about something and loose Peace of soul and this is the time to start to seek advice and to pray.
The OP of this thread is indicating a level of conflict (and perhaps some anxiety is felt and normal) that she/he seeks to resolve by asking other’s thoughts (advice) in this thread.
A good spiritual director is pure gold in the spiritual way.
A very important point from the quote below.
P
puzzleannie
Guest
this cracks me up, DH still has a dozen shirts waiting in a dry cleaner someplace in suburban Detroit because we were having this ongoing battle. He wanted his shirts ironed, I said they’re perm press, don’t need ironing, just hang them up, but he had this new job and wanted ironed shirts. I said so take them to the cleaners, so here was the conflict: if I pick them up and pay for them, that is admitting it was my job in the first place. If he picks them up and pays for them, it means it is just another business expense. Shows you how silly this battle became, nobody ever did pick up that last load of shirts before we moved. Now he works at home and wears golf clothes every day.Let me give a ‘for instance’:
My husband wants me to shine his shoes every morning at the break of dawn, before I do anything else (and no, he does not
~d
thankfully we have made a lot of progress since those days, huge revelation when I let go of a lot of my anger and resentment and started doing little things out of love (even and especially when I didn’t feel loving) making a pitcher of iced tea, keeping my stuff out of his side of the bathroom, buying a pumpkin pie for him, and yes, even ironing his shirts when he goes on infrequent business trips.
J
JoyToBeCatholic
Guest
That’s me!
I will try to keep that in mind. I’m a very mechanical person (externally, anyway). I like to follow the same pattern of activity throught the day, every day - very ritualized - so that I can fix my mind on other things (hopefully, heavenly things!). I tend to ignore what’s going on around me and just follow that groove, but in doing so I miss opportunities that ‘unfold’ around me. I do remember a period some years ago when I studied living in the “present moment” and it helped tremendously. To live in the present moment is to be aware of those ‘unfoldings’ and to choose love in every circumstance (God’s Will). I liken it to the “practice of the presence of God”, which I should refresh my memory with (letters by Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection -VERY good!).
This is what I question. I used to have peace and I haven’t had but fleeting moments of it over that past several years. I have thought that this was a spiritual “dryness” and it is exasperated by the fact that I have, many time throughout this period, abandoned almost all of my usual devotions and prayers. This is not to say that I don’t think about God and pray interiorly, so to speak, throughout my day, but reciting set prayers and things of that nature don’t seem to benefit me as much as whatever you want to call this other prayer - contemplation, maybe? Sometimes this prayer even carries over into my sleep and I can recall some of it when I awake. But it preoccupies me too much (hence the inability to watch things ‘unfold’ around me) at times, and I think this is the flaw in whatever I seem to be doing in my spiritual life.
I agree. I have been looking for about 7 years. I have yet again been told that someone will get back to me about direction, but that was about a month or more ago (and not the first time I’ve been told this by other persons).
Yes, I thought that was a fantastic explanation!
Thanks, Barbara, for such wonderful advice. You’ve made me remember what is probably one of the keys to resolving a very big problem: mindfulness of the ‘unfolding’. God seems to be bringing this very thing up to me quite often lately. I noticed a question in another thread about ‘praying constantly’ and I gave a link to Brother Lawrence’s letters as an example. Reading it brought a lot to mind about what needs to change. In fact, come to think of it, when I think back to that wonderful (and brief) period of my life (of ‘mindfulness’) I realize that those set prayers and devotions helped me keep that ‘mindfulness’ by returning my mind to God when it had wandered, and by enabling me to take a moment to do a quick examination of conscience and refocus. I should take back up those devotions. I have felt really drawn to the Liturgy of the Hours lately…
Well, this ‘conversation’ certainly has brought a lot for me to consider! Thanks so much!
Godspeed!
~donna
Oh, and:
We have a pile of those too! But it’s b/c I hate to iron and when someone gives DH a shirt that isn’t “wrinkle-free” he wears it once and it goes into the pile. I have a pile of mismatched socks too - I think the matches are somewhere in suburban Detroit
G
Grace_and_Glory
Guest
You are certainly right; I am finding more and more that I am very self-centered. I am self-centered in a relatively “good way” in that I am concerned about becoming holy and serving others rather than on seeking my own temporal interests, but my focus is still too much on myself. It’s interesting that you were able to pick that up even from one post. Thanks for pointing it out with gentleness.
I’m still confused, though, because I really don’t see how I was harming my family. Mediating fights often helped them understand each other better in the moment of the fight, even if they ‘forgot’ what I said by the next day. Loaning my mom money helps her pay the bills that she wouldn’t be able to pay otherwise when my dad doesn’t get the child support in on time. Listening to them on the phone allows them to vent. I trust the priest, and from the improvement in my own attitude since I stopped doing some of these things, I can tell that what I was doing before wasn’t healthy for me. Even so, I’m not sure why it wasn’t good for them, and this makes it hard for me to exercise authentic servanthood to my family (and to others), because I don’t know why the things I mentioned before aren’t also in their best interest. If Jesus would just whisper in my ear what the best attitude towards others is, and what will help them most, I would do it, but if He is whispering, I still can’t hear it.
B
BarbaraTherese
Guest
This lack of Peace can be due to many things…and I think you are doing the correct thing in seeking advice and that advice needs to ‘find a home’ within you. If not then continue to seek. Further down you state that you have been unable to find a spritual director. Dont upset yourself over this for The Lord will not let you stray, though it may seem to you that you do. I went many years indeed after my director died unable to find another. Now I do have one, but as I say there were many years when I seemed to flounder - hindsight at this point about those years tells me that I only thought I was floundering. If we lack Peace in our life…then the asking is to seek until we find it resurge in us. Life is a journey - a transit of time, many transits, journeys…hence be patient but persevering. Trust The Lord even when things seem all wrong, He will not confuound you.
Dont be concerned about abandoning your usual devotions and prayers…as you indicate above, you are still praying but not in the way that you usually do. What I did find myself doing in the past in times of consolation was compounding my devotions and times for prayer…and then when things got tough, totally unable to stick to them. There are times when we seem not to be able to pray in our accustomed fashion at all…then go about your duties, concerns etc. for love of God - that is prayer too!
I am happy that this thread has been of some help to you…seek Peace and Peace will find you…Barb
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