Since it’s Mother’s Day I thought I would reflect on one of my favourite mothers. Don’t worry, it’s not my mom (just kidding). I hope that no one minds me getting personal here.
I want to write about my wife. Her name was Maria. Although she is not officially a saint, she certainly was an extraordinary woman. Maria came from a family that had everything. Her father was worth millions. She had studied medicine in Holland and in the USA. Eventually she became a kidney transplant surgeon.
After all that studying we were married. We had three beautiful children, Jeannette Marie Therese (1984), Jesse Paul Raphael (1986), and Julian Richard Michael (1989). Nothing gave Maria greater joy than our children. Julian, who was born with autism, was the joy of her life. When everyone failed to understand him, his mother managed to find something to laugh about. She could see behind his façade and bring out he joy in him, which is difficult to do with autistic children.
She even arranged her schedule so that she could be home in the afternoon with the kids. She would get up at 4:00 AM to take care of patients, while I rose a little later and arrived home later.
I was born into a comfortable family, but certainly not millionaires. Nonetheless, Maria was willing to give up her father’s millions and the comfort of living in a mansion to marry me and live in a one bedroom apartment. When our daughter was born we purchased a small house that was large enough for a small family, even though we hoped for a large one.
There were several things that were sacred to her, her children, her faith and her patients. When she knew that one of her patients was not going to make it, that it was just a matter of time, Maria would come home and lock herself away to pray. She spent hours praying that God would relieve her patients of their suffering and take them to Heaven. After a while we teased her about it. All of her patients died within 72 hours after she prayed for them and all of them died with a smile. They died in peace.
But Maria was concerned about the needs of the elderly. She realized that many could not afford her services because of the cutbacks on Medicare and other insurance carriers. She asked me if it were OK with me to get a second mortgage on our home to buy equipment that she could put in our family van. We agreed that we could do it as long as we tightened our belts.
Maria put her equipment into our family van and began to provide free medical care for kidney patients in their homes, free of charge. These were senior citizens who would have died if they did not have dialysis. They did not have enough financial resources or insurance for kidney transplants. But Maria knew that they could live productive lives and happier lives. She taught our young children to love these people and to sacrifice having the latest toy and gadget so that we could continue to serve the elderly sick.
On June 2, 1993, while I was sitting at the dining table in my parents home, where we had been spending Memorial Day weekend, Maria approached me and said, “I want you to promise me something.” I was curious, but not surprised. I figured she had another medical scheme up her sleeve.
“I know that Jeanette will do well in school and will have plenty of offers from many good universities and scholarships. But Julian will not make it without you. You’re the only one who can bring him out of his world. You understand his mind and his soul. I want you to promise me that you will never abandon him.”
I was stunned at this request. “Where are you and Jesse going, if I may ask?” I didn’t know what else to say. But she insisted that I promise her that I would always be there for Julian. So I did. “Now I can sleep” she said.
The next day at 5:00 PM, I received a message from my 9-year old daughter, “Daddy, there was a car accident, Mon and Grandpa’ are dead. Jesse is in the hospital. You have to come back.”
That night, I had to make the decision to pull the plug on my beautiful little boy who went to Heaven with his mother and grandfather. That was my last conversation with the mother of my children. She left everything ready for them.
Today, Jeannette is a teacher and in medical school. Julian has been through years of therapy and special services. He is a college freshman majoring in art. He believes that everything he has achieved is due to his father. In reality, it’s due to his mother. Even after death, there is no one like mom.
That’s why I believe that motherhood is God’s preferred path to sanctity.
JR
