Same sex attraction?

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do you think that if this continues i could eventually be attract to men?
What goes on in prisons [and in an earlier era, long sailing voyages] demonstrates that many if not most hetrosexual men are capable of performing homosexual acts.

So if you keep dwelling on this, I do think you could essentially talk yourself into an attraction that you don’t currently feel.
 
God Bless you, kaws.

And Sam Maloney is also right on the money. The biological evidence is that humans, like other mammals, are sexual creatures that seek & respond to whatever available avenues present themselves. So two things operate, on a primal level: --environmental factors (influences + availability, including restricted range of availability, such as an enclosed environment, such as prolonged exclusive exposure)
–emotional attraction

Lacking contradicting or moderating moral navigation, SSA resulting in SSA behavior, commitment, and ultimate identity, is not that surprising. I.m.o., there will always be a “confirmed” minority of those with unalterable homosexual tendencies, but I strong believe, given everything I’ve read, given all the testimonial history of so-called “born gay” associates of mine, that this unalterable minority is much smaller than those who currently practice homosexuality & claim to have been “born that way.” Keep in mind an important component & dynamic (resulting in so-called “fixed identity”) that most people forget: same-sex relationships are far easier to navigate, commit to, & remain faithful to, than heterosexual relationships. Most heterosexual relationships suffer from a lack of motivation to work actively on maintaining & reinvigorating the relationship, and become easily affected by the discouragement resulting from communication gaps & understanding gaps between the genders. As long as a socially acceptable alternative sexual universe exists out there in the form of “a gay lifestyle,” “gay rights,” “gay marriage,” and anything else suggesting that gay is normative, there will be a convenient escape clause from the difficulty of negotiating the divinely ordered, commanded union between two different genders.
 
Dave, it’s good to hear from you again. You hadn’t posted in the “help, i’m losing it” thread in a while, and I was worried about you. It must be a monumental burden to have these doubts, but take comfort in the fact that God awaits you with great reward.

I think if you were gay, you’d know it. Also, I think sexual orientation is really more about which gender one is attracted to *more *than the other. Seeing how you definitely know you’re attracted to women, but not so sure about men, you sound pretty straight to me.

It seems some prayer power could really help you out. Why not post your dilemma in the prayer intentions section? (If you haven’t already.)

There have been lots of great posts already, so there isn’t much more to be said. You will be in my prayers. Peace.
 
SSA resulting in SSA behavior, commitment, and ultimate identity, is not that surprising. I.m.o., there will always be a “confirmed” minority of those with unalterable homosexual tendencies, but I strong believe, given everything I’ve read, given all the testimonial history of so-called “born gay” associates of mine, that this unalterable minority is much smaller than those who currently practice homosexuality & claim to have been “born that way.”
I do think there is evidence that many people are born with a biological same-sex or bisexual orientation or attraction. There may be others for whom sexuality is more choice than biology. I don’t think most gay and lesbian people have much choice in their orientation, but people do have control over their actions. I have a hard time understanding why someone would choose to be homosexual if they did not have a biological orientation towards that as there are still many moral and societal stigmas associated with homosexual behavior and often with homosexual attraction as well.
Keep in mind an important component & dynamic (resulting in so-called “fixed identity”) that most people forget: same-sex relationships are far easier to navigate, commit to, & remain faithful to, than heterosexual relationships. Most heterosexual relationships suffer from a lack of motivation to work actively on maintaining & reinvigorating the relationship, and become easily affected by the discouragement resulting from communication gaps & understanding gaps between the genders.
What evidence do you have for this? I would think that same-sex relationships would be at least as difficult to maintain as heterosexual relationships. For any relationship, heterosexual or homosexual, to work requires motivation, communication, and commitment. I don’t see how it is different between these groups. On the other hand I would think that the religious and societal pressures against homosexuality might add obstacles that would make it harder for homosexual couples to stay together.
As long as a socially acceptable alternative sexual universe exists out there in the form of “a gay lifestyle,” “gay rights,” “gay marriage,” and anything else suggesting that gay is normative, there will be a convenient escape clause from the difficulty of negotiating the divinely ordered, commanded union between two different genders.
Perhaps. But there have been gay and lesbians out there throughout history. It is not a new phenomenon. Homosexual couples will continue to live together and engage in homosexual acts whether they are given legal protection through civil unions or not. I think it is pretty far-fetched that if civil unions for homosexual couples become more commonly legal that homosexual marriages/unions will become the norm or that heterosexual marriage will be forbidden. I think heterosexual marriage will always be the majority norm.

I don’t personally feel my marriage is threatened by other people’s relationships. No matter whether homosexual unions are given civil legal status, I think that marriage as a sacred religious sacrament is intended by God as between a man and woman. The certificate from the state has nothing to do with my relationship and marriage in a spiritual sense.
 
What evidence do you have for this? I would think that same-sex relationships would be at least as difficult to maintain as heterosexual relationships. For any relationship, heterosexual or homosexual, to work requires motivation, communication, and commitment. I don’t see how it is different between these groups. On the other hand I would think that the religious and societal pressures against homosexuality might add obstacles that would make it harder for homosexual couples to stay together.
No statistical evidence (yet, anyway) 😉 But I would think on its face that the incredibly high divorce rate which continues to hover at 50% for heterosexual couples, combined with the contrasting stability rate of SS commitment (which gays & lesbians like to cite as evidence of legitimacy & health for society), is a start. Second ‘life-experience’ evidence: Are most people’s close friends drawn from the same gender or the opposite gender? Yes, I have met both the occasional female & the occasional male whose Platonic friendships were overwhelmingly opposite-gender, but they are not the norm. Most people find it way easier to bond with & communicate with people of their gender, for a variety of reasons. Talk to any traditional marriage counselor about the difficulty of bridging the gender gap – how that in itself is a significant challenge for any heterosexual marriage. Yes, all of our relationships with either gender have some obstacles, but not nearly of the scope – mostly – that married heterosexuals have.
 
I am dating a much younger woman who is classy, attractive, has a gifted IQ etc. who is very spiritual and highly educated. She has admitted to a past life of fairly routine same sex “casual” encounters during one phase of her life. She confided to me that outside of friendships she never wanted an emotional-romantic relationship with any of her female lovers and pushed any of those away that wanted a committed “girlfriend”. Apparently she was really only interested in the visceral excitement of same-sex physical intimacy and the fast action and the attention - in my opinion at least in part due to the taboo of it all more so than real driving physical attraction.

She is now very chaste and does not believe in premarital sex and is a very devout Catholic. We have a wonderful Christian relationship and are very seriously considering marriage. I was worried if her past or proven bi-orientation was going to be an issue for us down the road in the relationship and we have talked about it a number of times.

In her case she wants a relationship with a male but admits that she still has a mild bisexual physical orientation that she can control and admits that only certain rare and very specific kinds of women are naturally highly attractive to her (e.g. classy-feminine personality with fit/shapely physical looks). I told her jokingly that based on her descriptions I think I and most normal men would approve of her tastes :D. but she got a bit short with me at that zinger and said something to the effect of: ‘forget it bubba, I am done with chicks and not going to hell over anything - much less a one nighter with a hot looking woman with a nice bod who is probably sleeping with multiple women anyway’. She claims the bi and lesbian woman are for the most part all control freaks who want to dominate and control and be ostensibly in a relationship but very often cheat on each other and are quite promiscuous. So clearly she is relationally driven more so than just physical - which was reassuring to me.

She says that she is in complete control of “it all” unless another woman that happens to be in a very specific range of attraction approaches her to express a direct personal interest in her. She finds that unsolicited attention too flattering to completely ignore - but so far has not caved in. She also explains that she never goes to venues where that is likely to really happen nor consciously broadcasts any interest to other women. But she has had these prior-life female lovers re-contact her occasionally and ask if she would like to get back together again. In these few cases she has explained that she has to be careful since she plays back her past encounters and that arouses her all over again but that so far she has always turned them down and told them "I am a recommitted Christian and do not do that anymore ".

When I ask her directly if its going to be an issue later for us down the road says quite firmly “no - its not going to happen again period”. She assures me that she has completely put it out of mind ever since rededicating herself to her Catholic faith about 8 years ago.

She is very emotionally disciplined but I do see a certain proclivity for obsessiveness in other areas of her life where she can be quite fanatical about cleanliness, fitness, perfection in her spiritual life, political idealistic etc. She can be absolutely “driven” by projects and things she wants to do. This suggests to me there is a certain psychological makeup that makes her a little but obsessive. But I think through lots of prayer and adorations etc. she has gained real interior control and discipline of her life in the other area where she was previously quite vulnerable.

My own theory about it is that certain minds and personalities are wired in a way that makes them have a fixation or proclivity for compulsive behaviors that require they be very focused on ideas or habits and sensations etc. to keep their very quick and sharp and intelligent minds out of mischief. Again, at one time she had a drinking problem to mask a sensitivity issue that she is in control of now.

In her case I think her high IQ leaves her easily bored and so she needs mental challenges and focus to avoid falling for the temptation of pushing the social envelope to experiment with cheap thrills or the rush of engaging in taboo physical pleasures. As long as people understand the fundamentals of what it is they are wrestling with and know their own vulnerabilities I think they can discipline themselves to avoid areas of weakness and past concupescence or proclivities or completely outgrow it.

Since I know of her past history it will not devastate me if she later happens to fall off the wagon so to speak since I know it will not be in her heart to want to hurt me or our relationship. It would only be a transient lapse of discipline or judgement or a one-off event if it did happen. With advance knowledge of the vulnerability I think I can live with the risk. But outright betrayal or just abandoning oneself to one’s vices or proclivities would be another matter.

James
 
As I have stated earlier I am probably attracted as much if not more to women, then men, but have been happily married to my husband for nearly 10 years. In my own case, however, same sex “experimentation” never went further than a kiss from a female friend (that I’ll admit I enjoyed).

Plenty of heterosexual people with wild sexual histories have settled down and committed faithfully to a holy and monogamous marriage relationship. I don’t think it would necessarily be different for someone with a bisexual orientation. If your girlfriend were more attracted to women than men it could be a strong thing to consider for you both.

Marriage takes commitment and trust. If your girlfriend is committed to put her past sexual history behind her and remain chaste and faithful, then perhaps it could work. My husband knew about my attraction to women. It was never anything that I hid from him. However If you are thinking about getting married and mentioning that you are half expecting your girlfriend to cheat on you and deny your marriage vows, then I would see that as red flashing warning signs and I would strongly encourage caution and counseling before engaging in the sacrament.
 
As I have stated earlier I am probably attracted as much if not more to women, then men, but have been happily married to my husband for nearly 10 years. In my own case, however, same sex “experimentation” never went further than a kiss from a female friend (that I’ll admit I enjoyed).

Plenty of heterosexual people with wild sexual histories have settled down and committed faithfully to a holy and monogamous marriage relationship. I don’t think it would necessarily be different for someone with a bisexual orientation. If your girlfriend were more attracted to women than men it could be a strong thing to consider for you both.

Marriage takes commitment and trust. If your girlfriend is committed to put her past sexual history behind her and remain chaste and faithful, then perhaps it could work. My husband knew about my attraction to women. It was never anything that I hid from him. However If you are thinking about getting married and mentioning that you are half expecting your girlfriend to cheat on you and deny your marriage vows, then I would see that as red flashing warning signs and I would strongly encourage caution and counseling before engaging in the sacrament.
Thanks for the insights Kaws.

No, I do not expect her to cheat. I am just being a realist and doing a “what if” scenario on what very well could happen. It’s a little different going into a marriage new with no history of any infidelity by both parties verses going in where one has an admitted to issue.

It turns out that she is very much in tune with the sacramental aspects of marriage. In fact in one difficult high-chemistry moment where she was the one who had to be strong in our relationship she told me: ‘No - let’s stop here. I want to cry on our wedding night when we can finally consumate a true sacramental marriage’. But I too take the wedding as a true sacrament and will not marry anyone that I don’t think is going to help us each get to heaven.

If she ever relapsed to be with a woman I know it would devastate her. She has said countless rosaries and done hours and hours of adoration for 8 years to get to where she is now. That’s a lot of “spiritual equity” to be tossing away nonchalantly on a transient whim - no matter how compelling the temptation. She would not be of heart or mind to want to give up the relationship with The Lord that she has worked on so proactively, faithfully and diligently all these years. I know her commitment but I also am a realist about the strength of concupescence when placed in a compromised situation (e.g. away on a business trip where she might be lonely and meet somone etc.).

I am only saying that because I know she is authentic in her spirituality. It would have to be a total lapse of judgement or extraordinary temptation for her to cave in and relapse. I would say because of her strong commitment to Christian virtues that its a very low probability event - probably less so than a normal hetero temptation. But since I know she would be very hard on herself and would come roaring back with penance if she did relapse, and would tell me immediately and not try to hide it, I have no real fear about her commitment.

All I am saying here is that because I have the advantage of knowing her true history (I suspect many women would not disclose this information). Since I would not be completely blindsided should anything happen I would not be devastated nor make me feel like our relationship was at grave risk. Disappointing? Most definately yes - but perhaps more so because I empathize with her own hard won struggles than I fear a threat to her damaging our relationship. I would feel sad for her.

But there is just no way I would file for a divorce or an anullment over something that I know she has some history with and some remaining vulnerability to. Personally I am convinced she would not ever go back to that lifestyle unless she got into some weird emotional or insecure state of mind. Since I know her true struggle and her convictions I’d be more than willing to stick by her and work through it all with her rather than getting all insecure and having a typical knee jerk reaction and file for divorce etc.

Since I have the advantage of knowing at least one important area of vulnerability but also know that she is now very committed to a sacramental marriage I would see any transient incident as more of a relapse to an addiction (like drinking) than I would see it as a conscious relational betrayal. That is “world apart” from conscious betrayal of love and affection and much easier to forgive - for us both. I say “us both” because she is so hard on herself and holds herself to such high standards she would have a very hard time forgiving herself. Frankly, I’d be more afraid of her getting deeply depressed and stressed over failing “us” and that stress harming our relationship than in her wanting to leave our relationship to persue a long term relationship with an attractive woman. That latter thing is not in her history and I am sure it would not happen anyway.

James
 
I suppose a little bit of “what if” consideration is probably normal especially if one or both have admitted to past issues. You are trying to be realistic. I have no reason to doubt your girlfriend’s commitment to God, your mutual commitment to each other, or reason to believe that either of you would disregard the sacramental nature of marriage. It sounds like she is definitely trying to take her life in a better direction.

On one level I can appreciate your greater tolerance and forgiveness of potential lapses given her history and known struggles. Forgiveness is indeed important in marriages. Probably too many couples do jump to divorce if one or both fall into the temptation of adultery. On the other hand it would be much more than mere disappointment – I would be absolutely devastated if I found out that my husband had been unfaithful, even if it was a one-time mistake rather than a long term affair with another person. I might not jump to divorce immediately, but it would take a long long time and a lot of work to rebuild the trust in our relationship, if it would be possible at all. I know my husband would feel devastated if I cheated on him with anyone else also. Would he jump to divorce? I don’t know. Before we had kids quite possibly yes, but now that we do he might be more inclined to try to work it out…

Anyways I have faith and trust in my husband. I know that he will never do that to me or our relationship, and he has complete trust in me, so it is really a moot point (at least I think, hope and pray).

Yes, temptation can be strong, and I’m sure she would indeed feel remorse if she did fall into temptation. It concerns me a little when you are talking about adultery before you are even married, but I understand where you are coming from. I would most certainly pray for God’s guidance and bring up these issues in pre-marital counseling from your priest if you do decide to get married.
 
Grace & Peace!
What goes on in prisons [and in an earlier era, long sailing voyages] demonstrates that many if not most hetrosexual men are capable of performing homosexual acts.

So if you keep dwelling on this, I do think you could essentially talk yourself into an attraction that you don’t currently feel.
Sam, I don’t think this is quite the case. Situational homosexuality such as that which occurs in prison or in the military has very little to do with sexual orientation and much more to do with sexual frustration resulting in homosexual acting out. It is, in other words, purely practical. As Jean Genet might say, in the absence of women, men will create in themselves and in each other the feminine sexual object they desire.

This is not to say that sexual desire and/or behavior isn’t fluid in some very fascinating ways. But by and large, sexual orientation is not a choice, nor is it the result of high anxiety. It is possible for a homosexual man to have sex with a woman and to enjoy doing so. This does not make him heterosexual. It makes him an opportunist, self-destructive, loose, hedonistic or curious (among the many options). The same for a heterosexual man who has sex with another man–it simply does not make him homosexual.

Moreover, a heterosexual man capable of appreciating male beauty does not make that man homosexual. It makes him observant. Same with a homosexual man appreciating the beauty of a woman. To appreciate that beauty with reference to sexual desire is another thing–but even such appreciation with such a reference does not indicate sexual orientation.

In short, I do not ultimately believe that one can think or obsess oneself into one’s sexual orientation. We can think ourselves into situations in which we can allow ourselves to compromise ourselves, but that compromise is not a revelation of self, but a compromise or betrayal of self. Moreover, wondering if you’re attracted to the same gender is miles away from knowing that you are so attracted. Heterosexuals do not wonder if they’re attracted to the opposite sex. They know they are. Case closed. Same with homosexuals with regard to the same sex.

Just my 2 cents, at any rate.

Under the Mercy,
Mark

All is grace and mercy–Deo Gratias!
 
how do you know if you are attracted to members of the same sex? in march i had a panic attack about questioning if i was 100% heterosexual. from what i can remember, before that i never has any problems or worries about before other than the usual insecurities people have. could i have had the panic attack because it was something that i really was worried about? now whenever i see another guy, even on tv, i think to myself “am i attracted to this person”. I’ve always been attracted to women but recently i have been having this problem with myself that how can i be sure of anything. things that i used to feel so one sided about i now see the other side of it. you could say this is a good thing but it’s causing me to question everything that i believe. the thing is i don’t want to have these doubts. an example is that i am a conservative but i see the liberal view and my mind tries to justify it somehow. i feel like a loss of identity. i do suffer from depression and anxiety and they say that being unsure and uncertain about things causes depresson. so how can i really be sure of anything. I have doubts about the Lord but i continue to pray but i’m worried about other things like the sexuality thing. i feel like i’m in a limbo completely unsure about myself. it’s much more the anxiety of not knowing if i am attracted to other guys than the anxiety about commiting homosexual acts. in fact at the moment i’m not worried about that because i plan on waiting till i’m married to have sex anyway. even now when i see a straght couple i get a wierd anxiety. possible because i am not sure myself.
Dear Dave,
Relax.
Do not panic.
This is all quite normal.
Gender is not black and white, it is just shades of grey.
Sometimes the shades are extremely dark, or pale, sometimes they are more diffuse.
Do not be ashamed of your feminine side.
Knowing your feminine side, and accepting it does not make you ‘queer’, it makes you normal.
What is abnormal is getting into a panic over the fact that your feminine side exists.
In your journey from infanthood to manhood, you passed through many stages of development, and one of those stages was feminine. That was quite normal, as you were contained inside a female body, and drenched in female hormones.
You even developed rudimentary breasts.
You still carry their marks, the nipples.
Do you imagine that your brain does not carry a rudimentary femininity, from the same cause.
It is normal.
It is part of being a human.
It is part of being a member of the larger family of mammals.
This is how G_d has made us.
This is not a source of shame.
 
Stewardship demands that we provide a viable environment for ourselves and our children, and this will take a miracle, please God. Pray and work, as St. Benedict counseled. The pandemic of so-called psychological disorders may be attributed to the plethora of physiological assaults, including drinking water polluted with drug and hormone residue. One legacy of the Birth Control pill is the micro-castration of males via such cross-contamination. Soy products create phyto-estrogens, plant estrogens, and contaminate us from products like printer’s ink even if we avoid foodstuffs containing soy. Soy, like all legumes, also blocks iodine to the thyroid, implicated in depression. Testosterone levels today are, on average, half of that of our grandfathers. God help us.

Another estrogen contaminant is from within, Candida, or yeast, that proliferates in the gut from eating sugar, and especially after any antibiotic use in one’s lifetime. This gut yeast (that can weigh almost two pounds) creates estrogen, as well as a powerful toxin, acetaldehyde, that is neutralized only with the metabolized form of B-5, Pantethine. Kill off the Candida with Caprylic Acid, cheap at any health food store. Male aggression has been linked, not to high testosterone, but to low testosterone. Eat only meat that has not been fed hormones. Milk contains Bovine Growth Hormones, even more concentrated in cheese.

As a fisherman, I was shocked to see that every body of water in this conservation-oriented state, riven with countless streams cutting across wild Ozark hills that defy commercial development, are contaminated with mercury. Vaccines are injected into infants containing mercury, and now there is a legal mandate for “green” mercury lighting. Mercury made the Mad Hatter of Alice in Wonderland insane as it was used to process fur into felt hats. Mercury may be chelated from the system with R-Lipoic Acid, and it also helps to heal “Leaky Gut Syndrome” caused by gut yeast eating holes in the GI tract in the saporific or rootlet stage. And it is the GI tract that mediates mid-brain hormones and gonadal hormones like testosterone.

Panic attacks can be a result of adrenal hypervigilance/adrenal exhaustion/adrenal collapse. Fight-or-flight, triggered by too much thinking, combined with physical stressors like caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and loud noises/music, can exhaust the adrenals. Men tolerate simple DHEA very well. Take 10-25mg and if a panic attack subsides, you have self-diagnosed adrenal collapse. Women should take the KETO-7 form of DHEA that will not be changed into testosterone, but can use 5-10mg DHEA as needed. Lay off the sugar–that feeds Candida anyway–and fried foods. Eat trace minerals from plants like kelp and sea salt. Good fats and oils feed the adrenals, so no fried foods that are like feeding a starving dog a rubber bone. Have an organic ribeye steak every week or so.

Here’s one possible model. Mercury poison is aggravating an Autism Spectrum Disorder/ASD-type response, or maybe ADD syndrome. One feels a little removed from one’s being as the neurons are slow to fire. Testosterone levels are low, so women aren’t too interesting. Male same-sex attraction is forbidden love, so the adrenaline response–anxiety attack–gives one a feeling of truly being alive as the adrenaline compensates for other system failures. Adrenaline is the reward for the looping obsessing on this matter.

Men are also more prone to obsessive thoughts as having fewer connections between the hemispheres of the brain, good for leadership, bad for trash thinking that keeps recycling. High blood ammonia levels can also exacerbate obsessive thinking. This comes from poorly digested proteins and being dehydrated. Soy is horribly hard to digest, btw. Neutralize blood ammonia with low levels of B-6, 50mg daily. Very high levels of B-6 can cause nerve damage so don’t do megadoses. And stay hydrated with carbon filtered water like the PUR or other device. Get a tank filter and hook it to the cold water line, its cheaper.

The recent PBS special on brain health featured Dr. Amen amenclinics.com and they provide some cheap and not-so-cheap testing that is done on-line. I would also commend an out-of-print book that tests clinical presentation of symptoms with little quizzes, The Self-Test Nutrition Guide by Dr. Cass Igram, not “Ingram.” Six bucks. The Foundation of Human Understanding has a free meditation download to stop the obsessive thinking (one element of brain dysfunction identified by Dr. Amen’s tests) that aggravates finding inner peace. Remove the physical problems, stop the trash thinking, and just observe your new being. Pray and work for an environment that nurtures humans instead of poisoning them. The website curezone.com also has some nice health forums for self-help.
 
Grace & Peace!

Sam, I don’t think this is quite the case. Situational homosexuality such as that which occurs in prison or in the military has very little to do with sexual orientation and much more to do with sexual frustration resulting in homosexual acting out. It is, in other words, purely practical. As Jean Genet might say, in the absence of women, men will create in themselves and in each other the feminine sexual object they desire.

This is not to say that sexual desire and/or behavior isn’t fluid in some very fascinating ways. But by and large, sexual orientation is not a choice, nor is it the result of high anxiety. It is possible for a homosexual man to have sex with a woman and to enjoy doing so. This does not make him heterosexual. It makes him an opportunist, self-destructive, loose, hedonistic or curious (among the many options). The same for a heterosexual man who has sex with another man–it simply does not make him homosexual.

Moreover, a heterosexual man capable of appreciating male beauty does not make that man homosexual. It makes him observant. Same with a homosexual man appreciating the beauty of a woman. To appreciate that beauty with reference to sexual desire is another thing–but even such appreciation with such a reference does not indicate sexual orientation.

In short, I do not ultimately believe that one can think or obsess oneself into one’s sexual orientation. We can think ourselves into situations in which we can allow ourselves to compromise ourselves, but that compromise is not a revelation of self, but a compromise or betrayal of self. Moreover, wondering if you’re attracted to the same gender is miles away from knowing that you are so attracted. Heterosexuals do not wonder if they’re attracted to the opposite sex. They know they are. Case closed. Same with homosexuals with regard to the same sex.

Just my 2 cents, at any rate.

Under the Mercy,
Mark

All is grace and mercy–Deo Gratias!
I agree with most of what you’ve written here, Mark, but I’m not so sure gender identiy is quite as black and white, cut and dried as your last sentence seems to indicate, especially during the formative years [our OP seems to be just 18-- young enough to still have some questions. I have a lesbian friend who claims she didn’t realize her orientation was outside hetro norms until she was 25, with three kids].

A great many boys have same sex crushes at an early age, and many engage in some level of sex play with other males before ‘moving on’ to girls. Some never move on at all…

Our OP is asking himself constantly whether he might be attracted to other men. It doesn’t seem to be a matter of acknowledging the glory God has given the human form, but something deeper. He wouldn’t be the first straight guy to take a walk on the gay side, and he wouldn’t be the last.

So I think he would be wise to free himself of this obsession if at all possible, and in an earlier post I made a suggestion as to one approach he might take.

As to where sexual orientation comes from or whether it can be changed, who knows, really? Even asking the question seems to be a violation of the social norms these days. I’m not sure it’s even the subject of scientific research in these politically correct times, other than as a data point in the identical twins raised apart surveys.
 
Males Becoming Feminized by Pollution
Evolution is being distorted by pollution, which damages genitals and the ability to father offspring, says new study. Geoffrey Lean reports

Sunday, 7 December 2008
The male gender is in danger, with incalculable consequences for both humans and wildlife, startling scientific research from around the world reveals.
The research – to be detailed tomorrow in the most comprehensive report yet published – shows that a host of common chemicals is feminising males of every class of vertebrate animals, from fish to mammals, including people.
Backed by some of the world’s leading scientists, who say that it “waves a red flag” for humanity and shows that evolution itself is being disrupted, the report comes out at a particularly sensitive time for ministers. On Wednesday, Britain will lead opposition to proposed new European controls on pesticides, many of which have been found to have “gender-bending” effects.
It also follows hard on the heels of new American research which shows that baby boys born to women exposed to widespread chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminised genitals.
“This research shows that the basic male tool kit is under threat,” says Gwynne Lyons, a former government adviser on the health effects of chemicals, who wrote the report.
Wildlife and people have been exposed to more than 100,000 new chemicals in recent years, and the European Commission has admitted that 99 per cent of them are not adequately regulated. There is not even proper safety information on 85 per cent of them.
Many have been identified as “endocrine disrupters” – or gender-benders – because they interfere with hormones. These include phthalates, used in food wrapping, cosmetics and baby powders among other applications; flame retardants in furniture and electrical goods; PCBs, a now banned group of substances still widespread in food and the environment; and many pesticides.
The report – published by the charity CHEMTrust and drawing on more than 250 scientific studies from around the world – concentrates mainly on wildlife, identifying effects in species ranging from the polar bears of the Arctic to the eland of the South African plains, and from whales in the depths of the oceans to high-flying falcons and eagles.
It concludes: "Males of species from each of the main classes of vertebrate animals (including bony fish, amphibians, reptiles, birds and mammals) have been affected by chemicals in the environment.
“Feminization of the males of numerous vertebrate species is now a widespread occurrence. All vertebrates have similar sex hormone receptors, which have been conserved in evolution. Therefore, observations in one species may serve to highlight pollution issues of concern for other vertebrates, including humans.”
Fish, it says, are particularly affected by pollutants as they are immersed in them when they swim in contaminated water, taking them in not just in their food but through their gills and skin. They were among the first to show widespread gender-bending effects.
Half the male fish in British lowland rivers have been found to be developing eggs in their testes; in some stretches all male roaches have been found to be changing sex in this way. Female hormones – largely from the contraceptive pills which pass unaltered through sewage treatment – are partly responsible, while more than three-quarters of sewage works have been found also to be discharging demasculinising man-made chemicals. Feminising effects have now been discovered in a host of freshwater fish species as far away as Japan and Benin, in Africa, and in sea fish in the North Sea, the Mediterranean, Osaka Bay in Japan and Puget Sound on the US west coast.
Research at the University of Florida earlier this year found that 40 per cent of the male cane toads – a species so indestructible that it has become a plague in Australia – had become hermaphrodites in a heavily farmed part of the state, with another 20 per cent undergoing lesser feminization. A similar link between farming and sex changes in northern leopard frogs has been revealed by Canadian research, adding to suspicions that pesticides may be to blame.

Dr Pete Myers, chief scientist at Environmental Health Sciences, one of the world’s foremost authorities on gender-bender chemicals, added: "We have thrown 100, 000 chemicals against a finely balanced hormone system, so it’s not surprising that we are seeing some serious results. It is leading to the most rapid pace of evolution in the history of the world.
Professor Lou Gillette of Florida University, one of the most respected academics in the field, warned that the report waved “a large red flag” at humanity. He said: “If we are seeing problems in wildlife, we can be concerned that something similar is happening to a proportion of human males”

Source: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/its-official-men-really-are-the-weaker-sex-1055688.html
Here’s the info.
 
I know that some secular studies say that it is perfectly normal for a heterosexual person to have same sex fantasies and such. But I question just now “normal” that is since homosexual attraction is objectively disordered according to the Catechism.

Catechism of the Catholic Church said:
**2358 **The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
 
Don’t worry about it, seriously. Most people are at least a slight bit bisexual if they are honest with themselves.

As a teen, I was obsessed with completely knowing my sexual orientation. I experienced attractions towards both sexes and was quite confused for awhile.

Now, I just acknowledge myself to be “predominately heterosexual”. I have a little bit of SSA every now and then, but I know it isn’t healthy (in my case, there are a few women who I would mess around with sexually but I could never see myself in a committed relationship with one and am much more attracted to men overall) and I just ignore it/divert my attention to something else. It’s the same way with heterosexually impure thoughts.

No one has to have a set and defined sexual orientation. There is so much more to who we are than the gender of people in which we find attractive. Just remember that God doesn’t want us thinking impure thoughts in general. And maybe, pick up a hobby or passion (if you don’t already have one) to place your attention elsewhere. For instance, I go run, bike, or lift weights and think about my fitness business if I notice my mind going into sexual overdrive. You can also just picture the virgin Mary or Jesus with his sacred heart every time a thought like that enters your mind 🙂
 
I have a generalized anxiety disorder and so I am wll aware of how you can work yourself up with many situations. People with anxiety will tend to dwell on a certain issue for a while until something comes along to take its place. Right now you are putting your emphasis on your sexual orientation. This is not uncommon and the more that you dwell on trying to realize whether or not you are attracted to the same sex, the more you might think that you are. It’s a vicious cycle and it will take some time to break. Our sexuality is very fluid and many of us will have thoughts outside of our “normal” orientation at times. It’s just that now what would normally be a fleeting thought is magnified and dwelled upon.

So, for now let those thoughts go. I know that it is easier said than done. When you try to ask yourself whether or not you are 100% heterosexual you tend to panic because like everyone in this world no one is 100% anything. So you are stuck on what most people would just let go of. Realize that your main orientation is towards women and when you get these thoughts or even these slight attractions just know that they will come and go and move on. Reward those times with a smile when you are attracted to women and remind yourself of those times when you think that you are leaning the other way.

So just relax and let go and let God. I believe that you are just fine and if you are not seeking help with your anxiety, you really should. It made a big difference for me.

God bless you…teachccd
Howdy teachccd. I’ve disagreed with you on many occassions in the past, but I wanted to take this opportunity to say that regarding this particular post, I totally agree with you!
 
I know that some secular studies say that it is perfectly normal for a heterosexual person to have same sex fantasies and such. But I question just now “normal” that is since homosexual attraction is objectively disordered according to the Catechism.
There’s no conflict: Science is speaking statistically-- that is, a large enough number of people have some same sex attractions [even if many remain only in the realm of fantasy] that it can’t be considered unusual, and therefore abnormal.

Science by its very nature can’t address moral issues, though people [including scientists] often forget this.

You really have to read news reports on ‘scientific’ findings carefully, and ask yourself whether the study was well constructed, and whether the news man reporting on it did justice to the findings, or has skewed them [possibly with out meaning to do so] according to some personal adgenda.
 
I know that some secular studies say that it is perfectly normal for a heterosexual person to have same sex fantasies and such. But I question just now “normal” that is since homosexual attraction is objectively disordered according to the Catechism.
It is quite normal for a person to be objectively disordered in make-up.
This is just another way of perceiving ‘original sin’.
The universe was designed to be, in the short term, imperfect.
That is just another way of saying that the universe will not be completed until the end of time.

Like the universe is imperfect, we are all also imperfect.
This is not by error, but by intent, for without imperfection, development could only be detrimental.
Development thus, from the intended short-term imperfection, can approach perfection, just as the universe approaches perfection, and the end of time.
 
The way I view it (and I am no scientific or moral authority so this is just my own two cents ;))…

If a person is born with a genetic condition which leads to hemophilia, sickle cell anemia, a higher likelihood of susceptibility to cancer etc. it is not the fault of the person for their genetics. In a similar fashion I don’t think a homosexual person is “disordered” in any way because of their genetic predisposition and they should be respected and treated with dignity as human beings. However, I don’t think homosexual attraction is a “disease” that can be “cured”, or that treating people struggling with a homosexual orientation as if they have a disease is at all charitable. The position of the Church is that homosexual actions are disordered because they cannot be procreative as well as unitive. People have the ability to control their actions but not necessarily their nature.

Similarly if a person is exposed to carcinogens and becomes ill it is not the fault of the person who becomes sick. If environmental pollution leads to hormone imbalances which impact human sexuality does that add to our moral imperative to protect the environment? I would be inclined to think it would.
 
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