Same-sex fantasy

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anonymous1995

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This has been a problem for years. My same-sex fantasy usually occurs before sleep and soon I wake up. It also pops up in my mind before I pray. The content is usually lustful, but somehow whenever I try to ‘suppress’ by praying or reminding myself of not committing a mortal sin, it gets dirtier and more severe. Sometimes it pops up in my mind frequently when I don’t have enough sleep. It may appear in other daily activities as well. Sometimes the thought would instead be other things bad, such as rape and other sinful deeds.

This has always been my major issue for my Confessions. Somehow I don’t know where these thoughts come from. I know the definition of mortal sin and theology well, but it sucks up much of my brain power to figure out whether this particular thought is out of conscious consent. Very often when this idea flashes across my brain, I quickly tell myself that it is wrong. Then I start a soul-searching on why it appears. Then another comes again.

I have regular biweekly Confession in two parishes, depending on when I have time to drop by. Sometimes it is in my home parish on Sunday, sometimes it’s in a chapel nearby my workplace (which offers Confession during lunch time). Frequent Confession does help reduce the frequency of such thoughts. Still, I am very weak in prayer life. I do read the Bible every day on my App, but the meditation is not deep enough. Satan always distracts me from prayer by some procrastination, tiredness and sleeping late at night.

This struggle sometimes hinders me from receiving the Eucharist. I don’t dare to receive the Sacrament unless I have a Confession right before Mass begins. But sometimes bad thoughts creep in during Mass in addition to daydreaming. In this case I choose to abstain from the Blessed Sacrament - except for once when I was not sure if I had mortal sin but still I went out to receive Jesus. Things in the following week seem better.

I always have low self-esteem despite the various graces I already had. I have submitted threads on the issue of poor confidence before. Looking back at my last thread on the topic two years ago, I feel the power of God on me. The Holy Spirit gives me the wisdom to appreciate my merits, teaching me the proper glory and beauty of true humanity. I am fond of academic pursuit, and God gives me great joy in the search for knowledge (especially knowledge on Latin, Theology and Philosophy). However, the constant reminder of ‘Divine Hope’ alone does not suffice - I do need even more reinforcement through fervent prayers and an intimate love for God.

I read a thread written some time ago on how to learn to love God. This is also what I am learning as well. Now I try to solve my problem by seeking True Love in God instead of examining didactically which particular intention is sinful and which isn’t. I do love God or else I won’t find so much happiness and satisfaction in learning about Catholic Faith, but now I want to proceed and progress to a more advanced stage, stepping from cognition to spirituality.

I welcome any advice on this 7-year-long problem.
 
Obviously it is difficult for us, as strangers, to give you any hard and fast ‘answers’ to help resolve your problem, however much we can sympathise with and pray for you.

Two thoughts which may (or may not!) prove helpful.
  1. It is very commendable that you attend the Sacrament of Reconciliation so frequently. The Church approves the practice, and many have found it a strong support to their spiritual life.
    Perhaps if you find a priest who gives particularly effective counsel in the confessional, you might ask him to become your spiritual director? They will know you better than we do, and might be able to make helpful suggestions to lead you further in your vocation to sainthood.
  2. It see that your interest and involvement is largely intellectual. It may be that this is entirely how your strengths lie, however it may also be that your Christian life is unbalanced toward the intellectual.
    Some people find security in activity. You might take up running or team sports, or take up some other practical activity like carpentry or growing some plants. This might help to take you out of your head a little, by giving you some external structure, and perhaps in time a source of greater self-esteem.
As I said, that may be useful advice for you, it may not! Either way, you can be sure that we wish you the best in this.
 
I would do two things in addition to what you’re already doing, just to ensure you aren’t missing the Eucharist when you don’t have to.
  1. Arrange a private appointment with your confessor to determine whether the thoughts are mortally sinful or not. If not, then you avoid unnecessarily abstaining from the Eucharist.
  2. Pray the rosary daily, ideally early in the day, or in instalments throughout the day so that you don’t get caught “too tired” at night. Here is my favourite site for guidance. It helps me avoid distraction:
rosary-center.org/howto.htm#loaded
 
Hey there precious and important child of god! God loves you!

Ok so I’m short: thoughts lead to fantasies and fantaseis lead to acts.

Also if your being tempted you bong to Jesus.

Lastly, don’t fight the thoughts off, just pray for the person you are being tempteed with, in particular that they led to God. Accept that you are a sinner and weak and know that to become strong in god simply means to surrender to him.

That means to glorify him when thigs are bad and your are being tested and when things are good! Just praise him!

Lastly this is a very common attack of Satan. Likely you are trying tons grow in your faith for example to pray more and thus are meeting resistance. Satan does not want this because then as a seasoned soldier in Christ you will be tearing down strongholds of his with your fasts, prayers, spiritual reading and study of the bible, communions, confessions, and love offerings.

That being said use the sign of he cross and place bottles of holy water in the home. It will help.

Bk
 
There’s an incredible amount of material in your post.

Have you talked, face-to-face, with a Confessor about this, at some length? I mean, you’re basically asking for spiritual direction here; and I think it’s much more useful to do such a thing in person, especially with a knowledgeable and orthodox priest.
 
InNomineDomini said:
There’s an incredible amount of material in your post.

Have you talked, face-to-face, with a Confessor about this, at some length? I mean, you’re basically asking for spiritual direction here; and I think it’s much more useful to do such a thing in person, especially with a knowledgeable and orthodox priest.
Click to expand...
I have not talked to a priest on my problem 'cos I don’t know one…
 
anonymous1995 said:
I have not talked to a priest on my problem 'cos I don’t know one…
Click to expand...
You don’t have to know a priest *personally *to set up an appointment with him. In fact, this can be a great way to get to know one better. 🙂
 
It could also be obsessive compulsive disorder. The thoughts are called obsessions.

Talk to any physician about OCD and they can look up the treatment. Medications and therapy can help.
 
anonymous1995 said:
This has been a problem for years. My same-sex fantasy usually occurs before sleep and soon I wake up. It also pops up in my mind before I pray. The content is usually lustful, but somehow whenever I try to ‘suppress’ by praying or reminding myself of not committing a mortal sin, it gets dirtier and more severe…
Click to expand...
You may have intrusive or obsessive thoughts. If so there is hope. I have a tendency for these myself and have had much improvement in the last few years. Prayer is of course great, but when the thought occurs prayer may not be the best action. Consider this, if you were an alcoholic and found yourself in a bar praying not to drink might be good, but walking out of it is better.

First I suggest making sure you understand that intrusive thoughts are not something you cause. Thoughts just come into your mind. This includes both good and bad thoughts. You then have the ability to make a mental act. You can indulge the thoughts. You can try to suppress the thoughts. You can try to dismiss the thoughts.

Of course you don’t want to indulge the thoughts. In my experience suppressing intrusive thoughts is not helpful at all. For me it tends to make them worse. What I find most helpful is dismissing the thoughts. It might be hard to understand but it is really a kind of mental dialogue wherein you realize the thought is uninvited and unwanted and you send it on its way. The key is you address the thought. You don’t try to run or hide from it. If you think it may be intrusive or obsessive thoughts then you may wish to seek counseling as they will have techniques to help you overcome them.
 
Excellent advice.

Basically you need insight that the thoughts are not real and you don not need to pay heed to them.

Medication can also reduce the intensity or immediacy some as well as reduce the associated anxiety that results from the intrusion.
 
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