Sand which generation

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Any advice on how to take care of elders and children at the same time?
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
Any advice on how to take care of elders and children at the same time?
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If the family relationships are stable and there is space, having multiple generations under one roof can be good - but I would say there’s a reason there are spaces called “mother in law apartments,” for instance. If an elder parent is still reasonably functional or can even help with some aspects of childcare, that can really ease financial strain on both households to share some expenses. But again, I think you need really strong, functional relationships for this to work well. If there’s toxicity then no way.

Sharing responsibilities with siblings or hiring help when able - either for nursing, or for other household functions, can be a help too.

I would definitely say to not try to shoulder all the responsibility yourself, because that’s the fast track to burnout. Even when one child is the primary caregiver for an aging parent, there are things like respite care for a reason.
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
Any advice on how to take care of elders and children at the same time?
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With a great amount of prayer. :gopray:

Seriously, you cannot do that alone. It is too much, and yet sometimes it may seem that you are the only one who is able to do it. You aren’t. You have help. If you cannot find earthly help, look towards heaven for help. Even if you can find earthly help, turn towards heaven for help.

The time when my parents were very ill and I was caring for a newborn plus other children, (with no other family nearby), my faith grew enormously. That was a time of spiritual weightlifting, and the more I did, the more I was able to do. What you are undertaking is not something for someone who is spiritually flabby and out-of-shape. You are probably already in somewhat good spiritual shape already, but prepare yourself for more. It will come. It will be difficult. Think of a body-builder, lifting a heavy load. That’s you. The load is heavy. You are strong. The heavier the load you lift, the stronger you get. You might find that sometimes the load is just too heavy. That’s okay. It will be. Do what you can. Let God do what you can’t. He’ll send help. Rely on Him. You are strong, but you are not strong enough to do this alone. Pray. Pray always. Let everything you do for your elderly family and your young children and your spouse be a prayer.

Oh, and don’t forget to take care of your spouse while you are doing all the rest of this. :juggle:
 
Yes, prayer is good.

We have two young girls. We also have two parents (my inlaws) and MIL has dimensia. FIL has been taking care of her and until recently, denied she has dimensia. Now he is burnt out on caregiving. MIL is very verbally abusive and no one in the family believes FIIL cAn take anymore. Problem is, with all the cover up on the illness, we have spent all of our savings supporting them until now. BIL & SIL don’t have much to help either. So, after price checking everything it will cost $8,000 / month for MIL and $2,000/mo FIL. We don’t have that kind of life style :eeck: MIL is digressed so bad that she is getting kicked out of a rehabilitation center.

Since we can’t afford a care facility/ in home care… I may be stuck with her in our home … with two small girls … I don’t want her rantings scaring them … I want them to remember her in a good way … it’s overwhelming and I confess, I’m praying for her to have a happy holy death … but I feel so guilty … and I feel so lost. I don’t even know how to pray here.
 
Thank you God; I think?!?! agingcare.com/articles/bad-behavior-by-elderly-parents-138673.htm

Finally information of what we are going through. Don’t see solutions, but it’s good to see this is common of the disease. Scary that it gets worse; much worse! I know death is supposed to be ugly and all … that we are to be reminded of the limit of life … but this disease is crazy. I also suck at explaining it to the kids.
 
Sometimes you have to admit your limits and remember you can’t give what you don’t have. Don’t be afraid to seek outside help if that’s what’s needed for your family. Make time every day for prayer even if you feel too awful to pray coherently.
 
If she is verbally abusive, I would do anything possible to avoid having her in your home full time. That is not healthy for you or your children. I hope another solution is possible.
 
AClaire11 said:
If she is verbally abusive, I would do anything possible to avoid having her in your home full time. That is not healthy for you or your children. I hope another solution is possible.
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Yes this^ also if they have zero assets (I assume this because you support them)–you can look into the program that pays for nursing home care and sonetimes in home care or the elderly. This is if u are in the USA. It’s either Medicare or medicaid, i forget which one.

If you are not in the USA I would still inquire with the aging health office to see what funds are available for this.

Dealing with abusive elderly parents is not healthy for your children.
 
mommy_k said:
Yes this^ also if they have zero assets (I assume this because you support them)–you can look into the program that pays for nursing home care and sonetimes in home care or the elderly. This is if u are in the USA. It’s either Medicare or medicaid, i forget which one.

If you are not in the USA I would still inquire with the aging health office to see what funds are available for this.

Dealing with abusive elderly parents is not healthy for your children.
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I believe Medicaid. My grandmother ran out of assets and that paid for her nursing home.
 
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