Satan finally found a way to beat me and it breaks my heart

[TheGlassBetween]

I am not a catholic yet but in my desire for absolute truth I recently felt called to join the catholic church. My wife is catholic but that had no bearing on my feeling to join the church and I had no intention of ever joining it until I felt called to at a random moment one day. I have been going to mass and trying to study the catechism and all the other things new to me that I never heard while part of the protestant faith. I felt so much joy and confidence in Christ lately that I never felt before, and I felt like I finally found what I was always looking for. I’d been so depressed about my continual sinning but when I found the catholic church I felt an inner strength that helped me start to overcome the sin in my life. Then I learned started learning more about what I would have to do to become a confirmed catholic and I was ready to do all of it as soon as possible. I learned more about confession and my heart sank, I didn’t think I could ever expose my darkest sins like that but I was willing to do it for God even if it was hard. After overcoming my fear of confessing my sins a thought popped in my head about having to confess sins to my wife. In the past I was addicted to pornography while married and now it seems I would be required to tell my wife all about it. I can’t do that. Even if I overcame that sin in my life the fallout from revealing it to my wife would create waves of devastation that would never be overcome. I can’t believe I never thought of that before until now but that is the end of the line for me. I was in a car driving, faithful, full of joy, no more worries, then I crashed into a wall. It feels like a dream I wish I could wake up from but it’s real and my heart is broken. I was so confident and Satan found a way to get to me that I can’t overcome. I have no more excuses after what I’ve learned from catholic teaching, no more ignorance of Mortal sins. I have condemned myself and can’t go back to innocent mindset of my protestant faith. No matter what choices I make the result will be terrible. After fighting so hard I feel completely lost.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I am not a catholic yet but in my desire for absolute truth I recently felt called to join the catholic church. My wife is catholic but that had no bearing on my feeling to join the church and I had no intention of ever joining it until I felt called to at a random moment one day. I have been going to mass and trying to study the catechism and all the other things new to me that I never heard while part of the protestant faith. I felt so much joy and confidence in Christ lately that I never felt before, and I felt like I finally found what I was always looking for. I’d been so depressed about my continual sinning but when I found the catholic church I felt an inner strength that helped me start to overcome the sin in my life. Then I learned started learning more about what I would have to do to become a confirmed catholic and I was ready to do all of it as soon as possible. I learned more about confession and my heart sank, I didn’t think I could ever expose my darkest sins like that but I was willing to do it for God even if it was hard. After overcoming my fear of confessing my sins a thought popped in my head about having to confess sins to my wife. In the past I was addicted to pornography while married and now it seems I would be required to tell my wife all about it. I can’t do that. Even if I overcame that sin in my life the fallout from revealing it to my wife would create waves of devastation that would never be overcome. I can’t believe I never thought of that before until now but that is the end of the line for me. I was in a car driving, faithful, full of joy, no more worries, then I crashed into a wall. It feels like a dream I wish I could wake up from but it’s real and my heart is broken. I was so confident and Satan found a way to get to me that I can’t overcome. I have no more excuses after what I’ve learned from catholic teaching, no more ignorance of Mortal sins. I have condemned myself and can’t go back to innocent mindset of my protestant faith. No matter what choices I make the result will be terrible. After fighting so hard I feel completely lost.

Who told you that confession would involve confessing to your wife? It doesn’t. You confess to the priest only.

 

[TheGlassBetween]

I started reading other forum posts and they consider looking at porn to be adultery and not telling her means your continually holding secrets from her and living a lie. If I go to my first confession and confess all my sins will that be enough or will God not be happy until I’ve also enlightened my wife to my sins? Will God look at me as though I have wronged my wife by lusting after others and then not telling her?

 

[Crusaderbear]

Once God has forgiven you through confession, it is gone! Just don’t do it again!

 

[St_Francis]

I started reading other forum posts and they consider looking at porn to be adultery and not telling her means your continually holding secrets from her and living a lie. If I go to my first confession and confess all my sins will that be enough or will God not be happy until I’ve also enlightened my wife to my sins? Will God look at me as though I have wronged my wife by lusting after others and then not telling her?

No, the way to make reparation for any sins against your wife is to become a better and better husband. The Catholic recommendation is generally *not *to tell the spouse unless it is necessary (like the need for treatment for an STD). Often, telling the spouse is seen as a way of ridding oneself of the burden of guilt, but all it means is laying the burden which should be one’s self on the spouse.

So basically, no, you do not need to tell your wife.

Welcome to the Faith

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m presuming you were just looking at porn pictures or videos, and not actually having sex with a physical person other than your wife, so there is no practical, health-related reason to tell her - in other words, no chance that you could have brought home a disease or fathered a child out of wedlock. Also, if no other physical person is involved, then you would not be having the potential situation of the “other woman” showing up on your doorstep or calling your wife and telling her everything.

Obviously it would be better if you could be honest with your wife about your past behavior, for the sake of having good communication in your relationship, but if all you did was look at picture or video porn, it seems unlikely that a priest would require you to tell your wife in order to receive absolution. You will however have to sincerely promise in the confessional to stop the behavior going forward.

 

[TheGlassBetween]

Thank you very much everyone, your replies have helped ease my mind.

 

[truetofaith]

Make a good Confession to a priest and then try your best to stay away from this addiction.
Telling your wife is not a good idea…you’ll only be asking for trouble.

Take her out for dinner & start treating her better…but stay away from the porn. If you slip then go back to Confession.

 

[MaryT777]

Thank you very much everyone, your replies have helped ease my mind.

You have already received the answers needed so I wanted to welcome you to the forums.
May God bless your journey home and I really think the idea of doing what you can to be a good husband to your wife is the best thing you can do moving forward.

Once the priest forgives the sin of pornography it is forgiven in the eyes of our Lord so remember that and move your life forward.

God Bless,

Mary.

 

[Clevus]

Congratulations on your progress. I am certain the Holy Spirit is with you and your experiences are real as you are taking the right path. The devil maybe trying to undermine your confidence.

Confession is necessary for serious sin after one has already been baptized, (and remedial for venial sins also). Baptism can only happen once, so Jesus made this wonderful provision for us so we can once more restore our friendship with God. The discomfort felt is a real thing and is good for us.

No, don’t tell your wife. Promise to yourself that the lesson is learned and this is your new re-birth to a New Man(You certainly convey this). Go to confession, then make up for the sins by being an exceptional husband to her and your family. Raise your children in the Catholic faith. Teaching the True Faith is not optional as many believe, it’s a ‘way of life’. Jesus intended for his one religion be taught by the parents(and schools). Leaving the children to choose for themselves is abandonment.

You can also do other things to make up for these lost years. You can have masses said for these people. You can do charitable works, or help people in impoverished nations, become a foster parent to a child oversees. Help out or join a charitable group for a length of time.(this could be addictive, trust me. But Oh what happiness.!)

Confer with priests and deacons, and ask one to become your spiritual advisor while you grow in Faith. Stay close to these people.

But enough said, I think your on the right road and stop worrying. Have the audacity to put the Old Man behind you even if *it *is trying to stop you.

 

[St_Francis]

Make a good Confession to a priest and then try your best to stay away from this addiction.
Telling your wife is not a good idea…you’ll only be asking for trouble.

Take her out for dinner & start treating her better…but stay away from the porn. **If you slip then go back to Confession. **

Just wanted to emphasize the bolded part, so you wouldn’t be upset if youmwere to slip.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

You are mistaken. You do not have to confess your past sins to your wife.

 

[Catholic1954]

I am not a catholic yet but in my desire for absolute truth I recently felt called to join the catholic church. My wife is catholic but that had no bearing on my feeling to join the church and I had no intention of ever joining it until I felt called to at a random moment one day. I have been going to mass and trying to study the catechism and all the other things new to me that I never heard while part of the protestant faith. I felt so much joy and confidence in Christ lately that I never felt before, and I felt like I finally found what I was always looking for. I’d been so depressed about my continual sinning but when I found the catholic church I felt an inner strength that helped me start to overcome the sin in my life. Then I learned started learning more about what I would have to do to become a confirmed catholic and I was ready to do all of it as soon as possible. I learned more about confession and my heart sank, I didn’t think I could ever expose my darkest sins like that but I was willing to do it for God even if it was hard. After overcoming my fear of confessing my sins a thought popped in my head about having to confess sins to my wife. In the past I was addicted to pornography while married and now it seems I would be required to tell my wife all about it. I can’t do that. Even if I overcame that sin in my life the fallout from revealing it to my wife would create waves of devastation that would never be overcome. I can’t believe I never thought of that before until now but that is the end of the line for me. I was in a car driving, faithful, full of joy, no more worries, then I crashed into a wall. It feels like a dream I wish I could wake up from but it’s real and my heart is broken. I was so confident and Satan found a way to get to me that I can’t overcome. I have no more excuses after what I’ve learned from catholic teaching, no more ignorance of Mortal sins. I have condemned myself and can’t go back to innocent mindset of my protestant faith. No matter what choices I make the result will be terrible. After fighting so hard I feel completely lost.

Peace be with you; the Holy Spirit is calling you into the Catholic Church. Your sins and what happens between you and the priest during confession, ARE NO ONE’S BUSINESS, not even your wife. Please contact your local parish and sign up for RCIA to learn more about this and other teachings of the Church. Welcome Home!

 

[egretps]

Spoilers for the movie Moonstruck!!! Skip if you don’t want to see! The movies been out for nearly 30 years, for those of you who haven’t seen it why not? It’s wonderful!!!

---

Towards the end of the movie “Moonstruck” the father, Cosmo, who had been carrying on with another woman is confronted in the most loving way I’ve ever witnessed on film. Rose, Cosmo’s wife of several decades, is played by Olympia Dukakis who deserved the Oscar for her performance. No doubt. Here is the exchange:

Rose: Have I been a good wife?
Cosmo Castorini: Yeah.
Rose: I want you to stop seeing her.
Cosmo Castorini: Okay.
Rose: And go to confession.

quotegeek.com/quotes-from-movies/moonstruck/10512/

She didn’t ask for details. Period, and keep in mind her character knew he had been fooling around.

As a wife of a couple decades, I kid you not, I wouldn’t want to know. But, I would want my husband to quit, turn away from whatever sinful thing he was involved with, and go to Confession. It’s his soul that matters. I would hope he would want the same for me.

God Bless you and your sweet soul’s desire to join the Church.

 

[kingston1]

Thanks for sharing your story. Just wanted to echo what has been said. You are human and allowed to be flawed. Take those flaws to the confessional. If you do you will find that your addiction will diminish over time. The sacraments do heal over time. Satan wants you to think you have to do something that isn’t required so that you won’t enter the church. Satan wants to set the bar so high for us that we will fail but the Lord says to come as we are and grow and heal through sanctifying grace.

 

[CatholicSpirit]

Once God has forgiven you through confession, it is gone! Just don’t do it again!

Correct. Pornography can also be an addiction and if so, can be confessed as such. Satan has no power over you and that is not what Catholicism is about. The liberation from your grave sins through confession/reconciliation is essential. Turn the tables on Satan by using one addiction to recount even deeper the sins of your past and be forgiven for those. Jesus Christ will always prevail!

 

[venite_adoremus]

When you are received into the church, renew your wedding vows in the presence of a priest and two witnesses. The convalidation of your marriage confers the Sacrament of Matrimony. Its graces are powerful. You will be no longer two, but one. You minister to each other. And in that ministry you will find Jesus at the center of your relationship.

Rest easy. She no doubt had sins she’ll never share with you. Once absolved, they are gone. Should temptation arise, there are interventions and therapies available–be sure you get these from a Catholic source! Confide in her then, and only then, if you feel comfortable doing so. It becomes her job in the Sacrament of Matrimony to be your first-line helper in achieving the kingdom of heaven (and you, hers). However, take the counsel of your priest, your doctor, or your other close therapist.

The world, the flesh, and the devil are our constant thorns until we reach the kingdom. Jesus has already overcome them. We win. End of sermon. Count your blessings every day. And welcome.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

When you are received into the church, renew your wedding vows in the presence of a priest and two witnesses. The convalidation of your marriage confers the Sacrament of Matrimony. Its graces are powerful. You will be no longer two, but one. You minister to each other. And in that ministry you will find Jesus at the center of your relationship.

I note that the OP said his wife is a Catholic, so it’s possible they were already married in the Church although he is not a Catholic. If that’s the case, then they already received the Sacrament of Matrimony, their marriage was already recognized by the Church, and there should not be a need to convalidate their marriage, although a vow renewal can be a meaningful thing and confer graces of its own.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I note that the OP said his wife is a Catholic, so it’s possible they were already married in the Church although he is not a Catholic. If that’s the case, then they already received the Sacrament of Matrimony, their marriage was already recognized by the Church, and there should not be a need to convalidate their marriage, although a vow renewal can be a meaningful thing and confer graces of its own.

And if the wife herself was not a Catholic at the time of her marriage to the OP, then the marriage would be valid as well.

I also do NOT think it’s a good idea for a spouse to be an accountability partner in this kind of sin. Whether they be “sacramentally” married or not.

 

[Dorothy]

I started reading other forum posts and they consider looking at porn to be adultery and not telling her means your continually holding secrets from her and living a lie. If I go to my first confession and confess all my sins will that be enough or will God not be happy until I’ve also enlightened my wife to my sins? Will God look at me as though I have wronged my wife by lusting after others and then not telling her?

You do not have to confess to your wife. Confessing to the priest, who is a stand-in for Christ, is sufficient.