Satan finally found a way to beat me and it breaks my heart

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I started reading other forum posts and they consider looking at porn to be adultery and not telling her means your continually holding secrets from her and living a lie. If I go to my first confession and confess all my sins will that be enough or will God not be happy until I’ve also enlightened my wife to my sins? Will God look at me as though I have wronged my wife by lusting after others and then not telling her?
You do NOT have to tell your wife about your sins. About the only example I’ve heard where telling someone else is a qualification for absolution is if you commit murder… and even then it’s still up to the discretion of the priest.

Do not be afraid, confession is a wonderful gift, and you will not be required to tell anyone but the priest about your sins.
 
After overcoming my fear of confessing my sins a thought popped in my head about having to confess sins to my wife. I can’t do that.
I haven’t read all the previous answers, as it’s not all that easy to me to read/write in English. But this sentence alarmed me. For - if you confess sins to your wife, it’ll complicate a lot and the consequences are not really forseable.
It’s definitely enough, if your sins are honestly regretted and confessed to God. If that is HONESTLY done, then forget them and really don’t fall back into them.
Keep in mind that it’s not as simple as some think; “just confess and it’s wiped off just as on a blackboard, and you might happily go on sinning”. No-one can’t cheat God! To him who thinks so, confession is nil and void and even a disgusting temptation of God - another sin that will pile up to the rest.
I can’t believe I never thought of that before
You don’t have to now either. If your confession ws true, then God forgave, and it’s no-one els’s bizz wad had been. That’s not untrue to the wife, because when God forgave it’s gone. What would anyone restore that old stuff for?!
until now but that is the end of the line for me. I was in a car driving, faithful, full of joy, no more worries, then I crashed into a wall. It feels like a dream I wish I could wake up from but it’s real and my heart is broken.
It’s only you who can make this true like;
crash into a psychologic wall
wishing to wake up from a nightmare
broken heart

All this and more will burden you, if you let it burden you, because you did not yet really understand the actual meaning of confession.
Satan found a way to get to me that I can’t overcome.
Satan overcomes only those humans, who let him. Catholicism, Confession, True Belief, reading the New Testament (Gospel) provides so much strength and power, that hell will never overcome! Precondition though is TRUE BELIEF. Just to do this or that, would be a technical Catholic and a propper heathen and even tempting God. Match Mt 7,22/23.

Our Dad, 70 ears ago, told us children:
If you through prayers and **real belief **have God on your side, then Satan might do whatever he might. You might walk singing and whistling right across the hell and even spit on satan’s head, and he’s weaker than a newborn dog - can’t do a thing. Satan only is mighty to or over those, who let him and follow his advices and lies.

If those tempted by satan flee through prayer into God’s presence, Satan flees into his hole.
I have condemned myself and can’t go back to innocent mindset
You did not yet understand true belief! Else you won’t say so. Not say, that satan finally found a way to beat you, tempt you, break you. He did not! He’s just trying to and he only can, if you let him! Mind, that satan tempts all believers! The more they believe the harder satan tries. He even tempted Jesus Christ - God Himself!
Now, many say, that was silly of Satan, for Jesus who is God in God, Light from Light and true God from true God - simply can’t be te,pted, as He is God.
Remember though, that Jesus came to us to redeem us, out of love and out of His free will. Now Satan promised to give to Christ all the world. This would mean, that there wouldn’t be any sin - God would have all people. No-one would sin. Christ’s act of love - to give His life in that unspeakably dreadful passion of torture and crucification, would become redundant. Jesus resisted, and Angels came to serve Him Mt 4,11.
No matter what choices I make the result will be terrible. After fighting so hard I feel completely lost.
You are indeed completely lost, if you let hell make you be completely lost. God doesn’t leave him, who lays his problems into the hands of God in true prayer. True prayers isn’t just to “say a prayer”, but it’s SPEAK TO GOD IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE AND TRUST - actually “face to face”. This can be done in true belief only. God offers this to him who seeks this relation to God Mt 7:8
He who does so, is NEVER lost! Absolutely never!
Where is your trust in God? Where is your confidence in the Holy Sacrament of Confession? Where your trust in the Catholic Church Christ founed on St. Peter?

Yours
Bruno 🙂
 
Your testimony sounds like a Catholic advertisement for conversion. Nothing wrong with that if you’ve found what makes you feel closer to God. Christianity is hard. Its demanding. It requires you to end your former life. It requires super human abilities and that is why no one can be a perfect Christian. That is why God mercifully reaches down to us. By acknowledging your weakness this indicates you’ve not been “beaten” by Satan. Your moral distress is expected. Your in a spiritual battle. Satan exploits such things to pull you from God. God mercifully pulls you back to him through your struggles. imo
 
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