Satan's web: My Family

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JackS79943

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Hi guys didn’t know where to post so here I am.

To summarise;
My Dad cheated on my Mum 3 times when I was about 13 ending roughly when I was 14-15.
This affected me deeply through high school and I was off the rails regarding morality nothing too extreme per se. But I ending up funnily enough starting my conversion or reversion to the faith at 18 when I had a spiritual experience on drugs LSD marajuiana and ecstasy cocktail.
After that climax I haven’t touched drugs since I am 22.

Fast forward to now I would say I am a orthodox Catholic.
This night of all nights I am extremely agitated about my family and it is digging in my side. Goes like this;
So my mum and Dad stayed together. My perception is my dad still doesn’t want to really have anything to do with anyone, says the right thing but his actions speak differently. He ignores my mum sometimes for days and is a ‘Protestant’. My mum (Catholic, however a certain Luke warm ness) suffering from this neglect or open passive betrayal, resorts to Spanish sit coms and just speaks to anyone for the sake of it. My younger brother hangs out with the wrong crowd and seems to be going down the same distrastous path I did he his 17 now.
My elder sister 27 is a secular Christian/atheist and is dating a secular Jewish/atheist if you could put it That. And I believe they are in a immoral relationship (most atheists are) the boyfriend is very possessive and immature he hasn’t had a job for the 3 years they’ve been going out (he studies) and my sister works and he is always over. I feel very uncomfortable towards him like an intuition telling me he is bad and leading my sister down a wrong path as well.

This has been going on for some time now this situation as I try to follow our Lord and our Lady in these perilous times. And what I came up with was to tell the boyfriend off so that he leaves the house permanently and God willing the relationship, and even tell my Dad off to get out and never come back as well.

My Dad as a Father does not protect the souls of our family and does not care, as a Man I feel compelled to protect my family both from invisible and visible enemies. It is my God given duty.

Any questions, thoughts, or comments would be appreciated.

God bless.
 
Do you still live with your parents? If so, I don’t think you have the authority to tell your sister’s boyfriend to leave the house. You can pray for her, you can try to model good behavior, but ultimately, who she dates is her decision. She’s an adult.

Same with your dad. Why do you think you have the power to kick him out of his own house?

It’s good that you’re concerned about your family, but I think you need to stop obsessing about what they’re doing. Maybe you need to get some distance, because as an adult you really shouldn’t be as enmeshed in the drama as you seem to be.
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
Do you still live with your parents? If so, I don’t think you have the authority to tell your sister’s boyfriend to leave the house. You can pray for her, you can try to model good behavior, but ultimately, who she dates is her decision. She’s an adult.

Same with your dad. Why do you think you have the power to kick him out of his own house?

It’s good that you’re concerned about your family, but I think you need to stop obsessing about what they’re doing. Maybe you need to get some distance, because as an adult you really shouldn’t be as enmeshed in the drama as you seem to be.
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I agree. I’m sorry about all your struggles, but I don’t think there is really a lot you can do about it. Let your younger brother know that you’re always there for him, though, and that if he needs you, he only has to ask and you’ll do what you can. If your mother doesn’t go to Mass, could you go together and take her out for a drink afterwards, to spend some time together?

I understand why you feel as you do, but you can’t remove your father from his own house, nor can you stop your sister dating this man.

Lou
 
Unfortunately most families are like this in one manner or another. Everyone leading their own lives with not much concern for anyone else. Such is the nature of human beings. I’ve found since I have returned to Catholicism that no one in my family is interested in anything I have to say about anything really. I pretty much stay to myself, go to church by myself, pray by myself.

The thing is no one, especially your family, wants to be “preached to.” It’s just the way it is. I do know however about “feelings” you get about certain people. Those feelings are real but we cannot do a thing about them other than to stay away from those people. Your sister will have to live her own life, the same for your parents. I too, once thought that people might want my help to improve their lives - they don’t, unless they ask, which they don’t.

There is a thing called a “generational curse” that does run through families (my family is in one). I would just pray the rosary to remove such a curse. Pray on your own and let your family members do what they want. You can’t change them unfortunately. The only thing you can change is your reaction to them. In my case, my reaction is to stay away from most of my family members. Everyone is happier that way.
 
Lou2U said:
I agree. I’m sorry about all your struggles, but I don’t think there is really a lot you can do about it. Let your younger brother know that you’re always there for him, though, and that if he needs you, he only has to ask and you’ll do what you can. If your mother doesn’t go to Mass, could you go together and take her out for a drink afterwards, to spend some time together?

I understand why you feel as you do, but you can’t remove your father from his own house, nor can you stop your sister dating this man.

Lou
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Thanks Lou for the positive criticism, hopefully I shall take it on board. And regarding the overall situation is just driving me crazy literally. I don’t know why I want everything to be the way I want it to be. I guess because I think I know best?

I needed other people’s thoughts so I could bounce of whether my ideas were rational.
 
Nap66 said:
Unfortunately most families are like this in one manner or another. Everyone leading their own lives with not much concern for anyone else. Such is the nature of human beings. I’ve found since I have returned to Catholicism that no one in my family is interested in anything I have to say about anything really. I pretty much stay to myself, go to church by myself, pray by myself.

The thing is no one, especially your family, wants to be “preached to.” It’s just the way it is. I do know however about “feelings” you get about certain people. Those feelings are real but we cannot do a thing about them other than to stay away from those people. Your sister will have to live her own life, the same for your parents. I too, once thought that people might want my help to improve their lives - they don’t, unless they ask, which they don’t.

There is a thing called a “generational curse” that does run through families (my family is in one). I would just pray the rosary to remove such a curse. Pray on your own and let your family members do what they want. You can’t change them unfortunately. The only thing you can change is your reaction to them. In my case, my reaction is to stay away from most of my family members. Everyone is happier that way.
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Thanks nap66, it can be quite hard especially as it is such a big part of one’s life; the family.
And I find it hard to think of their eternal destination. I just have to keep praying!
 
JackS79943 said:
Thanks Lou for the positive criticism, hopefully I shall take it on board. And regarding the overall situation is just driving me crazy literally. I don’t know why I want everything to be the way I want it to be. I guess because I think I know best?

I needed other people’s thoughts so I could bounce of whether my ideas were rational.
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I understand completely why you feel like you do. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a lot you can do to make it the way you want, which is a shame. Your family life doesn’t sound like a happy one right now, it’s no surprise you want to remove all the unhappy areas.

Lou
 
JackS79943 said:
…And what I came up with was to tell the boyfriend off so that he leaves the house permanently and God willing the relationship, and even tell my Dad off to get out and never come back as well.

My Dad as a Father does not protect the souls of our family and does not care, as a Man I feel compelled to protect my family both from invisible and visible enemies. It is my God given duty.
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No. It isn’t your house. It is very much not up to you to tell your father or your sister’s boyfriend to get out.

It is your responsibility to be an adult Christian. What are you doing to set a good example for your family?
 
Hi Jack

Sorry to hear of your family troubles. My 2 cents is this. Be there for your younger brother as he needs and will need you to be there for him. Keep praying for your family members. Don’t go kicking anyone out of the family home. Be there for your sister. The more you try to drive her boyfriend away the closer she will cling to him. Try to get your mother to go to mass with you. Suggest lunch or coffee afterwards and present it as a way to spend quality time together. Suggest to your mother that you go to Adoration together as this will greatly help you and her.

Remember it is often better to use honey than vinegar.

Don’t speculate about anyone’s ‘eternal destination’ other than your own. You will have enough work cut out to work out your own salvation to worry about others no matter how close they are to you. Focus on your own prayer and faith life.
 
It doesn’t really seem right to me about telling off your Dad. Even with the things he’s done, he’s still your father. I would just pray for him and be a good loving son to your mother who is suffering.

As for your sister’s boyfriend, I think maybe it’s best to just speak to your sister directly instead of to him… not in a lecturing way, or even a religious way for now, but just letting her know that you care about her and you’re concerned with some choices of her boyfriend. She might disagree or get upset but don’t argue about it, just let her know that you wanted to say this as a brother because you care. Alternatively, and maybe a better way, is to ask questions instead of pointing out his flaws. I agree with the other poster that talking a lot against him would have the opposite effect - your sister would be even less likely to give up the relationship. For example, maybe you could just ask her how her life is going, what her and her boyfriend’s plans are, and go from there. Try to be gentle with it. I don’t know what your relationship with your sister is like, but try to get the message through that you are not trying to control her life, you just want the best for her.
 
Jack,

I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. I sympathize with your living situation, as I too deal with family issues concerning sinful behaviors, as an adult living in my mother’s home.

If I could offer you advice, it would be the following:
  1. Know that your words and actions matter. You are the sole light in a home full of darkness, live as truthfully and authentically as you can.
  2. Pray. Pray unceasingly for the conversion of their souls. Pray the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Regarding the Chaplet, Jesus told St. Faustina,** “If you say this prayer, with a contrite heart and with faith, on behalf of some sinner I will give that soul the grace of conversion”. “O Blood and water that gushed forth from the heart of Jesus, as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You”.” ** (Diary, 186-187) While Jesus promised to grant a sinner the grace of conversion, you should also pray for them to receive the grace to respond to His loving invitation. Invite your mother to pray with you.
  3. Frequently bless your home with Holy Water and Blessed Salt. Also, hang a Divine Mercy Image in your home. Our Lord told St. Faustina,**“By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls.” **(Diary, 742)
  4. Offer sacrifices for your family (like fasting) and have Masses said for them as well. Do not get discouraged if you don’t see results, much prayer and sacrifice is needed for the conversion of souls. You may not even see the results in this life, but God-willing, in eternal life.
  5. Love. While it may not be easy, do your best to love your family. Love can be in a variety of ways: a kind word or gesture, taking up the most difficult or despised chore, cooking a family meal, etc. Think, of the Little Way of St. Therese of the Child Jesus who once said, “What matters in life is not great deeds, but great love.” Offer all your loving sacrifices up for the salvation of their souls.
One point about love: To love means to will what is best for one another. What is ultimately best for everyone is their salvation – this is what it means to love. With this in mind, as Christians, we do have an obligation to *lovingly * admonish sinners when they’re venturing off the path towards salvation. Moreover, one of the ways that we can be complicit in the sins of others, is if we fail to disclose or hinder them when we have an obligation to do so.

Paragraph 1868 of the Catechism references this as follows:
Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
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  • by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers.
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In my personal experience, I’ve found that circumstances where I have been convicted to admonish someone is when 1- they came to me to share something sinful they engaged in or planned on engaging in or 2- something sinful was said or done in my presence by a friend or family member. Every situation is different, so please prayerfully discern and seek good spiritual counsel to properly guide you towards what actions to take.
  1. Watch this homily entitled, “Divine Disruption” by Fr. Tom Macdonald. Fr. Macdonald explains how when a family member experiences a conversion, the order of the family is disrupted, but blessedly so. Jesus’ work of saving us is disruptive. As you continue to pray and progress spiritually, it may come to pass that Jesus works through you to save your family. As Fr. Tom stated, the Lord Jesus “wants to save those in our lives and that might change things. It might change things we didn’t forsee, didn’t count on.” Hang in there.
God bless you,

Josephine
 
Unfortunately, I can relate to your situation because I am in a similar one. I would pray the rosary every day if I were you-- one of Our Lady’s promises was to grant peace to the families of those who pray it. Also, you should pray three Hail Mary’s continually about this situation. It’s very simple, but I’ve read that it brings great graces to those who pray it and it’s even helped me in every hopeless situation that I’ve prayed it in so far. I actually prayed for a friend who was in a terrible financial situation and planned on committing suicide today and within the hour the situation was resolved and she was okay.
As someone in a similar situation, I also try to observe the 3:00 hour each day (hour of Mercy) and pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet ask Jesus to have mercy on my family.
Other saints I’d recommend are St. Jude, patron of hopeless causes and St. Monica, patron of patience (she prayed for the conversion of her son and adulterous, abusive husband for about 20 years and was converted). Let me add that continual prayer does work! My father cheated on my mother for 20 years and stopped after I began praying (for a looong time). Remember the parable of the widow and the judge? Don’t give up hope, because God answers unrelenting prayers.
 
In hindsight thank you everyone for the words of encouragement, I’m blessed. 🙂

The time I posted this I wasn’t feeling well emotionally and your posts have helped.

Keep me in your prayers and I will pray for you too!
 
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